


Grave Digger

by Winter_Oswin



Series: Grave Digger Chronicles [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, But also a bad one, Canon-Typical Violence, Charles Xavier Needs a Hug, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Domestic Avengers, Erik Has Feelings, F/M, Fluff, Forced Prostitution, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, I have stupid autocorrect, I'm Sorry, Is this structured, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Avengers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Raven is a Good Bro, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Wordcount: Over 100.000, and cheesy at some points, but also sweet, i don't think so, it's also sad, so many typos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-07-06 23:52:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 63
Words: 120,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15896682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter_Oswin/pseuds/Winter_Oswin
Summary: "I'm sorry.""Sorry? For what? Running off? Getting wasted?! You could've gotten yourself killed for fucks sake! Are you trying to dig your own grave?", Tony broke out and regretted it right away when she flinched slightly.After that the girl just stared at him for a while, not making any noise. Then:" For not being what you wanted."~Tony Stark hadn't always been a good man, a hero. Sure, the world knew him as Iron Man but it wasn't always like that. He wore other names before that, The merchant of death. But he turned his life around, chose a different path.Still, almost two years after the battle of New York, the day the Avengers were formed, he still struggled with himself.That's when out of nowhere another bomb was dropped on Tony's life. In the form of a mysterious 17 year old that didn't only share his eyes but also his talent to get caught up in disaster.  Everyone in his life including himself knew that he could barely take care of himself, not to mention a kid. A kid that needed so much more than Stark felt capable off.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this will be an avengers / x-men story. It is worth mentioning that all of the x-men characters will be a lot younger. Charles, Raven and Erik will be in their late 20s to early 30s. Also the x-men will only come into play later in the story. 
> 
> Please keep an eye on the tags, this will be a really dark story. 
> 
> Also, I'm not a native speaker so there might be some errors, which I apologize for. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story and leave some reviews! ;)

The heavy summer sun was beating down on the young girl's head while she waited for Nancy to pay the cab driver. 

Even though they've only been to New York for 2 days she already despised it. Partially because of the heat. After all it were like 98 degrees which was way out of her comfort zone. Especially when she was wearing her hair like this, open, showing off her thick black waves. She could feel her hair stick to her neck with sweat. 

But this wasn't the only reason she dreaded every second of standing on the busy side walk, waiting for her aunt. The main reason behind her gloomy mood was the same reason as to why she was dressed up in a red sundress, why her aunt had flown her out here, why she had invited all of the regulars for a last night to cash in a last time before getting rid of the girl completely. It was the same reason as to why she was high on pain meds, standing in front of the Stark Tower.

Nancy had enough of her and she had found someone who would pay a lot of money for the girl.

 It's not like she would miss her aunt, not at all, if there was one good thing that came out of this whole ordeal it's that she didn't have to see that bitch again. But with Nancy she knew how things were going. Even if they were going fucking awful, at least she knew where she was at. 

With Tony Stark, anything could happen and that was terrifying. Sure, the bloke was an Avenger, but just because he was a hero, didn't mean that he was a good person. After all, would a good person spend half a million dollars to buy a young girl. 

Even though she was sweating like crazy a shiver went through the girls body when Nancy slammed the door of the cab shut.

Nancy Bayer was a 45 year old woman of impressive height and figure. Her expensive black cocktail dress hugged her curves perfectly while simultaneously showing off her long legs and busty cleavage. Her platinum blond hair was tied back into a high pony tail and her full lips were blood red. 

The woman was quite beautiful despite her age which was important in her line of work. 

"Come on Candy! Smile!", she snapped in her high pitched voice before grabbing the young girl by her arm, digging her red claws into her pale skin and dragging her towards the entrance of the building. 

Candy, yes, that was really her name, forced a smile while trying to ignore her sore muscles that ached with every step she took. The pain meds left her kind of numb and dazed at first but they were starting to wear off and sooner or later she'd feel the consequences of the previous night. 

"Hello. I'd like to talk to Tony Stark please.",Nancy started once it was their turn at the reception. 

Candy's cheeks started to hurt from smiling so much at once and she tried to distract herself by taking in her surroundings. 

Glass, metal, dozens of people in suits rushing around like ants. Men in suits' unbuckling their belts, warm breath in her neck, filthy words in her ears, hands...

The girl forced herself to snap out of it and instead redirected her attention to the receptionist. She looked angry, no, annoyed. It took Candy a second to understand why, to notice that Nancy was making a scene. 

The older woman was yelling and furiously pointing at an old note book she was holding in her hands. 

Candy was so used to the woman's yelling she usually instantly tuned it out. But this was interesting.

"I'm telling you! It's all in here! I found it in my sisters storage locker and it details that this little brat is Tony Stark's daughter!", she screeched and Candy froze up. 

His daughter?! What was Nancy playing at? As if Iron Man could really be her father! 

But if she really was than Nancy might get a pretty hefty pay check, ensuring that the public wouldn't find  out about this secret child. This had to be the reason for this  whole plan,  she  wanted to blackmail fucking  Iron Man. Candy was seriously questioning the woman's mental health.

Nancy was definitely trying to trick them into believing that Candy was his child. Even though Candy couldn't imagine how that would work out, she was still impressed how much Nancy had fucked with her brain.

It  was no coincidence that as soon as Nancy announced that Candy was ' getting a new daddy ' she  had assumed her aunt was selling her, not sending her to her literal father.

"Listen Lady. We get at least one of  you every week. Trying to convince us that you have Mr Stark's secret love child to cash in on him. You won't get anything without a proof of their relationship, especially not his time.", the receptionist explain in an annoyed tone. 

"Than do a test!", Nancy snapped and Candy cringed slightly, her smile only slipping a bit. 

The receptionist gave the girl a glance before sighing and picking up the phone.

"Yes. Yes, this is the reception. We have another love child insisting on a test. Yes I'll send them upstairs.",she spoke calmly before returning her attention to Candy and her aunt. 

"Dr Banner will see you now."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce gets pissed off by a British bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so thrilled that I've already gotten a review and a kudos that I just had to publish this quickly. I hope you enjoy it and leave some more reviews. ;)

It wasn't the first time someone showed up at Stark Tower claiming to be Tony's kid. It probably wasn't even the 100th time. 

Still, when Bruce first laid eyes on the girl that was now standing in his lab, he couldn't help but to see the similariries.

The chocolate brown eyes, the dark luscious hair, the sharp features. Even her expression had something of Tony, not the creepy smile that was plastered onto her face, no. It were her eyes, they looked darker, in a sense. Like they didn't belong to the smiling girl in a cheerful sundress. 

All of that didn't have to mean anything, though. Dark hair and dark eyes weren't a rare combination. 

"So how long will this take?!", the woman, she introduced herself as Nancy, snapped. Normally Bruce was quite fond of British accents but in her case her rather posh and arrogant tone got to his nerves.

Bruce had to stop himself from rolling with his eyes. Something about that woman just made him want to throw things. No, scratch that, everything about her made him want to throw a fit. 

How she strode in like she owned the place, practically dragging the teen after her. How the girl struggled to keep up with her, basically stumbling after her aunt. How when he introduced himself to the girl and extended his hand she flinched ever so slightly before shaking his hand. He also couldn't help but to feel like the girl wasn't entirely there, she just seemed a bit out of it.

Which could also just mean that she was daydreaming or something. But Bruce's instincts told him it wasn't that, causing an unsettling feeling in his gut. 

"I'll make a caliva and blood test just to be sure. It'll take about thirty minutes for the results to come in.", he explained while preparing the test and Tony's samples. 

This was such a regular occurrence that they always had Tony's samples on hand. He even came up with a machine that sped up the testing process drastically. 

"So, if you would sit down for me, please. I'll take your samples now.", he asked the teen, pointing at a chair. 

It didn't go past his attention how her smile slipped slightly when she looked at the chair before turning her attention back to Bruce. "I'd prefer to stand.", she then said and Bruce raised his eyebrows before shrugging. 

"Okay. At least put down your backpack though.", he then asked and she obediently let the backpack slip from her narrow shoulders.

He started by wiping a cotton bud through her mouth and then prepared to take her blood. The whole time she didn't say a single word. 

Her weird smile had completely faded by now and everytime Bruce instructed her to do anything her eyes shot to Nancy first, as if she was looking for approval, before quickly diverting them again. 

Something was pretty wrong between those two, and Bruce couldn't stop thinking about it. "So, I didn't catch your name earlier when you came in.", Bruce said in a calming tone as he prepared the girls arm to take her blood. 

Eyes glancing at Nancy and then her soft voice:" It's Candy." His eyebrows shot up a little."Candy? really?", he asked her surprised. Who names their child Candy?

Candy just shrugged at that. "It's a name.", she just stated with a bit more confidence. Though, if her eye roll was anything to go by, she was aware of its ridiculousness. 

"But you don't like it a lot, do you?", Bruce asked next and to his and probably her own surprise, Candy smirked. 

"Are you kidding me? It's like the most cliché name a stripper could pick. I'm not bloody fond of it.",she then replied which made Bruce smile a bit. At least until Candy looked over to her aunt again. 

Her whole body language changed, she lowered her head in submission and diverted her eyes while Nancy was still glaring daggers at her. 

Now Bruce was sure, Candy was definitely scared of her aunt, even though he couldn't exactly tell why. 

"How about a nickname then?", Bruce tried to pick up the conversation again as he slipped a needle into the girls arm. She didn't even flinch. 

"I could call you Andy, this way you'd still respond to it but it wouldn't be a 'cliché stripper name'.", he suggested carefully, trying to get her to open up a bit more again. 

To his delight Candy raised her head with a small crooked grin on her lips. "Andy...", she stretched like she was trying it out. "I'd like that a lot actually." 

"It's Andy then.", he smiled back as he slipped the needle back out of her arm and pressed a cotton ball to the small wound. "And you're done.", 

Andy raised one of her dark bushy eyebrows. "Really? Already?"

Bruce nodded before adding:" In about thirty minutes we'll know if you are really Tony's kid."

While he put all the samples into the testing device Bruce couldn't help but to notice how Andy and Nancy were looking at each other, like they were having a silent conversation that the doctor wasn't a part of.  
Until Andy looked back at the floor and wrapped her arms around her small frame. 

The doctor was astonished to find himself hoping for a positive result. Not because he thought Tony would be a suitable father. God no! As much as Bruce liked Tony, he was well aware that Tony couldn't even properly take care of himself. 

But he'd probably still do a better job than whatever this Nancy woman was pulling. 

It was pretty obvious that Nancy wasn't overly attached to her niece, or else she wouldn't try to get rid of her. Bruce couldn't help but to wonder if their relationship was of an abusive nature. 

Andy's behaviour seemed to indicate that but he couldn't tell if it was just emotional or physical as well. On the outside Andy seemed fine, no bruises or scars anywhere, she looked healthy, a bit pale and slim but not extremely.

Bruce found it hard to determine her age, she was very petite and looked quite young. Maybe 15 or 16 years old. "How old are you, Andy? If you don't mind me asking."

Another look to her aunt, then:" 17." somehow she didn't sound so sure which was irritating to say the least.

"Okay...", Bruce mumbled before taking out a phone and calling Pepper. He needed her advise on what to do in case Andy wasn't Tony's daughter. He'd hate sending her away with her aunt. 

~

Twenty minutes later Pepper came down to the lab. Bruce had spend the whole time listening to the sounds of his lab devices while neither Nancy nor Andy said a word. Nancy was busy texting someone and her niece had completely retreated into herself, staring at the floor and deeming everyone of Bruce' conversation starters a failure. 

The man was honestly relieved once Pepper showed up, allowing him to escape the uncomfortable silence. They stepped out onto the hallway. 

"So why did you call me, I thought you knew how to deal with these vultures?", she asked him glancing at the door. 

"Yeah but something is off with these two. The girl is clearly scared of her aunt. I don't think that it is safe to send them away.", he explained. "I can't really explain it, call it intuition if you will."

Pepper narrowed her eyes at him for a moment before asking:"You don't think she's really his, right?"

"Yes! No... I don't know. But the results will be ready soon.", he replied, torn on the subject. Tony wasn't ready to be a father. But this girl clearly needed a way to get out of her current situation. 

"So what do you want me to do?", Pepper asked, not in a helpful but rather challenging tone. 

"Maybe we could say she's his, regardless off the results...", he suggested meekly and regretted it right away. Judging by Peppers wide eyes and how she crossed her arms, his suggestion sounded even crazier than in his head.

"Bruce! Have you lost your mind?", she asked him. The woman's tone was calm but her glare made her look threatening. 

"No! I'm just saying that I'm not ready to leave this girl in an abusive home, no matter if she's related to Tony or not. Are you?", he snapped back and felt the other guy wake up inside him.

Pepper just stared at him for a long time before rolling with her eyes and throwing her arms in the air. "Of course not! And if she isn't his kid we'll figure something out. But there are easier and more legal ways to go about this than to fake a paternity test!" 

"Alright...", Bruce nodded, calming down a bit before looking at his watch. 

"We'll have the results any second now, we should probably get in there again.", he then stated. Bruce was aware that he'd need Pepper to take care of the situation, no matter the outcome. 

The two adults returned to the lab to find Nancy now standing behind Andy, visibly digging her nails into the young girls shoulders. Andy looked a bit shaken up and her eyes were bloodshot, likes she was close to tears. 

For the second time today Bruce felt like turning into the hulk and Pepper didn't seem happy either.

"Are the results in yet?", Nancy asked as Bruce walked over to the device. Even though he wasn't entirely sure what he hoped to see, the result still left him breathless. "It's a match. 99,9%. A match.", he mumbled in shock. 

"What?!", Pepper exclaimed making her way over to him to take a look at the results, too. She then gave Bruce a look that was clearly asking:' Is this your doing? ' But Bruce only shook his head before turning back to Andy and her aunt. 

He couldn't believe it. Tony, father of a 17 year old girl. Unbelievable. "It's a match."he repeated and a sickening wide grin spread on Nancy's lips while Andy didn't react at all. 

"I guess now it's time to discuss our next step!", the woman mused and Bruce would've liked nothing more than to wipe that stupid grin off her face.

Pepper seemed to share his frustration since she'd pressed her lips together into a fine line before finally saying:" If you two would follow me to my office, we can discuss our next course of action there. "

"You can talk to me on your own.", Nancy quickly said and Pepper narrowed her eyes at her. 

"We will be discussing the girl's future. She should have a say in that.", Pepper stated but Nancy only smirked. 

"Why don't we ask her? Candy, do you think you should have a say in where you'll stay in the future?", she asked, her voice dripping of sweetness like caramel. 

When Andy didn't react at all her aunt gave her a hard shove to the back which made the girl mumble a quiet 'no'. 

Bruce could literally see Pepper's glare intensify and he was glad that he wasn't alone in this.

"Just you then.", she pressed out through clenched teeth before leading Nancy out of the lab, leaving Bruce and Andy alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy doesn't like small talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you love it when your phone crashes and you have to restart writing an almost finished chapter? So do I. So much.  
> Anyways, here's the new chapter. I hope you like it. In the next one we'll finally get some interactions with the other Avengers.
> 
> Please leave a review, I really appreciate them.

Bruce was nice. But that didn't mean that Andy could trust him. ' _Nice_ ' was never an indicator of one's morality. ' _Nice_ ' didn't mean that he wasn't going to hurt her.

Men have been _nice_ to her in her past. It never ended well. Which was exactly why she couldn't open up to him.

Still, the silence between them while they waited for Nancy and the other woman to return was crushingly awkward.

The girl could tell that her aunt was beyond thrilled about the test results. Once they were on  their own while they waited for the results her aunt explained to her that Stark would pay a lot of money so that his dirty little secret wouldn't leak to the press. And once Nancy received that money, she wouldn't care what happened to her niece.

Andy herself hadn't yet processed what she was just told. Tony Stark, her father.

As long as Andy could think the word 'father' was meaningless to her. Fathers were something for normal kids. Kids who weren't dropped off at their aunt's by their mum. Kids who didn't grow up surrounded by pain, drugs and excess.

To put it simply, Andy never let herself believe in  a family. And she didn't plan on starting now. As far as she was concerned Stark was just another tosser who'd eventually grow tired of her. Nothing had changed.

Except for one important detail. If Nancy left her here, she'd be free of her aunt. When Stark would eventually grow tired of her, she could just take off on  her own. Maybe she could even guilt trip him into giving her some cash. She just had to wait it out...

"So where are you from, Andy?",  Bruce asked and made Andy flinch. She had gone so deep into her own thoughts, she had totally forgotten about the doctor.

 _Andy_. If there was one thing she really appreciated thus far, it was the  name. It wasn't as suggestive and dirty as Candy.

'Andy' was someone down to earth. Someone with a family, friends and loads of confidence.

Basically 'Andy' was who the young girl wished she could be.

"I'm just asking because your accent sounds British.", Bruce added when she didn't answer.

The girl turned her attention back towards the doctor and replied. "I'm from London. But we moved here 5 years ago and since then I've lived in like 10 different cities. The latest being Detroit."

She left out the whole reason for their moving around, so that the local police wouldn't get wind of Nancy's buisness. That's the same reason why they left England. They got too big.

She also didn't tell him that both of their passports were fake and that they were completely undocumented.

Instead she just finished with a shrug.

"Oh! Do  you like moving around that much?",  Bruce asked her next and Andy had her answer ready.

"Not really. It's hard to make friends when you move all the time.", she replied, like a normal kid would.

"Well, you might stay a bit longer in one place now.",  he smiled to which Andy only shrugged. Their conversation had reached another dead end.

While they waited Andy's pain meds started to wear off more and more and she got increasingly uncomfortable. Mainly the  stabbing pain in her backside got to her but also the burning feeling around her wrists and the dull pain around her neck.

She wanted nothing more than to sit down but she knew from experience that it would only hurt her.

Andy jumped a little once the door to the lab opened again. Nancy looked beyond pleased while the other woman seemed pretty pissed off. Apparently Nancy got her way.

"We agreed that you'd probably benefit from  growing up around your father from now on,  since he'll be able to offer you better opportunities. So you'd stay here if that's fine by you.",  she explained shortly. God this  woman seemed pissed about the situation.

"Sure.",  Andy only shrugged which  led the woman to raise her eyebrows. She was probably surprised by how little Andy cared.

"Okay...", she nodded, a bit irritated now. "We can send someone to get your stuff for you. Or you can go yourself.", she then continued but  Andy only waved her off. 

"I've got everything I need with me.", she shrugged before picking up her backpack again. Everything she owned was in there.

That left both Pepper and Bruce in shocked silence. "It's just a backpack.", Bruce stated the  obvious.

"We value a minimalistic life style.", Nancy answered for  Andy which  made her smirk in turn. Nancy was anything but minimalistic.  Andy might have commented on that lie but the look her aunt gave her only made her lower her head.

"Well... You can say your goodbyes then.", Pepper remarked, a bit overwhelmed by the situation.

Nancy walked up to Andy and covered the girl from the view of the two strangers with her back. Her tone was nice when she said:" Do as you're told Candy. Be a good girl. " But the smile that only Andy could see was a cruel and taunting grimace.

Her aunt laid her hands on  her shoulders and she gave her best not to flinch away when she placed a kiss on her forehead. It didn't matter though, because the young girl completely froze up once the hands slid over to her throat, giving it a good squeeze that cut of her oxygen for a second.

And then she was  gone again, as if she was never even there, never laid a hand onto the teen.

Except Andy could still feel the dull pain around her neck, and all the other pain she learned to hide so well.

Bruce and Pepper didn't notice anything. No one ever did. After that Andy went on  autopilot for a while, that's what she called it anyways. She did that when she didn't want to deal with the situation.

That's why she had trouble remembering what exactly went on after Nancy let go of her.

She remembered hallways, an elevator, even more hallways and suddenly she was in the craziest living room she had ever seen.

That's what got her back into her own mind. Furniture so futuristic, it looked like it belonged into a space ship. But still top notch quality, all the leather, metal and wood was in perfect harmony and very neat. But the most astonishing thing was the view. One entire wall was just glass and showed off the  New Yorker Skyline.

Andy was so astonished that it took her a second to notice that Pepper was talking to her.

"So this is the living space. I'll get a room ready for you later. You may explore this floor or get a snack from the kitchen while I'll try to find Tony to inform him about the situation.", she explained while already vigorously tapping on her phone.

"Wait. Stark doesn't know about me yet?",  Andy realized. "Didn't he have to give his okay for me to stay here, maybe sign  some forms?", Andy didn't sound freaked out but Pepper seemed to notice her worry anyway and gave her a sympathetic smile.

"I fake his signature on the things he doesn't deem worthy of his time anyways."

The comment was probably supposed to sound lighthearted but Andy couldn't help but to cross her arms and raise an eyebrow at the Lady until she realized what she had just said.

"Not that you're not worth his time!",  she quickly added with wide eyes.  
"He'll be delighted to have you here!", she than added and Andy was pretty damn sure that that was a lie.

"Of course he will.", she returned sarcastically. "I'm a bloody joy to be around."

Pepper seemed surprised by the girls attitude, which was fair. Andy always noticed her own change in personality when no men and no Nancy were present. Or to put it simply, when she didn't feel threatened.

"So, where is the kitchen?", Andy then asked to which Pepper smiled slightly.

"Jarvis can lead you there! Jarvis?"

The girl was about to ask who Jarvis was, when a calm male voice spoke from above. "Yes, Miss Potts?"

Andy flinched slightly, staring up at the ceiling unable to spot a speaker.

"Would you lead Candy to the kitchen please?", Pepper asked, already making her way back to the elevator.

"Of course. Please turn right, Miss Candy.', Jarvis replied.

Even though she was still really freaked out, Andy did as she was told following the voice into a hallway.

"So what are you?", she asked, hoping that Jarvis would hear her.

"I'm an AI system created by Tony Stark. Consider me your artificial Butler.", the voice replied and Andy had to smirk slightly.

"So you are like Siri?", she asked with a chuckle.

"I'm better.", Jarvis replied and if he wasn't a robot, Andy would've sworn that he sounded defensive.

"On your right Miss Candy.", he then added after a few more steps.

"Could you call me Andy? Just Andy.", she then asked him, this name was really growing on her.

"Alright, Andy.", Jarvis replied and small smile creped on the girls face.

~

While the kitchen was just as top notch as everything else in thid bloody tower, it still didn't contain a medicine cabinet, much  to Andy's dismay.

Eventually she gave up and accepted that she'd just have to bite through the pain. It wouldn't be the first time.

Instead she tried to find something to eat.

"Can I help you, Andy?", Jarvis asked while she was searching through the fridge.

"No, thanks. I'm just trying to pick a snack.", Andy replied. All the food was overwhelming her and she had trouble choosing one.

"I could give you instructions on a recipe of your choosing.", Jarvis suggested but Andy shook her head.

"You see, I don't really know how to cook...anything. And I'm not trying to blow up this place on my first day.", she smirked as she took some tomatoes and washed them in the sink.

Then she cut them in quarters and covered them in sugar before leaning against the kitchen Isle and starting to eat them, sitting wasn't an option.

As she looked out of the windows to the city she felt herself slipping back into thought. How long would she have to stay here? What would Stark be like? Would he be angry? If yes, would he do something to her?

"Does Stark live by himself?", she heard herself ask.

"The other Avengers also stay here, some more regularly than others.", Jarvis replied.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ "Like who?", she asked, making an effort to sound nonchalant.

"Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton and Natasha Romanov life here on a regular basis but they're all on a minor mission at the moment while Bruce Banner is in his lab.", Jarvis explained and Andy tensed up.

 _Great_. 3 more men. Not only that but an enhanced Soldier, the hulk and some secret agent. They could probably rip Andy apart without thinking too much  about it.

The girl continued to eat her tomatoes, almost mechanically until she suddenly heard the door to the kitchen open.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary Poppins and Tinman snacking together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting a bit angsty in her. Hope you don't mind ;) 
> 
> As always, please review!

To say that Tony was surprised to see a teenage girl standing in his kitchen by herself, eating tomatoes, would be an understatement.

The Avenger just returned from a test flight with his new suit and wanted to get a drink before dealing with Pepper's missed calls. Now he got the feeling that they might have been important.

"Hey kid! Who are you and what are you doing here?", he asked right away, walking up to the kitchen Isle.

To his irritation, the girl just stared at him for a few minutes, her big brown eyes focusing in on him.  
It didn't help that she still continued to eat her tomato like he didn't just ask her very justified question.

Then:" You're Tony Stark."

She didn't word it like a question. Just a statement and her completely neutral expression made it impossible to read her thoughts.

Tony was also surprised that she had a British accent.

"Are going to answer my question Mary Poppins?", he tried again and this time the strange girl smirked before stuffing another tomato into her mouth. She was really taking her time and it was driving Tony nuts. But he wasn't going to yell at a 15 year old, he just waited patiently.

"Am Andy. Pepper let me in.", she then shrugged.

Pepper? Maybe that's what she called about?  
Tony was about to ask Andy if she was a make-a-wish kid even though he was generally informed beforehand if he was meeting with one, so that he'd be in his suit.  
But his plans were quickly disrupted when Andy offered him a tomato.

"Technically they are your tomatoes, so I'd be a pretty rubbish guest, eating them without asking you for permission and not even offering some to you.", she reasoned.

Tony narrowed his eyes at the girl before picking up one of the slices and stuffing it in his mouth.

To his surprise the white crystals on top of the tomatoes weren't salt but sugar and it tasted amazing.

"Why is there sugar on top?", he couldn't help but to ask.

"Because it's good. Healthy, simple and tastes like sweets.", the girl only shrugged before eating another one. Andy seemed very nonchalant, considering the situation but Tony couldn't help but to feel like that was an act. For starters because the girl didn't leave him out of her sight for a second the entire time.

"Out of all the things in this kitchen you picked sugary tomatoes?", he wondered to which the girl shrugged once more. That's seemed to be her basic move.

"I just through that you wouldn't miss your tomatoes since they are common place in most kitchens.", Andy then explained.

After that they were both silent for a while. Tony was very rarely at a loss for words but something about this girl really irritated him.

"You're really strange, has anybody ever told you that?", he then asked her with a smirk and he was delighted to see her grin at him.

"That's rich, coming from the tinman from the wizard of Oz. I heard that you don't have a heart. Or did Dorothee already get you one?", she then asked him and Tony found himself chuckling at that. That sounded exactly like something he would say.

"Okay, okay I take it back, Mary Poppins.", he smirked at her but the girl only rolled with her eyes.

"Sure you do, tinman.", she snapped back when suddenly Pepper opened the door to the kitchen.

The woman's eyes were wide, darting from Andy to Tony and back.

"You're here!", she just stated a little out of breath, not specifying which one of them she ment. Tony just assumed that she was talking to him and grinned.

"Pepper, would you be a dear and explain to me why a British child is eating my tomatoes?", he asked with a cheeky smile. It didn't go past him that Andy still didn't let her eyes off of him for a second.

"Yes, of course. I wanted to warn you but I guess it's too late for that. Tony, this is Candy Bayer, your daughter."

His smile fell off his face like a mask and now he was the one to look from Andy to Pepper over and over again. Maybe his brain just completely imploded but he just couldn't grasp Pepper's words.

"What...?", he asked with a horrified laugh.

"We made the tests. She's definitely your daughter.", Pepper repeated but Tony only had eyes for Andy by now.

The girl finally stopped looking at him, instead staring at the plate of food. Her long dark hair was casting shadows on her face and Tony just now realized how fragile and tiny she looked. It send him into panic.

He tore his eyes off his supposed daughter and charged towards Pepper instead.

"No no no no Pepper no... I can't. You know I can't. Please tell me this is a joke. Not a child...no no no.", he rambled desperately.

Pepper laid her hands on his shoulders trying to calm him down but it wasn't working. "Tony, calm down. You're scaring her."

But Tony could barely hear her. His minds was running in circles, thinking about every fucked up tendency he developed over the years, every character flaw, that his friends could deal with but he couldn't impose on an impressionable teen. And also how he had no idea how to be a father since his own was such a disaster.

"I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN!", he yelled out before flinching when he heard something shatter.

It took him a second to realize where the sound came from. Andy had accidentally dropped her plate and was not leaning against the kitchen Isle anymore but standing in one corner of the kitchen, as far away from him as possible.

She wasn't breathing heavily and her expression wasn't panicked but her whole body seemed alert, her eyes watching him with an intensity that wasn't there before. Like a scared animal. With a shock Tony realized that he did this.

Suddenly she charged forward, grabbing a backpack that he hadn't noticed before and swinging it into her back. " I'll leave.", she only stated.

"What?", both Pepper and Tony asked confused.

"It's clear that you don't want me here. That's fine. You didn't sign up to this. I'll leave.", the girl explained and once again she sounded disturbingly calm.

Tony was caught off-guard by that but it made sense. He was a stranger to the girl. Why would she want to stay with him instead of her mother.

"See! She doesn't even want me to be her father. Just let her mom pick her up again and I'll just pay your college fees in a few years...", Tony started to ramble again but Pepper cut him off before he could be even more of an asshole.

"She doesn't have a mom! Her aunt dropped her off and basically sold her to you for a discusting amount of money. She's nothing to go back to."

Before Tony could ask what happened to the girls mother or why her aunt didn't seem to care what happened to her Andy started to argue again.

"It's fine. I'll be fine. I'll figure something out.", suddenly there was a hint of desperation in her tone. "I swear you'll never have to see me again."

Tony just looked at the young girl in front of him, she had his eyes, his hair, his humor apparently. Suddenly he felt like a real dick for even thinking of sending her away. The man sighed out, letting his hands glide through his hair.

" You're not going anywhere until we figure out something permanent for you.", he knew he couldn't take care of her, he could barely take care of himself, especially after that Chitauri invasion that still left him messed up months later. But he had to find something stable for her. Until then she'd have to stay here.

"Pepper would you please get a room ready for her. I need to look up some stuff.", he then said before storming out of the kitchen, not daring to look back at his daughter.

He had to find out who the girls mother was, what happened to her, anything he could find about Andy.

And while he tried to come up with a plan, one pesky thought wouldn't leave the back of his mind. That his own father send him away as soon as he could, making it look like it was for the better. Now he was planning on doing the same to his daughter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy tries to do damage control while Tony is convinced that he's living with a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the most triggering yet, it's giving a deeper look into the life Andy lead up until now. So please read carefully.
> 
> And as always please leave a review.

The rest of the day kind of went by in a blur for Andy.

Pepper ordered her pizza which the girl gladly ate even though she knew that she'd probably regret it later. Mixing so much food and pain meds usually led to puking later on. But the girl hadn't really eaten anything in two days, she was starving and the pizza just looked too delicious.

Andy gave her best not to think too much about Stark. She was well aware that he didn't want her but apparently he still felt responsible. That would fade eventually so there was no point in getting attached.

That's what she told herself over and over again, trying to ignore how tempting it was to give in.

Later Pepper showed her to a guest room she could inhabit for the time being and Andy's relieved to see that it had a private bathroom.

The bedroom itself was pretty enough, if a bit unpersonal. Also very spacious, which Andy could tell, would be problematic.

But that was a problem for later in the night. First she had to take care of more pressing issues, mainly her physical health. After Pepper left Andy went straight to the bathroom.

It was quite large with a tub and a shower and the walls and floor were made of beige/white marble. It felt cool against Andy's bare feet after she took off her shoes.

The girl took off her dress until she just stood in her underwear before turning to look into the mirror. She looked younger than usual, Nancy said that it would make her look more innocent, more desirable.

With a sigh the girl dropped her transformations, at least the ones she was aware off. What was left was the closest thing to her real appearance.

Tall, for a woman at least, pale skin, a slim figure. Some women would find her figure desirable, would romanticize the outlines of her ribs that showed underneath her skin. Andy knew it was a sign of malnutrition.

The hair was incredibly long and wild, since she didn't cut it in years. Her features were even sharper and her face was all eyes and lips.

The face in the mirror was familiar, but not quite her own, just as close as she could get.

Andy developed her mutation when she was 12. Mutants were a pretty new phenomenon, the public only found out about them because of the incident in Kuba where a group of mutants was involved.

Of course that gave them a bad reputation right away, so when Nancy found out that her niece was a shape-shifter she was disgusted, called her a freak and a monster. After all, how could you trust someone who could be looking back at you with your own eyes?

But the business oriented woman soon figured out a way to capitalize on Andy's ability.

Because Andy was the perfect actor for every dirty fantasy her depraved customers could come up with.

Some just wanted to have a night with a super model but more often than not the men searched an outlet for their frustrations with their girlfriends, exes and sometimes even mothers. With Andy they could do everything they fantasized about without real consequences, at least not for them.

The girl narrowed her eyes at her reflection before deciding that she probably wouldn't get any closer. That was the other freaky thing. Andy wasn't sure what she really looked like since her appearance was in her control.

Even if she tried to look the same, she never managed to look exactly like the day before . Maybe she was a bit taller or her eyes had a different shade of brown. People rarely could tell, not consciously, but they felt irritated, found her off-putting. The girl found herself off-putting.

Then there were the scars of course, they were everywhere, usually hidden behind smooth untouched skin.

Andy inspected her raw wrists, where the ropes tied her down the previous night, they would probably heal alright. Just like the dark bruises around her neck.

What she was more concerned with was her backside. The pain was only getting worse and worse and she couldn't tell how much longer she could force herself not to limp.

The girl took a deep breath and pulled down her panties. Inside she had a period-pad, incase she bleed and it didn't surprise her when she found the pad soaked with blood and something else.

Andy clenched her teeth as she reached behind herself and let her fingers carefully wander between her ass cheeks.

The pain was overwhelming and she had to bite into the back of her hand to muffle a scream, but at least the cum had dried and there was no fresh blood anymore.

Still, once she removed her hand she had to support herself on the sink, breathing heavily.

Andy didn't dare to look at the mirror, she hated seeing herself like this, panting and trembling in pain.

"Jarvis?", she asked, her voice cracking slightly.

"Yes, Andy?", the AI asked his regular calm tone.

"Can- can you do a medical scan on me or something like that?", she had no idea if he could even do something like that or if she wanted to know how bad it was at all.

"Of course.", Jarvis replied. "Would you keep the results a secret?", Andy asked desperately, she couldn't let Stark or Pepper find out about this.

"I'd respect your privacy, yes.", Jarvis replied and Andy nodded slightly.

"Okay.Then tell me where I'm at, and I don't care about my wrists and my neck. I'm more concerned with my rectal area.", she replied, trying to brace herself for the news.

"I'm detecting severe tearing in your rectal area and I'd strongly advise for you to seek out medical attention."

"Shit...", Andy cursed under her breath. "What are the chances of it healing by itself?", she asked, after all this wasn't her first time and she'd always managed somehow.

"It could heal over if not disrupted too much but there is also a great risk of infection.", Jarvis replied truthfully.

Andy winced before quietly cursing:" Fuck fuck fuck! "

But there wasn't anything she could really do about it at the moment, all she could do was try to keep the wounds as clean as possible, even if it hurt like he'll.

With a sigh she let go of the sink and limped over to the shower. "Thanks Jarvis.", she mumbled before getting inside and turning on the water.

~

After the shower Andy returned to the bathroom, she was wearing her panties with the bloody pad again since she had started to bleed again when she tried to clean herself down there.

The girl wasn't surprised that she found herself to be exhausted so she decided to call it a day and go to sleep.

Laying on her stomach seemed to be the best option and the bed was insanely comfortable. Still, after about an hour Andy realized that she wouldn't be able to rest. At least not in this room.

It was too big, she felt too exposed and couldn't get her mind to calm down.

So the girl got up again, trying to come up with a place to sleep. She considered sleeping underneath the bed but there wasn't enough space.

So the only option was the closet. After making herself a few inches shorter it was just big enough for her to lay down on the floor and there wasn't really anything in there so Andy took her pillows and blanket and laid down in there.

This time it only took seconds for her to drift to sleep.

~

Candy Bayer didn't exist. Hours of searching through every databank Tony could think of lead him to that conclusion.

No school, medical or criminal records, not even a birth certificate. Everyone had a fucking birth certificate!  
He searched the entire net for a single trace of his daughter and came up with nothing.

He even considered a name change, looked for Candice Bayer, he even tried to find her aunt Nancy Bayer but couldn't find anything on her either.

It was maddening, because Tony couldn't understand how he couldn't even find a picture of Andy. And if there was one thing Tony hated most, it was not understanding something.

Everything pointed to only one conclusion, Candy Bayer wasn't real. A ghost. And yet he had seen her, talked to her.

Something wasn't right about the young girl, and Tony wouldn't stop digging until he figured out what it was.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The communication in this is anything but ideal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for panic attacks in this one but at least you're finally getting an introduction to some other members of the team. I hope you enjoy it and leave a review.

The breakfast the next day was quite awkward. Tony had hoped that Bruce or Pepper could be there to make it less uncomfortable. Or maybe Steve and Clint if they returned from their mission a little sooner.

But unfortunately Steve and Clint would only return in a few hours and Bruce and Pepper agreed that Andy and Tony needed some time alone to get to know each other.

So that's what they did, or at least Tony tried to get to know her.

Starting with questioning why she refused to sit down and just leaned against the Isle again while eating her sandwitch. "Sitting is unnatural, and standing is healthier.", she shrugged, her eyes fixed on her father.

Tony couldn't tell if her relentless staring was the reason or something else but something about Andy seemed off. He couldn't pinpoint it though. It kind of reminded him of when you see a mirrored image of yourself and it still looks like you, just slightly wrong.

After he gave up searching for her the previous night he was burning to get some of his questions amswered.

"Is Candy a nickname?", he just started to ask.

"No. My birthname, pretty rubbish, innit?", she smirked before taking another bite of her sandwitch.

"And where are you born?", he asked next to which Andy only shrugged.

"I thought Pepper told you that my mum just dropped me off at my aunt's when I was a baby. No clue where I'm born. But I grew up in London."

"And where did you go to school there?", he asked, he knew that there was no record of her in any school and whichever school she told him, he'd know that she was lying.

"Homeschool.", she replied, her cheeks stuffed with food and Tony wanted to slap himself. He didn't even think of that possibility! For some reason Andy looked satisfied, like she had caught him.

"Favorite Subject?", he asked like a shotgun and she replied just as quickly:" English."

"Not math? Or physics?", his next question was.

"Don't care for those.", she shook her head.

" Any school clubs? Robotics perhaps?"

" I told you I was homeschooled. No school clubs. And I definitely never built a robot.", she replied and seemed a little annoyed with him. Tony didn't care though, he was determined to catch her in a lie.

"Any sicknesses? Did you ever have to visit the hospital?"

"Nope. I have a really good immune system.", Andy shrugged.

"Not even a broken bone from skiing or something like that?", he raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not really into sports.", Andy reasoned.

"So what are you into? Art? Engineering?"

It was quite obvious that he was getting on her nerves now. She rolled with her eyes before replying:"I told you I'm not into tech."

"A father can dream.", Tony shrugged with a smirk but Andy only deadpanned at him.

"I'm suddenly not hungry anymore.", she stated, pickling up her plate and basically thrusting it into the dishwasher before making her way over to the door.

Suddenly she stopped in the frame and turned around again. "Not that that's what you really care about, but I like books.", she spat at him. Her eyes were furious and for a second he thought that her black hair shimmered red. Her body was shaking ever so slightly.

Tony was so confused by her sudden burst of anger that he didn't even know what to reply to that. The girl was always so controlled and neutral. This behavior threw him off completely.

After a few moments of silence Andy groaned annoyed and clenched her fists:" Do you have any? "

"Yes...Yes. Jarvis can lead you to the library.", he stuttered and before Tony could add to that Andy already stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

"Jarvis? Is that typical behavior for teen girls or did I fuck up?", he asked already knowing the answer.

"It seems that Andy didn't enjoy her interrogation.", Jarvis replied and Tony signed, burying his face in his hands. "Thought so, too."

The Avenger couldn't help it though, this girl was a stranger and she was hiding something. So how was he supposed to trust her?

~

It took some time for Andy to cool down after the breakfast. She spend that time strolling through the extensive library, picking out random books that looked interesting and deliberately leaving out any book that had even the faintest thing to do with math, science or technology. Next she moved her stack to the living room.

It was obvious that her conversation with Tony earlier had escalated into an interrogation. Andy thought that she talked her way out of most of his questions pretty decently.

It was still stressing her out, though. Mainly because she was bound to get caught, if it wasn't for the lies, I'd be for her strange behavior, like sleeping in the closet, or never sitting down.

That would give Tony enough reasons to get rid of her. If it wasn't for what fuck-up she was, I'd be because of her mutation. Andy was sure of that.

Worrying about it before hand was pointless, though. She should just try to enjoy the luxuries of this new life for as long as she could. Her aunt always lived a rather luxurious life, too. But Andy was never allowed to move freely around Nancy's expensive lofts or houses. She grew up surrounded by nice things but was never able to experience them.

The girl decided to lay down on her stomach on the couch since that wouldn't be a position anyone would question and then started to read in the first book.  
A book about maps of the past and all the fake places people drew on them, thinking they were real.

It was a pretty interesting read, especially with all the illustrations. Andy got really into it and soon forgot about her beef with Stark. Time flew by and the girl relaxed as much as she could with her painful backside.

That's why she was caught completely off guard when the elevator doors opened and two laughing men stepped into the living room.

Instinctively Andy rolled on her back to face the intruders and regretted it immediately when a sharp pain ripped through her backside.

She just managed to stop herself from screaming when her eyes focused on the two men who stared at her with eyes as wide as her own.

They were both really buff and much taller than Andy in her current appearance, even though one was tall like a regular man while the other looked like a fucking shelf.

Blond hair on both of them, hard features, two pairs of piercing eyes, one blue the other green.

Bulky muscles showing underneath their tight uniforms, big rough hands that could probably rip her apart.

Andy had no dignity that kept her from admitting that she was terrified of them.

To be quite frank she was wary of most men, but at least Bruce looked pretty non-threatening and Stark wasn't build like an Olympic weights lifter either.

That didn't have to mean anything of course. Most of the men that had ever hurt her were regular John's, anyways.

But Captain America and Hawkeye were a completely different league. They were trained to fight and hurt people, if Andy caught them in a bad moment she wouldn't stand a chance.

The Captain was the first one to speak. "Pepper alerted us about the events of yesterday. You must be Andy. I'm Steve Rogers. This is Clint Barton.", his voice was calm and he held out his hand for her to take it.

Andy's wide eyes were fixed on his outstretched hand until he pulled it back. " I know who you are.", she said with a shaky voice.

"So you are Tony's kid. We were actually placing bets when it would finally happen. But nobody guessed 17 years ago.", the guy that's introduced as Clint smirked and let himself drop onto the couch.

Andy jumped up from the couch and scrambled to one corner of the room. She didn't even care how suspicious her behavior was or how much moving hurt, she was on the edge of a bloody panic attack. She could feel her heart race in her chest while she gasped for every breath. Suddenly hands were grabbing her shoulders, big rough hands that could break her in seconds, turn her inside out if they wanted to.

She pushed past them blindly and ran to the room she was staying in before, not even trying to conceal her limp. In the room she pulled the door to the closet open and threw herself into the welcoming dark where she stayed, desperately trying to calm down.

~

Clint was horrified at the girls reaction. Pepper didn't tell them a lot about her, just that she was Tony's kid and would stay with them for now.

While Pepper had mentioned the girls awful aunt she failed to warn them that Andy was an abuse victim. Maybe it was just easier for Clint to recognize that familiar look in the girls eyes.

How she evaluated both him and Steve from head to toe, getting stuck at their hands and of course the fear and darkness that had no place in a child's eyes.

"Did- did we do something wrong?", Steve asked completely baffled.

"I don't think so. But I think we need to talk to Tony.", Clint spoke through gritted teeth once Andy ran off. It was probably better to leave her to calm down by herself for now. Clint was more concerned if Tony knew about this.

So the two men started to search for their friends and found him in the kitchen where he was currently cooking something.

"Capsicle, Legolass! You're back! Right in time for lunch.", Tony said in his regular amused tone.

"Tony, we need to talk about Andy.", Clint stated, getting right down to it. Tony's eyebrows shot up but he didn't protest. "So you've already met her?", he asked and Steve frowned slightly.

"'Met' isn't the word I'd use.", the Super Soldier mumbled.

"Whatever. Tony. Did you notice anything strange about her?", Clint asked next. Tony was one of the smartest people in the world, surely be had to notice something.

"Yeah. For instance she's completely undocumented, I found nothing on her, it's as if she doesn't even exist.", Tony stated to which both Clint and Steve uttered a confused :" What? "

"That wasn't really what I-", Clint started, not sure how to explain the issue to Stark without having to go into how he knew. It could bring up memories that Clint didn't care to revisit. Tony didn't even seem to hear him.

"It's crazy. No school records or anything medical-", he rambled on.

"Tony-", Clint tried to interrupt him but Tony wouldn't stop.

"- no online presence. I mean she's a teen for fucks sake!-"

"Tony.", he tried a bit louder, getting impatient.

"- there isn't even a fucking birth certificate-",

"TONY!", Clint finally yelled, getting the man's attention.  
"I think that Andy is an abuse victim.", he breathed out and watched how first confusion and then horror filled his friend eyes.

"What is all this yelling about?", Bruce suddenly asked while entering the kitchen.

When nobody answered, both Tony and Steve seemed too shocked, Clint replied:" I think that Andy is an abuse victim."

To all of their surprise Bruce didn't seem surprised at all. He just sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm afraid I have to agree with you."

"Wait- you knew? How could you tell? Both of you?", Tony asked, looking between Clint and Bruce with wide eyes.

"I didn't know, but her behaviour yesterday, it was strange. I had a hunch but I didn't want to say anything until I was sure. I'm not that kind of doctor.", Bruce explained, the scientist sounded tired, like he hadn't slept well the night before. If this had been on his mind, Clint could see why.

"You should've seen her reaction to me and Steve. She was terrified of us. She almost broke down completely.", Clint stated matter-of-factly.

Tony's eyes were hollow, staring at nothing while his mind seemed to struggle to work properly.

"I yelled and she flinched away. Dropped a plate. Wanted to leave...Always alert.", Tony mumbled under his breath.

They stood in silence for a few minutes, just letting it sink in until Tony finally asked:" Where is she now? "

"I think to her room. We should probably leave her alone for now. I don't think any of our presences would be appreciated.", Clint said ans crossed his arms over his chest.

Tony sank to the ground and leaned against the kitchen cupboard hiding his face in his hands.  
"What am I supposed to do now?", the man asked completely defeated.

Clint felt a sting of compassion for his friend. They all knew that Tony could barely deal with his own issues. Now, suddenly being a father to a kid with some unforeseeable baggage certainly made things tougher.

"You have to get her to trust you or anyone for that matter. Or else we'll never find out what the deal is with her. Hell, we don't even know how she was abused yet. If it was emotional or physical or even-", he didn't dare to voice that last one but Tony still winced.

Bruce sighed and crouched down in front of their friend, carefully laying a hand on the man's knee. "Come on, Tony. You can do this, and we'll all be there to help you help her." he spoke softly.

After a few more minutes Tony finally lifted his head. His eyes were bloodshot but had a determined spark now.

"You're right.", he nodded before getting up. The man took a few breaths before saying:" Jarvis, would you tell Andy that lunch is ready?"

What followed next made Clint's heart skip a beat.

"Andy has left the building a few minutes ago."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy and Tony finally have something resembling communication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a real pain in the ass. Just because the site crashed twice while I was writing so I had to start over again. TWICE 
> 
> It also has triggers. Underage drinking is one, all of Andy's behaviour is pretty self destructive, too.
> 
> Still, I can't wait to hear your reviews on this chapter especially. It's the darkest one yet, giving a deeper look into Andy's thought process and self-image.
> 
> So please please please review!

Andy wasn't entirely sure how she ended up inside some random bar. The last clear thing she could remember was sitting on Stark's couch and everything after that was just a blur of pain, panic and confusion. 

Out of the fog of her madness one solid thought kept her going. 'I need this to stop ' What exactly it was that needed to stop, Andy didn't know. Just everything, kind of. That's what drove her out of the tower, kept her wandering around the streets of New York aimlessly until the sun set.

She found what she was looking for in booze. The cold yet burning liquor was like a warm blanket around her shivering mind and body. It made everything fuzzy and meaningless.

For the first time that night the girl was able to form something resembling coherent thoughts. 

She didn't regret running away. Why would she? All the luxury in the world couldn't make up for the horror that drove her to hide in the closet. 

It's not like it would've lastet anyways. Tony was just looking for a reason to get rid of her and sooner or later he'd find one. Andy did him a favor by running away. After all, why would a man like Tony Stark want a daughter that was nothing more than a mutant whore?

For some reason Andy always thought that Nancy was making her into this thing she despised. That she just needed to get away from her and she could suddenly become someone normal. 

But did she really know how to be anything else? 

No. Even now, she had no clue what to do next. No high-school degree, no money, no support system, no fucking chance to do anything. 

And even if all of that didn't matter. Even if she miraculously managed to build something for herself, she'd never be able to trust anyone, too afraid of their reaction if they ever found out about her past.

The girl had to smirk bitterly. How silly, to contemplate her future. As far as she was concerned it wasn't clear if she'd even live to see tomorrow. She could tell that she was loosing a lot of blood, probably because of walking around the whole day.

Andy downed the last of her drink before clumsily making her way to where she thought the bathroom was. 

It's not like the pain was gone. It was still very much there, but Andy wasn't.

Once she stepped through a door she thought lead to the bathroom she found herself in a dark alley. When Andy turned around the door had closed behind her and couldn't be opened from the outside. Great. 

With a pathetic sigh she let herself fall against the cold metal door and slid to the ground, curling up in a ball. 

The young girl could tell that she was basically sitting in a pool of her own blood, by the warm sticky feeling between her thighs. She didn't really care, though. 

All she could think about was how she needed all of this to stop, all of it.

"I don't know what to do...", she finally managed to whisper. It was more of a confession to herself than anyone else. But it didn't matter anyways because in that moment the door to the bar opened widely to reveal none other but Iron Man himself. 

~

It took them a couple of hours to track down the girl. They did so by looking through surveillance cameras which wasn't ideal. Unfortunately not every street had cameras. 

Another thing that confused them was how aimless and random the girls movements were. Bruce suggested that she was trying to get them off her track but Clint thought that she wouldn't have used any busy streets if that was her plan.

After a while they determined her final destination well enough. A bar in Downtown Manhattan. 

Without waiting for any of his teammates,Tony got into his suit and flew off. 

The whole way there he tried to come up with what to say once he found her. ' why did you run away?' seemed pretty stupid since he knew why she did. Because he was an insensitive asshole.

' why didn't you tell me about what happened to you? ' was awful for the same reason. 

Not to say that he wasn't mad. No. Tony was fucking fuming. To be honest, most of his anger was directed at the girl's aunt and at himself but there was also a bit for Andy, even if he couldn't justify it.

Maybe it was just worry, because Tony was really fucking worried. He tried to tell himself that his feelings had nothing to do with the fact that she was his daughter, that he would've worried just the same about any other child in danger. That wasn't the entire truth, though and Tony knew that.

Once he reached the bar he didn't hesitate to storm inside. Both customers and staff were shocked to see him but eventually rushed to get his autograph. Tony walked past them, straight to the Barkeeper. 

"Have you seen a girl? About this tall, long dark hair, pale skin. She's wearing a red sundress?", he asked with his robotic voice.

The Barkeeper nodded before replying:" Yeah, she had a couple o' drinks before going to the bathroom."

"DRINKS?! She's 17 for fucks sake!", Tony hissed to which the Barkeeper only raised his hands in defense.

"Looked a lot older to me!", he tried to defend himself but Tony already walked past him. It didn't make sense. The Andy he knew looked barely older than 15. But this wasn't important now. He had to find her first. 

Of course he checked the woman's bathroom first, startling a group of girls. When Andy wasn't in there he looked in the men's bathroom as well. 

He was about to loose hope when he spotted a third door that had to lead outside. Maybe she bounced, because she couldn't pay her drinks. As far as Tony knew she had no money. Hopefully she didn't get too far.

Once he stepped outside he was shocked to find her curled up next to the door. As soon as she saw him the girl jumped up and stumbled back a few steps. 

It was quite dark, the only light coming from behind her, so he couldn't see her face. Yet, there was no denying that something was different. For one, she looked taller, skinnier and her movements were weird. Kind of uncontrolled.

Tony removed his helmet so that she could see his face. Immediately his nose was assaulted with the stench of liquor. ' just like her father ' a nasty voice in the back of his mind said.

"It's you.", she suddenly said. Her voice was faint and slurring a bit but just as unemotional as most of the time. "You searched for me."

"Of course I did.", he replied, trying not to sound as frustrated as he felt.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what? Running off? Getting wasted?! You could've gotten yourself killed for fucks sake! Are you trying to dig your own grave?", Tony broke out and regretted it right away when she flinched slightly.

After that the girl just stared at him for a while, not making any noise. Then:" For not being what you wanted."

"What are you talking about?", Tony asked, deeply confused. 

" You never wanted kids and now you're stuck with me, the worst kid to be stuck with.", she replied and sounded so matter-of-factly it made Tony's heart ache.

"That's not true...", was all he managed to say, his voice cracking suddenly. 

To his shock Andy started to laugh. Tony had never heard his daughter laugh before and he could only hope that it usually didn't sound like this. So broken and hollow, twisted and dark.

"Really? Because I am pretty sure that you have been searching for a way to get rid of me ever since we met. Not that I can blame you! I'm so fucked up, I don't believe anyone would want to put up with my bullshit.

I'm terrified of your friends. No, scratch that. I'm terrified of everyone. I lie impulsively, even when I don't have to. Like my name, my age, my education, my favorite subject, all lies! 

I get panic attacks when I just think of somebody touching me! And if these aren't all good enough reasons to turn around and leave me to fend for myself than I have one more.

I'M STUPID! the daughter of the great Tony Stark, a dummie. I don't even have a basic understanding of math, so how can I really be your child? A stupid Stark, laugh at that, World!"

Tony listened as her voice turned from self-loathing to painful screaming and finally to deadly silence. 

A million questions were driving through his mind and he felt like his head was about to burst. But only one seemed to really matter in that moment.

"Do you really believe that?"

The girl stayed silent for a while before suddenly sinking to her knees and starting to sob, quietly at first but turning more hysteric by the second.

"If you're - g-going to l-leave ju-ust do it now...", she gasped between sobs and Tony instinctively knew what to do.

He opened his suit and stepped out of it, crossing the short distance between him and his child and kneeling down in front of her, wrapping his arms around her trembling body. 

At first she tensed up and started to thrash against him but eventually she grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him impossibly close as she cried her eyes out. 

"I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave you, I promise.", he whispered into her ear and a few minutes later she relaxed, letting go of his shirt and turning quiet.

"Andy?", he whispered into the silence. When she didn't react he got worried. 

Tony turned her body towards the light so that he could get a better look at her. His blood ran cold when he realized that she had lost consciousness and he didn't even notice how different she looked. 

Without thinking about it twice he picked her up bridal style, she was as light as a feather, just to freeze up when he felt something warm and sticky on one of his hands. 

With a pounding heart he slowly let go off her legs to look at his hand that was now convered in blood.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy robs 10 years of everyone's life just by existing. Also Tony gets a Pep(per) Talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I was just really busy with work and art and stuff but here it is. 
> 
> There are mentions of rape in this and also quite disturbing behavior on Andy's part, just so you know.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, please leave a review ;)

Bruce would probably never forget the moment when the doctor told them what had been done to the young girl.

It were only Tony, Pepper, Clint and him, Steve didn't feel his presence appropriate since he freaked her out so much when they first met. Clint didn't care. For some reason the man refused to leave her at all.

The doctor not only confirmed that Andy's current injuries were a product of brutal anal penetration, but that all that scarring on her body indicated that she had been abused for years.

Pepper was the first one to make a sound, a horrified sob, before quickly catching herself. She knew that Tony would need her strong for this.

Clint seemed distant, like he wasn't quite there mentally, while he carefully watched over the unconscious girl in the hospital bed.

While Bruce was shocked as well, he mostly worried about Tony. His dear friend didn't seem to react at all at first, like the words needed to sink in first. Then, he slowly started shaking. His breathing picked up, then his eyes started to dart around, before anyone could stop him he stormed out if the room, slamming the door behind him.

The remaining four stood in silence for a second until Pepper rushed after him, still sniffling and cursing under her breath.

That left Bruce, Clint and Dr Tennant. "What about her appearance? She- she looked younger when I met her, healthier. How did nobody notice the scars and bruises?", Clint suddenly asked, still sounding a bit distant.

"She's a mutant.", Bruce said without thinking about it. "Or some other kind of superhuman. I don't know how else she could've changed her appearance like that. She has to have some kind of power."

After that none of them said anything for a while. They all just kind of watched over the unconscious girl. If he ignored all of the tubes and beeping machines that were connected to her, Bruce could pretend that she was just sleeping.

"Will she be okay?", Bruce heard himself ask and immediately felt pretty stupid.

"She lost a lot of blood but she's stable now,", Dr Tennant replied while checking on the steadily beeping heart monitor. They had removed the breathing apparatus earlier.

"Physically.", Clint mumbled, crossing his arms. Dr Tennant gave them both an apologetic look. "Yes, physically. The psychological part will be a lot harder.", she replied before excusing herself.

"For fucks sake, Bruce...", Clint finally groaned out. For some reason this was really getting to him. Bruce, like most of the other Avengers, had a pretty vague understanding of Clint's upbringing. They basically just knew that it was a rough childhood. Things happened, Clint never talked about it.

"Are you okay Clint?", Bruce asked softly and Clint's eyebrows shot up.

"Me? Why me?", he asked genuinely surprised that Bruce cared.

"You... You just seem to be suffering a lot...", Bruce shrugged.

"It's just bringing up stuff, stuff I don't like to think about.", the male shrugged before going through his sandy blond hair with his hands.

"She might need someone like you. When she wakes up.", Bruce thought out loud, his eyes fixed on her again. He felt like Clint might understand her a bit better than they could.

"Me? She's terrified of me. I shouldn't even be here.", Clint shook his head but didn't make any attempt to leave either.

"Yeah but none of us have ever dealt with something like this. Tony is hopelessly overwhelmed with the situation-", Bruce forgot what he was going to say next when he saw Andy's eyes stare at him.

The girl didn't even make a sound when she woke up and she hadn't moved either, she's just watching them.

"Holy Shit...", Clint gasped and automatically retreated into one corner of the room. Bruce thought that he probably didn't want to startle her again.

"Dr Banner? Where am I?", she asked, her voice raspy from just waking up, but her eyes wide awake, not letting Clint out of her sight. It was somewhat unnerving.

"The medical wing at Stark Tower.", Bruce replied after regaining his voice. The man stepped a little closer to her but when Andy's eyes shot over to him and her jaw clenched he stepped back again.

"Do you remember what happened?", Bruce asked carefully and Andy nodded mechanically before sitting up slightly.

"Where is Stark?", she then asked and Bruce bit his lip. That was a good question.

"He's- You see- Tony-", Bruce struggled to find the right words but Andy only rolled with her eyes.

"Don't sugarcoat it. He doesn't care about me, that's fine. I just thought he might be here after all that effort to drag me back here.", she shrugged.

Bruce automatically felt the need to defend his friend but really? Where was Tony? The man couldn't blame Andy for feeling abandoned.

"Pepper is taking care of that.", he finally replied to which Andy only smirked, it was a bitter, joyless sound.

"Because Pepper always takes care of the things that Stark sees as unworthy of his time.", Andy then challenged him, cocking her head to the side and raising an eyebrow.

Neither of the men knew what to reply to that so they stayed silent. Andy looked a little bit pleased with herself but none the less tense.

"So... How are you feeling?", Bruce asked after several minutes of awkward silence.

"Pretty numb, like you stuffed me with cotton balls. Tired.", she shrugged, eyeing the needle in her wrist that was connected to the IV with the pain meds.

"Yes, that's the pain medication. You'll feel like this for a while longer, while your... injuries heal.", Bruce replied calmly. Andy was a bit to calm for his taste. No, calm wasn't the right word. More like compliant. She didn't try to get up or rip her IV out, she answered his questions truthfully. And Bruce had the feeling that it wasn't because she suddenly trusted them. It put the doctor on edge.

"You mean my ripped up arse?", she asked and again her neutral, almost nonchalant demeanor was startling. Like she was talking about a thing, not herself.

Bruce only managed to nod, he didn't trust himself to say anything coherent right then.

He wanted to ask her so many questions, like who did this to her? Why she didn't tell anyone? And how she managed to hide her injuries that well?

But everytime Bruce opened his mouth only breath came out and he closed it again. Andy watched him repeat that a couple of times until she seemed to grow inpatient.

"Look. Just say it. What do you want me to do?", she suddenly asked bluntly and Bruce almost flinched.

"What do you mean?", he asked her honestly confused.

Andy narrowed her eyes at him, like this wasn't a rightful question. Then she slowly started to reply:"Well, I could give you a blowjob if you like or you could fuck me. I'll be good, I promise."

Bruce felt like throwing up, also he feared that the Hulk might come out, but his most prevalent emotion wasn't anger, but absolut horror. Did she really believe that that's what they were up to?

When neither of them responded her eyes flickered to Clint."... Or you could take me both. I won't scream.", she added and Bruce felt like crying.

"Do- do you really think that's what will happen to you here?", Bruce asked his voice barely above a whisper.

"That's what always happens.", Andy shrugged and Bruce could only hope that her careless attitude had something to do with her medicated state.

"It's why you drugged me, isn't it? So that I can't fight you. But don't worry, I'll behave. It's the least I can do for saving my life.", she just said and Bruce winced slightly.

"Andy... We- we weren't-", Bruce stammered but Andy wouldn't let him finish whatever sentence he tried to form.

"Is it my appearance. I can change, you know? Into whatever you like.", she said and suddenly something happened to her body. It started at the top of her head, like it was showering down on her and suddenly she started to change, first her hair, then her face and neck and then her torso and arms.

Suddenly a large chested woman with big plump lips, long blond hair and green eyes sat in front of them and before Bruce could even grasp what happened it started again, this time she turned into a handsome young man with sharp cheekbones and wide shoulders and finally she turned back into herself. Or something close to herself, the bruises were gone and she wasn't as sick looking anymore.

Perfect was a word that came to mind but in an artificial way. Bruce knew that she was hiding all the abuse that she endured which made this smooth, flawless almost doll-like version of her seem like a perversion.

"Just tell me what you like.", she shrugged.

"How did you do that?", Bruce asked equally shocked and fascinated.

"I'm mutant. A shape-shifter.", she stated and slightly bowed her head, like she was expecting a blow.

"Fascinating...", Bruce mumbled before shaking his head to refocus on what's important. "Andy you don't have to change and you don't have to hide your injuries either. We aren't going to hurt you.", he tried to explain and Andy smirked again.

"Oh I know your kind. You're nice, you want me to trust you. ' I'll be gentle Candy.' ' I'm not like the others, Candy.' ' I'll make it good for you Candy.' I guess some people don't like to think of me as a fuck toy. They like to think that I enjoy it. That we're both getting something out of it. I can do that if that's what you like.", the girl then explained.

It was clear now that whatever caused her current injuries, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, which made it so much worse.

"No one is going to have sex with you.", Bruce then stated so that she'd really understand him this time. "Nobody in here would do that to you Andy. You're safe." he tried to explain desperately when Andy just gave him a confused look.

"But...", she started before falling silent again. For the first time since she woke up she diverted her eyes, staring at her hands in her lap.

"I don't understand.", she finally said slowly and then she crumbled like a house of Cards. Her doll facade faded away, she hunched over and let her head hang down so that her wild hair mostly concealed her face. "Is it because I'm a mutant? Are you disgusted by me?", she asked quietly, not looking up at them.

"No, Andy!", Bruce automatically exclaimed and the girl flinched slightly. "I- Im sorry. The only people I am disgusted with are people who did this to you. This isn't your fault.", he stated, a bit quieter, hoping that the words would get through to her.

The girl stayed silent for a while before quietly mumbling. "Am I allowed to sleep...?"

"Yes. Yes of course. We'll leave and get a nurse to watch over you.", he nodded and watched as Andy slowly laid back and turned to her right side, curling up in a ball.

Bruce and the others agreed that Andy shouldn't be left alone because there was a risk that she'd try to run away again so on their way out he told a nurse to watch over her.

Only once Clint and Bruce left the medical wing and got into the elevator, Bruce released a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"Fuck...", Clint mumbled. The male hadn't said anything the whole time Bruce talked to Andy but he looked incredibly tense. His jaw and fists were clenched and his lips were pressed together into a fine line.

"Tony needs to hear about this.", was all that Bruce managed to say.

"Yeah. And he needs to move his ass down there and take care of his kid.", Clint growled slightly as they left the elevator again.

They made their way to Tony's workshop and even before they entered the room they heard Pepper yell. When they opened the door her voice got clearer.

"She's right here Tony! Right here! And she didn't sign up for any of this but she's your child! And she went through hell. At least try to be there for her, you owe it to her!" Pepper was standing behind Tony who was tinkering on one of his iron man suits but when Bruce took a closer look he saw that Tony had his eyes shut, his arms merely resting on the piece of armor. The man looked like he had aged ten year in the last few days.

When Pepper didn't get a response she groaned out of frustration before spotting the the two men in the doorway.

"Bruce. Clint. What brings you here?", she asked a lot calmer and Tony looked up as well.

"Andy's awake.", Bruce announced and both Tony and Pepper froze up. Pepper was the first one to speak again.

"How is she?", the woman asked in a worried tone.

Bruce sighed before replying. How was he supposed to explain her behavior?  
"Calm. Disturbingly so. She's cooperative but I don't think that she trusts anyone of us. She also revealed that the abuse, the rape... was far more severe than we anticipated. Her behavior indicates that she was sexually abused for years.", he tried to explain it.

"What behavior?", Pepper asked with wide eyes.

Bruce wasn't sure if he could say it out loud. Luckily Clint took over for him. "She offered us sex. Thought that her meds were administered so that we could fuck her easier. The worst part is she didn't seem all that scared. Just resigned, like she just wanted to get it over with.", Clint said, his voice bitter with an underlying anger. "Her carelessness might have to do with her drugged state but still..."

Bruce focused on Tony who just stared at the floor, not reacting at all.

"When we turned her down she didn't even understand why. Andy thought that we found her revolting because of her mutation.", Clint added and Tony suddenly looked up.

"Mutation?", the man asked with raised eyebrows.

"She's a shape-shifter, can change her appearance however she likes.", Bruce explained, leaving out how much it freaked him out.

"That would explain how she managed to hide her bruises...", Tony said more to himself than anyone else.

Bruce started to grow inpatient with Tony. His friend wasn't focusing on what was really important. That he had a daughter that was deeply emotionally hurt and in dire need of someone taking care of her.

"She also asked for you.", Bruce said, sounding a bit more accusatory than he ment to.

"Really?", Tony asked in an anxious tone.

"Yes. And she thinks that you don't give a Shit about her. Maybe you should do something about that!", Clint spat and Tony flinched slightly.

"It's just - I wouldn't even know how to be a father to a normal kid. This - I'm not the right guy for this. What if I do something wrong? What if I do everything wrong!?  
I'll just fuck her up even more!", the man suddenly started to ramble, startling all of them. Tony rarely sounded so desperate yet genuine.

Pepper swallowed hard before grabbing Tony by his shoulders and turning him to face her.

"We get it. This is less than ideal. But she has nobody but you and you need to step up and show her that she isn't alone! There is no way to go back in time and you have to make a decision. Are you going to leave her alone with this, leave other people to deal with her like your father did. Or are you going to get your Shit together and finally give this poor girl a safe place to stay?", she asked him brutally honest.

For a moment everything was silent, Tony was just staring at Pepper before slowly rising from his chair.

"Okay. I can't do this. But I'll try.", he nodded before quickly walking over to the door of the workshop. "If I screw her up even more I blame Pepper.", he smirked ever so slightly before pulling the door shut behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quality Father/daughter time, or something like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't really know how to trigger warn this one. There isn't anything graphic at all but Andy has very limited understanding of consent which is introduced in this chapter. So be warned about.
> 
> Also I hope that you like it and leave a review!

Tony paced up and down the hallway in front of Andy's room for maybe ten minutes until he was brave enough to step inside.

A nurse was sitting on a chair in one corner of the room and Andy was curled up on her bed, only a bundle of blankets.

"Is she asleep?", Tony whispered and the young woman nodded.

"Okay. I can take it from here.", he then said and the woman nodded getting up and swiftly leaving the room.

Tony let himself fall onto the seat, not daring to go any closer to the girl. His tired eyes were resting on her unmoving body.

Maybe this was good, maybe he could use the time she slept to think of something to say because he had no clue-

"You're here.", Andy's raspy voice stated as she sat up, facing him. Shit.

"And you're not asleep.", Tony returned, holding her glare. Now that whatever transformation she put on was gone, Tony truly realized how much she looked like him. There was no denying that she was his kid.

"Can't sleep.", she shrugged before scratching her head. Tony tried real hard not to stare at her raw wrists.

"Nightmares?", he asked automatically. Tony himself knew a thing or two about night terros since the Chitauri invasion.

"No. Well, yes. But that's not the reason why.", she replied and Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Then what is?"

Andy let her eyes wander around the room like she was thinking before redirecting them towards Tony.

"What's the word for the opposite of claustrophopia?", she asked before clarifying:" The room is too big, I feel exposed and vulnerable."

Tony looked around the room that was only like 100 square feet big before returning his attention to Andy.  
"Then I'll get you something smaller.", he just stated and the girls eyebrows shot up in surprise but she didn't say anything. "How small would the room have to be for you to sleep comfortably?", he asked her next. This was something easy, something he could fix.

Andy narrowed her eyes at him, like she was trying to determine if he was trying to trick her. "Uhh...like just big enough for me to fit inside.", she finally said and Tony had an idea:" Do you really need to be inclosed by walls, though?", he asked and the girl shook her head slowly.

"Then I'll just get you a bed with curtains. Jarvis? Remind me to order a bed with curtains!", he called out and Jarvis replied:" Of course, Mr Stark."

Andy just stared at Tony with a baffled expression. But she seemed to notice it herself and quickly neutralized it again. "I didn't think you'd show up. Did Pepper bully you into seein' me?", she asked calmly and Tony almost winced at how correct she was.

" No. Yes- Well, she didn't bully me. She gave me a pep talk.", he confessed and Andy smirked slightly.

"A Pepper Talk, if you will.", she then stated drily before moving her hands like she was playing the drums. "badum tzz"

"Did- Did you just make a pun?", Tony asked completely baffled. He had tried to mentally prepare himself for crying and screaming or something like that. No name-based puns.

Andy only shrugged, smirking slightly.

A small smile creeped on Tony's lips. "I- I just want you to know that I'm here, if you need anything.", he then said a little awkwardly to which Andy cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

"Is it possible that the tinman really does have a heart or are you just goin' through the motions?", she asked sarcastically and Tony sighed slightly.

"Look. I'm a fish out of water right now. No, I'm a fish on mars. I don't know how to be a parent. But this doesn't mean that I'll send you away. I promise I won't send you away, not now, not ever. And I'll try to be the kind of person you need. But I need your help in this. I don't know everything you went through and I won't make you tell me but I need some basic information and I need you to tell me when you are bothered by something, like the bed thing. So that I can fix it. Okay?"

Andy didn't reply for a while after that. She just studied Tony's face like she was trying to catch him in a lie. Finally she nodded:" What do you want to know?"

"And you won't lie?", he asked referencing what she said when he found her.

"I'll try not to.", she only said and Tony decided that that was good enough.

"First, what is your real name?", he started. This had to be easy enough.

"I don't really know. I never had a real passport or a birth certificat. Nancy changed our last name every few months, she always called me Candy. The first last name I remember is Darkholme but that's all I know.", she replied and Tony nodded. That would make the search for this Nancy character a lot harder.

"And how old are you really, since you can change your appearance.", he wanted to know next.

"Approximately?", Andy asked and Tony frowned at her.

"What do you mean, approximately? Don't- don't you know how old you are?", he asked, shocked when Andy shook her head.

"I never celebrated my birthday and my perception of time got pretty hazy, especially when I was younger so I can only make a guess. I think I'm somewhere between 16 and 18 years old.", she shrugged.

"Okay...", Tony nodded, trying not to sound too shocked.  
"And is this really what you look like? Untransformed?"

"As close as I get. I'm not one hundert percent sure what I look like. Right now I'm not consciously changing the way I look but tomorrow I might wake up a bit taller, or with freckles, or a different eye color, it's always slightly different when I don't make an effort to stay the same-", she started to explain and for a moment her eyes lit up. But that light went out just as quickly as it came and she suddenly stopped and lowered her head again, retreating a little.

"Hey what's wrong?", Tony asked concerned.

"I'm not supposed to ramble about my monstrosity.", Andy said meekly and Tony could feel his chest grow tight.

"It's- it's not a monstrosity and nobody in this place would ever call it that. I mean look at us! Bruce turns into an angry green Monster, Steve is a science experiment and I, as you've pointed out so nicely, have a piece of metal in my chest. We're all kind of freaky. You don't become an avenger by being a normal person.", he dared to smirk slightly and was delighted to see Andy straighten up again.

"Okay...", Andy said, not exactly smiling but something not far from it.

"Okay...", Tony repeated, trying to think of what to say next. "So the thing is, I don't expect you to talk about what happened to you yet. You can do that whenever you feel ready. But there are a few things I'd like to know."

"Like?", Andy asked tensing up a bit again but still maintaining eyecontact.

"Like... Touching. Is it okay for you?", Tony asked nervously and was shocked to see Andy clamp up automatically. Her whole body got tense and guarded and she lowered her head in submission, avoiding his eyes.

"It's fine. I-I will behave. I'll be a good girl.", she mumbled and Tony realized his mistake.

"Oh no! Not like that... Nobody is ever going to touch you like that, I promise. I just ment like, a pat on the shoulder or a hug or something like that.", he tried to explain and Andy lifted her head slightly.

Her face was neutral, like most of the time but her voice sounded confused when she spoke:" I don't understand."

"Would you be okay with that?", Tony asked. He just wanted to know the girl's personal boundaries so that he wouldn't accidentally overstep them.

"Does it matter?", Andy asked slowly and Tony frowned at her.

"Of course it does. We don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable.", Tony replied. He thought this was obvious, apparently it wasn't.

"Uncomfortable...", Andy repeated, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Yes. You have a right to have your own personal space. You decide what's off limits.", Tony explained patiently while his heart broke silently.

"I...decide...", Andy repeated like she didn't understand the meaning of the words. After that she didn't say anything for a while but Tony stayed silent, too, letting her think about it in peace.

"Then I- I don't like to be- you know- If its possible not to- I'd rather not- ugh...", the girl stammered before finally groaning out of frustration.

Andy hid her face in her hands and Tony felt the urge to reach out for her and hold her but knew that she probably wouldn't appreciate it.

"I just- I don't understand and I don't know what you want to hear...", she confessed, dropping her hands and staring at Tony with eyes that were so much like his own. Dark, big and terrified.

"I want to hear the truth, whatever it is, I don't care.", he stated and Andy looked even more upset.

"Can't you just tell me what I'm supposed to do?", she asked desperately and Tony gently shook his head.

"I'm not going to give you orders. I'm not your handler. I- I'm your father.", he spoke quietly. They were simple words, yet so terrifying to him.

Apparently he wasn't the only one who was scared by this new situation because only seconds later Andy broke out in tears.

It wasn't loud or flashy, just endless tears cascading down her cheeks while she tried to muffle her own sobs with a hand she had pressed over her mouth.

Tony was automatically in panic mode and jumped up, making the girl flinch and cry even harder.

"Oh no I'm sorry... Please don't cry...or do cry...I don't know. Maybe you need to cry? Do you feel better afterwards? If yes then please cry all you like... Do-do you want a hug or something, no you probably don't, stupid of me...I-", Tony started to ramble and had to be interrupted by Andy.

The girl had stopped crying as quickly as she'd started and was drying her face with her hands while saying:" It's fine. It's fine. I'm fine. I- I think, it would be better, if nobody, you know..."

"Touched you?", Tony finished her sentence and she nodded slightly before flinching away like she expected a blow.

God, the poor girl didn't seem to have any concept of control over her own body. Tony was pretty sure that if anybody was to touch her, she wouldn't stop them out of fear.

"Then nobody will.", Tony nodded gently and Andy looked like she was about to cry again.

"Okay...", she nodded and Tony had to count this small agreement as a victory.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human behavior through a kaleidoscope. (It's very confusing if you look at it like that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter shows a clearer look into Andy's thinking, now that she isn't drugged or in pain or panic anymore.
> 
> Trigger warnings for child abuse and referenced sexual abuse and rape. Nothing graphic, though.
> 
> Also I'm so happy about all of your reviews, it's unreal! I hope you continue sharing your thoughts on my story, I love reading it!

The next day Andy was released from the medical wing. 'released' ment in that case that she was send upstairs to the living quarters of the Avengers.

Pepper brought her some fresh clothes since the girl didn't have any. She didn't mind. The large red sweater was soft and comfortable and the black leggings were cozy.

The medical team at Stark Tower did wonders for her anal fissures. She was still sore but she only had to take regular pain meds and could walk around without much pain. Nothing she couldn't handle.

One thing she noticed was that she was never alone. Only Pepper and Tony visited, probably because they freaked her out the least, but even when they weren't there, there was always a nurse or a doctor in her room.

A nasty little voice in the back of her head would tell her that they didn't trust her. That she's just a prisoner to them.

Andy did her best to ignore the voice. Sometimes it even worked.

Once she and Pepper left the lift that lead to the living quarters they were met by Stark. He was wearing jeans and a Metallica shirt and had his usual smirk on his face.

She didn't really know what to think of Stark yet. He seemed genuine and didn't push her to do anything, yet. Also because of their biological relationship she dared to assume that he wasn't sexually interested in her. That made interacting with him equal parts relieving and confusing.

Stark still hadn't told Andy what he wanted from her and it put the girl on edge. He always asked her what she wanted. If she was ready to leave the medical wing, if she was hungry, if she needed help getting dressed. Like what the fuck was she supposed to do with that?

After a while she gave up trying to figure out what he wanted her to answer so she just said yes to everything.

"Andy!', Stark exclaimed like he was surprised to see her and opened his arms like he wanted her to hug him but he didn't make any further moves to do so and didn't walk towards her either.

That was another thing she had noticed. Both Pepper and Tony not only made an effort to not touch her, they also moved in a way that gave Andy the ability to see every movement they made. They didn't even get close to her.

It was strange, their consideration was strange and Andy didn't know what to do with it.

"Stark! You? Here? How come?", she exclaimed sarcastically while walking out of the lift. The girl had noticed that Stark enjoyed it when she was snappy and sarcastic about trivial things. And surely enough her reply made him grin.

"Yeah, I don't know what brought me here either, but let me show you around.", he returned and started to walk towards the living room.

"You know I've already been to your flat. I know how to get around.", she stated as she followed him to which Tony smirked, though she wasn't sure why.

"I'll just show you your new room.", he then explained as he lead her down a hallway she hadn't been to yet.

"I thought I'd just sleep in the room where I stayed the first night.", Andy shrugged and the man shook his head.

"No. That was just a guest room. This one's just for you.", he then said before stopping in front of a door.

Andy instinctively pressed down the handle but the door wouldn't open. She gave Tony a questioning look which he returned with a knowing smile.

"There is button on the underside of the handle, press it and say something.",he instructed and Andy pressed the button before saying:" Somethin'."

With a clicking sound the door suddenly opened and Andy gave Tony a surprised look.

"I build voice recognition into the door lock so that only You, me and Pepper can open the door from the outside. Anyone can open it from inside. I usually use  
Face recognition but I thought that wouldn't be the best idea because of your ever changing features.", Tony rambled a bit while Andy just stared at him with a baffled expression.

"But why?", Andy asked confused and Tony bit his lip.

"It's not like you have to fear anyone in here. But I thought that you might feel a bit safer knowing that nobody can get into your room unless you want them to.", he explained, almost sounding nervous.

Again, Andy didn't know how to respond to that, the girl didn't even know how to feel about someone thinking about how she might feel. So she just shrugged and walked inside.

The room was pretty plane, bigger than her hospital room, smaller than the guest room she stayed in. Light Blue walls, dark wooden floor, big windows like everywhere else but the thing that caught her attention was the big canopy bed in the middle of the room.

Andy walked up to it and let her hands glide over the smooth fabric of the thick navy blue curtains. "I never had one before.", Andy just stated, not really thinking about what she was saying.

"What, a bed with curtains?", Stark asked with no particular tone.

"A bed.", Andy corrected before realizing what she had done. She just managed to prevent her face from blushing but she couldn't reverse her words. Instead she just dropped her arm and proceeded to look at her hands.

"You- never had a -", Tony choked out while the girl refused to look up or even think about it. Instead she focused on the thin red lines around her wrist. They stung a little when she pressed against them and it felt strangely pleasing.

"But- but where?", Tony couldn't even get out the words and Andy wanted to slap herself for her stupid mouth.  
Maybe if she answered Stark wouldn't be too mad.

"Closets, mostly. Cupboards, stuff like that.", she shrugged. "It's fine. I don't like sleeping in open spaces. I just got a bit... when she locked me inside.", why she was telling him that was beyond her. What if he got mad because he didn't ask her about that. Andy had to stop herself from backing away instinctively.

When he didn't say anything she just found herself talking, still not looking at him. "And it's not like I've never slept in a bed before. Sometimes I'd pass out after... after...", her voice trailed off as she figured it was probably time to shut her fucking mouth.

After a while of silence she looked up reluctantly and found Tony staring at her with wide teary eyes and and a trembling lip. "Andy... I'm- I'm so sorry that you had to go through that-", he whispered his voice cracking like an old tree in the wind.

Apparently Tony wanted her to feel bad about her upbringing. That's what Andy got out of that situation. Or at least he expected her to feel bad about it. Like Nancy expected her to feel bad about being a mutant.

The problem was that Andy didn't feel any particular way about her treatment. She didn't enjoy it but had accepted it years ago, it's not like she knew a different way of life.

And with time she had distanced herself far enough that her life didn't feel like her own anymore. It didn't even feel like hearing about something on the news, too real. It felt like fiction. Her own life felt like fiction and Andy was just an unenthusiastic reader, waiting for the next chapter.

"Did you choose blue because it's supposed to have a soothing effect on the psyche?", she heard herself change the subject, surprising both of them. "I read about it somewhere."

"Uhh... I can change it if you like. Also you can pick how to to decorate it yourself.", he stated confused and Andy shrugged.

"Blue is fine.", the girl stated before looking around a bit more. "What now?", she asked. Andy had noticed that Stark didn't like it much when she asked him what he wanted her to do so she tried to phrase it differently, like she was asking for a suggestion.

"We'll it's time for lunch. You can eat in the kitchen with the others if you like. But if you don't feel comfortable doing that we can eat in here.", Tony suggest and Andy raised an eyebrow. "You'd eat with me?", she asked surprised.

"Sure. If you want to."

There it was again. _Want_. As if that was something she could just point out. Something obvious. It seemed to be to everyone else. But not to Andy. Andy didn't _want_ things because _wanting_ something always resulted in disappointment.

But other people wanted things, they always did. Stark probably wanted things, even if he wouldn't tell Andy what they were. So she just tried to imagine what Stark would want. He'd probably want to eat with his friends. And he definitely didn't want Andy to be by herself for some reason.

"I'll eat in the kitchen.", she stated. This was probably what Stark wanted, even though he seemed surprised. But it was a pleasant surprise and Andy felt relieved about guessing correctly.

"Are you sure?", Stark asked and Andy nodded without thinking about his question. "Yes.", she added to clarify. This was easy. Saying yes was easy.

~

Lunch consisted of Tony, Steve, Clint, Bruce and Andy sitting around the dinner table and eating Chinese take out.

"Only Natasha, Thor and Pepper can cook and they aren't here.", Tony explained as he handed her the noodles.

He was sitting on her right and the seat on her left was empty. Across from her sat Bruce, Clint and Steve were just part of her peripheral vision if she didn't make an effort to face them.

That's not to say that their presence didn't put Andy on edge. It very much did. Her left leg was bouncing uncontrollably but at least nobody could see or feel it.  
She tried to focus on the food, the chicken pieces, the noodles, the carrots. It was delicious, maybe the best thing she ever had.

There was this one guy once that had a really weird food kink. He didn't even want to have sex with her, he just wanted to feed her as much food as possible. Which sounded pretty nice for someone that only got fed rarely. But he literally got off on stuffing as much food down her throat as possible. She didn't eat anything for the next week and couldn't keep anything down for the next month or two.

So food wasn't really something she got to enjoy before. The girl wasn't even listening to the conversation between the men which was a beginners mistake.

Usually Andy listened to everything, that is to say if she wasn't on autopilot or drugged out of her mind, like when she arrived here.

But otherwise she kept close attention to others, what they said, how they said it, what it could mean, what the person wanted to get across and what they really thought.

Most of the time it was for survival. To figure out what to do to not get in trouble. But some of it was just interest. The girl liked to study other people, their movements, their voices, their ticks.

She used to turn into people she knew secretly to act out their behavior in front of the mirror for fun until Nancy caught her doing it once.

Now she was totally focused on the food. "Fuck...", she grunted under her breath and noticed the conversation die instantly, everyone staring at her instead.

"It's everything okay?", Tony asked with that worried look that Andy couldn't place.

Her eyes wandered over to the other men for the first time but she let her vision blur so that she wouldn't have to see their expressions. Andy feared that they resembled Stark's and she didn't feel like figuring out what that ment, not when she could be eating instead.

"Nothing. The food is just really good.", she shrugged, returning her attention to it.

That way she didn't see Tony give his friends a questioning look to which Steve smiled hopefully before shrugging a bit.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy drags shortcuts in communication. Clint is impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More descriptions of the sexual abuse Andy went through but they are very brief and not graphic. 
> 
> Also finally some Andy/Clint bonding. I promise that they'll get into the heavier stuff later too but it just wouldn't be realistic if they opened with that since they both have trust issues for days. 
> 
> Sorry for the long wait, I was on a trip to Amsterdam. But I am back and I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter. 
> 
> Please review!

Of fucking course Tony and Pepper had to go to an emergency board meeting and of course Bruce wasn't available which only left Clint and Steve to watch over Andy.

"No way Clint. She's terrified of me.", Steve argued while changing into a shirt and sweatpants. The tall man was going to escape into the gym and leave Clint to deal with this situation by himself and Clint was not having it.

"She's terrified of me, too. But we're the only two available. You know that Tony hates to leave her by herself. ", Clint argued. He really dreaded being alone with Tony's daughter, almost feared it, and he would love to have someone else there.

"She'll be scared enough of one of us, if we're both there she might feel like we're ganging up on her. I know that she'll have to get used to me eventually but she just returned from the medical wing, she should feel as safe as possible.", Steve argued and Clint sighed exasperated.

He didn't tell Steve that there was no way in hell that Andy felt safe, with or without them present. Safe wasn't a concept she understood. At least Clint didn't when he was her age.

"Fuck you Rogers.", Clint finally groaned before turning on his heels and storming out of his room.

He found Andy in Stark's library, sitting at a desk bent over a large book.

Her back was turned towards him and he couldn't see her face, just the incredible amount of hair sticking in all directions.

Tony had informed them about the girls mutation, that her appearance might randomly change and that they shouldn't get weirded out by that. He also told them that they shouldn't touch her when it wasn't absolutely necessary. Clint wouldn't have dared to anyways.

Andy looked almost relaxed, the way she was sitting there. Legs crossed on her seat, head resting in her hands, breathing calmly. There was still a tension in her shoulders that indicated that she never really let her guard down completely but other than that she looked the calmest Clint had ever seen her while being sober.

He didn't want to disrupt that so he just stayed silent, not announcing his presence. After a few minutes of watching her she suddenly raised her head. "Are you just going to stand there watching me all night?", she asked before slowly turning around to face him.

She had that unnervingly neutral facial expression that he had already noticed at lunch. Andy seemed to have a talent for concealing emotions. It probably became an important skill for survival in her life but it made everything a lot harder now.

"Sorry. I just didn't want to bother you. ", Clint replied you.

"You didn't.", She stated before turning away again. For a second Clint thought that she'd just return to reading and that they wouldn't have to engage in conversation. But she just shut the book with one hand before returning her attention to Clint.

"Are you my handler for the night?", the girl asked casually and Clint almost winced at the word 'handler'.

"No.", he pressed out through gritted teeth and Andy raised an eyebrow before shrugging.

"My babysitter, then.", she suggested and before Clint could deny it she cocked her head to one side and smirked. A fucking smirk!

"Look, you don't have to pretend like you're just accidentally here. I've had enough handlers or "babysitters" to recognize one. I'm not dumb, I've noticed that I'm barely alone for longer than it takes to take a shite. Clearly you're all waiting for me to fuck up and there has to be someone there to pick up the pieces, to get me under control. That's fine. I'm not mad. I'll behave.", she explained and the way she spoke about it, nonchelant and matter-of-factly at the same time, freaked Clint out even more.

Bruce said Andy could use someone like Clint, someone who knew. But the truth was Clint had no idea what to do to help her. Yes, he had endured something that might seem similar to Andy's situation.

But the voilence commited against him disturbed him. It was brutal and awful but also chaotic. Even while it was happening he knew that it was wrong, that this wasn't normal.

Andy didn't have that. Her abuse was thought out, professional, maybe almost like a deal, a contract the girl never signed.  
There was no chaos and since she was raised like this it seemed logical to her. How were they supposed to change her persaption of reality when it was the only one she knew.

'God I wish Natasha was here.', Clint thought. She was much better suited to help the young girl.

"I'm not your handler. I'm just here to protect you.", he replied as truthfully as he could and Andy narrowed her eyes at him.

"Protect me from who? I thought I didn't have to fear anyone in here?", she then shot back before Clint could struggle to come up with an explanation the girl smirked at him.

"Relax. I'm kidding. ", she added and rested her chin on the back rest of her chair.

"So. You live with Stark. Do you pay him?", she asked and Clint noticed how she referred to Tony as 'Stark'.

"No, we're friends and colleagues. Tony can afford to house us all and I don't really have anywhere else I'd rather be.", he answered truthfully and Andy's eyebrows shot up.

"Are you happy here?", Andy then asked, seeming genuinely curious and Clint was taken aback a little.

"Well, yeah?", he replied and Andy frowned. The man could basically watch the girl try to make sense of his words. Suddenly she looked pretty fucking confused, even a little upset.

"Is that what he wants? For me to be happy?", she asked, completely uncertain. Clint thought that she probably meant Tony.

"Of course he wants you to be happy.", he replied automatically which might've been a mistake. Her eyes turned determined and she nodded.

"I can do that."

"No. No. No. You're misunderstanding me. Tony doesn't want you to pretend that you're happy. He wants you to really be happy.", he tried to explain but somehow that upset Andy even more. "But what if I can't be happy?", she asked meekly and Clint's heart broke a little.

"You'll get there, kid.", he choked out. The man wasn't sure if that was true but he had to believe it. "You don't have to rush it, though. And don't fake how you're feeling. Tony wants you to be honest with him.", he added but Andy still looked unconvinced. "Like... how do you feel right now? How would you describe the situation?", he asked her and to his surprise she relaxed a little before replying:"Manageable."

Clint was surprised by that, curious even. It was an odd answer. "And your previous situation was-?"

"Also manageable.", the girl shrugged and Clint's eyebrows shot up.

"Though I guess that isn't what you're asking. I reckon you want to know if I think that this situation is better than the former. I wouldn't rely on it but I guess up to this point it proofed to be more manageable.

If that is what you're asking, there's your answer but I generally don't categorize things as better or worse.", she explained and Clint was surprised to see her relax a bit more, talking about this.

She was almost enjoying it which was interesting. Tony enjoyed listening to himself talk, that was pretty fucking obvious, maybe that also applied to his kid. Or maybe nobody ever listened to her opinions before. Either way, Clint wouldn't just let this go.

"Why not?", he asked her and was delighted to see her start another monologue.

"It's an unreliable standard, it doesn't incorporate all of the variables. A situation can be better than before and you can't handle it or a situation can worsen and still be fine. It's too trivial.", she explained.

"The only true way to describe a situation is by pointing out if or if not you can handle it.", she then finished with a slight smile and a raised eyebrow. Was she challenging him?

"What about good and bad, though?", he asked crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for her reaction.

Andy smirked. He was on the right path. "Good and bad is even vaguer that better or worse. It's an absolute illusion, mainly because 'Good' doesn't exist as an unanimously affirmative thing. Your perception of good relies entirely on your personal experience, which differs from person to person. My 'good' isn't the same as your 'good'. In a sense good doesn't exist. It's just an oversimplification of complex situations that most people don't want to get into, too much. A faulty shortcut in human communication."

"But isn't that a bit bitter?", he asked next, maybe he wouldn't have if the girl wasn't clearly enjoying the discussion.

"I'd call it realistic. ", she shot back and raised an eyebrow, challenging him. What Clint would say next was risky, she could take it very very wrong.

"But can you really be realistic when your sense of reality is so warped by all the abuse you've endured in your life?", Clint was holding his breath, waiting for her reaction.

Andy laughed, he didn't see that coming. It was amused and a bit mocking but real. "That's what I've been telling you. 'Reality' is just as vague as 'Good'. It doesn't exist as one definitive thing. Reality is different to everyone. How can my reality be wrong or warped if it's based on everything I've experienced. It's just as real as the experiences of girls my age that grow up with a loving family. And therefore my believes are just as grounded in reality as theirs.", she argued and Clint could see an underlying passion, a very small flame but it was there. It caused the man to crack a smile.

"What are you smiling at?", she asked him, a bit wary all of a sudden.

"You remind me of Tony. You two could probably argue for hours if you found the right topic.", Clint smirked but Andy seemed to shy away even more, suddenly looking at the floor.

"I don't think we have much to talk about. Not that he'd care. ", she mumbled and Clint tensed up.

"Why would you think that?", he asked and Andy shrugged before looking up at him again.

It took her a few seconds to determine if she should tell Clint but eventually she replied:"Why should he? I'm me. I'm a freak of nature, a whore, a fuck toy. I never went to school, never got taught anything except for how to deep throat a bloke. All I know, I know from books that I read after I had to teach myself how to read. And he- he's a genius. Why would a single word out of my mouth ever matter to him"

Clint couldn't breath. Like literally couldn't take a breath. On the outside he probably looked pretty calm, he almost always did but inside it was mayhem.

The man could barely process all the girl had laid out before him, her awful self image, the abuse but also the fact that she was so hungry for knowledge that she taught herself how to read. But there was no time to think about all of that because she was waiting, waiting with her big dark eyes drilling into his head.

"Look, I don't know you very well. But I can tell from talking to you that you're very clever, something you have in common with Tony. And I also know that everything that happened to you until now wasn't your fault. So does Tony. Believe me when I say that he doesn't care that you didn't go to school, if you start to argue about the faulty shortcuts of human communication with him, he'll be delighted.", Clint replied gently.

"You think so?", Andy asked, sounding just a little bit hopeful.

"100 percent.", Clint smiled at her, praying that she believed him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insomniacs united

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a reference to sexual abuse in this and Clint is also recounting Andy's troubling behavior from the previous chapter.
> 
> I hope you like it and leave a review!

It was already past 10pm when Tony and Pepper returned from their board meeting and Tony was fuming. Mainly because the meeting had been a giant waste of time. Time that he could've spend with Andy. Instead he had to leave her with the two men who she was scared of most.

"How did it go?", he practically gasped out once he entered the living room where Clint and Steve were laying on the couch and eating pizza. "Where is she?", he asked when he couldn't spot Andy.

"She went to bed like an hour ago.", Clint replied not making a move while Steve sat up straighter.

"And how did it go?", Pepper asked, following Tony to sit down on the couch. Clint raised his eyebrows like he was contemplating how it went before shrugging slightly.

"Surprisingly well, do you want to hear the good or the bad news first?"

Tony smirked humorlessly. "There is good news?", he asked sarcastically and Pepper huffed annoyed. "Bad news first.", she replied.

"She's pretty fucked.", Clint stated.

"That isn't news, but so are you and so am I and Natasha.", Tony shot back and Clint narrowed his eyes at him while Pepper shoved him slightly with her elbow.

"Oh come on, we all know that you have some level of childhood trauma, it's pretty fucking obvious, whether you talk about it or not!", Tony tried to defend himself, only earning himself another exasperated groan from Pepper and glaring looks.

"Anyways. It's not something you and I have dealt with before. Yes there was some fucked up shit in my childhood but I always had at least a vague awareness that it was wrong. Andy doesn't have that. For her the abuse makes sense and she's just waiting for us to treat her the same way. Do you know what she called me? Her handler. And it didn't even occur to her that that wasn't normal. ", Clint explained with a seriousness that he wasn't used to from the archer.

Tony clenched his fists, trying to push down an incoming panic attack. "What else?", he asked through gritted teeth.

"I got the feeling that she thinks that we're testing her. She asked me what you wanted from her and even I said that you wanted her to be happy she thought that she was supposed to pretend to be happy. ", Clint added and Tony nodded. He had already noticed that the girl always asked him what she was supposed to do next.

"You said there are also good news?", Pepper asked and Clint nodded.

"She does things even though she's afraid of them, I'm pretty sure that I terrify her and she had a whole conversation with me. At least she isn't completely shutting down.", the younger man explained before adding:"And once we got to a topic she liked she really enjoyed talking and discussing it. I think if you show her that you're interested in her thoughts and opinions she'd love to talk about them."

"What was the topic?", Tony asked out of curiosity and Clint smirked.

"How describing a situation as good or better is an inadequate shortcut in our language and that reality doesn't exist as one definite thing. "

Tony raised his eyebrows in surprise to which Clint shrugged. "Her words, not mine. I'm telling you, she's clever. A bit cynical but that's not a surprise. And get this, nobody taught her how to read, she just taught herself."

Tony couldn't help but feel a bit of pride. Not that he contributed in any way, but still. He always thought that his best quality was his mind, at least she inherited something good from him.

"What can I do?", he heard himself ask.

"Fuck, Tony... ", Clint sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. "Talk to her, make it as clear as possible that you aren't ordering her around, that you won't punish her, that you care about her opinions and her feelings. And for the love of god, get her the best therapist you can find. She's gonna need it."

Tony's heart sank a little. "I know...", he sighed. He had thought about it already.

"It's just... I don't want her to think that I think that something is wrong about her or that she's a problem. She- she doesn't trust anyone. I want her to have a little bit of faith in this before suggesting it to her.", he explained and Clint raised his eyebrows.

"Then you should build that trust quickly. The sooner she gets started the better a shot she's got to become an actual person.", Clint replied with a shrug and Tony frowned.

"She already is a person.", Pepper stated angrily.

Clint gave her a look a weak smile, the male looked exhausted.

"I know that and you both know that, but I can promise you that she doesn't. ", Clint replied and it sounded like he was talking from experience.

Tony suddenly felt a twinge of worry for his friend. Clint never went into detail with his childhood but it couldn't have been sunshine and rainbows.

"Katniss, are you okay?", Tony asked as genuinely as he managed and Clint smirked.

"Yeah. I'll be alright. Also I'll go to sleep now.", Clint replied tiredly and stood up.

Steve who didn't say anything the whole time watched Clint with worry as he left.

"What do you think about all this capsicle?", Tony asked him once Clint had left.

Steve raised his eyebrows. " Tony, I avoided her the whole night because I'm terrified of doing something wrong. I have no idea how to treat her. "

"Yeah, thought so.", Tony only shook his head. The man didn't even know where to start.

~

Tony was stressed. And when he was stressed he wouldn't sleep, he'd work.

So that's what he did that night. After Pepper went to sleep he went into his workshop. He continued his search for Nancy and Andy's mystery mother. But it was pretty much impossible when he had almost no information to go by.

It were the early hours of the day when Tony heard soft footsteps coming in. The man just assumed that it was Pepper.

"I'm fine Pepper, just go back to sleep.", he mumbled, his eyes fixating on the screen. When Pepper didn't argue he turned around in his chair and faced Andy who stood a few feet away from him.

The girl was dressed in red pyjamas that Pepper bought her and her hair was standing up in all directions.

"Oh? Should I leave?", She asked, not sounding afraid but not as neutral as usual.

"No, no. It's fine. You can stay if you like. Take a seat. ", he hurried to say and pointed at another office chair, where Andy took a seat.

"Why are you up?", he dared to ask and Andy shrugged. "Can't sleep. ", she only said.

"Is it the room? I thought the bed would be a fix but if you need a smaller one-", he started to ramble but to his surprise Andy cut him off.

"It's not the room. The bed is great. It's just..."

"Nightmares.", Tony finished and Andy nodded as if that was obvious.

When Andy saw his questioning look she explained:" I figure your nightmares are about the chitauri invasion. It was only like a few months ago and you played the sacrifice move, threw yourself into a wormhole. If that isn't a valid reason for nightmares I don't know what is. "

"You know about that?", Tony only asked surprised and Andy smirked. "I didn't grow up in a literal cellar, okay? I still saw the news."

"Well, yeah. But you're right. The Invasion and also Afghanistan. And yours?", he confessed. Even though Tony knew that he had to trust in her in order to get her to trust him, it was still hard.

"Isn't it obvious?", Andy shrugged and let her eyes wander around the workshop until her eyes landed on Tony's screen.  
"What are you working on?", she asked curiously before sending him a glance that he couldn't quite label. "If it's okay to ask. "

"I'm trying to find your mother and Nancy. ", he answered and Andy nodded slowly before asking how the search was going.

"Quite shitty. Your aunt knows how to hide and your mother... we know nothing about her. There are a lot possible women, most of which I don't remember. I guess she's probably British but that isn't guaranteed and since we don't even know in what year you're born it's like looking for a needle in a haystack.", Tony sighed before stroking his hands through his hair. "At times like this I wish that I had fucked around a bit less.", he said more to himself.

To his surprise Andy smirked. "I bet I fucked more than you.", she pointed out and Tony's blood ran cold. When his wide eyes finally focused on Andy's smirking face she raised an eyebrow.

"You should laugh, I made a joke.", the girl stated like it was absolutely normal to joke about something like this.

"Andy...", Tony whispered horrified but Andy only rolled with her eyes. "I'm kidding. I don't expect you to find this funny. I'm aware that my brand of humor is disturbing to most. "

Tony was speechless. Tony fucking Stark, speechless. When he didn't say anything for a while Andy changed the subject. "If you find my mum, will you give me back to her?", she asked nonchalantly.

This was better, this was easy. "No fucking way.", he replied and Andy raised her eyebrows once again. "Why are you searching her then?", she asked and even if she looked laid back Tony wasn't buying it completely.

"Mainly to find out who you are, when you were born. Stuff like that. But I'd also like to give that mystery woman a piece of my mind for sending you to Nancy. I mean, maybe she couldn't take care of you herself, maybe she didn't know who the father was, whatever! But she could've given you child services, not that monster of a person!", he spat. Tony gave his best to control his anger, kept it bubbling just underneath the surface.

"You're angry.", Andy pointed out, sounding a bit surprised. Shit.  
Tony nodded slowly, trying to conceal his boiling rage.

"But not at me?", Andy asked, like she was just trying to be sure.

"No. I'm angry that you were treated this way. That I wasn't there to help.", he replied, calmer now and Andy narrowed her eyes at him, cocking her head to the side.

When she didn't say anything more Tony chose to change the subject.

"So, how was hanging out with Clint?", he asked her curiously.

"Manageable. ", the girl shrugged. This wasn't a surprise or anything.

"He told me that you were much calmer this time around.", Tony pointed out.

"I'm still afraid of him, if that's what you're asking. Or wary would probably be a better term. I'm just more in control this time. ", she replied, surprising Tony with her honesty.

"You can just confess that?", Tony asked with raised eyebrows and once again Andy shrugged. That seemed to be all that she was doing.

"Clint said that you wanted me to be honest. And that's honestly easier than trying to figure out what you want to hear in every specific situation. ", the girl explained and Tony huffed in response.

She was tiptoeing around him before, now she was being honest, which was good. But she still didn't do it because she wanted to but because she wanted to please Tony. They'd have to work on that.

"So, are you afraid of all of us?", Tony dared to question and Andy stayed silent for a while, thinking about the question.

"I don't like to call myself afraid. Fear sounds so irrational. I'm wary of you. That is entirely based on experience and logic. It's instinctive. I'm aware that my experience is different from those of most people my age. I acknowledge that my instincts might seem mislead. But they kept me alive, and they're my instincts, it's hard to ignore them.", Andy replied after a while.

Tony was once again both amazed and terrified by how neutral and unbothered Andy sounded. The Male didn't know what to say, how to respond. He just opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, suddenly the words just spilled out:

"We don't expect you to ignore them. But it should be nice if you could try, just try to have a little bit trust in us. Doesn't have to be now or tomorrow, or in the next days. We have time.  
It's just, not being able to trust anyone is exhausting, I know."

He thought of Obediha, ripping the arc reactor out of his chest while grinning at him and he shivered.

"I don't think that I'll be able to go back to sleep. Do you mind if I stay here with you? I won't bother you, I promise.", Andy suddenly asked as if she hadn't heard Tony's words at all.

"Sure. There's a couch over there in case you do fall asleep.", he replied and Andy nodded walking over to the leather couch where she curled up while Tony resumed his work.

He could still feel her eyes on him but didn't say anything.

Then, :"Tinman?"

"Yes, Poppins?", Tony smirked slightly, turning to face her. She looked so small, so young, curled up like this, her head resting on her knees.

"I'll try.", she simply said and Tony nodded with a smile. "That's all I can ask for. "


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy gets a make over and more father/ daughter time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: death and rape but it's very brief and not graphic. It's written in cursive if you want to skip it.
> 
> Also I'm sorry for the longer wait. But at least you're getting a longer chapter.
> 
> I hope you like it and leave a review.

Andy woke up in Tony's workshop, curled up on the couch, a blanket covering her that wasn't there before.

She was surprised that she fell asleep at all and that nightmares didn't wake her up again. She could still vividly remember the dream that woke her up initially.

_Hot air, wrists and ankles tied, her mouth gagged and her face pressed into the mattress. A dead weight on top of her, crushing her for hours._

_The man wasn't asleep. She could tell by the smell that crept up after the first 10 hours. She couldn't move, couldn't escape. She'd die here starve, covered in her own waste with the corpse of a John on top of her._

Andy felt sick at the memory, shivering violently. The you girl couldn't stand to be in her own skin at that moment, wanted to claw her way out of it.

She didn't even notice the shift. Didn't notice that her pyjamas were a bit too small, too short now. Didn't notice her own height and that the feeling of her thick curls on her shoulders was missing. 

Andy just got up and left the workshop, walking to the kitchen. It was morning and several of the Avengers were sitting by the dinner table, eating breakfast. 

They all froze up when they saw Andy and so did she before slowly saying:"Morning?"

"Andy?", Pepper asked shocked and Andy shrugged. "Ya? Who else were you expecting?"

"It's just... you look so different.", Tony pointed out and the girl frowned. "I do? I haven't looked in a mirror yet."

She looked down at herself and only now realized that she was a lot taller than usual. Maybe 5'11 and also muscular, not excessively so but more than usual.

She stepped back and looked at her reflection in the glass of the oven. 

Her facial features didn't change as much, they were still very sharp with big eyes. But her eyes were blue, her skin was a bit more tanned and her hair was the biggest change, short, silky straight blond hair. Interesting.

"I can change back if you want?", Andy quickly suggested, looking back at the others. This had to be pretty disturbing to them. _She was such a fucking freak-_

"No, it's fine, if that's what you feel like. ", Tony quickly said, sensing her thought process. "Pancakes?", he then asked and Andy nodded before sitting down between Tony and Pepper, a cross from Bruce.

"Do you mind if we ask what sparked this change?", Clint asked carefully after she stardet to eat her first pancake.

"I guess I didn't feel like being me right now.", Andy shrugged and Tony smirked slightly. 

"So you turned into a female version of Cap?", he asked and an excited tension went through the room. Like everyone was waiting to see how she'd react. 

Andy looked at Steve who stared at her like a deer caught in headlights. The similarities were definitely there.

"I guess so!", Andy smirked and everybody relaxed, including Steve. "Maybe because you're so big and strong and itsy bitsy me thought:' I wonder what that's like?'"

Steve gave her a shy smile and Andy returned her attention to her food.

The awkward silence continued while they ate her food and Andy contemplated if it was too risky to mention it. 

She was told to be honest but maybe bringing it up would be overstepping a line. 

That was the issue, Andy didn't know where the fucking line was because nobody would tell her. She'd have to find out herself, even if it got her in trouble. 

"Can I ask something of you?", she asked and got some surprised looks. 

"Of course.", Tony nodded as he's Andy bit her lip nervously.

"Please relax. Ever since I entered this room it feels like you're all holding your breath. I'm not a bomb or a raw egg. I don't plan on making a scene this early in the day.", she confessed and waited to be shouted at. 

To her surprise Tony smiled at her gently and nodded. "Of course. It'll just take some getting used to."

After that the Avengers picked up their conversation again and Andy tried to go on autopilot. What she didn't saw coming was that the others would try to include her in the conversation. Normally people just talked over her.

When Tony gave her a look like he was waiting for an answer Andy quietly confessed that she wasn't listening. _Stubid! Stupid and reckless and-_

"That's fine. I was just asking if you'd like to shop for clothes since you don't have any.", he repeated and Andy shook her head. 

"I'm fine. You really don't have to do this.", she returned in a hurry but Tony smirked at her. 

"Yes I do have to do this. You should have clothes you like that you feel comfortable in. And we should probably buy everything in different sizes because of your shifts. Do you even need to try on clothes? Or do you just make your body fit into them-", Tony rambled while Andy suddenly had an awful thought.

What if Tony watched her change and undress while trying on clothes. "Can I shop with a woman?", the words were out before she could stop them. _Fucking stupid, fu-_

"Sure.", Tony shrugged like it was no big deal and Andy put her internal rage on hold."Pepper, would you-?", he asked the woman who already took out her phone, checking her appointments.

"Today's not good... but I can move some things around tomorrow ? ", she suggested and Andy quickly shook her head. 

"It's fine. We don't need to shop. I don't want to be a burden.", she returned quickly but Tony wasn't having any of it. 

"Don't worry. You aren't a burden.", He spoke softly before turning his attention to Clint.

"Isn't Nat coming back today? Maybe she could take her later?", he suggested and Clint nodded.

"Yah, I think so. I'll ask her.", Clint replied and Tony turned back towards Andy. "Would that be alright?"

"Sure.", Andy said a bit too sharp. The girl wanted to end the conversation as quickly as possible so that the attention wouldn't focus on her anymore. 

It didn't go past her that the adults switched worried looks before changing the subject to something Andy didn't have to participate in.

~

After breakfast Tony asked the girl if she'd mind hanging out with him until Nat returned. 

Andy shrugged in her regular submissive way, that Tony still found worrying. 

That's why he was so surprised when she asked if she could have a mirror. 

So that's how they ended up at Tony's workshop again. He was working on improving his new suit while pretending to not stare at Andy. 

After watching her stare at herself in the mirror for half an hour his curiosity got the best of him. "What are thou looking for?", he asked and Andy flinched like she forgot that he was there.

"I'm trying to pick a new face.", she replied and Tony refused an eyebrow. "Not happy with your current face?", he asked and the girl shrugged.

"Nothing against Steve but I don't want to look like him. It doesn't feel right. But neither does my regular appearance so I have to come up with a new one. ", she then explained, keeping her eyes towards the ground before carefully asking if that's okay. 

Fuck. "Only if you get creative with it. Do anything you want, show me your ideas!", he replied with a grin, trying to cheer her up. At least she was looking at him now.

"Anything?", she asked and Tony returned:"Anything. Start with your hair. What were you thinking?"

"I-I like the curls but I feel like it should be shorter.", she said hesitantly while her short blond hair grew back into her wild dark curls. They stopped growing right beneath her chin, not even reaching her shoulders.  "And I thought,  maybe a different color?", she said but it sounded like a question. 

"Great! Have you tried something drastic before like pink or red or green?", he asked her and she raised an eyebrow. 

"Have you?", Andy returned and Tony head to smile at the memory. 

"When I was 15. I dyed my hair blue to annoy my dad.", he told her. "He was so pissed and in hindsight I looked like a smurf shit on my head."

Andy dared to smirk slightly before turning her attention back to the mirror. Tony watched as the tips of her hair turned purple then red and lastly pastel pink.

"Does it look okay?", she asked and Tony nodded with a smile. "It looks badass.", he remarked and Andy gave him a small smile. 

"Next feature!", Tony announced. 

That's how they worked through her whole appearance. In the end and was 5'7 tall, with pale slightly tanned skin, a slim but not meager frame, her face still had pretty sharp features, with defined cheekbones, full lips and big eyes. Freckles were sprinkled across her nose and cheeks. Her eyes changed back to their natural dark color.

"Wanna keep the eyes?", he asked, standing behind her and looking at her from the mirror. 

"Yes.", she nodded before turning her head to really look at Tony. "Because they look like yours!", she then added with a cheeky grin that made it clear that she was being sappy on purpose. Tony was touched none the less.

"Stop it you ol' sap.", he smirked at her and instinctively ruffled through her hair. The minute he touched her he realized his mistake. She didn't flinch but went tense for a second before becoming limb, like she forced herself to relax. Her eyes were distant. 

"I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking.", Tony said, quickly pulling his hand back like he had burned himself. 

She looked a bit more lively right away and sat up straight again.

"It's fine. I don't mind. ", she shrugged, no looking at him. Tony rolled with his eyes before spinning her chair around so that she'd face him before kneeling down in front of her, trying to get her to look at him.

"Bullshit. You clearly do. And that's fine. It's your body and you get to decide what happens to it. Do you understand? "

Andy looked at him for a long time but her eyes were distant, she was thinking, processing. Tony wouldn't interrupt that.

Then, after a couple of minutes her eyes focused on him again. "No...", she whispered and Tony wanted to throw something. 

Andy seemed to sense his anger and quickly tried to elaborate. "Kind of. I logically know that it's my body and all that jazz. I'm not stupid. But that's only in theory. The reality is that this-", she made a general gesture towards her body. "- has never been mine. I feel as entitled to decide over my body as you do."

Tony was baffled by how introspective Andy was about herself. God knows, she didn't get that virtue from him.

But her words still broke his heart a little more. Tony knew what it felt like to know that something is wrong with you but being unable to change it. 

His mind went to his own father, his constant anger and disappointment. His violent words that ingrained a feeling of inadequacy in Tony for as long as he could think. 

Tony himself knew that it wasn't true, that he was anything but average. But it's just like Andy said. He knows that in theory. It doesn't change the crippling doubt and anxiety that is a constant in his life.

The male didn't even know what to tell the young girl. He hadn't found a solution for it himself yet. 

"You're searching for the right words.", Andy stated and Tony nodded slightly.

"Don't say what's right. Say what's honest. ", she then ordered and Tony took a deep breath. 

"I don't know how to help you. I don't even know how to help myself.", he confessed and Andy nodded like she expected that. 

"Don't beat yourself up over this. I'm not one of your machines. It's not your job to fix me.", she said softly.

"But I appreciate that you want to give me a choice. No one has ever done that. ", she smiled slightly before carefully raising her hand and putting it into Tony's. They both stared at their hands for a while. 

Her fingers were long and elegant, like Tony's. Hands that were made to create. 

After a few moments Tony closed his hand around hers and looked up at her. "Is that okay?", he asked carefully and Andy nodded. She didn't seem absent like before. A good sign. 

"Yes. I think it's good.", she nodded, holding his hand a little tighter. "I'm good.", she smiled, looking up at Tony. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A prostitute and an assassin walk into a café, no punchline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long and I'm sorry. I was working on other ideas. Btw, would any of you be interested in reading something original from me? 
> 
> Anyways, There is something resembling a panic attack in this but it's not that rough. 
> 
> Also there is Russian, not a trigger warning, just a translation:
> 
> Блять = fuck me  
> Боже мой = my God  
> Я знаю = I know
> 
> As always, please leave a review, they make my day!

If there was one thing that could've convinced Natasha that Tony wasn't Andy's father after all it was how silent she was. Not a Tony-thing at all.

Clint had already warned Nat about the newest member to the Stark family and had also given her a rundown of the girl's background. 

When she was asked to take her shopping it was a no brainer. Natasha was curious about the little Stark but that wasn't the only reason. There was also a certain familiarity. Something about the girl's upbringing reminded her of her own childhood that she'd rather avoid thinking about.

For the first 30 minutes of their shopping trip it was practically impossible to get her to say anything more than hummed responses. She'd just stare out the window of their car.

Andy might look relaxed to the untrained eye but Natasha wasn't untrained. The girl was a good actor, she had none of the regular giveaways but the tension was still there. Natasha was impressed none the less. If she hadn't been told to keep a close eye on her she would've just assumed that Andy was a regular moody teen.

Since the girl didn't voice a preference in stores Natasha decided to take her to urban outfitters. 

Once they were in the store Natasha was fascinated to watch Andy's behavior. While she was pleased to see the girl picking items left and right without being told to do so she also noticed that Andy constantly scanned her surroundings, not for clothes but for threats.

Natasha could tell the difference. High alert was written all over her body. Andy was like a soldier and this silly store was her battle ground. 

Natasha felt a twinge of sympathy for Andy. She knew that she wasn't any better when it came to relaxing but at least Nat could defend herself in case anything did happen. Andy was just constantly on edge without anything she could do about it. 

Once she had gathered a considerable amount of clothes Andy disappeared into one of the changing rooms while Nat waited outside. 

After a few minutes the young girl stepped out dressed in black jeans, a loose button up with a flowery print and a wide denim jacket. Her face was neutral when she asked:"Does it look okay?" It was the first full sentence she had said so far. 

"Well, you tell me! How do you feel?", Natasha asked her and Andy turned to face a mirror. It didn't go past Nat how the girl rolled with her eyes. 

Once she looked at herself she clocked her head to one side, slightly biting her bottom lip.

"Something is bothering you. Spit it out.", Natasha demanded after a few minutes of silence. 

Andy glanced at Natasha through the mirror before slightly wrapping her arms around her body like she was trying to protect herself. 

"You guys are very frustrating... Can't you just tell me what you want me to wear?", she confessed and Natasha's eyebrows shot up. 

"Why would I do that? Aren't you capable of thinking for yourself?", Natasha shot back, maybe sounding a bit sharper than intended.

Now it was Andy's turn to turn around and frown at Natasha with crossed arms. 

"Thinking isn't the problem. It's all I've been doing for years, my thoughts are the only thing that's mine.", she snapped back. Natasha was intrigued by the stubborn tone of her words. 

"Then what is the problem?", Natasha asked and Andy didn't even have to be encouraged to snap back. 

"You don't want me to think, you want me to feel and want things for myself when I have no idea how to do that!", she spat, all worked up all of a sudden. 

"Andy.", Natasha said in an effort to try to calm her down but her frustration seemed to burst out of Andy violently now.

"I don't know, okay?! I don't know if I like this outfit or if I look okay or if it's okay for someone to touch me or if I'm okay with going out with you or being alone or not being alone or doing anything. Idon'tknowIdon'tknow I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO BE A PERSON!", she finally screamed at Natasha, her breathing heavy, eyes unfocused. 

Then, once she realized what she had done her eyes widened and she stumbled backwards. ""Oh God...Oh god I'm sorry... I'm sorry-", she whimpered as she hit the mirror behind her and sunk down to the floor. 

"I didn't mean to yell, I'm sorry- I- -please don't hurt me please-",  
The girl had completely curled in on herself, still trembling and covering her head with her hands like she was bracing herself for an attack. 

Natasha was completely stunned by the emotional outburst. Блять. The woman had no idea what to do, how to comfort her. Touching her probably wasn't a good idea. Fuck. 

Natasha kneeled down in front of the girl and said as softly as possible. "It's okay Andy. I'm not mad at you for yelling. I won't hurt you, okay? You did nothing wrong. "

When Andy still didn't make a move Natasha decided that it was time to get out the big guns. "I know what you feel like, it's okay.", she said and this time a little stir went through the girl. 

"How would you?", she asked still curled up. Natasha sighed and clenched her hands for a second. God she hated talking about this.

"I'll tell you something dark and personal now. I don't usually do that so you should feel very lucky.", she started before taking another deep breath. 

"I don't go into much detail for my own sake but believe me when I say that I was raised into something beyond my control as well. I was brainwashed and trained from a young age, to be a thing, a weapon. I won't pretend to understand everything you went through but I do know what it feels like to be used. Not in the same way as you, but still. I know what it feels like to be a thing and not a person. And it's tempting, it really is because being a person is so fucking hard. But it's worth it."

Nat was surprised when Andy raised her head at that. Natasha had assumed that the girl had cried but Andy's face was dry, her expression neutral, an almost perfect mask if it weren't for her pleading eyes. 

"But how do I become a person?", she asked softly. 

"You start by making decisions for yourself, even if you aren't sure, even if it's just small things. Like choosing an outfit. It'll give you a feeling of control. We also have to work on your relationship to your body but that's for later.", she explained as she got up again and held out her hand to help up Andy. 

Nat didn't really think about it and only noticed when Andy gave her hand a sharp look before getting up on her own.

"What wrong with my relationship to my body? ", she asked rubbing her hands against her thighs before crossing her arms again. It's like the last few minutes had never happened. For someone who had seemed to have no concept of freedom or control over her life Andy had an incredible control over her emotions. 

She'd be a good agent. The thought was only there for a second before Natasha could violently scratch it out. She was a child, a child that needed safety and normalcy.

"Earlier you said that your thoughts are the only thing that's yours. While it's good that your mind has stayed so independent it's important that you learn that your body is also yours. That you can decide what happens to it. But as I said, that's for another day. Now I only want you to decide if you want this outfit or not.", she explained and Andy nodded slightly, returning her attention to the mirror. 

"I'll take it.", she said after a minute and shot Natasha a questioning look. 

"Why?", Natasha asked. She just wanted to be sure that Andy didn't just try to get it over with. 

"It's aesthetically pleasing, I think, it's comfortable too.", she said a little more confident and Natasha smiled slightly.

" Then we'll take it. Next one!", she exclaimed and when Andy disappeared in the changing room again Nat could've sworn that she saw a slight smile tug at the girls lips. 

~

After about 2 hours they had gathered enough clothes and shoes to have a decent wardrobe and towards the end Andy seemed to enjoy herself a little. It's also worth noting that the girl had a very distinct taste.

Afterwards they called Happy and threw the shopping bags into the car before searching for a cafe to get som snacks.

They eventually picked a quiet coffee house that had few customers since big crowds might pose an issue. 

There Nat got a black coffee while Andy ordered hot chocolate.  
"Wanna share a chocolate cake?", Natasha asked as she skimmed the menu.

"Sure.", Andy shrugged and the waiter hurried away.

"So how do you like New York so far?", Natasha asked while they waited for their order. 

"The jury is still out on that one. It's not like I've seen a whole lot of it. The tower, the hotel I was in before and a whole lot of dick.", she counted casually and Nat raised her eyebrows.

" Боже мой, Andy...", she sighed rubbing her face with her hand and Andy shrugged slightly before their order arrived.

"You speak Russian.", Andy pointed out once the waiter was gone and she had taken a sip of her drink. 

"Well I'm not named Romanoff for nothing. How'd you know that it's Russian?", Natasha asked before taking a bite of their chocolate cake.

"I speak a little, though my accent is horrendous. I understand it pretty well, though. ", she shrugged and Natasha gave her a surprised look. 

"Who taught you?", she asked impressed. Clint had told her that Andy never even went to school and taught herself how to read but learning Russian by herself was something else. 

"I feel like that's the sort of thing I shouldn't talk about. ", Andy only replied and now Natasha was really intrigued. 

"Why not?", she asked and Andy diverted her eyes before answering slowly. 

"It's one of those things that all of you'll find awful and I'll tell you and you'll tell Tony and I don't know if I want all the pity.", she explained still not looking at Nat.

"Why would yiu think that I'll tell Tony?", Nat asked and Andy's eyes shot towards her. 

"Oh come on...", she smirked. "Do you think that I haven't noticed that whenever I tell one of you something all of you know it. I wouldn't be surprised if you had a group chat with updates about me."

"That might be true, that we talk about you, not the group chat part. But if you tell me something in secret I won't tell him. ", Nat responded. She got the feeling that the girl didn't have a lot of privacy since her arrival. 

"Why should I believe you. Aren't you a spy, a professional liar?", Andy chuckled slightly. 

"Aren't you, too? Prostitutes are liars too.", the words were out before she thought about who she was talking to. A kid, a 17 year old traumatized kid that was forced into prostitution. Fuck. 

Natasha was all the more shocked when after a moment of stunned silence Andy started to chuckle, no, laugh genuinely no bitterness. 

"Wow, fuck you... low blow.", she said after calming down again. 

"You have a strange humor kid.",Natasha said changing her head. 

"Я знаю.", Andy replied in a rough accent.

"Come on. Who taught you? I promise not tell anyone. A promise between liars.", Nat tried again and this time Andy agreed.

"It was a customer. Iwan. He was a regular for a few years and I spend a lot of time with him, he only spoke Russian so I learned a bit.", she explained, serious again.

"I know that this will sound awful. Like, Stockholm-Syndrom-awful, but I liked my time with him. He was gentle, nice. He never hurt me. I'm not sure if he knew that I was a child. I always looked like a woman when we met. 

He was no monster, just a guy paying for vanilla sex. You called prostitutes professional liars and you're right. I'm a damn good liar. I don't think he knew what was really going on.", the girl finished and something about how she explained it made Natasha almost glad, in a sad way. 

Glad that it wasn't all horrible, that Andy knew some form of kindness even if it wasn't nearly enough. But also glad that the girl seemed to be aware that what had been done to her was wrong.

"Will you tell Tony about this?", Andy asked after a few minutes of silence. The girl didn't seem overly emotional at the prospect of him finding out, she didn't plead with Nat. Just watched her with observing eyes to see how she'd respond.

"I'll probably tell him about the what we talked about at the store, because he should know about that as your father and since I want to get his approval when I try anything with you in the future. But this here? This stays between us.", she replied and Andy raised an eyebrow as if she wasn't really convinced.

"A promise between liars?", Natasha tried to encourage her with a grin and eventually Andy cracked.

"Alright. A promise between liars."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha: exercise is good for you  
> Andy:*spends half the day at the gym, obsessively exercising*  
> Natasha: Fuck, she's Tony's kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT! 1000 hits! I can't believe that I got that far with this little idea I had 3 months ago. I'm so thankful for everyone who takes an interest in my writing and I have to give a special thank you to the readers who leave kudos and also @_Lightning_ and @Sebcstianstan for always leaving reviews. It really means a lot to me
> 
> Okay, there is a bit of a time jump in this one, mainly to move Andy's recovery along a bit faster, I know that it isn't completely realistic but I need her to be bit better for the next plot point. 
> 
> Also this chapter is super fluffy, savor it, it won't stay this way for long. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: mentions of sexual abuse and child abuse (not graphic).

In the next weeks Andy got something resembling a routine. She had those before, but she had to admit that her routine at the Avengers Tower was much more pleasant. Manageable but dare she say, _better_.

She ate breakfast with at least one of the Avengers. Most of the time it was Tony or Pepper or Natasha.

Sometimes Bruce would attempt to cook for her (he was a menace in the kitchen).

Clint didn't even try to cook and would either order something or take Andy to the nearest café when she was up to it.

If she was 'up to it' had something to do with 'wanting'. Something Andy was still trying to learn.

Asking for things was and still is really hard on her. But when Tony wasn't mad after she asked if they could go book shopping or when Pepper didn't mind staying in her room one night after Andy woke up screaming, Andy started to entertain the thought that maybe, just maybe, it was okay to _ask_ , to _want_.

Apparently wanting things also included making decision, like if she wanted to go to a cafe with Clint or not and for the most part Andy tried to not think too much about it because it just freaked her out. 

After the first time she got a sense of 'okay'. Clint was 'okay'. He offered her to make decisions, he liked to hear her talk, he never got close to touching her and after the first few times he got pretty good at figuring out when Andy was making a joke. He laughed, he didn't make her feel like she was a tragedy.

Still, she wouldn't say that she trusted him, or anyone for that matter. That was too dangerous.  But after a few weeks she could slot most of the avengers into the 'okay' category. 

Steve was different, an unknown factor, he was still in the 'uncertain' category because he always kept away from the girl. 

Tony and Natash were harder to place. She didn't trust them, not really, but she _liked_ them. That was a first, she didn't have a category for that yet. 

People always fit into her three categories until now.  New people were always 'uncertain' but they didn't stay that way for long. Few were 'okay'. Ivan had been 'okay'. 

Most turned out to be 'malicious'. Sometimes people seemed 'okay' but eventually turned out 'malicious' anyways. 

Andy was contemplating making a new category for Nat and Tony. Something like 'comfortable'. Because they were, as comfortable as people could be. 

She could almost relax when she was reading in Tony's workshop while he was working, only had to think twice before asking him for something. Andy sometimes even found herself reaching out for him, carefully taking his hand, and when she didn't want to anymore he always let go. 

Natasha was comfortable in a different way. She was fiery, demanding, she didn't cradle Andy like the others did most of the time.  

For starters Natasha made her do sports. Something Andy had never done before. It was dreadful.

"You know I can manipulate my muscles, make them really strong, not super human but as strong as humanly possibly. I really don't need this...", she wheezed after 30 minutes on the treadmill.

"That might be the case but your endurance is shit.", Nat pointed out, throwing Andy a bottle of water.

Andy rolled with her eyes as she drank it before quietly adding:"I had a 24 hour sex marathon once,  my endurance can't be that bad."

To her delight Natasha smirked slightly. Her and Barton were the only ones that had picked up on Andy's humor so far. They could tell when Andy was trying to make a joke or when she was sharing something dark. 

Tony could tell the difference too, the man had his own weird sense of self deprecating and self congratulatory humor. Maybe she had inherited that from him.

But Tony also had a very expressive face. A disadvantage really. His sad eyes gave him away when he smirked.

"What is the point in this anyways? It's not like I'm planning to join a track team any time soon.", she groaned before laying down on the floor, spreading her limbs like a starfish.

"The point is for you to get out of your head and into your body. Use it, claim it, make it your own!", she exclaimed and hauled Andy to her feet again. 

"It's mine. I claimed it. Can we stop now.", Andy groaned half heartedly but Natasha wouldn't budge.

"You're not getting out of this that easily. Come one, another mile. ", she barked as Andy started to jog again.

"You're a really shitty motivational speaker.", Andy mumbled but continued to work out.

Strangely enough, Natasha seemed to be onto something. The training was exhausting, Natasha would keep her in the gym for hours every day but somehow that helped. 

At the end of the day Andy would feel completely worn out but also slightly accomplished. Her body was sore but nobody had done this to her. She did this herself, to her body,  _for her body._

So she started to work out more and more. 2 hours, 3, 4, 7. Until one day Natasha didn't take her to the gym but to a bathroom instead.

"Aren't we training today?", she asked looking around the spacious bathroom. It was covered in beige and golden tiles with a large strange bathtub in the middle. It was round and split into two separate tubs like the ying-yang symbol.

"Nope. I've noticed that you're a bit obsessive in your behaviour. Probably for that from your dad. It's nothing major but I wanted to try something else today. Behind that door is a bathing suit. You can change into it if you want, if you're comfortable.", Natasha explained before starting to unpack a bunch of candles.

Andy was frozen on her spot. "What are we doing?!", she asked through gritted teeth, panic clawing at her throat and Nat gave her a sympathetic look.

"A spa day, well take baths, listen to some music, relaxed our sore muscles, stuff like that. I figured that being naked is out of question so I got you something to wear. You can refuse if you don't feel ready. I won't be mad. ", Natasha clarified and Andy nodded slowly before walking to the door that Nat had pointed at before.

The bathing suit was black and quite modest, covering almost her whole thighs, her shoulders and the collar went up to her throat.

She could do this. Natasha hadn't been wrong so far.  _Andy could do this. Andy could be better._

~

It was _nice_. Bathing was so fucking nice that Andy wanted to sob.

She had taken baths before, baths where the water was cold and Nancy would thrust her head under the water to wash her hair, where she'd get scrubbed until her skin felt raw.

But this, surrounded by the smell of vanilla, the only light coming from dozens of candles, soft Russian music playing in the background, her whole body engulfed by the pleasant warmth of the water, it was something else.

Natasha was laying in the other tub, facing her, her head resting on the edge of her tub, her eyes closed.

'Clint and I like to have spa days together as well.', Natasha explained when Andy asked why they had such a strange separated tub. It was perfect for Andy. This way, Nat couldn't even accidentally touch her, she was safe.

Andy wanted to cry, it was so soothing. An overwhelming feeling bubbled up inside her, something warm and bright and terrifying.

"Andy? Are you okay? Do you want to stop?", Natasha asked quietly, concern in her tone.

The young girl hadn't even noticed the tears that were streaming down her face but once she opened her mouth a sob came out and Natasha sat up quickly, worry written across her face. "Andy?", she seemed alarmed but trying to keep a steady tone.

Any started to rub at her eyes, still sobbing but also laughing now. "It's fine, really. I'm fine. Better than fine actually...", she admitted, still crying but also smiling at Natasha now. 

She wasn't too sure of it, how could she be, but she felt _something,_ something  _good._ Could it be that this was what it felt like...

"I'm just really happy right now...", she whispered as the realization hit her which only caused her to cry more.

It was okay, though. Tony said that crying was okay. So she didn't worry about it and only tried to enjoy the bath. 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony: *holding Andy* I didn’t understand why people care so much about dumb kids until I got a dumb kid myself. But if anything happened to her, I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was originally part of one huge monster chapter, but it just got so fucking long, and then I wanted to change a few things so now this is a part one. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: descriptions of sexual abuse and rape (it's written in cursive and you can skip it) 
> 
> As always I hope that you enjoy and leave a review!

It was strange, having a daughter was so fucking strange but Tony also couldn't stop marveling at her every day. 

For three months Tony woke up every day, not automatically remembering that he's a father now.

That he had a child that went through so fucking much that he still didn't know about. A child that he still couldn't hug, that still barely got a full night of sleep, that probably waited for someone to lash out, to hurt her.

And every day he's astonished to see Andy get up and do something, anything, even if she's terrified. 

Like going out to eat or picking her own clothes or initiating touch. 

Tony Stark never wanted to be a father, never thought that he could love a child without breaking it. His robots were his children, because he could fix them when something broke. Humans couldn't be fixed as easily. 

Tony Stark never wanted to be a father, but fuck, did he love Andy. He loved to make her laugh, loved to see her curled up on one of the chairs in his workshop, loved it when she fell asleep on the couch when they watched a movie because that ment that she was  _comfortable._ That she  _trusted_ him. Even just a little bit.

And he was so fucking worried, everytime she woke up screaming in the room next door, every time her eyes went wide with fear when she dropped something, every time he saw her scan their surroundings, mentally cataloguing every possible threat.

It was fucking overwhelming and Tony wasn't always sure if he could handle it.

"Is thit what it feels like, to be a dad?", he once quietly asked Pepper. It were the early hours of the morning and they had both woken up to Andy's screams.

A nightmare, as usual. It took Tony an hour to get Andy back to sleep. 

Now he was laying in his bed again, his arms wrapped around Pepper, her hand gently going through his hair. 

"I suppose so.", Pepper said gently and he tightened his hug a little.

"I don't know if I can do this. ", Tony confessed. It had become one of his biggest fears. Not being enough.

"You're the only one who can do this. ", Pepper replied, her voice determined and Tony believed her, even if just for a second. 

~

After the first month it became pretty impossible to hide the fact that Tony had a child from SHIELD. So they told Coulson. 

They needed to get SHIELD involved anyways. The search for the girls aunt was still leading nowhere and also they needed to get papers for her, make her a real person in the eyes of the state. SHIELD helped with that. 

If course the agency was interested in Andy's unique powers but Tony just flipped them off once they started asking questions concerning her mutation. SHIELD was useful but Tony would never trust it. 

Things were going great, as great as they could in their particular case. 

But of course, for a Stark, life can never be too good fo too long. A rude awakening awaited all of them on one Friday morning. It was almost December and two days ago it had started to snow slightly. It was still snowing when Pepper looked through their mail. (Honestly, who still sends letters?).

The rest of the Avengers had just started their breakfast. Andy was probably still asleep, she liked to sleep in late when she actually managed to sleep. 

Suddenly Pepper gasped slightly, dropping all the other letters, only holding one. 

"Pep, is everything okay?", Tony asked slightly alarmed.

"This letter is addressed to Candy Stark.", Peper whispered, holding up the letter to show the rest of the Avengers.

Tony's blood ran cold. Candy. There was only one person they knew that called his daughter that. And except for S.H.I.E.L.D and the Avengers, there was only one person that knew where Andy lived. 

"Nancy...", Tony whispered. Suddenly he was terrified, he wasn't exactly sure why, Andy was safe. But he could still feel the panic clawing at his throat, making it hard to breath. 

He took the letter from Pepper and opened it, the rest of the Avengers gathering around him. 

It was a stack of cards, the first was completely white except a few black words typed in the middle of it. 

_Friday, 8pm, the hotel, bring 2 million in cash, N._

The message was chilling enough but nothing could've ever prepared Tony for what followed. The rest of the stack were photographs.

_Andy, chained to a bed, naked and looking unconscious._

_Andy with a spreader bar between her legs, on her knees, her arms tied behind her back. Her face was pressed into the floor, her ass facing the camera with a grotesque pink butt plug sticking out._

The pictures went on and one,  _Andy penetrated by two men, Andy deepthroating a cock, Andy laying on a bed with several men jacking off on her._

By the time they were finished Pepper was crying silently. Natasha and Steve looked pretty fucking murderous and Clint had to rush Bruce away before he hulked out.

Tony slowly put down the stack, his hands shaking. "Andy can't find out about this. ", he stated calmly. How the fuck he was able to sound calm was a mystery to himself. 

Especial when everything inside him was screaming bloody murder.

"What can't I find out about?", Andy suddenly asked, standing in the door to the kitchen. 

For a split second Tony took in her outfit, like every morning. Black bell-buttoms and a tight pink turtle neck with white stripes that matched her pink hair tips. 

Tony was suddenly struck by how different she looked compared to when she got here. Stronger, more confident, daring to be herself. His brain refused to make a connection to the girl on the pictures.

"Why are you all staring at me like you've seen a ghost?", she smirked nervously before her eyes fell on the stack of pictures. 

The girl went completely still, clenching her fists before suddenly charging forward and grabbing the stack from Tony.

He was so shocked by her hands on his that he didn't manage to stop her. 

"Andy don't-", Natasha said but Andy silenced her with her hand before starting to look through the pictures.

Tony expected crying, trembling, something. But Andy just studied the pictures methodically, her expression serious, concentrated. 

After a few minutes she put the stack down and faced the others again. 

"Andy...", Pepper said softly and but the girls face stayed completely neutral. Tony hated seeing her like this, it ment that she was hiding something. 

"It's fine. I'll go.", she shrugged and Tony glared at her.

"The hell, you're not going anywhere!", he yelled horrified, how could she even think about that. 

Andy sighed softly, not nearly as distressed as she should be. "She isn't bluffing, Tony. She'll release the pictures to the public. Nobody even knows that I'm your child yet, imagine the reaction when it gets revealed with these pictures.", she explained calmly as if Tony was a child. 

"Do you think any of us care about the public, I'm never letting you near that woman again, I don't give a shit what she tells the public.", Tony spat back and Andy crossed her arms, mildly annoyed. 

"Tony I can't let these pictures come out. I can't. ", she stated and Tony wanted to scream.

"We will find a way to stop that but not by sending you back to her. What do you think is going to happen? You give her the money and leave again?", Natasha asked, rage in her voice.

"I'm not stupid. I know that she'll use me.", Andy stated like it was a mere inconvenience.

"Then how can you go there willingly?", Clint asked from the door, he had just returned from bringing Bruce away. 

"I don't like it either but I'll be okay. You don't realize that I've been through this hundreds of times. I can do it once more, I'll be fine, I'll come back. This isn't like before, this time-", Andy cut herself off and Tony narrowed his eyes at her.

"What isn't like before?", he asked slowly and for the first time this morning Andy diverted her eyes shyly.

"I'm not alone this time, I have somewhere to come back to.", she said quietly before looking up again. This time the girl focused on Natasha.

"Besides, I'm kind of a person now, or something like that. Nancy won't be able to take that away from me again. ", she said softly and Tony couldn't help but to notice the pained smile that showed up on Natasha's face for a split second. God, she had come so far.

"Andy, it's our job to keep you safe. And it doesn't matter if you can handle it, I won't let anyone harm you ever again. And that is out of the question. We'll think of something else. But you've been through enough. Let us protect you.", Tony heard himself say.

He couldn't tell where the words came from, and how he sounded so confident but that wasn't important. It turned out to be exactly the thing that Andy needed to hear.

Her neutral facade crumbled slightly and her eyes started to glisten as she pressed her lips together. "Do you promise?", she asked softly, her voice cracking a little.

"Yes, all of us will do whatever it takes to stop this. I promise.", Tony said earnestly and the other avengers agreed. 

"Okay...", Andy nodded slightly and wrapped her arms around her body helplessly. The girl looked like she needed something, something that she couldn't quite ask for, confusion and frustration was written over her face now that her mask was gone.

"Can I- could you- I'd like you to...", she started, tightening her arms around her body even more.

"Do you want me to hug you?", Tony asked softly and Andy nodded quickly. 

Tony got up and opened his arms, waiting for her to make a move. To his surprise the girl threw herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around him, pressing her face into his chest.

She'd never done this before but when Tony heard her whisper:"Thank you-thank you-", over and over again he wrapped his arms around her as well, holding her for as long as she'd let him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy times are over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part 2 of my monster chapter. I regret everything and nothing. I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy it and leave a review!

Tears were burning in Andy's eyes as she made her way through the crowds on the streets. 

She had put on a coat before leaving but the cold was still sending shivers down her spine. Or maybe it was just what she was about to do.

_Tony said he'd protect her. He promised._

Andy shook her head, angry tears welling up again.  _Bullshit. You can only protect yourself._

The girl would've preferred to take a cab but she barely took any money when she left. Only some clothes. She'd have to walk to the hotel. _Great_. 

Andy made three stops in random cafes on her way, each time changing into different clothes and a different appearance so that she couldn't be followed. 

_Not that Tony would follow her. Not that he'd care._

After walking around for 2 hours she arrived at the _Crimson_ the hotel they stayed in when they first got to New York. Another shiver went down her spine and she felt like she was going to be sick. 

It was only 1pm and she had another 5 hours until they were supposed to meet so Andy made her way over to the diner across the street. 

It was one of those typical 50s style diners that Clint looked to take her to and Andy's heart ached slightly. 

The girl sat by a window so that she could watch the street while she ate her fries and burger.  _Last meal._

Andy tried to shake off her morbid thoughts. She'd be fine.

_"I just- I don't fucking know what to do, Pepper!", Tony sighed frustrated. He and Pepper had been talking in his workshop for a while now. Andy was convinced that they didn't know about her presence._

The food was alright but left a bitter taste in her mouth. Andy tried to wash it away with water but it wouldn't go. Maybe it wasn't the food.

_"I know, I know. Don't you think that I wish that we could leave this shit behind? "_

Nobody paid attention to her, she was just a girl, eating by herself on a Friday afternoon, trying real hard to figure out why she wasn't crying yet.

_"We won't be able to leave this behind as long as she is around. "_

Andy had build a fragile wall between herself and her emotions. The panic was still happening but she couldn't really feel it. Like a mental prison. _Nice. Real ominous. Great Job, Andy._

Around 5 am she saw a cab arrive, with a tall blond woman stepping out. Andy's wall started to gain some cracks. 

_"What are you saying, Tony?"_

Andy could faintly feel her nails dig into the flesh of her palms as she crossed the street.  _Breath. Breath and stay calm. You're your own person now. They can't take that away from you._

She didn't even sound convincing to herself.  _Fuck._

A lobby, a receptionist, an elevator ride. It all went by in a blur. Andy tried real hard to ignore the feeling that she was walking to her death. She could do this, had done this before.

_"I'm saying that I wish we could get rid of her once and for all."_

A dark wooden door with the number 43 in golden letters. Andy closed her eyes to make sure that her appearance was right. She knew this face well, it's the one she wore when she got to the Avengers Tower.

A knock, the clicking of a door, platinum blond hair and a wide blood red smile. "Candy, darling. You're early. Couldn't wait to see your auntie again,  could you?"

The wall was gone. _Fuck fuck fuck._

"My name is Andy now.", she only replied before stepping into the hotel room. They were alone, for now.

"Your name is whatever the fuck I tell you.", Nancy spat before slamming the door shut. "Did you bring the money?", she asked crossing her arms.

Andy could feel her heart hammer against her ribcage. "I don't have it. ", she replied and and the glare Nancy gave her almost made Andy flinch.

"What do you mean you don't have it?!", she asked her voice clipped before grabbing Andy by her jaw, forcing her to look up at her. 

"Stark doesn't just leave his money laying around. ", Andy said through gritted teeth. 

"Well, you'll have to work quite a bit to bring in that money. Good thing I expected your failure and invited some customers. They'll be here in an hour you should get ready.", Nancy replied, letting go of Andy and smiling again.

Andy obeyed without putting up a fight. There was no point, really. 

The young girl went to the bathroom where she started by taking off all of her clothes. She quickly washed her body in the shower and dried herself before stepping in front of a big mirror. 

_"Tony-", Pepper protested but Tony cut her off._

Slowly Andy changed single features to make them more desirable. Her breasts, her bottom, her waist, her lips, until she looked like a very realistic sex doll. 

_"She'll never stop being a problem, Pepper. Better we take care of it now than later. ", Tony's voice was venomous. Andy wanted to scream._

A knock on the door, a set a heavy steps. Then another and another. The customers were arriving. It was time.

_Andy was stumbling into her room, she needed to go. Go. **Go.**_ _She knew it.  Knew that Tony couldn't be trusted._

_But she couldn't even really be mad at him. Who would want to put up with her? She'd want to get rid of herself, too._

_Still it hurt, it hurt so fucking much and she felt like she couldn't breath._

Andy couldn't breath. She did it anyways. Andy couldn't be a _thing_  again. She did it anyways. With a seductive smile on her lips she opened the door to the bathroom, facing the group of men waiting for her, some were familiar faces, other were new.

"Have you missed me gentlemen?", she asked with a wink before stepping into the lion's pit.

~

"What do mean she left?!", Tony yelled at Jarvis. He was just discussing how to get rid of Nancy when Jarvis interrupted him and Pepper to inform them the Andy had left the tower.

Tony stormed into her bedroom to find that the girl had taken a bunch of her clothes and his heart started to race.

She was going to the Hotel. A hotel that they didn't even know the name of. The Male could feel a panic attack coming. 

"We have to find her... We have to- We-"

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ!
> 
> Okay, this might be the worst thing I've ever written, it was really hard and I don't know how to feel about this chapter. 
> 
> This is probably as graphic as it gets with me. This chapter has rape, violence, dissociation, a mention of suicidal thoughts. 
> 
> It's not graphic in a 'I describe every single sexual act'- way because I don't think that's necessary and also I'm not capable of that. But it is really fucking dark so be warned.
> 
> As always I hope you leave a review, this marks kind of the end of the first part of the story, the next chapter will be the beginning of a new part of Andy's life, if you will, also I'm finally bringing in the X-Men so that's a plus. 
> 
> What I'm trying to say is that especially on this chapter I'd really love to hear what you guys think.

Hours, it went on for hours until everything just blurred into one giant flash of agony. 

They wouldn't care if Andy screamed, if she cried and begged them to stop, so she didn't. She just let the men use her over and over again, put their dicks where ever they pleased, rip her apart inside out, cover her in their cum and piss. _Submissive_ _. Like you always were._

Andy did what she always did. Her mind was her own, she could make herself go away, go on autopilot. So she retreated to the part of her mind where everything was manageable when reality wasn't 

A blank space. Confusing, wrong, but better than the alternative. She felt as though she was just an observer, watching the grotesque scene in front of her.

She watched as the men choked the girl until her lips were blue, watched her blood stain the bed sheets, listened to the sound of skin slapping against skin and her own sounds of agony.

Andy didn't want to watch anymore, so she focused on something else.

The white ceiling above her, she traced it with her eyes, the creases in the shiny wood. The bed dipped around her, someone grabbed her spread legs and adjusted them to their liking.

Andy didn't care, at least not at the moment.

 

The ceiling was removed from her line of vision so she focused on something else. The sheets, they were soft. Softer than others she'd been fucked on. These weren't the worst sheets to die on. 

A sharp pain brought her back for a second, a whip to her back but her mind quickly checked out again, retreating into her blank little corner of nothing.

The pain was still there, the humiliation, the misery, Andy was unraveling, physically and mentally. It was like a raging storm at sea, waves were clashing, the sky was illuminated by lighting but Andy wasn't a part of it. Just watching from her save little island. Not fearing the fire that was about to engulf her.

Andy closed her eyes, let the darkness come, take her away, not only from the pain but also the emptiness. 

It was over. Andy was okay. 

~

Turns out it wasn't over and Andy wasn't fucking okay. She was as far away from okay as she could imagine. 

Consciousness came back to her in a hot flash of searing agony. The pain was so absolute it was hard to pinpoint where it was coming from. Her back felt like it was ripped to pieces, her arse... that was a whole other catastrophe. Aching bones, burning lungs, her whole body felt like an exposed nerve. 

The movement wasn't helping. It took her a while to realize that someone was carrying her. She was thrown over some guys shoulder, upside down, they were walking through somewhere green-ish, a forest or something. 

"What if someone finds the body?", a voice asked, Andy didn't recognize it. Something red was dripping, leaving a trace behind them. Her blood. The girl closed her eyes. 

"Nobody will find her out here. And even if they do, they'll never identify her, Nancy said she's no one, no medical history, no records, nothing. ", another voice answered.

"Just dump the body here.", they then said and Andy could feel her body crash to the floor, sending excruciating pain through her aching form. 

The ground was freezing beneath her, twigs and stones were digging into her naked skin, And couldn't feel her finger tips or toes. 

"I think she's still breathing.", one of the voices said. 

"Not for long, if the injuries don't kill her, the cold will. Let's get out of here.", the other replied and the girl listened to the sound of foot steps, leaving her behind. 

Only when she was sure that she was alone she dared to open her eyes again, look up at the trees above her, dozens of feet high, soft snow covering the naked branches. 

The young girl could feel the life seep out of her. And even though the pain was blinding, even though she had no where to go, no life to return to, Andy was terrified. 

"I- don't w-want-t t-to d-d-die.", she whined miserably, a quiet prayer, a last confession as a tears traveled down her cold cheeks.

Natasha had asked her once, if she ever thought of ending it, taking the easy way out.

_"It's not like it has never crossed my mind.", she confessed. It was one of their spa nights and when Andy was relaxing in the tub across from Natasha, she always felt extra vulnerable, in a good way._

_"Obviously it has. But not really. I've always managed somehow. And I'm just too paranoid to do something as final.", she shrugged, the water moving around her body._

_"That's good.", Natasha nodded with an unreadable expression._

_"Will you tell Tony that he can cross 'suicidal thoughts' of his list of issues I might have?", Andy asked her and Nat shrugged slightly._

_"I won't if you don't want me to talk to him. You know, a promise between liars."_

Andy never wanted to die, not really and especially not like this. She thought that when it happened it would be quick, or at least dignified on her part. Not like this.

But here she was freezing, bleeding out on some forest floor God knows where and she was desperately clinging to every weak breath, clawing at her existence. There was nothing quick, nothing dignified and Andy didn't care. All she could do was repeat the same words in her mind.

_I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die I don't- I- don't- I- -_

_~_

Only a few miles away, in a mansion a Westchester a young Scientist named Hank McCoy woke up to the distinct smell of human blood, far away, faint.

But still unusual and striking enough to catch his attention.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy gets baked potatoes and Hank gets a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is the calm AFTER the storm. Nothing too triggering in here. Mentions of blood and stuff but that's all. I hope you like it and leave a review!

_Soft sheets._ Strangely enough that was the first thing Andy thought of when she finally returned to the land of the living. 

Everything was just so soft, cozy and warm. The young girl felt no pain...  _Wait, what?_

Andy sat up straight as the memories of what happened to her came back. _Hotel room, forest, death._ Andy wasn't dead. That was a welcome surprise. Also she wasn't hurt, or at least she didn't feel any pain. 

 _Maybe a dream._ No. She knew that what happened at the hotel was real. She could still feel the hands all over her body, demanding and taking whatever they wanted.  _Still, at least I'm alive. That's a plus._

The girl looked down at herself. She wore a grey shirt and once she removed the blanket she found matching grey sweatpants covering her legs. 

No bandages, no wounds, nothing except for a single IV beside the bed she was laying in. It didn't make sense. Her back was a single pulsating wound last time she checked, her ass should be on fire. Scratch that, she shouldn't even be alive. 

 _Where am I?_ She didn't recognize the room but it was nice. The floor, ceiling and most of the furniture were made of dark wood, the other prominant color was maroon. The color of the carpet, the curtains and the bedsheets. 

It was a way nicer room than Nancy would've ever put her in. Also it was too rustic to match Tony's taste.  _Tony._ Andy's heart ached slightly, thinking of her father. She quickly pushed her sentiments aside. She still had no idea where she was. 

The girl got out of bed and carefully removed the needle of the IV from her wrist. Then she made her way to the only window in the room, in the hope's of seeing a recognizable view. Something that could tell her where she was. 

Outside everything was white, endless fields covered by a thick layer of snow. That told Andy absolutely nothing.  _Fuck._

There were three options. Staying in the room until someone came for her, jumping out the window and running away or leaving the room to explore the rest of the house. 

The second option wasn't really a contestant. She was on the third floor and even if she managed to land without an injury she'd probably get lost and freeze to death. Andy just got through one near death experience, she wasn't trying to have another one. 

Option one was probably the safer one but Andy was feeling curious, something she'd only learned recently. Not that she hadn't been curious before, just that she regularly didn't follow her interest through actions. 

 _Fuck it._ Maybe there was also a sense of recklessness. She just escaped the grim reaper, this had to be her lucky day. 

~

The house was huge, Andy walked through endless hallways for maybe 10 minutes without a sign of another person. "Hello?! Somebody home?!", she started to yell after a while and surely enough she soon heard steps approaching. 

It was a Male, really tall, slim, his slouched posture made him less intimidating. So did his button up/ cardigan combo. Andy couldn't rely on that.  His wide eyes were framed by a pair of nerdy glasses and his mouth formed an 'o' until he spoke:"You're awake!"

"Obviously.",Andy stated, eyeing him nervously. She was trying real hard to not come off as submissive and scared. She didn't want to be a thing again. "Who are you?"

The Male smiled shyly before approaching her with an extended hand:"Ah, where are my manners. Dr Hank McCoy-"

Andy couldn't stop herself from flinching away, her eyes focused on his hands. Long, thin, boney fingers.  _Tracing her skin, shoving inside her, STOP_

Hanks hand and smile dropped when he noticed the girls reaction. "And you are?", he asked carefully. 

"Andy.", the girl replied, still not letting him out of her sight. 

"Just Andy?", he asked with a raised eyebrow and Andy nodded. 

"How did I get here?", Andy asked next and wrapped her arms around her body. 

"I found you in the woods. You were dying- I- I didn't know what to do,  I'm sorry. ", the Male stammered and Andy narrowed her eyes at him. 

"I'm fine now. How did you do that?", she asked him and now Hank looked confused.

"I- I didn't do anything. You healed yourself. That's how we knew that you are a mutant. ", he replied and Andy cringed slightly at the word 'mutant'. 

They knew what she was, an issue in of itself. But the healing thing was a whole other revelation. Andy didn't heal, at least not quicker than a regular person. Sure, she could hide bruises and scars but they were still there. 

Hank seemed to notice the girls confusion. "You do know that you're a mutant, right?",he asked slowly and Andy snapped out of it. 

"Oh, yeah, I'm aware of that. Healing just isn't part of my powers.", she replied and Hank looked puzzled, he crossed his arms as his eyes inspected Andy.

"How old are you?", he then asked. 

"16.", Andy replied, she didn't want to get into the whole 'I don't know my own age'- thing again. 

"Then maybe that's why. You're still growing, so are your powers. It's quite possible that you haven't discovered everything you can do yet.", he replied.

 _Healing. Not hurting._ It was certainly a helpful skill. Andy tried to not get too excited about it. 

"Where am I?"

Hank seemed surprised by the sudden change of topic but replied anyways. "The Xavier Mansion. In Westchester."

"I don't know where Westchester is. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not american.", she said before getting the irrational thought that she wasn't in America anymore. Stupid, really. Hank had an american accent.

"Oh, yeah, in New York. The state, not the city. ", Hank replied shily. He seemed anxious. Like he was the one who woke up in a strange place. 

"Okay. How long was I out?" There wasn't so much snow last time she was conscious. "8 days.", Hank replied and Andy raised her eyebrows. 

"And you didn't call an ambulance or something?", she wondered. This was suspicious, what was he planning?

"Well, your life wasn't threatened and once I figured that you are a mutant I didn't know if you'd appreciate me revealing you as one to the police."

The girl didn't expect this answer. It was considerate, nice. It didn't make sense, something was fishy.

"Why? Why would you care about a mutant?", she asked, keeping a close eye on his expression.

"Because I wouldn't appreciate it if someone revealed that I'm a mutant. ", Hank replied and Andy's eyebrows shot up.

"You're a mutant? I've never met another mutant before!", she exclaimed, suddenly equally excited and anxious. 

"Yes and I hope that this will convince you that you're safe here. Nobody will hurt you here.", Hank then said and sounded genuine. Andy couldn't believe that, not really, she never could. 

~

Hank would probably never forget how he found the girl who introduced herself as Andy. All the blood, destroyed skin and flesh. It was a wonder she was still alive but the life was seeping out of her and draining into the earth underneath her pale body. 

He thought there was no way she'd survive the trip back to the mansion. Until her wounds started to close up. 

After the first 5 days she spend unconscious Hank feared that she'd never wake up. Maybe they should've called an ambulance. But he kept her with him anyways. 

Now she was sitting in front of him, shoveling baked potatoes into her mouth. "Fuck I'm so hungry. ", she mumbled. 

They had connected an IV for nutrition to her so that she wouldn't starve but Hank had no idea when her last meal was. Or anything about her really. 

She looked frighteningly normal considering how he had found her. Just a regular girl, long bushy dark hair, pale skin, big brown eyes.

Hank had a few theories what happened to her, one worse than the other. The obvious one was that she was experimented on. Mutants disappeared all the time, they got dragged off to labs, cut up and mutilated. But it didn't seem logical to leave the body in the woods. Especially not if she was still alive. Also they didn't explain all the , let's call it bodily fluids, that Hank found on her, which added a new level of horror to the situation. 

Whatever the girl went through, it had to have been hell. Still, she seemed unnaturally normal to him, just sitting in their kitchen. The only time Hank noticed some unusual behaviour was when she flinched away from his hand. A clear signal that he shouldn't touch her. 

"Do you remember what happened?", Hank suddenly heard himself ask, his curiosity getting the best of him. 

Andy froze mid-chew and then continued like he didn't say anything. "Yes.", she replied casually and continued to eat.

Great. Hank's guess was that her calm state was a result of oblivion towards her own situation but now that was out the window.

"Will you tell me about it?", he asked carefully and this time Andy went stiff, keeping her eyes at the plate. 

"Will you force me to?", she asked in a neutral tone but the question itself was horrifying enough.

"Of course not!", he exclaimed and she relaxed slightly before continuing to eat her food. 

"Is there someone I can call. Like a parent or-",Hank tried again but was shut down quickly.

"No.", again, calm voice, not so calm body language. Then the girl sighed slightly, dropping her fork and looking up at Hank. "Sorry. That was rude. You don't need to call anyone. I can watch out for myself. I'll leave if you want to. "

"Look, if you want, you can leave but I'm not kicking you out. I don't like the idea of leaving you all by yourself. If you want to you can stay here.", Hank returned. He didn't feel comfortable leaving this kid alone.  They was the only reason and it had absolutely nothing to do with his own loneliness.

"Would I have to do something to stay?", Andy asked slowly and Hank sonn his head. "No. Consider this a safe house.", Hank then added and the girl nodded slightly, like she was thinking. 

"Okay. Maybe I'll stay for a little bit."

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy: what is this feeling?  
> Andy: pain? Pain I haven't experienced yet?  
> Andy: how is that possible???
> 
> ~
> 
> Tony: *holding back tears* where is my kid?!  
> Tony:* crying hysterically* fuck it, I didn't want to be a dad anyways!

Charles was a bit of a wanker. That was Andy's first impression after meeting the master of the house. For starters he was drunk, and only dressed in sweatpants and a silky robe. 

"I see our guest woke up?", he pointed out stroking his long stringy hair out of his face. His blue eyes were striking but also sunken in with dark shadows framing them.

The smell of liquor invaded the girl's nose and made her skin crawl. Men were dangerous, drunk men even more so. 

Hank seemed to notice her discomfort and tried to jump in. "Charles, this is Andy, Andy, Charles owns the mansion."

Charles' unfocused eyes glared at Andy before he blinked several times. "So where did you come from?", he asked swaying slightly. 

When Andy didn't make a move to reply Hank answered for her. "Andy isn't from here, she's British, and she'll steay with us for a while. "

Andy mentally braced herself for a rejection but Charles only shrugged before already turning away. "As long as she doesn't bother me.", he chimed before walking off, his steps unsteady.

"Is he always... like this?", Andy thought out loud and was relieved to see that Hank wasn't mad at the question, just a little sad.

"These days, yeah. He didn't use to be like this but he's lost quite a bit in the last few years. Now he mostly keeps to himself. You probably won't see a lot of him."

That was the first big difference between living at the mansion and living with Tony. Andy didn't see much of anyone at all. 

Charles was always brooding somewhere by himself and Hank preferred to spend his time in the lab which gave Andy a lot of free time by herself. 

Something she never had at the tower. There was enough things to do, she never got bored. The mansion seemed to have an endless supply of books and after she asked Hank for permission she'd take whole stacks to 'her' room.

Also with no one there to judge her efforts, she trained something she never dared to before. Handwriting had never been something that she had time to learn properly. And it showed. Her fine motor skills were shit and her writing looked like that of a five year old. A fact that she found too embarrassing to reveal in front of Tony. But in her current solitude it was fine. 

Tony. Andy did a real good job at ignoring him, keeping her mind busy and all that. She did the same with her memories of what happened at the hotel. The girl conveniently avoided everything that could bring up unwanted feelings connected to the topics. She even got Hank to stop asking about them. 

Her activities were whimsical, easy, relaxing. Reading, eating, writing, (doodling, something she found quite therapeutic). She didn't have to worry, there was rarely anyone around, people can only hurt you when they are there. Any had a bubble. 

At night the bubble would burst. The room was too big, so Andy moved her mattress under the bed so she could sleep. Hank didn't question it. But still that's when the memories came out, when her mind couldn't occupy itself.

Andy's solution was exhaustion. The mansion had a gym. So for 2 hours every evening she worked out vigorously until her energy only lasted until she crawled under her bed. It was like fixing the damaged wing of a plane with duck tape. Andy did it anyways. 

Still, even when she enjoyed the privacy, even when she kept herself busy, even when she managed to sleep out of pure exhaustion. She still felt an aching feeling in her chest. Sometimes it was faint, and just at the boarder of her perception. Sometimes it exploded right into her face. It was always there in some shape or form. 

Andy missed them. Missed Natasha and Clint, Bruce and Pepper, even Steve to an extent. And she missed Tony, even if she couldn't really admit that one to herself. 

It was obvious, logical. They were the first people to treat her like a person. Even if she didn't trust them, she grew attached to them and since they'd never leave her by herself, she got used to their presence. Andy felt incomplete. 

It was a strange pain. New. The girl had never felt like she had lost something before, maybe because she never had anything to begin with. No boundries, no autonomy, no sense of self, nothing anybody could take that wasn't already gone. 

While she could easily do without the feeling it was fascinating in a twisted way. A pain she hadn't felt before. How peculiar. What else could she feel, how else could she hurt, it was a world of possibilities. 

Thinking off it was exciting, scary, something in between. Probably not healthy but Andy couldn't really tell what was, anyways. She'd always been quick to obsess. 

~

Tony hadn't slept in 5 days. That might not even be right because the only sleep he got was when Clint knocked him out for a couple of hours. Tony announced the other male ever since.

Tony couldn't sleep, not when she might still be out there. They say that the first 48 hours are detrimental in a missing persons case. But how the fuck are you supposed to trace a shapeshifter?

They called in shield for the search as well. Nothing. After the first few days Pepper suggested to go public but Tony was holding back. What if Andy was still in Nancy's posession, what if telling the world about his secret child would get her into even more trouble. He couldn't bare the thought. 

3 days passed, than five, suddenly a week and they had nothing. Tony felt like he was on the brink of insanity. They kept tabs on surveillance footage of a hundred mile radius of the tower. Barton, Natasha and several shield agents were searching the city, checking out hotels where they might've gone. Still. Nothing.

"Tony, you can't go on like this. You need to recharge, eat something, sleep. Just get away from this screen. ", Pepper said softly, running her gentle hands over Tony's shoulders. 

"Why would she leave?", Tony asked, his voice trembeling with heartbreak. "I though that we had a moment, I though she trusted me- I - I thought she was better. ", he stuttered, biting back a sob. 

""Andy went through horrors none of us know about, there is no way for us to understand the inner workings of her mind. Whatever made her leave, it probably made sense to her. ", Pepper replied after a few minutes of silence. 

Tony retreated from her gentle touch and jumped up from his office chair. "It doesn't matter what she thought. She probably got herself killed!", he spat, pacing through his workshop. 

"Tony, don't say that.", Pepper sighed and Tony couldn't hold back his frustration, his pain that morphed into rage. 

"Why not! It's true! Probability says that she's dead and we've made no progress in finding her! Besides, why should I even care?! I didn't have a kid a few months ago, now I'm just back to normal!", he yelled.

"If you think about it this way, this is good! I have my life back! I don't have to worry about this kid anymore. This girl that I can't be a father to. You're right! I'm wasting my time. I should just enjoy my newfound freedom! I'm free!", he started to laugh hysterically at Pepper's horrified face. 

"Tony, stop... stop laughing... just STOP!", her final scream finally got his attention but his eyes were empty.

"This isn't you.", Pepper whispered and Tony face turned into a grimace. 

"Of course it is. Don't pretend that you don't know. I'm an egotistical narcissist and I've always been. This was just a fluke. ", he replied with a shrug before turning his back towards Pepper.

Of course she knew that Tony wasn't serious. He loved Andy and this was tearing him up. He was unravelling and if the only way he could get through it was by pretending that he didn't care, than Pepper couldn't stop that. 

She'd just stay with him and wait for the fallout. Pick up the pieces when he couldn't. Like she always did.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy:*uses herself as a cutting board  
> Hank: wtf  
> Andy: for science

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is a huge WARNING for self harm in this one. It's not written in Andy's POV and she doesn't consider it self harm but it is graphic and you should be warned.
> 
> Also I have an ANNOUNCEMENT:  
> I was thinking of writing a Christmas special, a separate work that is not part of this continuity but still about Andy. It would be like a mix of 'It's a wonderful life'and spiderman - into the spiderverse. 
> 
> Basically Andy meets different Andy's from parallel universes and sees how her life would have been if x y z happened. For example if she'd grown up with Tony. Would you like that? Please tell me and leave a review for this chapter.

It wasn't hard to get used to Andy's presence at the mansion. Mostly because she just kept to herself for most of the day. It was like living with a ghost and if Hank learned anything from his time with Charles it was how to live with a ghost. 

When she actually spend time with him, her shockingly normal behaviour still irritated him. Whatever she went through, had to be incredibly traumatic. Hank couldn't even begin to understand that. 

But she didn't seem to really be affected. Andy was just a kid. She read books, worked out and went on walks outside every day. The girl even joked. Sure, her humour was darker than pitch black night with no stars in sight but it was also sharp and witty.

None of that screamed mentally unstable. Hank started to believe that maybe she was really fine. Maybe she was just the kind of person who didn't dwell on things. For all he could tell, she was perfectly okay. He'd been so wrong. 

It was an early december evening when he noticed. Hank had been in the kitchen, making dinner. Andy's absence wasn't unusual, she was probably in the library. 

He just wanted to cut up the meat and reached for one of the bigger knifes when he found its place empty. 

With a frown on his face he looked around the kitchen before checking the drawers, the sink and the dishwasher. Nothing. 

Charles never cooked, neither did Andy, only Hank used most of the kitchen utensils. An unsettling idea formed in his mind as he left the kitchen to look for Andy. 

She wasn't in the Library, or the gym. The coat and boots Hank had got her for her walks were also inside.

By the time he reached her room his heart was hammering in his chest. He never stepped foot into the room ever since she woke up. Privacy and all that. Now he knocked and when she didn't answer her stepped inside. 

The room hadn't changed much accept that there were stacks of books by the bed and on the desk that weren't there before. 

Also Hank noticed that the mattress of the bed, the pillows and blankets were all underneath the bed now. A curious detail, but that's not why he was there.

Andy wasn't in the room, but he could hear running water in the bathroom next door. 

Without thinking to knock Hank barged into the bathroom to a scene he had never encountered before.

Andy was bend over the sink, watching as she sliced through her arm with the large knife. The girl didn't flinch or react as she watched her blood stream down her arm and into the sink where it swirled down the drain. 

"Is dinner ready?", Andy asked casually and looked over at Hank. 

He wanted to scream, bile rose in his throat, his eyes still fixed on her blood in the sink. Then he finally came back to life and made a move forward to take the knife away from her. He didn't even touch her but she flinched away, dropping the knife into the sink. Hank didn't notice, he was to horrified. 

"What on earth are you doing?! Are you trying to kill yourself?", he yelled in shock. 

Andy looked confused before looking at her bleeding arm as if she just noticed what she'd been doing. By now the blood had reached her fingertips and dropped on the floor. 

Her eyes wided slightly as the realization hit her. "You think I-",Her big eyes met Hanks and to his shock she laughed. "Oh this is a misunderstanding! I wasn't trying to hurt myself. I was testing my powers. I almost died a few weeks ago, I'm not in a hurry to do it for real this time. "

None of her words were calming in any way. "What are you talking about?!", Hank asked, his voice shaking as his eyes fell on the knife, covered in red. 

"Hey, calm down. I'm fine,  look.", Andy stated, holding out her arm. Hank was hesitant to look at it but once he did he noticed that the torn up flesh started to knit back together and close up in seconds until her skin was completely in tact again. Just like when he'd found her.

"See, I was just checking out how my new skill works.", Andy explained with a smile while washing her bloody arm in the sink and casually cleaning the knife. 

Hank was still stunned, which seemed to irritate Andy. After a few moments she frowned and crossed her arms, fixing her eyes on Hank. "You still seem freaked out. Can't you see that I'm perfectly fine?"

It took Hank a few seconds to gather his thoughts before he could answer. "This behaviour isn't fine. Hurting yourself isn't fine. It may not leave marks but it must be painful, and you loose blood in the process, it's dangerous. Figuring out your healing isn't worth this and I need you to understand that."

Andy rolled with her eyes and walked past Hank into her backroom. "Pain. This is ridiculous. Besides, it's just _a_ _body_.", she mumbled under here breath. That was a whole different issue, that needed to be unpacked later.

Hank took the knife with him as he followed her into her room where she sat on a chair with crossed legs. 

"Just promise that you won't do it again?",he asked, it was naive, he knew that, but Hank had never dealt with anything like this before. 

"If it bothers you so much, I won't do it again. ", Andy shrugged as if it was that simple. ",

"It bothers me that it doesn't bother you. ", Hank stated and Andy gave him an unreadable look before sighing heavily.

"Look. It just doesn't. I'm sorry if that freaks you out. I know it's not normal. I was genuinely not thinking about how it would look to someone on the outside. I assure you that it was just pure curiosity and not a death wish. I won't do it again, though. ", she replied. 

Hank was still freaked out, of course he was. He didn't know if he could trust Andy's promise. 

"Will you let this go of I explain to you what I found out?", Andy eventually asked and Hank raised an eyebrow. "I'll even tell you what my mutation is.", Andy added and her voice sounded like Hank was a little kid and she was baiting him with a piece of chocolate. 

So far the girl had refused to aknowlege her pre-existing mutation and Hank tried not to be too curious. It couldn't be anything to obvious, he hadn't noticed anything so far.

"Okay. But if anything like this happens again, I'll have to find professional help for you.", he nodded slightly and Andy shrugged. "Now show me what you can do. "

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scientist convinces junkie to sober up by showing him scientific discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the last chapter here is diverging not so dark and heavy. 
> 
> Also I apologise for the scientific mistakes I made in this one. I was an art major, science is really not my thing. Especially biology. 
> 
> Also there will be notes at the end as well so watch out for that and as always, please leave a review!

The first time Hank watched Andy transform into a different person, the way her transformation rained down on her, how her skin turned over like scales, he was immediately reminded of a certain other blue mutant. 

"You look horrified. I didn't expect you to be disgusted by this as well.", Andy frowned before turning back into herself. 

"You're a shapeshifter.", Hank stated and Andy shrugged.

" You are a perceptive one. It's freaky, I know. ", she replied and sat down in her chair again. 

"It's- It's not freaky. It's amazing!", he quickly stuttered while his mind was running in circles. "Is, is that what you really look like?", he then asked and Andy shrugged again. 

"Right now, yes. I don't have a fixed appearance, it always changes slightly. ", she replied and Hank frowned. That was new.

"So, you aren't blue?", he asked uncertain and Andy raised her eyebrows.

"Why would I be blue?", she laughed slightly and Hank relaxed a bit. 

"No reason.", he shrugged before quickly changing the subject. "So, you are a shapeshifter. Is that all you can do?"

Andy gave him a rundown of her powers and by the time she explained that she could control how much muscle she had and how flexible she was he had an idea where her healing came from. 

"Let me guess. During your... experiments... You found that you have to consciously activate your healing. ", he suggested and she nodded with a smile. 

"Exactly. I didn't heal before because I didn't tell my body to heal. ", she added and Hank nodded slowly. 

""It's almost like you fully control everything your body does. Everything works normally by itself but you can influence it.", it was fascinating. 

"What I don't understand is how I healed myself in the forest.", she then said but Hank wasn't too worried about that.

"A stress reaction. You said you thought you were dying. ",He returned and Andy smirked but kept the reason for her amusement to herself. 

"I'd like to explore what else you can do, where your boundries are. Only if you want, of course.", Hank suggested nervously but Andy was totally down for it. 

So Hank started to spend more time with the girl. He joined her in the gym and observed her strengh, speed and flexibility. This way he could also keep an eye on her to ensure that she was keeping her promise.

He also took a closer look at the DNA samples he had taken from her when he first found her. 

The young male spend hours, in the lab and the whole time he had the nagging feeling that he was missing something, something big, something obvious. 

Until it hit him one day. Her genes looked familiar. This was impossible. Well, not impossible, just pretty improbable. He was probably just making things up. He had to be. 

But he checked anyways and to his horror and amazement he found a match. Andy shared roughly 25 percent of her DNA with another person that Hank had observed before. Raven Darkholme, making them half siblings. 

Hank probably sat in his office for another hour, just staring at the screen. Andy was Ravens sister. A million questions ran through his mind. Did Raven know about this? Did Andy? Was there a possibility that Andy got close to them on purpose. Hank still knew nothing about Andy's upbringing or family, she refused to speak of it. Would this change anything? For Andy? For Raven? For...

"Charles...", he mumbled. He had to tell Charles. After pulling the results on his tablet he quickly rushed through the mansion to Charles' room. 

He didn't enter it often since Charles mostly kept to himself these days. The air was thick and the light of the windows was dimmed by curtains. 

The room was a mess, with empty dishes, books and clothes laying everywhere. Charles was asleep in his bed, curled up under a blanket. Hank woke him up in a hurry.

"Charles,- Charles!"

"What the fuck do you want, Hank. Is the house on fire? If yes, just let me burn.", Charles groaned and turned over but Hank was having none of that. Not now. 

With his inhanced strength it wasn't hard to pull away the blanket. 

"Hey...!", Charles whined before sitting up and rubbing his blood shot eyes. "Fine. What do you want?", he then asked clearly annoyed.

"So I've been testing out Andy's powers-", Hank started to explain and Charles raised his eyebrows. 

"Andy has powers?", he asked and Hank sighed slightly. 

"Obviously. She's a mutant, I told you that Charles. ", Hank pointed out and Charles shrugged slightly, his eyes unfocused.

"You know what it's like up here.", Charles smirked bitterly, pointing at his temple. "Soup."

Hank sometimes wished he had never invented the damn serum. Sure, it helped him to keep his human form but it had made a shadow out of his old friend. He might've been able to walk but that was the extend of it. His mind was out of business most days.

"Anyways, she's a shapeshifter.", Hank continued and Charles tensed ever so slightly at those words, his eyes instinctively looking for the framed picture of Raven that was somewhere in here. 

"And as I was looking at her genes I noticed something.", Hank continued before handing Charles the results. 

It took the male a few seconds to focus on the screen in front of him but when he did his familiar observing expression returned to his face, if only briefly. After all, Charles was still a scientist.

"What am I looking at here, Hank?", he asked after a few moments and his tone reminded Hank so painfully of who Charles used to be. 

"She has genetic markers that match Raven's. They're half siblings.", Hank breastfed out and Charles stared up at him in disbelieve. 

"This can't be right.", he stated and Hank shook his head. 

"I checked the results over. It's true. They're related. And it makes sense, too. Their powers are similar, not identical, but the way she transformed... It reminds me so much of Raven. ", Hank explained and Charles eyes turned distant again. But this time he wasn't shutting down, he was thinking. 

"Does she know?", Charles asked and didn't have to specify what exactly he meant. 

"I don't know. I'll ask her but there is no way of being sure that she isn't lying. Except...", Hank didn't finish his sentence and only looked back at Charles with a mix of worry and excitement. 

"Except I lay off the serum for long enough to get my powers back.", Charles finished in a grave tone and Hank nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"God, I'll fucking hate this. ", Charles finally agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dum dum DUM!!! Here it is! The big reveal! Tell me, did you see it coming? I dropped some clues. A comment here, a mention there. 
> 
> It really helps that Mystique's human name Raven Darkholme isn't that recognisable or someone would've definitely noticed the name drop in one of the earlier chapters. I'm telling you, it's there if you wanna search it;)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy: *has an emotion*
> 
> Five minutes later:  
> Andy: Thank God that's over, am I right? Anybody up for tea?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing too specific in here accept the typical Andy issues. 
> 
> Also please don't stop leaving reviews. I LIVE FOR THEM💛

The next day Andy was surprised to meet both Hank and Charles at the breakfast table. She still hadn't warmed up to the other male, mainly because he was never around. 

He looked worse than normal, his hands were shaking as he held onto his tea. But his eyes looked more focused and alive than she'd ever seen on him. 

"Morning?", Andy asked slightly irritated by the tension in the room. 

"Andy, we need to talk.", Hank said and alarm bells went off in the girls head.  _They'll kick you out. They found out who you are! What you did!_

"Can I make myself a tea first?", she asked casually and Hank nodded. 

After she made herself a cup of black tea she sat down across from the two males. 

"You've been with us for a while now and we think that it's time you tell us where you came from. ", Hank started and Andy didn't feel any calmer. This was an interrogation.  _Not this again._

"What do you want to know?", Andy asked, making a point to sound nonchalant.

"'Do you have a family?", Hank asked and Andy took a deep breath, pretending that saying this was very hard for her. 

"I- I did. I grew up in England as you can hear from my accent. We moved here 5 years ago because dad had a job in a tech company in the states. Then- 3 years ago we were in a car crash. I got out fine but - but- my parents- t-they didn't-", Andy explained, her voice cranking with emotion. She even send a tear down her cheek. It was quite the show she put on.  _Come on. Buy it._

Hank looked heartbroken. She definitely got him but Charles was smirking, which was off putting. 

"Bullshit!", Charles then called out and Andy frowned at him.  _What._

"It's a nice story that you thought off there but it's also a big fat lie. Why don't you try again. ", Charles mused and Andy looked shocked. 

"You don't know me. How can you say something like that?", she asked, her voice still quivering. _Fuck fuck fuck_

"You see, you aren't the only one with powers. And mine are quite useful when I don't shut them down with drugs.", Charles stated and then tapped against his temple. 

"You're a telepath.", Andy realized and Charles nodded. "You were inside my head.", Andy said more to herself than him. Her mind had always been her safe place. It was untouchable.  _Not anymore_

"How dare you?!", she breathed out. Charles smirk faded. For a second Andy didn't know what was happening to her. Her heart was racing, she wanted to scream. She felt violated, for the first time in forever she felt violated, because her mind was  _hers_ the way nothing else was. Andy was angry, no, furious, that was new. 

"I didn't look into your memories. I just checked if you were lying.", Charles defended himself but Andy didn't care.

"Oh but you wanted to,  didn't you. That's what this whole thing is about, isn't it?! You want to know so fucking much! Have you entertained the thought that I don't want to tell you for a reason?! I'm not doing it because it's fun!", she yelled at him, getting up from her seat. 

"Andy, we were just-", Hank started but she cut him off. 

"Shut up! I'll not talking to You!", she yelled at Hank before returning her attention to Charles. 

"You think you have a right to my memories, you think you can take a field trip into my mind ? Then fucking go there,  coward!", she yelled and Charles looked at her with wide eyes. 

"I said go there!", she screamed before grabbing him by his head and slamming their foreheads together. 

Andy had no idea what she was doing, it was all impulse. She didn't even notice that she was touching him. Her dark closet of memories just burst open and exploded into Charles mind, forcing him to watch all her most painful moments. 

It brought up things Andy hadn't thought about in so long that she'd almost forgotten them herself.

The second she was done and saw Charles' horrified face, the tears in his eyes,  she knew she made a mistake. _Shit_

"I-I am sorry... I shouldn't have done that...", she whispered,  the emotion in her voice real. 

Charles slightly shook his head, his eyes still wide before saying:"I am so terribly sorry. I-I-" After that he stayed silent. 

"What just happened?", Hank asked carefully. 

"I told Charles who I am.", Andy replied, her tone flat. 

"I'm sorry. ", Charles repeated. 

"I forced it onto you. I'm sorry.", Andy returned. She suddenly felt drained. 

"Will someone clue me in?", Hank asked and Andy thought about it for a second, what was the point in keeping it a secret now. It was out, anyways. 

"You don't have to do this. ", Charles said as if he read her thoughts. He probably did. 

"I know. But it's out anyways. ", she shrugged before telling Hank everything. Well, not everything,  she left out her time with Tony and the Avengers. She didn't show that to Charles either. It was too fresh. 

At the end all three of them were speechless. Hank's eyes were filled with tears and Charles was staring at nothing. 

After a while the silence became unbearable so Andy made a pathetic attempt to break the ice. 

"Wow, that was a depressing story time. Yikes.", she smirked awkwardly before drinking a bit of her now-cold tea. 

"Oh, that's not good. I'll make a new one.", she narrorated as she got up before making a not only one cup for herself but also two for the men. 

"It's hilariously stereotypical of me but I made you tea.", she stated as she sat down the cups. 

"That's what happened to you before I found you-", Hank whispered on an unrelated note. Andy sighed softly.  _Great job, idiot. They are completely shell shocked._

"You should really try the tea.", she said quietly, unsure of what she was trying to accomplish. 

"Andy, what the fuck?", Charles whispered and the girl shrugged. 

"I'm just- sorry- I'm awkward about this. Feelings are- I'm still trying to get the hang of expressing them. I kind of never got to do that. Usually I'll keep all my emotions in here.", she tapped against her temple. " And then one day I'll die. I just don't know how to navigate this.", she confessed and now Charles was the one to sigh. 

"Well, do you want to talk about it?", he asked. 

 _Wanting._ There it was again. Always wanting. But Andy had gotten better at that. "Not really.", she replied honestly. 

"Then we won't until you're ready. ", Hank agreed, still looking quite shaken. 

"I do have a question though. I've been living with you for weeks. Why ask me now?", she wondered and Hank and Charles gave each other a look before Hank pulled out a tablet that he placed in front of Andy. 

It was a bunch of technical mumbo jumbo. "You're aware I didn't go to school. This tells me absolutely nothing. ", Andy raised an eyebrow. 

"I was looking at your genes and noticed... similarities to someone else we know. A girl... a woman. Her name is Raven Darkholme. She used to be a friend of ours.", Hank explained and Charles winced ever so slightly. 

"She's a shapeshifter as well and after closer examination of both of your genes I found that she's your half sister. You likely share a mother."

Andy's jaw was on the floor. First she had a father and now there was another sibling in the picture. It took her a second to recognise the last name. Darkholme. A name her aunt had used before. It always seemed meaningless to her, she had so many names but now... 

"Where is she? Raven? Can- can I meet her?", Andy asked, her voice sounding strange to herself. 

A pained expression crossed Charles face. "We- we aren't  in contract anymore but I might be able to find her once my powers are back to 100% . If I can still use cerebro, that is. ", he replied and Andy didn't ask what cerebro was. 

"Thank you. I- it means a lot to me-", she confessed genuinely and a sad smile spread on Charles lips.

"It's the least I can do."

The thought that Charles could still be listening to her thoughts freaked her out. What if he could hear her now. _You know that I'm not telling you the whole truth._

 _"I do, but whatever it is you're keeping from us, it's  yours to keep. I'll respect that.",_ his voice replied but he sounded gentle, honest, she could deal with that.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Having multiple feelings at once? It's more likely than you think!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this a really bittersweet chapter. It's Christmas- themed and so will be the next two or so chapters because I have that holiday mood. Also we're getting pretty damn close to a father daughter reunion, so stay tuned for that! 
> 
> As always please leave a review, I absolutely love reading your comments, it makes my day!

After her sudden burst of emotion Andy really feared that things would change. In a way they did. Luckily Charles and Hank didn't start to treat her like a raw egg, she wasn't sure if she could've put up with that for long. 

They didn't watch her like hawks and Hank only gave her the occasional sad look when he thought that she couldn't see. 

Charles changed a lot, but that didn't really have to do with Andy. He decided to lay off the serum which caused him to have really nasty withdrawal for a solid week. Hank was mostly taking care of him during that time and Andy kept her distance. 

She decided that it was a pleasant feeling to not be the biggest problem in the room, even if she was worried about Charles. 

Afterwards he was still in a rather bad mood most of the time but Andy would be too if she just went through withdrawals and also lost her legs. 

The difference was that he seemed sharper, his mind more awake and Andy loved talking to him now. 

With his confidence and snark he made for a hell of a discussion partner. They spend hours discussing books, giving them both something to think about that didn't include their issues. 

""It's hilariously obvious that "The great Gatsby" is a love story. I don't understand how you don't see it!", she argued one  December afternoon. 

Andy was curled up in one of the armchairs in Charles' office, a blanket wrapped around her, a cup of tea in her hands. Charles was sitting in his wheelchair with a cup of his own. 

"Jay was obsessed with Daisy, yes. But he wasn't in love with her, not really. He loved an idea of her that he fabricated in his mind. And she didn't want to meet his standards. I don't know what you are talking about. ", he argued and Andy raised her eyebrows. 

"Daisy? Who's talking about Daisy. I ment Nick! Nick is totally gay for Gatsby. He stayed with him until the end. He was the only one at his funeral besides Jay's father . That screams tragic love story. ", she returned and Charles stared at her with wide eyes for a moment before mumbling:"Shite, you're right."

"I better be. I only read that book like 300 times. ", she returned with a self-satisfied grin.

She looked out the window where it was snowing heavily. It had been for the past few days. "Do you celebrate Christmas?", she heard herself ask before looking back at Charles again. 

A pained expression crossed his face and he diverted his eyes. "We used to. But in the last few years...", the incomplete sentence was enough of an answer. 

"Can- can we maybe celebrate it this year? I-I know it's stupid, but I never got to do that before.", Andy asked carefully. 

Charles sighed softly before looking back at her. "Of course we can do that. I'll tell Hank to get a tree, with his enhanced strength he can probably rip the tree out of the ground himself. And we'll have to search the decorations but I don't see why not. "

"Okay...", Andy nodded, a soft smile spreading on her lips as Charles later his fingers on his temple to contact Hank with his mind. 

Charles' powers got stronger and stronger each day but he insisted that he wasn't ready for Cerebro yet. Andy felt like he was just scared but she didn't legroom it to him. 

Surely enough 3 hours later they had a tree set up in the living room. It smelled amazing. 

With Charles instructions Andy found the Christmas decorationd in the attic. Charles had also put on a Christmas playlist as they started to decorate the tree. 

The male told Andy that he used the same decorations since he was a kid, they were beautiful, in shades of red and gold, delicate. 

He told her anecdotes of all the special pieces. Like the snowman that was missing a nose because Charles ran into the tree as a toddler or the golden bird that he bought for Raven the year she moved in with him. His smile was melancholic as he put the bird on the tree, Andy wondered if there was anything that could make the man truly happy again. 

"Here come the lights.", Hank announced as he turned on the fairy lights and as silly as it sounds, Andy gasped slightly. 

The light reflecting in the golden decorations, it looked like someone had collected all the sparks of a bonfire and sprinkled them over the tree. It looked so warm, so festive, so inviting, so, so... _fuck._

Andy was crying. She wasn't sure why, only that she couldn't stop. It was stupid, stupid, _so stupid._

Andy was mad, mad that she never got to have a stupid tree before. And nostalgic for a time that never was, a childhood never lived. And she wanted, wanted,  _wanted so so much._

She wanted someone to hold her and tell her that she was  _home_ and  _safe._ That things would be _okay_. That they'd catch up on every missed Christmas, every birthday, all the firsts, every huge moment, and every crushing failure, every second of love and heartbreak, every stupid Christmas anecdote, book discussion and pancake breakfast. Andy _wanted it all so much._

And neither Charles nor Hank could give it to her. 

"Andy, are you okay?", Hank asked carefully. 

"I want my _dad_...", the girl whispered between hiccups.  _Even if he doesn't want me._

Hank gave Charles a questioning look and the other mean just shrugged slightly. 

"You never mentioned him before. Do you know him?", Charles asked and Andy sniffled slightly. 

"Can I show you?", she asked quietly and Charles nodded. 

Like last time, but gentler, she let her memories stream into his head. Memories of Tony, her _dad_. She'd never called him that before. Only Stark or Tony or Tinnman. But he was her  _dad._

The only thing she left out was the last time she saw him. It was too painful. 

When she was finished Charles glared at her with wide eyes. "You are Tony Starks daughter?!", he exclaimed and Hank gasped. 

"What?!"

And only nodded,  she had stopped sobbing by now but quite tears were still steadily making their way down her cheeks. 

"But- but why aren't you with him. Why don't you talk to him?", Charles asked and Andy quickly shook her head. 

"I- I can't talk to him. I just can't. ", she replied.  _He doesn't want me._

"Can somebody give me a bit more information and clue me in as to what is happening?", Hank asked so Andy explained her time with Tony as shortly and quickly as possible. The tears had stopped. The familiar drained feeling was back. Emotions were exhausting. 

"And you don't want to see him?", Hank asked for the third time. "You don't want to see Iron man, your father, Iron man. "

"I'm not ready.", she lied.  _This was a mistake._

After that they fell silent for a while. At least they weren't talking about Tony anymore. But now Andy was thinking about him and that wasn't fun either. 

"'I'll  take a bath now.", she decided and got up.  _Alone. I want to be alone._

" Are you sure?", Hank asked and she nodded before her eyes landed on the Christmas tree. A feeling that was both warm and aching filled her chest and she felt like crying again. The word bittersweet came to mind.  _No rainbow without rain._

"I really enjoyed it, by the way. Even if my emotions ruined it. Thank you. ", she said pointing at it, tears stinging in her eyes again.  _How can I be sad and happy?_

"You didn't ruin it. Christmas is always a time of conflicting emotions. It's fine. ", Charles said, his sad smile was back. 

The girl didn't know what to say to that, so she didn't say anything at all. Instead she tried to return the smile before quickly leaving. 

 _Wanting_ gets pretty easy once you let it happen. Not getting what you  _want_ is the real struggle. She judt had to accept that a _dad_ wasn't something for girls like Andy. 

~

"You're thinking what I'm thinking, right?", Charles asked once Andy left. 

"You tell me, you are the telepath.", Hank returned. 

"We have to get Tony Stark here.", Charles said and was surprised that Hank started to argue with him. He knew that Hank had the same idea. 

"She doesn't want to see him, though.", Hank pointed out and Charles sighed softly.

"Yeah, but she needs to." He looked at the tree they decorated together, at Raven's little bird and his chest got tight. "Besides. It's Christmas. You should be with your family on Christmas. "


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wanted his daughter for Christmas and Santa heard him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is huge and I'm really excited to hear what you guys think of it. Also, just so you know. I'm fucking with canon right now but Captain America: The Winter Soldier was happening while Andy was chilling in Westchester. 
> 
> The changes I made are that Bucky didn't run off after saving Steve but stayed with him and Steve brought his Assasin puppy home. He also did the right thing *author glares at Civil war* And told Tony about his parents right away. 
> 
> So this might seem weird but I really love Bucky and Steve and have some things planned for them in this story so just bare with me.
> 
> As always, please leave a review! I can't describe how happy it makes me to read them.

It had been over a month since Tony had last seen his daughter. A month. At first he felt like everything had stopped. Like the universe suddenly only revolved around finding Andy. 

But of course it didn't, the universe never waited for a Stark. 

Only shortly after Andy disappeared Steve and Nat were called to an urgent mission.

Suddenly Fury was dead, S.H.I.E.L.D. was in shambles, literal Nazis were back and so was Cap's old buddy Barnes. 

Tony had to deal with an Ex Assasin moving into his tower and the revelation that said Assasin killed his parents. 

Of course his first instinct was to smash in Barnes' face like he did to his mother. It took all the Avengers and a serious talking to from Pepper to get him to agree that manslaughter wasn't an option. 

Instead he let Barnes live at the Tower at another floor with Cap. Somewhere where he didn't have to see him. He knew that it wasn't his fault. That Barnes was a victim, too. He hated him anyways. 

So that's what had been going on when Tony wasn't a father anymore. After their fight Pepper didn't mention Andy again. That didn't keep Tony from thinking about her every day. He didn't stop searching for her, even if there were other things going on. How could he? 

But the world needed Iron Man even if Tony Stark needed a break. 

It got harder towards Christmas. Not two months ago he thought he'd be spending it with his kid. He wanted to give her the best Christmas ever, since she never had one before. 

"Tony, do you want to eat with us?", Pepper asked him one day. Tony was laying in bed, all the lights were dimmed. Nobody needed him today, thank God.

He only turned over and pulled the blanket tighter around him. He wanted to be alone. 

Pepper nodded softly and pulled the door shut behind her. Tony was thankful, even if he didn't tell her. She had his back on the days that he couldn't be Iron Man, couldn't even be Tony.

That's why he was surprised when she barged into his room an hour later. "Tony, Tony you need to take this call!", she explained breathlessly.

"I don't want to. ", he groaned and turned over. Surely it could wait until tomorrow. 

"It's about Andy.", she stated and his eyes opened wide. 

"What?", he asked as he sat up, his voice cracking. "Did someone find a body?", was the first thing he asked. Tony didn't think he could go on if his worst fear proved real. 

"They didn't say, they just said that they needed to talk to Tony Stark about his daughter.", Pepper explained as Tony climbed out of the bed and to his desk. 

"Put them through.", he ordered as he turned on the screen. It was a video call. For a second he worried that he looked like a pile of garbage but when he saw the person on the other side of the line he noticed that he wasn't the only one. 

The caller was a man, probably in his early 30s. He had long brown hair, and piercing blue eyes that were framed by dark circles. He looked as exhausted as Tony felt. 

"Mr Stark. I'm glad that I managed to contact you.", he started, he was British. Like Andy, like Nancy. The thought that he could be one of Nancy's customers made bile rise in his throat. 

"Where is my daughter,!", he demanded to know and the other male raised his eyebrows. 

"So I wasn't wrong in my assumption that you didn't know about Andy's whereabouts. Let me start by introducing myself. The name is Charles Xavier.

I understand your worry but let me assure you that your daughter is fine. She's been staying at our estate for the past month. I only recently discovered her relation to you which is why I'm calling. ", he explained and Tony started to grow impatient. 

"Sorry for cutting this short, but I'm not going to believe any word out of your mouth until I see Andy alive and well. So why don't we get down to business and you tell me what you want in exchange for my daughter. ", he spat at him and Charles frowned slightly.

""Calm down, I'm not holding your daughter as a hostage. You can just come over here. That's why I am calling you. ", he stated and Tony was caught off guard. 

No hostage situation. But what if it was a trap? What if this man didn't have his daughter? But how would he know about her if he hadn't met Andy. Andy didn't exist in the public eye. And if she wasn't a hostage, why hadn't she called him sooner.

Still, it didn't matter. Tony knew that if there was even the slightest chance of getting his kid back, he'd take it. 

"Send me your address, I'm on my way."

~

Westchester. Fucking Westchester. Not even a one hour drive away from Manhattan. Tony still couldn't believe it even as he was flying to the address Charles gave him. 

He only told Pepper about where he was going and he went alone. 

His mind hadn't fully realized that he would possibly see his daughter again. He didn't dare to hope that it was true. Because if it wasn't, it would rip him apart once and for all.

The property he found under the adress was in the middle of nowhere and also huge, like a small castle. This Charles-guy seemed to have old money. 

Iron man landed in front of the door before ringing the bell. A younger male opened a few minutes later. Tall, lanky, nerdy looking. He stared at Tony with wide eyes. "You're really here?", he gasped out. 

"Where is Andy?", he asked in his robotic voice as he pushed past the kid. 

The inside of the mansion was just as impressive as the outside. The foyer was completely made of polished dark mahogany and there was a gigantic golden chandelier hanging from the ceiling. 

"Mr Stark. I see you made it here in record speed.", a familiar voice greeted him and Tony turned his head to see Charles come, or roll towards him. 

The male he spoke to earlier was looking just as miserable in real life as he did through a camera, dressed in his sweatpants, tank top and robe. 

Tony just wanted to repeat what he just said but Charles waved him off. "Yes I'll let you see her I just have to warn you first. She doesn't know that you are here.", he replied as if he read his mind. 

"She doesn't know? Why didn't you tell her?", Tony asked genuinely confused. That was rare. All of this seemed fishy. 

"She didn't really want us contacting you but at the same time she really wanted to see you so this is a bit of a surprise.", Charles shrugged before turning his Weelchair around and driving down one hallway.

Andy didn't want to contact him? The whole time Tony thought that his daughter was trapped somewhere unable to contact him. The idea that she was fine and just didn't want to see him didn't even come to his mind. 

He felt panic rise in his chest at the thought alone but he had to swallow his fear and follow Charles. He let the faceplate of his suit slip away which earned him another gasp from the other kid that was trailing behind the two men. 

"Catch a break, kid. I'm not the president.", Tony mumbled and Charles smirked slightly. 

Charles lead him around the giant place that seemed to be empty except for the three of them until they stepped into a library. It was huge, several stories high, more extensive than some university libraries Tony had seen. Of course Andy would be here. 

"Andy? I have a surprise for you!", Charles called out. 

"Charles, you should know by now that I'm the human embodiment of an exposed nerve. Surprises are really not my forté.", Andy's voice came from somewhere and Tony's heart skipped a beat. 

It was her, it was really her and she was alive and sounded okay, and she was here. Here. Here. Alive. 

He heard steps coming from between two bookshelves and suddenly there she was. 

Andy looked almost the same as the last time he had seen her. Tall, bushy short brown hair. Pale skin and freckles. But her pink tips were gone and her eyes were green now. A detail that was ridiculous in the great scheme of things but still struck Tony. 

Tony could've cried at the mere sight of his daughter, looking healthy, normal, alive. Andy was frozen, her expression unreadable, her eyes fixed on him. 

"Hello, Poppins.", he whispered, his voice cracking.

Andy took a shuddering breath and suddenly her attention shifted to Charles. 

"I told you not to contact him.", her tone was grave, cold, but her eyes were glistening and Tony's blood ran cold. Then she turned around and stormed off into the maze of book shelves again. 

Tony chased after her almost immediately. This was wrong. This was not how it was supposed to go. This was supposed to be a reunion. 

"Andy - Andy would you please stop and talk to me.", he pleaded with her but she just continued to run away from him. He could've easily caught up with her but he also didn't want to invade her personal space. 

"Andy, please!", he begged, his voice cracking as tears burned in his eyes. 

Suddenly she stopped and spun around. Her eyes were blood shot, her cheeks wet, but her face was an expression of fury. 

"Why are you here?! Huh?! I thought you got what you wanted! Piss off!", she spat at him and Tony flinched away ever so slightly. 

"What are you talking about? Andy,  I was worried sick, we- we all were. We thought- that you went to Nancy. We- I-I thought you were...", his voice broke off and to his shock Andy scoffed at him. 

"Oh as if you'd care!", she snapped, her tone so hateful that Tony felt sick. He had no idea what was going on, just that whatever it was, he had to fix it.

"Would you please stop snapping at me and tell me what I did to scare you off because I've spend the last month thinking about what could've possibly made you run away and I still don't know. ", he stated as calm as possible. 

Andy pressed her lips together, diverted her eyes, then:"Do I have to remind you of your conversation with Pepper? About how I'd always be a problem. About how you wanted to get rid of me."

At first her words made no sense at all. Tony had never said anything like that, why would he? But then-

"Fuck.", he whispered. He couldn't believe it, couldn't believe that he hadn't thought of this. And had to have been eavesdropping when he talked to Pepper about Nancy. Take away propper context and add a truck load of self-loathing, of course Andy thought he ment her.

"I-I wasn't talking about you, Andy...", he said quietly. "I was talking about Nancy. I'd never try to get rid of you, I promise."

Andy's face didn't shift, her eyes still glaring at him furiously. "You are lying.", she spat.

"He's telling the truth.", Charles' voice came from behind Tony. He hadn't even noticed that the two other men had followed them. That wasn't important though because these four words were enough to tear down Andy's facade.

Her angry expression fell like a mask and suddenly there was only horror. Big terrified green eyes, looking from Tony to Charles and back again. 

"He is?", She whispered, her voice quivering. Charles nodded slowly and Tony held his breath. 

"You weren't trying to get rid of me?", she sounded horrified, her voice laced with emotion. 

"Never.", Tony breathed out, shaking his head slightly. 

For a few seconds Andy was completely still, until she suddenly raised her arms to her head and let them glide through her hair as she started to pace. 

"I-I am- A- Self-sabotaging- Idiot!", she suddenly exclaimed her eyes wide and frantic. 

"Andy,  no, you can't blame yourself-", Tony started, already knowing where this was going. But when he aproached Andy she flinched back and extended her arms to keep him away from her.

"No, you don't understand. I did this to myself! I went to Nancy- I almost got myself killed- FOR NOTHING!", she yelled the last part and then Andy started to laugh. It was hollow, hysteric, Tony want surprised by it anymore, he had witnessed Andy's mixed up reactions before. It still broke his heart. 

She wouldn't stop laughing,  burried her face in her hands,  and laughed and laughed until her laugh  fizzled out into horrible sadness, her body language stricken and miserable.

It tugged heavily and sickeningly in Tony's chest.

"Andy-", he whispered and she drew a couple of ragged breaths and finally lowered her hands, and when she looked up her eyes were rimmed red, helpless and ruined. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I fucked up, I fuck up everything. ", she started to sob and Tony just wanted to hold her, tell her that it was fine. But as soon as he stepped closer she flinched back. 

"I- I am sorry,  I can't do this right now. I-I am not mad at you. I never really was... B-But I n-need time. I c-can't do this right now.", she stuttered between sobs and Tony stopped his attempts to get closer to her. 

It didn't matter what he wanted. He wasn't important. Not right now.  Right now Andy was asking something of him and he knew how hard that was for her. He had to respect that. 

"I'll give you all the time you need. Just know that whenever you are ready, I'll be waiting for you to come home. We'll all be waiting.", he spoke gently and slowly Andy calmed down until she looked at him with puffy teary eyes and red cheeks, her bottom lip still trembeling.

"You're family loves you, Andy. I-", his voice broke slightly but he couldn't stop now. "I love you."

With that he let his faceplate slide on again before turning around and walking past the other two men. It was a good thing that they couldn't see his face, or they would've  seen the tears that were streaming down his face freely now.

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Puns and reflection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Hapy Holidays everyone!
> 
> Okay so this is again, part 1 of a huge chapter I had planned but didn't manage to finish because of Christmas. I'll definitely be posting part 2 tomorrow and it'll be so fucking fluffy, you won't believe it! 
> 
> I hope you're all having great holidays and please leave a review, I really love reading them, so much.

Charles had the feeling that calling Andy's father over wasn't the best idea he ever had. Especially since it seemed to send the girl into a state of shock for the following days. 

"Was this a mistake?", he asked Hank quietly. They were glancing into Andy's room where the young girl had been sitting in an armchair, staring out the window. That's all that she'd been doing for the past three days. She barely ate, was pretty much catatonic. To say that Charles was worried was an understatement. 

"At least she now knows that her father doesn't hate her.", Hank shrugged. 

"Yeah, but I almost feel like she was doing better before.", he pointed out. 

"I think she just needs time to work out her feelings. Maybe you could help her with that.", Hank suggested and Charles let out a sigh. 

"She doesn't like it when I enter her head unannounced. But I guess checking in on her would be better than to watch her without a clue as to what is going on in her mind.", he thought out loud. 

"So you'll do it?", Hank asked and Charles nodded softly before rolling into the bedroom to get closer to the girl. 

~

Charles found himself on an island of sorts. He had been to the minds of other people before and sometimes people visualized their mind as a place. In Andy's case, a tiny island with white sand and no vegetation. The only thing he found there was a bench where Andy was sitting on. 

"Andy?", he asked and made a step towards her. Only thrn he realized that he could walk. It made sense, this want real after all.

Andy turned her head and raised an eyebrow. "Charles? What are you doing here?", she asked not sounding mad, just casual. 

"Checking in on you.", he replied as he walked over to the bench and sat down beside Andy. 

"You said you wouldn't enter my mind if I didn't give you permission.", she stated and Charles nodded. 

"Yeah, but you are pretty unresponsive out there so I couldn't exactly ask for permission.", he pointed out and Andy shrugged. 

"That's fair.", she nodded. 

"So what is this here?", he asked after a moment of silence. 

"You see the storm out there?", Andy asked, pointing towards the sea. Only now Charles noticed the gigantic storm that was going on right before their eyes, black clouds illuminated by lightning, pouring rain, violent waves clashing together but none of it reached the island. 

"These are my emotions. Or a visual representation of them. I call it my em-ocean.", she smirked and glanced at Charles who rolled with his eyes but cracked a smile too. 

"But we are safe here?", he asked and Andy nodded. 

"The island is untouchable. It's a bubble. My conscience chills here when it doesn't want to deal with that shit.", she pointed back at the storm. 

"Do you want to talk about it?", Charles asked and Andy shrugged slightly. 

"Yeah I guess.", she replied and Charles raised his eyebrows surprised. That was easy. 

Andy noticed his look and quickly explained:"I've tried to make sense of that shit by myself. It hasn't worked yet. I think I need help. A common sense filter if you will. And don't get me wrong, you aren't my first choice. No offense but you're really dysfunctional yourself. But you're also the only one here so that's what we're dealing with I guess."

"Wow, thanks for the honesty.", Charles smirked slightly and Andy winked at him before becoming serious again. 

"Why am I so stupid. Like, Tony gave me no reason to distrust him. He always tried his best. But the minute I find even the faintest indication of betrayal, I'm convinced of it. All of this could've been avoided if I had just talked to him. If I had done literally anything besides running away. Why am I like this?"

Charles sighed softly before replying:"You've been programmed by pain and neglect. It's only natural for you to expect this treatment."

"I know that. But how do I stop it? Or do I have to be like this forever?", Andy asked next. She didn't sound frustrated. If her explanation was factual than she left her emotions outside her island. Frustration maybe wasn't something she lost herself experience right now. Uhr probably made being rational a lot easier.

"Of course not. You learned this behaviour. You can unlearn it as well. It'll just be a lot harder.", Charles returned and Andy glanced over at him. 

"That sounds promising", she huffed slightly. She leaned back against the bench and watched the storm for a while. 

"Do you think that Tony is angry?", she asked next and Charles almost laughed out. 

"Believe me, he blames himself just as much as you and he'd love nothing more than for you to come back. ", he said but Andy didn't seem satisfied. 

"The thing is, I'm afraid that he won't trust me now. He didn't trust me before either. He never let me do anything by myself. I was constantly babysat and I'm pretty sure that he'll never let me out of his sight again now."

"Have you tried telling him that this bothers you?", Charles asked and Andy didn't reply for a while. 

"Shit. You got me.", she finally confessed. "Maybe I should try that?"

"Yes, and if he doesn't respect it, you can still run away to live with us.", Chatles joked but the look Andy gave him was so genuine that it shook him to the core. 

"Thank you by the way. You and Hank saved my life. You didn't have to do that. ", she said, a small smile tugging at her lips. 

"I hope that we could show you that sometimes people are kind, just because. I hope that one day you'll be able to believe in kindness. That one day you'll know that you deserve kindness.", Charles replied quietly and faintly noticed that the storm was calming. 

Andy directed her eyes towards the see again and watched as the clouds made room for single sun rays. "What day is it?", she then asked.

"The 25th December.", he replied and Andy chewed on her lip. 

"I think I can't hide anymore. It's time to go home. ", she said after a while before giving Charles a nervous smile.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holiday fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is a day late. But Russian disco came in the way and I also watched the new Spiderman. I loved it btw.
> 
> So this was the last part of the Christmas chapters. I might not update as much as I did in the last weeks. Just because I have to go back and correct all of my autocorrect errors and typos. They are awful.
> 
> But I'm also really excited for the future of Andy so might continue with the fast updates. We'll see. 
> 
> As always please leave a review! I love reading them so much and I've been absolutely blown away at the responses I got for this story.

The drive back to Manhatten was excruciating. Andy insisted on Hank and Charles coming with her.

"I'm not leaving you here. I need a buffer in case things get uncomfortable or weird at the tower.", Andy explained.

So now they were all driving to the tower. Andy didn't call beforehand. Maybe because she felt like if she just showed up she was less likely to be rejected.

Once they finally reached tho tower Andy walked up to the reception the way she did when she first got here, all those months ago.

"Hey, Mrs Sawyer.", she said to the receptionist. The lady looked up from her screen and shrieked slightly.

"Andy?! You're- you're here?!" The woman already knew Andy. And apparently she also knew about her disappearance.

"Yeah. Would you let me upstairs? And don't tell Tony. It's a surprise." , she asked carefully and the woman nodded with a smile.

"I thought you hated surprises.", Charles smirked as they got into the elevator.

"I do when I'm the one who gets surprised.", she shrugged before continuing to chew on her lip. The excitement was killing her.

"It'll be fine. He'll be happy to see you. ",Charles stated and Andy sighed.

"Please get out of my head.", Andy asked and Charles smirked slightly.

"I didn't have to read your mind to know what you're thinking of right now. "

"Is it that obvious?", she laughed nervously when the lift stopped. Andy took a deep breath and there it was the familiar living room, now decked out in Christmas decorations.

Bruce was sitting on the couch, reading a book and his eyes widened at the sight of Andy. "Andy?", he asked shocked before cracking a smile.

"Hey Bruce. Is Tony here?", she asked, her voice quivering slightly.

"Tony?!", Bruce yelled, his eyes not leaving Andy, as if she'd disappear into thin air as soon as he'd look away.

"What's up, grinch?", Tony asked as he came into the living room and froze as soon as he saw Andy. Here it was, the moment Andy was so terrified of.  _All or nothing._

"Hey, tinman. I thought that it would be time for me to come home.", Andy smiled softly, her heart racing in her chest.

Tony was frozen, his eyes wide. Then he started to melt, a wide smile appearing on his lips. "Welcome home Poppins.", he smiled and strode towards her only stopping shortly before her to make sure that touching her was okay.

Andy just opened her arms and closed the distance between them wrapping herself around his chest and burying her face against his shoulder.

"I love you, Andy. I love you so much.", Tony whispered into her ear and Andy felt like crying, laughing and shouting.

"I love you, too dad.", she returned and Tony froze at the name. For a split second Andy thought that she made a mistake but then he just tightened his hug.

If Christmas was always like this, Andy could get used to it.

~

For the next hour Andy was circled by Clint, Bruce, Pepper, Natasha and Tony. It was all a blurr of emotions, of laughter and tears and once they had all greeted her Andy was feeling pretty overwhelmed so she tried to direct her attention to something else.

"Avengers? Let me introduce you to my friends, Professor Charles Xavier and Dr Hank McCoy. Without them I'd definitely be dead.", she introduced with a smile.

Charles grinned and only raised his hand for a wave while Hank was completely starstruck. "You're-", he started and walked up to Bruce.

"The hulk. Yeah.", Bruce nodded but Hank shook his head.

"No. I mean yes. But you're Dr Bruce Banner. The most renowned scientist of your generation!", he gasped and Andy had to grin at Bruce's baffled and then genuine smile.

"T-thanks.", he laughed surprised.

"Bruce has a fan, huh?", Natasha smirked and Andy flinched slightly, she didn't notice the woman appear. _Reckless. Need to pay attention._

"Yeah, Hank was pretty shocked at my family.", Andy replied with a smile.

"You scared us all, you know?", Natashe stated and Andy was surprised at the sudden topic change. But then again, Natasha never let her off easily.

"I'm sorry. I just- I fell into old thinking patterns.", Andy shrugged slightly looking over at the redhead.

Natasha gave her a serious look, her eyes focusing in on the girl. Then:"I know. And I won't blame you for that. Just- Next time you think that something is wrong, tell me, or Clint or Tony or anyone. We might be able to clear it up for you."

Andy bit her lip before nodding slightly. She hadn't even thought about how her disappearance might've impacted the other avengers. Andy could barely imagine that someone would miss her.

"I'll tell someone. I promise, as a liar.", she said with a crooked smile and Nat smiled back.

"It's good to have you back, малыш."

"I missed you, too. "

~

"I guess I should thank you. ", Tony said as he approached Charles. "After all you saved my daughters life, brought her back to me. "

The man in the wheelchair turned to face Tony, stroking his long hair out of his face. He looked slightly better in his slacks and button up even if he still seemed drained.

"Oh you don't owe anything to me. Hank saved Andy and I was more of a nuisance than a help.", he laughed bitterly.

"If it wasn't for Andy I'd probably still shoot up until my mind is absolutely useless.", he then shrugged and Tony was surprised by the honesty.

For a second he made the connection that Andy always ended up with clueless, broken men.

Charles suddenly laughed. "Yeah, maybe someone should look into that. But us clueless, broken men are lucky that we have her. "

"Did I just think out loud.", Tony asked with an raised eyebrow.

"To me everyone thinks out loud.", Charles chuckled before tapping against his temple. "It's part of my mutation."

"I assumed that you were one. I looked you up, you know. After I was at your place. You wrote some interesting stuff on genetic mutation. And then the school you lead for a few years- Why didn't it work out?", Tony asked curiously and Charles face darkened.

"Life got in the way.", the other Male only stated, his eyes distant. "I wasn't able to give the kids what they needed."

Tony watched Andy laugh at something Clint said and a warm feeling filled his chest. "You were able to give my kid what she needed, though. I don't know, maybe it's time to try again. ", he suggested casually, a crooked smile on his lips.

Charles raised on of his eyebrows, his eyes still far away. Even though the man was younger than Tony, his eyes revealed pain beyond his years but also wisdom.

"I have some things to take care off first. But maybe you're right.", Chatles finally said, his eyes back at Tony.

"If you'd need a sponsor for your school, you'd have one in me, megamind. ", Tony smirked and so did Charles.

"I'll keep that in mind. "

~

It was exhausting. Who could've guess that being happy could be this tiring, in a good way.

Andy spend the rest of the day with the Avengers, as it got dark Charles and Hank excused themselves and Andy managed to hold both their hands for a little as a goodbye.

"Thank you. So so much.", she smiled at Hank and the Male blushed slightly.

Afterwards they ate dinner, Pepper and Natasha managed to whip up a last minute Christmas meal and by the time it turned 8 pm. Andy was feeling warm, full and tearjerkingly comfortable.

She was curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, holding Tony's hand in hers. The other avengers had decided to let them have some father daughter time by themselves.

Her eyes were fixed on the fireplace, the sparks reminding her of the tree she decorated at the mansion, filling her with that strange melancholy again.

"I wish I could stay in this moment forever. Or bottle it up so that I could have pieces of it later. I wish tonight would never end.", she whispered and Tony let his thumb stroke over her palm.

"While I can't give you that, I can make sure that we catch up on everything, everything we've missed. I promise.", he said softly. "We have time, Poppins. Now that you're home, everything will be okay."

At that Andy couldn't hold it back anymore, tears finally spilling over her cheeks. She let go of Tony's hand to instead curl against him, laying her head on his chest where she could feel the cold of the reactor in his chest.

"That was exactly what I wanted to hear.", she whispered and Tony carefully put his arms around her. He didn't trap her though. He held her, kept her  _safe, warm._

"I'll tell you for as long as you need to hear it. ", Tony returned and Andy smiled slightly before her eyes slowly fell shut and she drifted off to sleep.

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy and Clint heart to heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been excited to finally have some real bonding between those two! I really hope you like it!  
> Also there are mentions of abuse and neglect in this one but it isn't graphic. 
> 
> As always, -please leave a review, they make my day.

Andy spend the next few days in comfortable bliss. It was like living in an alternate dimension where Andy wasn't a disaster human. Where she was totally fine and nothing hurt. 

But with every day of that dreamlike state the nagging feeling at the back of her mind grew. It couldn't stay like this forever, sooner or later reality had to set in again. A few days later, it did. 

Andy was eating breakfast with Tony. She'd wondered why they were alone but hadn't mentioned it. 

"Andy, now that you are back, there are some things we need to talk about.", Tony started in a serious tone and Andy nodded slowly,  setting down her cup of tea. She dreaded this conversation.

"Like what?", she asked casually.

"Like what you did after you ran off.", Tony returned. Andy could feel his leg bounce nervously under the table. She saw this coming, knew that she had to tell him eventually, it didn't make it easier. 

"I-I went to the hotel. I won't go into detail about what happened there,  I don't remember most of it either. But I know that I was close to death. So close that Nancy decided to dump my body in the forest where Hank found me.", she replied, her tone serious but neutral. She had distanced herself from that night, like she always did.

Tony's eyes were glistening and he swallowed hardly before he asked:"Is that all that you're willing to tell me?"

"About that night? Yes. But I have other news that I need to share. I've been busy.", she replied, changing the subject.

"Following my fatal injuries we made an interesting discovery.", Andy stated as she picked up her knife and sliced through her thumb. 

Tony flinched and started to protest but Andy waved him off. "Just watch.", she said and presented her finger that quickly healed up again. 

"You have a healing factor?", Tony asked surprised and Andy shrugged as she wiped away the blood.

"Yes and no. It's not automatic. I have to tell myself to heal or else I won't. At least not faster than normal.", she explained.

"That's what saved your life?", Tony asked and Andy nodded.  

"I stubbornly refused to die.", the girl smirked and Tony managed a crooked smile as well. 

"That sounds like my girl. ", he said softly and Andy blushed slightly. All this affection was overwhelming her. 

"We also found a lead in our search for Nancy.", she then revealed and Tony's eyes went wide. 

"Wha- How- What is it?", he asked shocked. 

"It turns out I have a half sister. We share a mother and she might be able to help us find our mother and Nancy. ", Andy replied and Tony raised his eyebrows.

"A half sister? How did you figure that out.",he wondered. 

"She used to be a friend of Charles and Hank. Her name is Raven and she's a shapeshifter like me. Charles is planning to contact her with his powers once they're back to 100%.", Andy explained and Tony looked impressed. 

"You really have been busy.", he nodded and Andy shrugged with a small smile before drinking some of her tea. 

"I can't wait to get my hands on Nancy. This woman will never see the light of day again if I catch her.", Tony mumbled and Andy directed her eyes towards her cup. 

"Will you kill her?", Andy asked meekly and Tony froze, his eyes focused on his daughter. 

"I'll do whatever you want. You decide, if you want her dead, I'll make that happen.", he stated, his voice colder than usual. 

Andy had never really thought about that before. Did she want Nancy dead? She had every reason to. But still, she wasn't sure. "I'll let you know once I figure out what I want. ", she replied and Tony nodded. 

"There was something else I wanted to ask of you.", she then started. This worried her almost as much as telling Tony what happened after she left. 

"Spit it.", Tony demanded and Andy tightened her grip around her cup before looking up. 

"When I was at the mansion, I had a lot of free time without Hank or Charles. And while I really missed all of you and appreciate your company, I also realized how important this me-time is to me. I don't want to be babysat constantly. I need privacy. I need time for myself. ", she explained her heart racing. This wasn't just _asking_ for something. It was _demanding_. Andy was _demanding_ and it was terrifying her.

Tony looked serious, thoughtful. Like he was considering her thoughts. He wasn't lashing out like Andy expected so that was a plus. 

"Under one condition. It's something I've been thinking about for a while and the recent events only revealed how much you need it. I want you to see a therapist.", he then replied and Andy cringed slightly. 

A therapist? _Really?_   _Great. He thinks you're crazy._

"Just so you know, I just want you to get the help you need. This is for your best.", Tony promised but Andy hated the thought of a shrink. Exposing herself to a stranger, _no thank you._

But she really wanted to maintain her privacy. "Okay, I'll see a therapist."

~

"I really don't want to see a therapist.", the girl groaned before taking a sip of her tea. 

Clint was delighted when Andy asked him to go out with her and that's how they ended up at his favorite coffee house. 

He wasn't exactly sure why Andy had picked him to rant to about her conversation with Tony. Normally she'd probably talk to Natasha but she was send on a mission shortly after Christmas. 

"I mean, I really don't need a stranger telling me that I'm messed up, I'm aware.", she sighed and Clint narrowed his eyes at her. 

Andy barely looked like the girl he met all those months ago, literally. She was tall, fit, her hair had been short and pink for the last few days, sticking up in crazy curls, the freckles and dark eyes were back. 

"Do you want me to be honest?", Clint asked.

"I'd prefer it.", Andy replied. 

"You're fucked up Andy.", Clint stated and Andy chuckled slightly. 

"I take it back,  I'd prefer you to be less honest.", she smirked. 

"Hear me out, okay?", Clint laughed and Andy let him continue. 

"You are fucked up, but that isn't your fault. Still we can't go back and reverse what happened to you. It's part of you now and that is that. ", Clint continued. "The thing is, we're all fucked up. Trust me, normal people wouldn't do this job. But we aren't professionals. Sure, we can support and love you. We can help. I'd like to believe that we already did-"

"You totally helped me. I feel so much better than when we first met!",Andy exclaimed but Clint had to stay serious now. 

"But you still ran away at the slightest indication of resentment.", he stated and Andy retreated a little.

"Touché.", she mumbled,  her eyes diverted. 

"You see, we can only do so much. But we don't know what you need. And I'm sorry to say it but you don't even know what you need. Or would you say otherwise?", he asked and Andy stayed silent, staring at her tea. 

After a few minutes of passive aggressive silence, Clint decided that he had to approach this differently. 

"I see a therapist, you know?", he started and already caught Andy's attention. 

"You do? Why?", she asked genuinely confused and Clint almost laughed out. He always felt like his truckload of issues was so obvious but to someone like Andy he had to seem completely normal. 

"Yeah, have been for a few months. Wasn't my idea, either. S.H.I.E.L.D. insisted on it after Loki had a field trip into my mind and made me kill a bunch of my colleagues.", he explained and Andy raised an eyebrow.

"And did you like that?", she asked in a sort of challenging way.

"Nah, I fucking hated it at first. After getting brainwashed by a norse god, letting someone in on my psyche sounded like the worst idea ever.  I don't know how my therapist put up with me. I was an ass.", he smirked. 

"You still are.", Andy said in a cheeky tone and those 3 words showed how far she'd already come. The girl he first met would've never dared to say something like that. Not even as a joke. 

"I didn't ask for your honesty so keep it to yourself.", he returned with a grin before continuing what he was saying. 

"But as soon as I let her help me, I discovered that she really knew what she was talking about. She had that psychology degree for a reason. And she dug up things that I buried so deep inside myself that I thought no one would ever get to see them.", he confessed. 

"Like what?", Andy asked curiously before quickly pulling back. "I mean, you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. "

"I wouldn't have brought it up, if I didn't plan on telling you. ", Clint pointed out. "And besides, if hearing about my past will convince you to give therapy a shot, it's the least I can do."

Clint tried his best to seem relaxed but the thought of telling someone besides his therapist about his childhood made his heart race. Still, if it helped Andy, he'd do it. 

"Just maybe not in here. Would you go on a walk with me?", he asked her and Andy agreed. 

~

Outside was better. Clint always felt better in open spaces. He felt like he could breath. 

They were walking through Central Park. New York was painted white and it was snowing slightly.

Andy was patiently waiting for Clint to start talking but he could feel the curiosity radiating off of her. 

"Let me start by saying that my dad was a drunk and an abusive dick and that my mother never stopped him from letting out his aggressions against me and my brother. ", he started. 

"You have a brother?", Andy asked and Clint nodded.

"Yeah Barney, he was older than me, tried to protect me but you know...", Clint replied and the thing was that he knew that he didn't have to specify. Andy really  _knew._

The girl bit her lip and brushed her shoulder against his. In Andy's case that was the equivalent of a comforting hug and Clint appreciated it.

"So, that went on for several years. My brother and I were basically his punching bag. Until he died. A drunk driving accident, he took our mother with him. Barney and I were send into Foster care.", he continued. 

"Let me guess, things didn't exactly get better.", Andy stated bitterly and Clint shrugged. 

"Yes and no. The foster care system is broken but that doesn't mean that all foster parents are bad people. Far from it. Barney and I were in a lot of families. Some were all right and in hindsight, if we hadn't made as much trouble, maybe one of them would've kept us. But we were fucked up and defensive and tried to push everyone away. Does that ring a bell?", he asked and Andy looked away, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her coat. 

"Anyways. Some of the foster parents were awful. Abusive. The whole deal. Some of the halfway homes we've been to were just underfunded. To many kids, not enough food or resources. The older ones mostly passed on food so that the younger ones could eat, stuff like that. But the negligence was better than the abuse.", he explained.

"That's awful. These people were supposed to take care of you. Not starve you, or abuse you. And neglect shouldn't be a best case scenario. ", Andy suddenly pointed out, her face enraged and sad. Clint smirked. 

"What the fuck is funny about that?", Andy asked, clearly upset. 

"Not a lot. It's just both hilarious and depressing that you don't notice the irony in what you just said.", he pointed out. "I know that it's not right. But do you? Do you really know it?"

Andy wore a thoughtful expression before groaning:"You got me there, Barton. Is that the end of the story?"

Clint shook his head and Andy sighed softly. "It isn't? If this gets any worse I'll cry, or laugh. I don't know,  my emotional reactions are kind of unpredictable.", she mumbled. 

"I can stop if you want. ", he suggested, it would've been easier for him too. He really hated talking about this, but Andy shook her head.

"Please continue."

"When we were a little older my brother and I ran away from one of the halfway homes. And we joined a circus. I was trained by this guy called Swordsman. That's where I got my aim from. And for a while Barney and I were really happy. We loved the circus, we thought we had found a home.", he continued and Andy frowned. 

"Why do I feel like there is a 'but'?", she asked and Clint shrugged before saying:"Isn't there always?"

At that Andy diverted her eyes and Clint went on to the hardest part.

"But. I later found out that the Swordsman was embezzling money from the carnival. Before I could turn him over to the authorities, I was jumped by him and some guys. I don't remember much of that but they beat me within an inch of my life and left me for dead. My brother left with them, maybe they threatened him, I don't know. I never saw him again. ", he finished and noticed that Andy had suddenly stopped. 

Clint looked back at the girl who had clenched her fists and was shaking slightly while her face was neutral.  _Hiding something._

"Why are you telling me all of this?", she asked, her tone neutral. 

"So that you'll know that you're not alone. I won't pretend that I can fathom the abuse you went through. But I know what it's like to have been hurt. I know what it's like to feel betrayed. And I know what it's like to be left for dead. And I also want you to know that you can overcome all of that. That there are professionals who know how to help you.", the words were just spilling out of him, he could just hope that they were the right ones. Because Clint didn't know. He had no fucking clue if anything that he was doing was right. 

"Can I hug you?", Andy asked, her demeanor still neutral but Clint's heart still skipped a beat. This was big. Only Tony ever got to hug her. 

"Of course.", he nodded and opened his arms. 

"But please don't put your arms on me until I say that it's okay?", she asked, stepping closer and it hurt Clint how embarrassed she suddenly sounded, how frustrated with herself.

"Whatever you need.", he nodded and let his arms hover over her as she wrapped her arms around his torso. Her hug was warm, strong, tight, like she was clinging to him. 

"Now slowly put them down.", she mumbled into his shoulder, he could feel her heart race in her chest. Clint did as instructed and slowly placed his arms around her.

He could feel her heavy breathing and feared that she was having a panic attack but after a few seconds she calmed down and tightened her embrace.

Then she let go and distanced herself and Clint let her. She wrapped her arms around her body once they separated and she looked so lost, it broke the males heart.

"You're a good hugger. You hug like your life depends on it.", he pointed out. 

"Wanna hear a secret I haven't told anyone before?", she asked and Clint nodded. 

"I really crave touch. Like  so much. I want to be hugged and held and I want to someone to ruffle through my hair. But I also can't stand the thought of it most of the time. And-", her breathing hitched slightly as her eyes turned towards the sky. "It's really frustrating."

"You're getting better at it though. ", Clint pointed out and Andy shrugged slightly. "I'll try.", she then said. 

"What?", Clint asked genuinely confused. 

"I'll try to give the therapist a chance. I want to be better.", she mumbled and Clint couldn't stop the small smile that appeared on his lips. 

"That's the only thing anyone could ask for."


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two elders are disturbed by rebellious teen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some Bucky/Steve action. Don't fear, Bucky won't be like this the whole time. But he's just at the beginning of his recovery, and I wanted to make that clear. 
> 
> The next chapter is going to be super angsty. I can't wait to write it, but I hope that you enjoy this little one. Please leave a review!

The Asset had been at the tower for roughly two weeks. _Bucky_ was the name that Steve called him.  _Steve_

The Asset didn't know a lot but he knew Steve, or at least he recognized him. And the Asset felt like Steve wouldn't hurt him. He hadn't so far. Steve was actually the one who got hurt by the asset at first but he didn't get mad about it. 

At first the Asset thought that Steve was just a new handler and that he was trying to trick him into making a mistake. But Steve didn't seem like a handler, he never did the things his handlers typically did. 

Steve was more like a really dumb prison guard. Because The Asset was a prisoner. He wasn't allowed to leave the apartment and Steve was guarding him. But Steve sometimes left the Asset alone at the apartment and he didn't even lock the doors. Like he trusted in The Asset. Or maybe he just trusted in  _Bucky_ even if the Asset wasn't completely sure who that was. It wasn't important anyways. The Asset didn't try to run. It should only be punished. 

On one of these days that Steve left, The Asset was pacing through the apartment and checking the security. It was good, he still didn't trust it. 

And apparently it couldn't be that good because there was someone sitting in the kitchen. 

A woman, no, a girl, 5'7, slim but fit, long curly black hair with a single strand of pink. She was eating tomatoes. 

"Hey.", she said waving slightly at him, calmly eating her tomatoes. 

"What are you doing here?", The Asset asked confused. Thre girl didn't seem threatening but he still tensed up. 

"Invading czechoslovakia, what does it look like?", she smirked before stuffing another tomato into her mouth. 

The Asset was irritated. The girl had an accent. It reminded him of someone. It was on the tip of his tongue but, just like with most things these days, he couldn't quiete remember it. He thought of chocolate brown curls and red lips but that was all. "You're eating, obviously. I mean why are you in here?", he specified and the girl nodded slightly. 

"You see, I was gone for the last month or so and when I returned Steve was gone and nobody mentioned him and at first I thought that he was just on a mission but when I asked about him nobody really gave me a straight answer, until I asked my father. 

Tony told me that Steve moved in with you. He didn't tell me a whole lot more, just enough the convince me of one thing.", she looked up from her plate and focused her huge dark eyes on the Asset. Her look was kind of unsettling, there was something wrong with her. 

"My dad is terrified of you.", she stated and The Asset realized who he was talking to. Of course he knew who Tony Stark was. The Asset had killed Tony's parents and Tony was letting him live at his tower. He had stopped trying to make sense of that paradox. 

But Steve had mentioned Stark's daughter. Andy. The missing girl. This had to be her. Not missing anymore apparently.

"Aren't you scared of me, then?", he asked. She should be, The Asset was a killer. 

"Oh trust me, I'm terrified as well but that's not really because of you. That's a me-issue. But I'm also curious and I like to fact check for myself. And I know, I know. 'Curiousity killed the cat' and all that shit but do you know how that saying goes on?", she rambled and the Asset had trouble following her. 

"No?", he replied and Andy grinned slightly. 

"Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back. And damn, I'm going to be so satisfied if I turn out to be right.", she replied before eating some more. "So what did you do that sparked all this fear?", she then asked casually.

"I killed Stark's parents.", he replied and Andy choked on her tomato. 

The girl coughed a few times before directing her attention back to The Asset. "Didn't expect that. I have to give that to you, you threw me off my rhythm."

"Why are you here?", The Asset asked again,  his irritation growing. 

"Because, I don't like unknown factors. You are an unknown factor, a possible threat in my home. I have to check you out.", she shrugged.  _Why was she so calm?_

Suddenly the door to the kitchen opened and Steve came inside his arms filled with groceries. The blonds eyes widened slightly. 

"Andy! What are you doing here?", he asked as he came over to them and placed the grocery bags on the counter.

"Hey Steve. I was just investigating why everybody suddenly treats you like you're Voldemort.", she smirked. 

"I understood that reference.", Steve pointed out and Andy chuckled slightly. 

"I didn't. ", The Asset remarked. 

"Steve, could you please fill me in as to what happened here while I was gone?", she then asked and Steve glanced at the Asset. He always did that, send nervous glances his way. The Asset once asked him why and Steve explained that he just wanted to be sure that  _Bucky_ was okay. The Asset didn't understand. 

"Can I talk to you on private?", he then asked and Andy got up, following Steve into a different room, leaving the Asset alone.

~

"You caught him on a bad day.", Steve sighed as he closed the door to the kitchen behind them. 

"What do you mean by that?", Andy asked leaning against the door with crossed arms. 

Steve always found the teen unnerving which he felt quite guilty for. Andy was- a victim, he knew that. But she also stressed him out. He could never read her emotions, she just always had the same neutral face and tone and Steve felt like even if he did something wrong, he wouldn't know.

"What has Tony told you about Bucky?", Steve asked. 

"Only that he lives here, that he's dangerous, that I should stay away from him. ", she explained without giving away her opinion on the topic. 

"And what do you think?", Steve asked. 

"I looked him up. James Buchanen Barnes. I think he's a war hero, I think that he's your friend, and I think they he should be in his 90s. Will you explain to me how he is so young? And what happened to him?", she stated and again there was this tone that didn't tell Steve anything. It was off-putting.

"He-  when bucky fell off the train no one believed that he could've survived it. Nobody searched for him. But Hydra- Do you know what Hydra is?", he asked quickly and Andy nodded. 

"Nazis, right?", she asked and Steve continued. 

"Hydra found him. They gave him another version of the super serum, brainwashed him into a killing machine and froze him when he wasn't needed.", he explained as shortly as possible.

He didn't want to go into all the gruesome details. The torture, the conditioning, if there was one thing that Andy didn't need, it was more horror. It also made Steve sick to even think about it. 

"So, that's why he killed Tony's parents. They made him do it. ", Andy pointed out but it didn't sound accusatory, just thoughtful.  _Why isn't she shocked? Or mad? Or anything?_

"It wasn't really him. He still isn't himself. He recognized me, enough to switch sides. And some days he is almost himself again. He will say something and he'll sound so much like the old Bucky-", Steve's voice broke off as he looked at the kitchen door. "But most of the time he's just the Asset.",he finished. 

Andy's face wasn't neutral anymore,  it was focused, and it was focused on Steve, like she was trying to work something out, it was calculating. 

"I don't think that he's guilty.", she then said slowly. "And to be honest I don't think that Tony believes that either. He wouldn't have let him live here if he did. But he just found out that his parents were murdered, he needs someone to put the blame on.", she then pointed out. 

"I hope that it's just that. ", Steve sighed, rubbing his forehead with his hand. The look Tony gave him when Steve told him what Bucky did, his expression when Steve defended him, he still couldn't get it out of his head. 

"He'll get over it eventually.", Andy shrugged when suddenly a voice coming from the door asked:'What so you think you're doing here Andy?"


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony: he's a murderer, why would you defend him?  
> Andy: you don't have all the facts!  
> Tony: Which are?  
> Andy: he's too precious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is over and it's time to be sad.
> 
> Andy has a flashback in this one but it's not described from her perspective so it isn't graphic. 
> 
> As always, please leave a review, I love them reading them so much!

Andy was staring at Tony with that neutral look he despised so much. He couldn't tell what she was thinking.

Tony had left Andy by herself for the afternoon, like he promised to do since she agreed to see a therapist. But when he asked Jarvis where she was because he wanted to ask if she wanted to eat with him, and Jarvis revealed that she was a few floors below, in Steve's apartment, Tony quickly regretted their agreement.

"What do you think you're doing down here?", he asked, his tone, calm but an underlying anger was clearly present.

"Finding out why Steve is suddenly a taboo topic and if his murder puppy is dangerous.", the girl replied casually and Tony was fuming.

Apparently Andy had no self-preservation skills. But his anger was primarily directed towards Steve.

" I told you to keep him away from her, Roger's. After I was nice enough to let you and your murdering boyfriend live under my roof, I think I can expect that you respect this one wish!", he snapped at his teammate.

"I snuck into his apartment, this isn't his-", Andy started to defend him but Tony wasn't having it. He didn't want his daughter close to the guy that killed his parents.

"Andy! Go upstairs, I'll be having words with you later on this. ",he snapped at her and Andy just stared at him before quickly turning around and leaving the apartment.

Now Tony could focus on Steve again. "Tony, look, I really had no idea-", his former friend started but Tony wasn't having it.

"Zip it, Rogers! I don't want your Winter Soldier close to my kid. He's an unpredictable threat and she needs safety, more than anything. I'll let it slide this time but if this happens again, you can figure out a different place to stay!", he hissed at him when he spotted Barnes, standing in the doorway, his human and metal fists clenched, his expression murderous. It send a shiver down Tony's spine.

"Just get him under control. ", he finished, his tone sharp before quickly leaving the apartment himself and taking the elevator upstairs.

Barnes terrified Tony, he could admit that to himself. He terrified him in a way few things did these days. He had an irrational fear that after taking his mother from him all the years ago he'd do it again. That's why he wanted Andy as far away from him as possible.

Once Tiny returned to his floor and stepped out of the elevator he was stopped by Clint.

"Hey Tony, is everything okay with Andy?", the younger Male asked, his expression worried. "She just came through here and she seemed weird.", Clint then added.

Tony sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. _What was he thinking?_ He had practically yelled at her, of course she was upset.

"Where did she go?", he asked Clint. He suddenly felt very drained.

"To her room, that's why I couldn't follow. ", Clint replied and Tony walked past him to the girl's bedroom.

Before walking in he knocked and called out her name. When there was no reply he opened the door with his voice recognition.

The room hadn't changed much since Andy moved in, the biggest change where the piles of books everywhere.

Tony looked around for a second but his daughter was nowhere to be seen. That's when he heard a tiny whimper coming out of the closet.  _Oh no._

Tony's great dropped as he approached the closet and slowly opened the door. 

There she was, curled up on the floor, making herself as tiny as possible. Her whole body was trembling violently but she didn't make a sound. It took Tony a second to realize that she was biting into her own hand to suffocate any sound. The girl flinched away when she noticed him and pressed herself into one corner of the closet.

Tony was horrified. He did this. His impulsive reaction did this. The Male sunk down to his knees to get on one level with his daughter. "Andy. Andy everything is okay,  I'm not mad."

Andy wrapped her arms around her head protectively, finally letting out the loud sobs she'd been holding back. Her voice was hoarse, like she had been crying for a while. "I'm sorry- I-I won't d-do it-ag-gain. I p-promise. Please d-don- don't Nancy- don-plea-", her voice broke off when she became too hysterical to speak.

 _Nancy._ With a shock Tony realized that Andy was having a flashback. Andy had those before but only after waking up from nightmares. Not in the middle of the day, not like this. 

"Shh shhh. Everything is okay Andy. You're not with Nancy. I'm Tony, your dad. You're at the Tower. You're safe, I won't hurt you.", Tony repeated over and over again until Andy calmed down enough to lift her head. Her eyes were bloodshot and distant and she needed a few seconds to recognize him. 

"T-tony?", she asked,  her voice quivering. Tony nodded and instinctively reached for her but regretted it when she flinched away, letting out a sob. 

"Don't touch me-", she gasped out and Tony's chest tightened. He had to bite back tears. 

"What do you need Andy? Tell me how I can help?", he pleaded. 

Andy hid her face again. "Want Tasha-", she whimpered. 

"Nataasha is on a mission, Andy.", he reminded her carefully. He felt like she still wasn't completely back in the present.

"Clint-", she then asked miserably and Tony nodded  getting up and leaving the room to get the archer. As much as it pained him, she didn't want him right now,  couldn't stand him, he had to respect that. 

~

Tony sat on the floor outside Andy's room for over an hour, his face buried in hands. This was his fault.  He did this to her. He triggered the flashback. The guilt was nerve wracking. 

Finally Clint stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him as gently as possible. 

The archer looked tired when he looked down at Tony. "She passed out. I put her into bed. She should rest for now.", he stated quietly and Tony nodded slowly before lowering his head. 

Clint sighed before bowing down to grab Tony's arm and pull him onto his feet. "Nah. None of this. We're talking about this. ", he stated, his tone determined as he lead Tony to the kitchen. 

"Start by telling me what happened. ", Cint ordered and Tony took a deep breath before explaining how it came to this. 

"I didn't yell at her or anything, I just- snapped.", he finished and had to try real hard no to avoid Clint's glare. 

Clint crossed his arms and focused his eyes on Tony before saying:"Okay. What I need you to understand right now, is that Andy is so fucking fragile. And I don't mean that in a patronizing way. She's also really strong. She wouldn't be alive if she wasn't. But she's really fragile in her understanding of everything.

I know she seems unfazed and controlled most of the time but that is fake, all of it. You can't view that as her getting better. It just means that she doesn't trust you.

And I know that's hard to hear but she doesn't trust anyone,  not you, not me, not Natasha. She can't trust anyone at this point in time. Not completely.

This means that you can't pull shit like this! Andy associates anger with abuse. She hasn't learned yet that anger is normal and doesn't have to be violent.

You are her parent which means that you have to put her feelings above yours. And as long as she can't tell the difference between you being angry and you being abusive, you can't let your anger show! You got that?", Clint finally asked and Tony nodded slowly, not trusting his voice to work properly.

"Good. Also you need to apologize to her when she wakes up. She has to know that her feelings are important.", Clint then added and Tony nodded slowly.

Surprisingly Andy followed them into the kitchen a few minutes later. Her eyes were still swollen, her cheeks red, Tony could see an angry red bite mark on the back of her hand. Her face was expressionless as she let herself fall onto a chair across from them.

All three of them were silent until Clint asked:"How are you feeling?"

Andy looked over at him with half-hooded eyes. "Drained.", she replied dryly. "Like I need a bath."

"Andy, I have to apologize.", Tony broke out. Unable to hold it back anymore. 

"For what?", Andy asked, a frown appearing on her face. 

"For snapping at you, making you believe that I'd punish you. I'd never do that. ", he replied softly and Andy nodded slowly, her eyes distant like she was thinking about his words. 

"Thanks?", she then replied but it sounded like a question. 

"You don't have to thank me, I shouldn't have snapped at you in the first place.", he stated and Andy got that thoughtful look again. Like she didn't quite understand. 

"Let me get this straight. You aren't mad?", she then asked and wrapped her arms around herself.

"No, I wasn't really mad at you back there either. I'm worried. I don't want you near Barnes. I think that he's dangerous.", he explained calmly this time. 

"You are lying.", Andy then stated and Tony was stunned. 

"Maybe you aren't realizing it, maybe you're lying to yourself but you wouldn't let him live here if you really thought that he's a danger.", she then explained. 

Tony couldn't reply anything to that,  deep down he knew that she's right but he also couldn't admit that to himself yet. "Why do you care? Why would you want to spend time with him?", he asked instead and Andy shrugged slightly. 

"Steve told me what happened to James. That he doesn't really know who he is. That he hadn't been a person for a while. I- I guess I can sympathize with that.", she then replied and Tony finally realized that Andy, as weird as it sounded,  saw herself in the brainwashed assassin. 

"You won't let this go, will you?", Tony finally asked.

"Unless you make me.", Andy stated and Tony almost flinched. 

"I'd never do that. ", he said quietly. 

"Just making sure.", the young girl mumbled and Tony let out a sigh. 

"Fine, do what you want but I don't want you alone with him. Someone else always has to be present.", he finally gave in.

Andy didn't react much at all to this.  She only nodded but Tony could swear that she looked a little satisfied.

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy's first therapy session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever to write, I don't know why, sorry about that but I hope you like it!
> 
> The next update will be soon, get read for some more Andy/Bucky time ;)
> 
> Also, please leave a review! I absolutely adore them!

_Bad idea, bad fucking idea!!!_ Andy's mind was a single exclamation point the whole morning before her fist therapy session. 

She hadn't put up much of a fight when it came to agreeing to this but the closer it got the more Andy got the feeling that she was drowning. 

Talking about what happened wasn't really the problem. Andy had mentally disconnected herself from it. Hell, she joked about it even if nobody thought that her jokes were funny. 

Being told that she's fucked up wasn't the issue either. She was well aware. 

But she was so terrified of what the therapist swould say. What if she'd refuse to treat Andy? What if she told Tony that there was no saving his daughter? That too much was wrong. That Andy would never truly get better.

It wasn't as much of a fear in Andy's mind, more of an assumption. But she knew that Tony was hopeful. And the thought that he might loose faith in her, something she wasn't even sure of yet, but desperately craved... The girl wasn't sure if she could bare it. 

The other concern of course was that Andy was dramatizing her experience. She had this irrational thought that the therapist would listen to what Andy had to say and then call her out for being a wuss. That she should just get over it,  some people have it so much worse. And after all, it's not like she ever really fought back. She probably brought this upon herself. She could've told someone,  but she didn't because Andy was a worthless freak, a needy whore, a thing, a thing, a thing-

"Is everything okay?", Tony asked and pulled Andy out of her thoughts. They were eating lunch, Chinese, Andy realized she had only stared at her chicken without eating any of it. 

"Yeah, of course.", she smiled before starting to eat her food. But she didn't really pay attention to it. The girl went through the motions, eating her food like a robot, getting ready, getting into a car with Tony, -

The whole time her mind was trapped in an endless circle of taunts.  _Hopeless, worthless,-_  "Andy?"

 _broken, fucked up-_  "Andy?"

 _whore_ , _freak, slut,_  "Are you with me?"

 _toy, imposter, wuss, thingthingthing **THING.**_ "ANDY!"

Andy flinched slightly before looking up at Tony who was facing her, his eyes worried.  _Expressive Eyes. Disadvantage. Easier to hurt._

"Yeah?", she asked casually and Tony's brows furrowed slightly. 

"You've been standing in front of the entrance for five minutes now. Is everything okay?", he asked, his tone calm. 

"Everything is fucking amazing, except that you'll finally find out how screwed up I am! How often I've been taken apart and put back together all wrong. That I can't be fixed. And then you'll throw me away like everyone always does when a toy is broken!", Andy wanted to yell. Instead she shrugged slightly and walked past him through the door. 

 Dr Seine was a specialist in trauma related to sexual assault and abuse. She was involved with S.H.I.E.L.D before it imploded and would therefore have a unique understanding for Andy's more than unique situation. Being a mutant and the child of Iron Man. And she was a woman. All of these factors made her their first choice for an appointment. 

Of course Tony promised that they could switch if she didn't work out. Andy didn't mention that if things didn't work out, it was probably because Andy was too messed up. After all, Dr Seine was the best they could find. If she couldn't help the young girl, who could?

Andy found herself on a beige couch in the waiting area of Dr Seine's office. Tony was pacing up and down in front of her.  _He's nervous. Because of you. Because you are a burden-_

Andy sat very still, her hands in her lap, her back straight. Her hair was buzz cut short today, making her features even sharper and harsher, she had also made herself taller, stronger, dressed in ripped jeans, a leather jacket and combat boots. It's like she was trying to seem stronger than she was. Or maybe she was trying to scare off others. It was defense either way. 

Her eyes were focused on a frame in front of her, it had no picture inside. Instead it had strings stretched between the two sides. Hanging from the strings, held by paperclips were little cards with words written on them. 

'Take what you need' it said above the frame and the cards said words like 'understanding' 'forgiveness''bravery'

Andy almost smirked. Where was the card saying 'a sense of self', 'the ability to trust' , 'a childhood'. Andy could use something like that.

Suddenly one of the doors opened and a woman stepped out. Andy wasn't sure what she had expected but it wasn't this. 

Dr Seine was tiny. 5'2 maybe, she had long strawberry blonde hair that was tied up in a messy bun. Her skin had an almost golden tone, like she was kissed by the sun and her big eyes had a piercing blue color. 

She looked like someone who spend a lot of time outside, gardening or something. Andy thought of the Greek goddess Demeter. 

"Hello Andy, Mr Stark, I'm Dr Seine.", she introduced herself with a bright smile and Andy was glad that she didn't offer a handshake. 

"Yes, I believe we talked on the phone.", Tony nodded and offered his hand instead which the woman accepted. 

"Okay, I'd prefer to talk to you by yourself at first, if that's okay. But if you'd prefer your father to be present we can call him in as well. ", she then said and Andy took a second to realize that she was talking to her. 

"Sure. That's fine. ", she started before getting up and following Dr Seine into her office. 

The office was nice, not too clinical, homey. The Doctor offered Andy a seat on one of the two brown leather couches. They were comfortable, Andy still couldn't relax. 

“I do this whenever a patient brings company to a meeting,” the woman explains, “in case if there’s anything you don’t want to to discuss in front of your father.”

“Oh.” Andy’s not sure why she’s so surprised. It was still a mystery to her why a stranger would consider her feelings. But other people's feelings were this womans job so she probably knew what she was doing. 

When Andy confronted her question, after the initial surprise, the girl found that she actually didn't want Tony with her. A wave of guilt hit the young girl. She loved Toby,  she knew that much,  but she was also terrified of scaring him off and hearing about who she was,  what was going on in her head... Andy wasn't sure if she could be entirely honest in front of him. 

"I-I would prefer to talk to you by myself. If that's okay?", Andy asked quietly and Dr Seine gave her an encouraging nod. 

"If you feel more comfortable this way, that's no issue.", she added but Andy's guilt still gnawed at the back of her mind. 

"Anyways, Andy,” she then started and Andy knew that this was getting serious, “would you mind telling me why you’re here? What would you like to improve through therapy?”

Andy was stunned. For a second she's tempted to just snap at her and tell her that she's only doing this so that she can keep her private time. Then again, Andy herself couldn't see the purpose in that. She was already here , she might as well try to get something out of it.

“So, I guess the primary reason that made Tony suggest therapy was that I have- like- really intense trust issues. I kind of ran away from home because of a stupid misunderstanding and that almost got me killed. I also have a huge issue with touch, from pretty much anyone. I have trouble asking for things, I also struggle with interpreting emotions. My own and those of others. I get flashbacks, mostly in the form of nightmares but also when something reminds me of- ” Andy took a sharp breath. This waterfall of words just broke out of her without her consent. But there was no taking it back now. 

“That's awful,” Dr Seine stated. Andy heard her, like she heard everyone else who had told her that. The girl wasn't sure how she felt. She nodded uncomfortably, releasing a heavy breath.

“So what I'm getting out of this is that you want to learn to trust people, confront your feelings and your adversity to touch and also find a way to cope with you flashbacks?”

"Sure. That'd be neat.", Andy shrugged awkwardly. She couldn't help but to feel discouraged right away. _So fucking messed up._

Dr Seine narrowed her eyes slightly before suddenly changing the topic:“Let me start by explaining my approach when I have a patient who has been traumatized. Would that be okay?”

Andy shrugged and the Doctor seemed to interpret it as a yes.

“ I usually approach my patients treatment with a combination of methods. I'll try to help you process and understand your trauma and the feelings associated with it. There is a reason you react the way you do. It's because of triggers. Locations, people, sounds, even smells and taste can remind you of your trauma and trigger flashbacks and such.", the Doctor explained calmly. 

"Aha.", Andy only mumbled, thinking Dr Seine's words over. "Are you saying... that this is... normal?", she then asked, uncertainty in her voice. 

"Yes. Most people don't realize that but that's a natural reaction to trauma.", the doctor continued and Andy leaned forward in her seat, resting her elbows on her knees and staring at the floor.

"I-I didn't know that.", Andy confessed and sighed softly. The young girl didn't know what to think of this. Hearing that her feelings and behavior were justified was a relief, which was exactly why she refused to believe it. 

"That's what this is about. If you're open to it I'll try to teach you methods to cope with your triggers so that they won't have such a great impact on your life anymore. ", Dr Seine returned  and Andy focused on her hands, clasped together in her lap. 

"Okay.", she nodded slightly, not looking up. 

"Great. I know a bit about your situation from talking to your father-", the woman started and Andy couldn't hold back the groan. _Of course Tony told her-_

"What did he tell you?", Andy asked, her tone sharper than intended.

"Just that you didn't grow up with him and that you've experienced abuse until recently.", Seine replied calmly and Andy relaxed slightly. 

Andy wasn't exactly sure where to start, she'd never verbally told someone her whole story all at once. The avengers only got bits and pieces. Charles learned through her memories and she was really vague when she explained it to Hank. This was a first. 

"Okay, I didn't grow up with Tony because my mother dropped me off at my aunt's when I was a baby. We only discovered our relation a few months ago. Before that I lived with my aunt, Nancy-", Andy's breath hitched when the face of her aunt appeared in her mind, bringing up the last time she'd seen her.

"I don't know when she started, I don't know what age I was but when I was younger Nancy started to- to sell me off- t-to men-for money-", Andy's voice started to quiver and she pressed her lips together, breathing slowly. She wasn't sure why this was happening now. Andy had separated herself from that girl that went through all of that, at least she thought she had. 

"Take your time.", Dr Seine said gently. Andy nodded shakily, wrapping her arms around her body and continuing to stare at the floor until her heart stopped pounding against her ribcage.

"It- it went on for years and years, we moved a lot, I never managed to escape. I didn't- I didn't even try-", she continued until her voice broke off. Bitterness and shame burned in her chest. "Nancy found out who my father is and sold me off to him. That leaves us here. ", she then added, not wanting to dwell on her own failures. 

Dr Seine waited until Andy got her breathing under control again. “I’m so sorry you had to experience all that.”

Andy shrugged uncomfortably, still refusing to look at the doctor.

“What you went through was terrible, and the way you're feeling is completely expected after such severe trauma.”, the woman states gently.

Andy doesn't quite register her words at first. The girl had half assumed that the doctor would feel sorry for her but brush her off as a too severe case or something like that.

Her genuinity and acceptance , it was a relief but Andy was confused by it, confused about how she's supposed to feel. "O-kay.", she nods slowly, finally looking up at the doctor. The drained feeling, the numbness was back. 

“We’re almost out of time and I’ve got another patient coming in after this,” Dr Seine said gently.

“Would you like to make another appointment? I'd really like to work with you on working through these feelings and processing the trauma in a way that helps you get better control over your life ”

“Okay- okay.” Andy mumbled. She suddenly really wanted to curl up and sleep. This was exhausting and she wanted it to be over. 

“Does this time next week work for you?” When Andy nodded, she wrote her into her notebook, and Andy kind of shut down after that. 

Next thing she knew she's in the hallway with Tony again. "So how did it go?", her father asked, trying and failing to hide his nerves.  _Expressive eyes. Disadvantage._

"I don't know. I feel drained. Kind of just want to sleep.", the girl shrugged and Tony gave her a sad look that made her chest tighten a little. 

"But I made another appointment so I guess that's a good sign?", she tried to smile and failed miserably in her opinion. It seemed to be enough for Tony, though, so it had to be okay. 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy and Steve are hypocrites

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This became more of an Andy/Steve chapter but it's been a long time coming. I mean, 31 chapter, it's about time. I also needed to get this out of the way to start the whole Andy/Bucky thing I'm so excited about. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and leave a review, I greatly appreciate them!

 

Andy sat on the kitchen counter of Steve's apartment, one leg pulled to her chest, her arms wrapped around it and her chin resting on her knee. 

"I thought you couldn't cook.", she started as she watched Steve make waffles.

"I'm learning to. ", the blond replied, looking back at her. The Super Soldier had agreed to watch out for Andy when she spend time with James. Andy was only slightly surprised. After all, she felt like Steve didn't like her.

"Sorry that you're stuck babysitting me now, by the way. ", she shrugged,  cocking her head to one side.

Steve gave her a look she couldn't quite read. Which wasn't new. That's what irritated Andy about the Male. He didn't really hide his emotions, he just... Andy couldn't pinpoint it. Most of the time something felt fishy. 

"Morning...", a deep raspy voice mumbled as James Barnes entered the kitchen. Andy's attention focused on the newcomer. 

She wasn't sure why she wanted to spend time with Barnes. He was truly terrifying. 6 feet of shredded muscle and a fucking metal arm, probably the most lethal person in the whole tower. It was really in her best interest to keep him as far away from her as possible but somehow that didn't stop Andy. 

What Steve told her about James... it felt familiar, which was quite rare. Andy craved the familiar. She had found it in Natasha and Clint to an extent but still, Andy felt like she might understand the former Winter Soldier and he might understand her.

Not to say that she wasn't afraid. But that wasn't really new.

James Barnes looked like he had just woken up, his long hair standing up in all directions, a blanket wrapped around his broad shoulders. He seemed different then the last time Andy saw him. He was hunched over, making himself smaller, he didn't seem as calculating and robotic, just kind of sleepy.

"Who are you?", he asked, raising his bushy eyebrows. 

"Andy. We met a few days ago. ", Andy stated and jumped up from the counter. It didn't go past her how Barnes tracked her movements, tensing when she jumped up. It was all achingly familiar. 

Andy sat down at the breakfast bar, not letting Barnes out of her sight either as he sat down a few chairs away from her. 

They were like to wild animals, circling each other, waiting for someone to make the first move.

"I have issues with remembering stuff. Could you be a bit more specific?", he asked, not really smirking but on the best way there. Andy gave Steve a look and the blond shrugged. This had to be one of his good days. 

"I'm Tony's child.", she added and James went stiff, eyes wide, for the first time he took his eyes off Andy to glare at Steve. 

"What is this?", he asked, his voice controlled but Andy could feel the underlying alarm.

"If this is about Tony's parents,  I don't blame you.", Andy shrugged and got both Steve and James to glare at her now. 

"Too direct?", Andy asked raising her eyebrows. 

"Yes. A bit.", Steve smirked before continuing to make waffles. 

"I- don't understand. I killed your grandparents. You should care, or are you some kinda nutcase.", Bucky asked and now Andy had to smirk.

"Yeah, probably. But Steve told me about the whole hydra-winter soldier thing so that wasn't your choice.", she then shrugged but James shocked expression didn't fade. 

Instead he turned his attention to Steve. The two seemed to have a silent conversation which Andy wasn't apart of. It was weird, seeing Steve like this. It was kind of intimate. She wasn't used to seeing the Captain like this.

"So... Starks kid, are you some kind of genius too?", James then asked before Steve served them both a plate of Waffles. 

Andy got distracted by the food and shovelled the waffles into her mouth instead of answering. Steve gave her a curious look. 

"It's good. Really. Not as good as Tasha's blintschiki but not bad at all.", she smirked and Steve smiled satisfied as Andy turned her attention back to James. 

"I'm no genius. Especially when it comes to science. Unbelievable but it seems like Starks can actually be below average.", she shrugged with a self deprecating smile. 

"Bullshit.", Steve stated, leaning against the counter. "You're sharp. Just because you're not into physics, doesn't mean that you're below average."

"Steven Grant Rogers? Have you just used a bad word?", Andy asked with fake shock, completely ignoring what Steve said. 

"What do you mean, Steve swears all the time.", Bucky asked and Andy grinned at Steve. 

"Does he? Because I've been told that Captain America's second occupation is as the cussing-police.", she pointed out and Steve groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"That was one time!", he confessed and Andy chuckled slightly.

"What is this about?", James asked, the corners of his lips twitching slightly. Andy told him about the time that Natasha and Steve were on a mission and he called out her cussing which became a running gag between the avengers. 

James chuckled slightly and gave Steve a look that caused Steve's face to light up like a bonfire. "I thought you only shamed my potty mouth, Stevie."

The look in Steve's eyes, it was heart breaking, bittersweet, Andy had never seen the Captain like this before. 

"You remember that.", Steve said softly and a smile tugged at James' lips.

"Sometimes I do. ", he then shrugged before taking a deep breath and diverting his eyes.

 _They're in love._ The realization was interesting. Especially since Andy couldn't be too sure of it. After all, identifying emotions wasn't her strong suit.

"I- The waffles are really good. I'll take a shower now, if that's okay?", James asked, his voice suddenly unsure. 

"You don't have to ask permission.", Steve replied softly and James nodded as he got up, quickly leaving the room. 

Steve and Andy both looked after him until he was gone and Steve's eyes lingered on the door for a little longer. 

"Have you always been in love with him?", the question just slipped out and Steve's head snapped towards her. 

"Wha- I- if you think that I'm- I'm not- Bucky and I aren't-", he stammered and Andy raised an eyebrow. 

"Wow, you really do love him! Calm down, it's no big deal!", she laughed slightly. 

"I- It's just- I'm from the forties. I'm not used to-", he left the sentence unfinished. 

"Ohh... right. Sorry about that. I suppose old habits die hard.", Andy shrugged and Steve relaxed slightly just to tense up again when she asked the next question:"Does he know?"

"Half the time he doesn't even know who I am and- even when he's more himself he asks permission for everything,  he awaits orders. I can't put this on him. What if he agrees to anything just because he thinks he has to- I- can't do this to him. ", he mumbled shaking his head softly. 

Andy looked at Steve for a moment. Really looked at him, the way she never did before.

She didn't see a soldier, a hero, or a threat. All she saw was a young guy, only a couple years older than her, ripped out of his time, dumped into a future where everyone he cared about was gone. How long had he been awake? Certainly not long enough to work through all that. And now he got to have his friend back, someone he had lost, someone he had loved, but he couldn't reach him, not really. 

Andy had never really seen Steve happy before until today, not really. She hadn't seen this sadness in him until now either. Maybe that's why she had never warmed up to him. After all,  Andy couldn't be the only one who was good at concealing her feelings. 

"I think that was the most words you've ever said to me in a row.", thre girl pointed out and Steve diverted his eyes. 

"Yeah... sorry. I don't really know why we never really talked before.", he mumbled but Andy felt like he was lying. 

"You can be honest, you know? I'd prefer it.", she stated and Steve huffed slightly before looking over at her. 

"I can't read you. It's offputting. I don't know what you're feeling,  I don't know if I'm doing something wrong. ", he confessed and Andy raised her eyebrows in surprise. 

"Not gonna lie, that's a surprise.", she smirked slightly before seeing Steve's expression and becoming serious again. 

"Don't worry, I'm not mad. I'm aware that expressing my feelings isn't a talent of mine. It's just- it's hard to shake old habits. Concealing emotions is a method of-", Andy's voice  faded out and Steve nodded before finishing her sentence. 

"A method of defense. Yeah, I do that, too."

"Funnily enough that's exactly the reason why I don't trust you. Most of the time you- you don't seem like a person. You are a figure, you aren't real. But today you were. So I think if we both just became a bit more real, we might actually get along. ", Andy smiled slightly at Steve's surprised expression. 

"Uh- Yes. Why not try it out.", he then finally smirked slightly and another smile tugged at Andy's lips.

 

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky makes a friend, it's been a while since he did that. It shows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you so much for 2000 hits! I'm so overwhelmed by the responses this story is getting! When I started it a few months ago I never thought I'd get that far and I've planned so much for Andy's future and I hope that you'll all be there to continue this journey with me!
> 
> Secondly, I had no idea where I was going with this chapter and it turned into this monster. You'll see, it escalated a lot.
> 
> Also there are trigger warnings, Andy's past is discussed, not graphic but still. Also there is violence. 
> 
> There is also Russian in this.
> 
> Fun fact one, my parents are russian so russian is one of my mother languages next to German.  
>  Fun fact two: I'm actually better at English than Russian, especially when it comes to reading and writing. A sad fact for my parents   
> They call me англичанка = English woman 
> 
> Anyways, here is the translation for the chapter:  
> маленький паучок = small spider

Bucky Barnes didn't mind Andy most of the time and surprisingly, neither did the Asset. The lines between his two alter egos got blurrier each day anyways.

Most days he found himself somewhere between the Winter Soldier and Bucky. His memories returned as well, more and more, some good, most bad. 

Steve got him note books, he filled the pages with everything that kept him up at night, Hydra's disgusting tentacles that had gripped onto him for so long that he could still feel them. 

Andy was a strange comfort. She was like a cat. She sometimes just spend time with him for no reason. He didn't even have to talk to her if he didn't want to.  If he wasn't verbal she'd just read a book, watch a movie, scribble something in her own notebook, without bothering Bucky but still keeping him company.

It was strange, in a good way.  The other thing he liked was that Andy kept her distance, never got too close, never moved unexpectedly. She always narrated what she was about to do. The girl was probably the least threatening person he knew.

That didn't mean that she wasn't mysterious. For starters he still didn't understand why she seemed absolutely fine with the fact that he killed her grandparents. Also he couldn't really tell why she wanted to spend time with him at all. 

"Why are you here, Andy?", he asked one day. 

"I thought we wanted to try to make blintschiki together.", she replied. Steve and Andy were apparently trying to learn how to cook together, they've been doing that a lot. Their results ranged from edible to downright toxic.

  "I don't mean today, I mean in general. Why spend time with me, I killed your grandparents.", he explained and Steve cringed slightly but didn't say anything. 

"For starters, I don't really have any reationship with my grandparents. You see, I've only met Tony like... half a year ago, so I can't really be mad about that, especially since you had no choice in doing it.", the girl said casually and Bucky's eyebrows shot up. 

"You only met Stark recently, but he's your-", Buckys sentence got cut off by Steve caughing and grunting because he just taste-tested the dough. 

"Urgh! We definitely did something wrong. This is disgusting!", He exclaimed, pouring himself a glass of water. 

Andy dipped her finger into the dough and licked it off before pulling a face.  "Ya. You're right. I think we need help, I'll call Natasha down.", she suggested. 

A memory rattled in Bucky's mind one of those he couldn't quite place yet, red hair, porcelain skin, leather and tulle. The Male shook his head to focus on the present. 

Andy was on the phone,  talking to someone named Natasha and not 10 minutes later the door to their kitchen opened and a woman stepped in. 

Shoulder long red hair, porcelain skin, a body so small, so breakable, yet with so much violent potential.  "I heard you needed help here?", she smirked and suddenly the mess in Bucky's mind cleared up. 

Of course he recognized Natasha as the woman who was with Steve when they fought him a few weeks ago, but now he recognized her as someone else, someone he had known a long time ago. 

A girl, not a woman, who also had red hair, also had a body made to seduce, made to kill. 

"Natalia... маленький паучок.", he whispered and the woman's face snapped towards him. 

"You recognize me?", she asked, her body tense all of a sudden.

"Yes... and no. I remember a girl. A girl I taught how to kill. A girl who taught me how to dance.", he replied and Natasha made a step back, her face unchanged. 

"What is this about?", Steve asked slightly alarmed. 

"We know each other.", Natasha replied, not taking her eyes off Bucky. "From my time at the Red Room."

"Why didn't you say anything before?", Steve wondered and finally Natasha diverted her eyes, focusing on Steve instead. 

"He didn't recognize me. I didn't think that it'd matter. ", she shrugged before looking back at Bucky, her eyes lingering on him for a few seconds longer before she straightened her shoulders and walked up to the kitchen counter. "So what the issue here?"

~

This evening, after Andy went upstairs, after Steve went to bed, Natalia, or Natasha, as she called herself now, appeared in Bucky's room.

"I didn't think you'd remember me.", she stated and Bucky's eyes wandered to the stack of already full notebooks on his desk. 

"I remember more and more each day, most of which I'd rather not remember.", he replied before looking back at her.

"Am I one of the things you'd rather forget again?", Natasha asked, her tone neutral, but Bucky could see past her training, after all, he was one of the people who taught her. 

Bucky thought back to Natalia, his Natalia. A girl much softer than this woman he was faced with now. Younger, more innocent, even if innocence didn't exist in the Red Room. She was a dancer, a little ballerina in a music box. She was made of glass, fragile, beautiful, but dangerous once they'd break her. He thought back to their fights, their dances, one wasn't too different from the other.

"Never.", he replied and a tiny smile curled on Natasha's lips. "Sit with me?", he then asked out of impulse and the woman let herself sink on his bed, leaning her back against the bed post.

"You're not with the KGB anymore. ", he pointed out.

"I switched sides.", the woman shrugged, her expression unreadable.  "How are you adjusting to being Bucky Barmes again?", she then asked and Bucky stayed silent for a while. 

"I don't think that I'll ever be Bucky Barmes again. ", he finally replied. "Not completely. I think I have to learn a new way to be someone,  I guess.", he shrugged. Bucky wasn't the Winter Soldier anyore, that much he knew, but he didn't know who he was becoming either. 

"Having Steve helps, and Andy...", the Male added. Andy hadn't answered his question after Natasha showed up, he was still curious.

"Yeah...Andy is special.", Natasha smiled with a softness that was rare for the woman. 

"What's the deal with her? She mentioned something about Stark, that she didn't know him until recently and- and her behavior is peculiar. ", Bucky asked and the softness faded, making room for a serious expression. 

"I'm not sure if I should be telling you this. But then again it's common knowledge in the tower.", she started , her eyes wandering through the room before falling back on Bucky.

"Andy wasn't raised by her father,  he didn't even know about her existence until a few months ago. She was raised by her aunt and trust me if I ever meet this woman I'll take pleasure in ripping each of her limbs off while she's still alive.", she then explained, a coldness in her tone that made Bucky shiver.

"What did she do?", he asked with frown, dragging the answer.

"We don't know everything. Andy doesn't like to share details. But basically she neglected, abused and sold her off to men for sex.", Natasha explained bluntly and Bucky's stomach made a turn. 

Before this Bucky wondered why the girl behaved so strangely. That changed. "How is she so normal?", he asked baffled.

Natasha smirked slightly and looked down. "First off, your standards for normal are pretty low. Also, she's a pretty good actor, most of the time, if she doesn't want you to know what she's feeling, you won't be able to tell. But I'd also like to believe that she's gotten used to us by now. You should've seen her when she first got here, she was terrified of pretty much everyone, especially Steve."

Suddenly Bucky remembered a part of the first time they met, when he still was more Asset than Bucky. 

"She said that she's scared of me.", he mumbled under his breath. 

"Don't take it personally. She's scared of pretty much everyone. ", Natasha shrugged.

"But why spend time with me then?", Bucky still couldn't wrap his mind around it? What did Andy want from him?

"She sympathizes with you.", Natasha replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

To Bucky it was anything but obvious. Andy was hurt. Bucky was the one who used to hurt people, used to do horrible things that kept him up at night. How could she sympathize with that?

"Don't get too worked up about this. And also, don't treat her differently, she doesn't like that. ", Natasha stated and pulled Bucky out of his thoughts. 

"Uhh... ya- sure-", he humbled, still not completely present again.

~

Bucky didn't even know how to be normal in a normal context. So naturally he had no idea how to behave normally around Andy either. 

He almost wished that Natasha hadn't told him the truth. Now he was just so much more aware of everything Andy was doing. That she kept her distance to protect herself, that she always kept an eye on him, how she tensed up slightly every time Steve walked behind her back.  

Bucky tried, he really tried to be normal. 

"Okay. What's the deal with you today?", Andy asked, not annoyed or anything, neutral. "You've been glaring at me for the whole movie. You know that I'm trying to educate you here!", she then added with a smirk. 

Andy made him watch the Harry Potter movies, even though she hadn't seen them herself either and spend the whole time complaining that the books were better.

"I- I- nothing-", he stammered before gluing his giant eyes to the screen, trying to not look at her at all. He could still feel her eyes on him. 

"Is this some kind of Winrer soldier thing? Is everything okay? You can tell me if something is wrong.", she asked, concern in her voice. 

Bucky frantically shook his head, still not daring to look at her. He didn't want to rat out Natasha but there was also something else that clicked in his mind. 

He felt like he was trapped, like Andy was trying to trick him. If he confessed that he was uncomfortable he'd be punished. _Complaining brings punishment. The Asset doesn't Complain_. 

"Do you want me to get Steve?", a distant Voice asked but the Asset wasn't listening. Stupid, really.  _The Asset listens to orders. Or it gets punished._

"Hey, talk to me, Bucky!", a voice said, suddenly so clear that it almost hurt, like the sound of breaking glass. 

Suddenly he wasn't sitting on the couch anymore, he was standing up, his metal hand was raised and he was holding something, someone. The Assets eyes focused on the body, the girl who he had grabbed by her throat and lifted off the floor. Her eyes were wide, horrified, like two large black holes. Her legs were kicking out and she was gasping for air but not for long. The Asset watched her lips turn blue, her eyes roll back into her head. It wouldn't be long now. 

Then there was Steve. The Asset recognized Steve. Steve was yelling something. Then, the Asset was on the ground and Steve was on the ground and he was holding the girl and still yelling-

"-call Tony, JARVIS, tell him Andy had an accident, tell him-"

Andy...? Andy. Andy! 

Bucky was back, staring at the scene before him. Andy, deadly pale and lifeless, Steve, cradling her Body. Bucky could still feel her warm skin under his metal hand. He did this. He-

"Is she dead-", his voice came out as a whisper and Steve's head spun around to face him. Bucky had seen this expression before, wide panicked blue eyes, heavy breathing, like when he used to have asthma. He had seen it on the train when Bucky fell, and again in DC not too long ago. 

"She's breathing.", Steve replied and Bucky released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. 

Still, he did this. He could've killed her, would've it it wasn't for Steve-

The door to the living room was slammed open and Stark stood in the doorway, his eyes moving from Steve and Andy to Bucky who had curled up on the floor a few feet away.

Fury sparked up in his eyes as he stormed towards Bucky who couldn't even crawl away, his conditioning preventing him from fighting any punishment. "What did you do!?", he yelled and Bucky braced himself for a strike. 

It didn't come. Next time Bucky opened his eyes, Stark was kneeling next to Andy holding up her head. Bucky could see her big dark eyes, rimmed with red now, look around frantically before falling shut again. 

"It was an accident-", Steve tried to explain but Stark wasn't having any of it. 

"Zip it, Rogers! I warned you!", the older Male spat as he carefully lifted his daughter bridal style. 

"Don't-", the voice was so faint, cracking and breaking horribly from being violently choked minutes earlier but all their eyes shot to Andy. 

"Don't- kick- them-out- please-", every word sounded so painful that Bucky wished that she'd just stop.

Tony's expression softened in seconds. "Shhh, shhh shhh. Don't talk. Until you healed yourself."

"I'll stop- once you promise-", she returned, her voice still weak but also determined. 

Tony held her gaze for a few seconds before looking up at Steve and Bucky, clearly torn.

"Okay, you can stay for now, but we'll be talking later. ", he then spoke through gritted teeth before turning around and leaving, taking Andy with him. 

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to passive aggressively ignore a problem - The Stark Method

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long, I wanted to post it two days ago but then Lasertag happened, and then a rave happened, and then the obligatory post-rave emotional crises happened, and the a full day of playing Risk and Settlers of Catan happened. That leaves us here. 
> 
> The next chapter will come sooner though because I'm so fucking excited to write it! Which means you should be scared *insert evil laugh* 
> 
> As always, please leave a comment, they absolutely make my day and during my post-rave emotional crises I read through a bunch of them to feel validated! So thanks for that!

After Andy healed the damage to her throat she felt fine, a little shaken and she could use a sandwich, but she was fine.

Tony didn't seem to agree with her. 

"He could've killed you.", he stated calmly, Andy was laying in her bed, covered in blankets that Tony had tugged her in with. 

"But he didn't. I'm perfectly fine. No reason to worry.", she replied, starting to dig herself out of her cacoon. 

"This time he didn't. And that's only because Steve stopped him.",Tony sighed. Andy could see how much he tried to remain calm for her sakes. It was admirable, this didn't change her opinion though. 

"I triggered something in him. It wasn't his fault. ", Andy protested. 

"Maybe, but that doesn't change that he's dangerous. I promised that I wouldn't kick him out and I won't. But your visits stop, right now. I'm not gambling with your life."

Andy's eyebrows shot up, her eyes wide. "Are you joking?!", she snapped and saw how Tony took a deep breath to keep his calm. 

"This is for your best, Andy. I'm sorry but for now, you're not seeing him again. ", he declared and Andy frowned at him.

Andy wanted to protest but something stopped her. This was an order. He's giving you an order. You know you'll listen to it. You don't have it in you to disobey. You are a pathetic, weak-

"Please leave my room.", her tone was absent, like her eyes that weren't looking at Tony anymore. 

Tony sighed softly but also didn't dare to disrespect her wish, so he turned around and left. 

~

What followed was what the rest of the avengers referred to as the Stark-Ice-Ages even if they only lasted for a little over a week. 

Andy didn't try to venture to Steve's floor again but she stubbornly refused to talk to Tony or even be in the same room as him. 

The young girl spend most of the time in the gym, obsessively working out again. Natasha and Clint basically had to drag her out of the gym, to eat and sleep. Even then she refused to talk about Tony. She also skipped her therapy session. 

Unfortunately Andy had inherited her stubborn nature from Tony. The Male also refused to make the first move, because he wanted to respect her, at least that's what he said. 

It was pretty obvious that he was also pissed off. And whenever anything goes wrong in Tony Stark's life he buries himself in work. Pepper resolved to bringing him food into his work shop since he wouldn't leave it.

"It's ridiculous! It's like they won't even acknowledge the problem!", Pepper sighed, she called in an emergency meeting with Natasha, Clint and Bruce. 

"They just need to talk it out. ", Natasha pointed out.

"But they're both too stubborn to make the first step!", Bruce said. 

"So what you're saying is we need to lock them up in a room together until they work it out?", Clint suggested as more of a joke but Pepper put on a thoughtful look before eventually nodding.

"Sounds like a plan. "

~

"JARVIS said that you need my help-",Tony announced breathlessly as he stumbled into the gym. The AI had alerted him that Andy was in need of help, sending him running to the gym. 

Andy herself just got off a treadmill, a frown on her face. "I didn't call you.", she shrugged, her face neutral. 

Tony hadn't seen his daughter in a week. If he didn't know that it was her he might've not recognized her. Tall, slim, paler than usual, her pin straight hair was bleach blond with pink tips and her features even sharper than usual. At least she still had his eyes, at least that didn't change. 

"Jarvis said that you-", Tony started when he heard the door locks of the gym click. 

"What was that?", Andy asked, her eyes shooting to the door.   
Tony hurried over to it and tried to pull it open but it wouldn't budge.

"Jarvis? Open the door!", he ordered.

"Miss Potts gave strict order to keep this door looked until, and I quote:'These two block heads talk it out.'", Jarvis replied and Tony sighed. Of course. 

He turned to face his daughter who had crossed her arms, her eyes focused on him. "They can't keep us in here forever.", she then shrugged before turning away from him and walking up to a boxing bag. 

"So you aren't going to talk to me?", Tony asked as he watched her start to punch and kick the bag. Tony could see how her muscles moved underneath her skin with ever attack she delivered.

"Nope.", Andy replied, not looking at him. 

"Come on! Are you serious? This has been going on for over a week!", Tony exclaimed and this time the girl didn't react at all. 

"Oh, so you're ignoring me now? Real mature of you!", he said sarcastically but still, nothing. Andy just continued to work the punching bag until Tony was sure that it was seconds away from breaking. 

Andy was physically strong, Tony knew that in theory. He didn't really witness it before. His daughter preferred to train with Natasha, he was never invited to their girl time. But apparently Andy was a quick study. She was good. 

For a while he was contempt with just watching her, but of course the nagging feeling that he was trying to avoid the unavoidable wouldn't go away. 

"Do you hate me?", he then asked and these four words were enough to catch Andy off guard. 

The girl spun around to look at him, a frown on her face. "Why would you ask that?", she asked. 

Tony started to pace around the room. "Well, I hated my dad, doesn't seem too far off. He wasn't a good father so how would I know how to be one?"

Even Andy didn't say anything to that, but didn't turn away either, Tony just continued. He had no idea where he was going with this, he just hoped that it would work. 

"I mean I don't want to complain. He paid for pretty much everything, everything I wanted, my education, my numerous vices. But he cared more about finding Cap than about his son, he was distant, cold, he carded me off to boarding school first chance he got. ", still no reaction. 

"I try to be better than him, maybe I failed. ", he finally confessed, diverting his eyes. After all, that's what it was all about, wasn't it. Tony knew that he wasn't ready to be a father, didn't know if he'd ever be. He feared that he'd do everything wrong. 

Andy's sigh surprised him so much that he looked up. "Are you trying to guilt trip me?", she asked and Tony almost smirked. 

"You guilt tripped me first, Poppins.", Andy didn't laugh at that, instead she turned away again, restarting the boxing wordlessly.

"Come on! Is this really just about Barnes?! Andy I'm not stupid, I know that this isn't his fault! But it doesn't change the fact that he is unstable and so are you. I'm surprised that his attack last week didn't send you spiraling. Whether you like it or not, you are dangerous to each other. I'm trying to protect both of you here-"

"It's not just about Bucky!", Andy suddenly snapped, placing a particularly hard punch against the bag before stopping entirely.

"Then what is it about?",he asked. Andy still wouldn't face him, leaning her head against the boxing bag instead. 

"It's stupid.", she mumbled. 

"If it bothers you it isn't stupid. Please tell me so that I can fix it ?", he pleaded, after a few seconds Andy turned around, her neutral facade was up but at least she seemed willing to talk. 

"I feel trapped.", she confessed and Tony's eyebrows shot up.

"Trapped?", he echoed and Andy cringed at that. 

"Yeah, which is stupid. I literally used to get locked up in closets and now I have this huge space and all these things I can do but I still feel fucking trapped!", now Andy was the one who was pacing nervously, up and down in front of Tony. 

"But why?", he asked and Andy stopped, staring at him as if she considered if she should risk saying her next words.

"Because you choose what I can and can't handle. You pick what I'm ready for. You wonder why I didn't spiral out of control last week? Maybe because I could handle it! Maybe I can handle Bucky. Maybe I don't shatter at the slightest friction. But I can't figure out what I can and can't do if you wrap me up in bubble wrap and hide me in your tower like all your other toys! 

And I know that you can't go public with me. I understand that it would be a scandal and a press nightmare but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like the world is hidden away from me and I'm hidden away as well."

Tony was speechless. He couldn't stay that way, he knew that. Andy needed a response and she needed one now, even if Tony's brain was a mess of emotions and incoherent thoughts. 

"I'm- I'm sorry if I don't give you enough freedom. I'm just- I'm so scared of anything happening to you. Anything that could take you away from me. I'm terrified. But I don't want to hide you away and if you want me to tell the world who you are, I will call in a press conference right now and do it! The only reason I haven't so far is because I was worried. Not because of the scandal, though there will definitely be one. I don't care about scandals. I was worried that the press will come after you, they won't always be kind. I wanted to be sure that you can handle that. Also I have a lot of enemies and this would put a target on your back. And then there is Nancy who would find out that you aren't dead-", Tony was rambling, he knew that, but he couldn't stop, at least not until Andy cut him off. 

"You'd tell the world about me? You aren't ashamed?", she asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"Of course not Andy! You are my daughter. And if you feel ready for it, I'll tell the world about you. I can't promise that I'll stop worrying about you, I never could. But I'll try to let you decided what you can and can't handle. Would that be okay? ", he asked, his tone equally anxious and hopeful. 

Andy was unreadable, until she wasn't. Until a small smile appeared on her lips and her eyes shimmered as she nodded, making a step towards her father and wrapping her arms around him. Tony held her as closely as he could, warmth spreading in his chest. He must've done something right.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy: *seconds away from death*   
> Andy: I'm ready to kick ass and take names!   
> Bucky: *softly* God, another Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one might be the biggest chapter yet, but I couldn't split it! 
> 
> It's definitely the most intense yet. It contains graphic violence, gore, blood and panic attacks but not from the point of view of the person experiencing it. 
> 
> It's also a really important chapter I was planning for a while so I'd really appreciate your feedback on this one. PLEASE COMMENT! And as always, enjoy.

"And remember, if anything happens you can tell JARVIS and he'll call me! Also remember that we have a panic room that you can go to if necessary. Also-", Andy had to cut Tony off before he'd start to explain all the safety measures a third time. 

"I'll be fine,  okay! You worry about getting home in one piece!", she smiled but there was underlying worry. 

This was the first time since Andy lived here, that all the Avengers were required for a mission. They didn't tell her the details so Andy didn't ask. All she knew was that they all had to go and that Pepper was on a business trip to Berlin, leaving Andy alone for the first time. 

To say that Tony was freaked out by this would be an understatement. 

"Okay,  okay. I'll shut up.", Tony sighed before looking down at his daughter. They were standing outside the Quinjet, all the other Avengers were already on board.

"Call once you're finished. ", Andy asked and Tony nodded softly. "And don't get hurt.", she then added before wrapping her arms around her father , hiding her face against his shoulder. 

"I'll try my best.", he replied before slowly separating from her and turning around to enter the Quinjet, leaving Andy alone.

~

All she wanted to do was read a nice book on the couch in Tony's workshop, but of course that would've been too fucking calm. 

The first thing she noticed were voices, coming from down the hallway, also steps, they were moving towards her. Andy tensed up right away. It was too early.

"Jarvis, who is in the buildin'?", Andy whispered. When Jarvis didn't answer Andy could feel panic rising in her chest. 

"Jarvis?", she asked a little louder. Nothing.  Shite. Jarvis was offline, or something else was wrong with him but he couldn't help her. Fuck fuck fuck. 

Andy looked around frantically, trying to come up with something to do while one pair of steps came closer and closer. 

Eventually she figured she just had to hide somewhere if she wanted to have the possibly to get a grasp on the situation so she hurried over to a locker inside the workshop and hid in there. 

It was tight, Andy made herself smaller but it was still fucking tight and the only light was coming through three slits in the door and it was so fucking tight and Andy couldn't breath and- 

No. She couldn't panic right now. She had to focus. Andy looked through the slits and watched as a Male stepped into the workshop. He was tall, with brought shoulders, decked out in black from head to toe, plus combat boots, a helmet and a huge machine gun. This was fucking bad. 

He went up to the Computers and started to search for something,  taking a USB drive out of his pocket. Andy felt like she wasn't supposed to let him do that. Tony had God knows what on these computers. 

What could she possibly do? Andy was strong.  Maybe she could knock him out if she got to him quickly enough. But she needed a distraction, something that would startle him. 

Andy glanced through the slits again. She could see his face from here, pale, green eyes in a wide face with dark blond hair showing underneath the helmet. He looked surprisingly boyish. 

The girl suddenly got an idea. It was stupid. So stupid that it might actually work. So she transformed into the man outside the locker, took a deep breath and jumped out, slamming the door against the other lockers.

"What the fuck-", the male gasped as he saw a replica of himself in a blue skaterdress storm towards him. He reached for his gun as Andy pulled back her fist and slammed it into his face. A shot cut through the silence, mixed with the sound of a nose breaking. The stranger fell back unconscious.

Andy grinned satisfied, her knuckles burning pleasantly, adrenaline pumping through her veins, when she suddenly felt a warm feeling on her stomach. The pain set in not even seconds later, burning excruciating pain. The girl watched as a big  red stain grew on her dress. She had been shot. Fuck hell. 

Andy swayed slightly, pressing her hand to the wound and grunting at the new wave of agony that that caused. No biggy. Just heal yourself. 

But as she tried to do so, every time she knit her flesh back together, the moment she let go it came apart again. It's the bullet. It's in the way. 

"Andrews? Do you have the data?", a voice coming out of the strangers com asked for Andy's eyes shot towards him. 

She picked up the communication device and replied in the stranger's voice. "Yes I have everything. "

"Then come downstairs, we found the Asset.", Andy's blood ran cold. The Asset, Bucky, they were after Bucky. Andy's eyes landed back on Andrews, a feeling of determination filling her. They couldn't have him. 

"I'm coming.", she replied before starting to take off Andrews' clothes and putting them on herself. Her wound was closed for now but it wouldn't stay that way if she lost focus and she didn't know how long her energy would last to hold it closed so she had to move fast. 

The girl checked once more if she still looked like the Stranger before wiping her bloody hand clean against her discarded clothes, picking up the machine gun and leaving the workshop.

~

Bucky fought, he hadn't fought in a while, it felt good. He felt useful, like he was doing what he was supposed to do. 

In the end it wasn't enough. It never was. They were always too strong, too many. By the time they had forced him onto his knees, his face pressed into the carpet of their apartment, Bucky had already given up. 

Steve wouldn't save him this time, he was all the way across the world.

"Have you missed us, soldier?", one of the agents hissed after her grabbed a fistful of Bucky's hair and yanked his head back. 

Bucky didn't reply, they had gagged him, put the mask on his face again. The Agent, his name was Crowle or something slammed his face against the floor again. Bucky tasted blood, it was familiar.

Crowle stepped away and so did the others. Bucky knew that the stun batons were coming before he felt them. First one, then two and three, all sending horrible electrical shocks through the males body.  

The agents laughed at him as he couldn't do anything but to spasm violently, loosing all control. With the gag in his mouth he couldn't even scream, only grunt animalistically as every ounce of humanity he might've regained was stripped away from him. 

The shocks stopped, the agents were talking. It was all meaningless to Bucky. Someone came up to him from behind, he anticipated another shock. It didn't come. Instead he heard gunshots, screaming, it didn't make sense. Bucky didn't care.

~

Someone was carrying Bucky, no, dragging him. Someone smaller. First he thought it was an agent but he wasn't handcuffed or tied up or anything. I'd be a pretty stupid agent. He wasn't wearing his mak either. 

Before giving away that he was conscious he checked on his physical state first. A split open lip, a few bruised bones from the fight, he was definitely weakened by the shocks and a warm feeling between his legs told him that he either pissed or shat himself during the torture. 

A wave of shame washed over him that he quickly pushed down. No time for this. 

Bucky dared to open his eyes to see- 

Andy. Andy had put his arm over her shoulders and was single handedly dragging him through a corridor. She was dressed in a HYDRA uniform and had two machine guns, one in her free hand, the other slung around her torso. Bucky felt like he was having a fever dream. 

"Andy?",he asked, his voice breaking from screaming into the gag. The girl stopped and turned her head to face him, her big brown eyes wide. 

"Thank good, you're you.", she sighed relieved. "I was terrified that they might've done somethin' to you and then I'd have the bloody winter soldier on my arm!"

"How- what-", he mumbled but Andy shook her head. 

"Later. We need to get to safety now. They are still in the buildin', I don't know how many. Can you walk?", the girl was like a shotgun but there was also strain in her voice, maybe it was just the stress. 

Bucky placed his feet underneath him and lifted his weight off Andy who seemed to sag with relief but straighten up again only seconds later.

"Yeah I think so...", he replied. He was still weakened but the serum was doing its thing. 

"Good. Here.", Andy said, handing him one of the guns and picking up the other for herself. 

"What happened to you? Did they do something to you?", he asked, worry setting in. How did Andy take out a room full of Hydra agents?

"I managed to stay pretty much under the radar. I'm fine. ", she replied but something about her tone wasn't quite convincing.

"Where are we going?", he asked next. 

"Tony's panic room. Only he can open it once locked, we can hide in their until the Avengers come back. ", she explained.

They made their way through another hallway, an elevator ride and finally through a big living space that Bucky identified as the Avengers floor. 

They moved in silence but Andy glanced towards him every couple of seconds as to make sure that he was stil there. Bucky made sure that there were no surprises attacks. He also noticed that Andy was limping slightly and that she was sweating really intensely. It was worrying. Something was wrong. 

Finally they arrived at a door that looked like any other.  "We're here.", Andy said and opened it. 

"When you said panic room I imagined a room, not a suite. Something basic, you know.", Bucky pointed out, slightly in awe. 

The 'panic room' was huge and made of four different areas, a kitchen that seemed to be completely stocked with anything you'd need, a sleeping area with a bed and a TV, a separate door that hopefully lead to a bathroom, and something that looked like a bunch of medical equipment. All of it was on the same level of luxury as anything else in Stark's tower. It was like a really nice apartment without windows. 

"My dad doesn't do basic.", Andy smirked as she closed the door behind them, Bucky could hear multiple locks click. "And don't let the luxury fool you. I'm no tech whiz so I could never explain the science behind it, but accordin' to Tony, a nuke wouldn't get in this joint."

"Well, I guess we are safe then?", Bucky asked, still uncertain. This all went by so fast, and it was too easy. He didn't trust it. "Are we just gonna lay back and relax until the others get us out of here?"

"I'm afraid not.", Andy smirked slightly but Bucky noticed that she'd gone very pale. "I actually got a job for you and it's goin' to be nasty.", she then added before starting to open her jacket. 

Bucky was about to protest when he saw her naked skin underneath but his words got stuck in his throat once she revealed the blood-gushing bullet wound in her abdomen. 

"I have one that matches this one in my thigh.", she grinned but her voice was shaking, her body swaying and before Bucky could move to catch her she was lying on the floor, a small pool of blood forming around her. 

"Wha- when did this happen?", he asked horrified, kneeling down beside her. He pulled off his shirt and pressed it to her wound as his eyes traveled to her right thigh that had blood spilling out of it as well. How did he not notice that?

"Before I found you- Also when I fought those guys who had captured you- Bucky, look, I don't have a lot of time, I'll have to keep this short- I have a healin' factor, but it comes with a bunch of ifs and whens, one of which is that apparently I can't heal myself completely if the bullet is still inside- I managed to keep it together while I was gettin' you but I'm all out of energy.", her tone was determined even though Bucky could see the tremendous pain she was in, her whole body was trembling underneath his hands and he didn't know if it was from her injuries or if she was panicking. 

"What do you need me to do?", Bucky asked, strain creeping into his own voice. 

"You need to take the bullets out so that I can heal and you need to do it now, while I'm still conscious-", she was interrupted by her own grunting. Andy pressed her eyes shut, hissing. Bucky watched a few tears spill over her cheeks. 

She gave an order, Bucky started moving. He knew what he had to do, he had done this before, he could work with that. At least he thought so. 

First he lifted her off the ground and carried her over to the medical station where he put her down on a stretcher, than he searched the shelves for pincers or something else to get the bullets out. 

Once he found what he searched for he turned his attention back to Andy. The girl looked awful, her pale form trembling, her chest rising rapidly. 

"You have to take off my pants...", she whispered and there was more fear in her voice, more cold, naked panic than Bucky ever witnessed. 

"I know.", he nodded but he didn't just mean the pants. Andy knew that.

"Who- who told you?", she asked, her voice breaking. 

"Natasha.", he confessed and Andy blinked a few times, staring at the ceiling, more tears running down her face. 

"I need you to understand that this won't be pretty. I- I don't know how I'll react- I am very fuckin' terrified- and- and I need you t-to promise me that- n-no matter what I do or say, you'll do whatever it t-takes to sa-ave my l-life. Okay-?", Andy was sobbing by now, soft quiet hiccups that tightened Bucky's chest. 

"I promise.", he whispered and Andy nodded shakily before turning her face away from him. 

Bucky took a deep breath and reached for the button of her pants, opening them he could feel Andy get rigid underneath his hands, her breath fast and panicked. 

He then slowly started to pull them down and that's when the trembling started again. Full body tremors like she was being electrocuted. "No- -please- no- don't-", Andy whimpered and Bucky wanted to stop, he really did, but he promised no to so he continued to pull until he saw the bullet wound on her right thigh. 

Once he laid his hands on her naked skin she flinched and her face snapped towards him. Bucky could tell right away that something had changed, that Andy wasn't really present anymore.

There was no restraint to her face, only pure, unadulterated fear, her eyes looked distant. "No! No please- don't- no I don't want this!", she screamed, trying to get away from him. It was horrifying. 

"Andy! Andy I need you to lay still, I'm trying to help you.", Bucky begged, his voice cracking. Andy didn't listen, she couldn't. Too caught up in her personal nightmare.

"Please- please, please please! I'll do whatever you want, just -please don't make me- It hurts- It hurts- so much-", she didn't even sound like herself anymore, her voice hoarse and ruined. She didn't look like herself either, with snot, tears and blood on her face, her eyes unseeing, her expressions pulled into a grotesque grimace. 

Bucky tried to hold her down but she punched and kicked hysterically until he had to force her limbs down which only caused her to panic more. 

"-please- I- I-I I'll do- please-", Andy begged, gasping for air. Bucky couldn't do this. Not if she moved the whole time. His eyes searched the room until they fell on the edge of the stretcher. It had straps. This would be a nightmare. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...", he whispered as he let go of one of her arms to quickly strap down her oder wrist. He did the same with her other one and by the time he reached her legs Andy was howling, throwing her head around violently. 

"NO! PLEASE!! -PLEASE DON'T DO THAT!! I- I- CAN'T! STOP! PLEASE!", she screamed until Bucky's ears were ringing and he couldn't take it anymore and stuffed his shirt into her mouth to muffle her words. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Andy. I'm so sorry...", he whispered over and over again as he furiously wiped at his eyes. He couldn't cry, he had to focus. 

So he took the pincers and got to work, starting with her stomach, digging out the bullet while Andy's muffled screams made tears spill down his face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,", he whimpered as he got to her leg. 

By the time he was finished he could barely see through the tears and Andy's screams had faded into exhausted sobs, she had stopped fighting. 

He took out the gag and carefully laid his hands on her pained face. "You can heal now...", he whimpered and Andy seemed to understand enough because soon enough he saw her wounds closing all by themselves until only smooth skin was left. 

"Please-", Andy whimpered, her eyes screwed shut and Bucky got to freeing her from the straps. By the time he was finished Andy rolled off the stretcher and collapsed on the floor, rolling up into a ball, sobbing quietly. 

"Andy?", Bucky asked softly but the girl flinched at his voice, sending a shudder down Bucky's spine. 

He needed to do something, anything. Andy was only in her underwear and he didn't expect her to be able to dress herself right now so he got a blanket off the bed and carefully draped it over her bare body. 

She flinched at first but quickly pulled the blanket tighter around herself, her sobs growing quieter until she was only sniffling slightly. 

"Bucky-", if it wasn't for his heightened senses he wouldn't have heard her, that's how quiet she was. Quiet and broken and ruined. 

"I think I'm too exhausted to get up... Could you-?", she whimpered and Bucky hurried back to her, picking her up carefully, making sure to not touch her skin. 

She was still incredibly pale and her eyes were bloodshot but at least the were clear now. "This will sound really weird, especially after this whole drama-", she started, her tone almost casual if it wasn't for the slight tremble, the rasp from screaming for so long. "But could you hold me, like just- let me lean again you or something-", Andy then asked, diverting her eyes like she was ashamed. "I just- I need someone-", she admitted brokenly and Bucky could've started crying all over again. 

Instead he carried her over to the bed. He sat down, leaned against the headboard and placed Andy, still bundled up in the blanket, in his lap. He was surprised when she snuggled against his chest, tugging her head under his chin, only the blanket as a safety net between them. 

"Thank you for pullin' through. I'm sorry that you had to see this. ", she mumbled and Bucky dared to carefully lay his arms around her, she didn't protest. 

"Nothing to apologize for. Besides, you've seen me at my worst already. Let's call it even. ", he replied quietly and to his surprise Andy smirked slightly. 

"I guess.", she then added.

"You didn't tell me that you have superpowers.", Bucky then mentioned and Andy hummed slightly. 

"You didn't know? I might've assumed that Steve mentioned it or something. Am a mutant. A shapeshifter, plus healin' and stuff.", she replied casually and Bucky raised his eyebrows impressed. 

"Shapeshifter? So can you look like anyone?", he asked.

"How do you think I tricked those agents?", she asked, sounding a bit satisfied. "I'm sorry by the way, for how they treated you."

"You need to stop apologizing for things that are out of your control.", Bucky replied softly and he could feel Andy nod slightly.

"Bucky? I'm really tired. This was a lot. I think I might sleep if that's okay?", she asked.

"Sure. I'll keep you safe.", he promised but Andy had already drifted off. 

Bucky reached for one of the guns that laid a few feet away on the floor, careful to not wake Andy. He'd never let anyone hurt her again.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony: *is a dick to Bucky*  
> Bucky: *is scared*  
> Tony: what the fuck? How dare he have feelings?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what's fun, being the only person at a party that doesn't drink and being the only one who has to puke. Food poisoning, or whatever fucked up my stomach, is a bitch. Sorry for taking so long, that's why.
> 
> Anyways, this one is quite tame, compared to the last one. I hope you enjoy it and leave a review!

Tony thought that by now he should be used to panic attacks. He knew that he was wrong the minute he saw the state of the Avengers Tower.

The security guards were dead, JARVIS was offline and the whole place was a mess. Of course his first thought was to find Andy and apparently he wasn't the only one that was worried about a loved one.

As soon as Steve saw the mess his eyes widened and he stormed off to search for Bucky. 

Tony hurried through the Avengers floor, checking every room for Andy, yelling her name, his heart sinking more and more. 

"Bruce, get JARVIS up and running again. I need to know what happened.", he ordered, his voice quivering. 

"Bucky is gone, and it looks like there was a fight in our apartment, bullet holes, blood on the floor.", Steve announced, running up to Tony. Tony had rarely seen the Captain so distraught. 

"There was also a lot of blood in the workshop. And this.", Clint said in a grave tone, holding up a piece of blue fabric that was tinted red now. With a shock he realized that it was the dress Andy wore when they left yesterday. 

"No... She's got to be somewhere here...", he whispered, his eyes looking around frantically as he tried to come up with a place he hadn't looked yet. 

"Panic room!", he then exclaimed before running off towards it. The door was locked. Someone had to be inside or it wouldn't be locked. That's what Tony told himself as he opened the door through the face and voice recognition.

It was dark, the only light coming from the hallway. The first thing Tony noticed was the smell, heavy, assaulting. It smelled like sweat, piss and shit. Then he saw Barnes. Sitting on the bed, half naked, facing the door with a machine gun pointing at Tony. Only after a few seconds Tony figured out that the bundle of blankets in his lap was a person. Andy, tiny, curled up and wrapped in a blanket, unmoving. 

Tony made a step forward and Barnes jerked his weapon up and simultaneously shielded Andy with his arms. 

"Don't fucking move!", he hissed, his voice cracking but determined. Tony had only faced Barnes a handful of times, the unfamiliarity was a tool that Tony used to build Barnes into the monster he wanted to see him as. He knew it wasn't fair. But then again, neither was the death of his parents. 

But this guy didn't seem like a monster, he seemed... scared. A weird thought. Tony tried to push it aside.

"Calm down Robocop, it's me.", he said and reached for the light switch, revealing himself. 

Barnes flinched at the light and tightened his arms around the girl, his eyes staring around frantically. 

"Relax, I'm one of the good guys, remember?", Tony asked slowly stepping closer. He couldn't tell what state of mind Barnes was in. He could be dangerous, Tony wanted to get Andy as far away from him as possible, especially since she was uncharacteristically unresponsive, which made Tony's heart race. 

But he couldn't lash out, he learned this much by now,  so he pulled himself together. 

"Barnes? Are you in there? Everything is okay, you're safe.", he said gently. Barnes was tracking him with his eyes and he shuddered at the word 'safe' before lowering his head to look at the bundle in his arms.

"Andy?", he asked softly, shaking the girl a bit, Tony was holding his breath until-

Andy raised her head, sighing softly. "What?", she asked, facing Barnes who had returned his eyes to Tony. She followed his line of sight until she spotted Tony, her eyes widening. 

"Dad!", she smiled and separated from Barnes, jumping into Tony's arms, squeezing him in a hug. 

Tony sighed relieved, she was okay, she was truly okay.  Until a few seconds ago he was sure that something had happened. 

In the corner of his eyes Tony saw Steve enter and then freeze, before storming towards Bucky, who had also gotten off the bed, to wrap him in a hug as well. 

Tony didn't care about this, though. He only cared about his girl in his arms, safe. That's why he only noticed her state once he let go of her. Andy was only dressed in her underwear, something she seemed to notice as well. She quickly wrapped the blanket around herself again but not in time to hide all the blood covering her body.

"What happened here?", Tony asked, his mouth dry. 

"Hydra.", Barnes grunted which lead Steve to finally let go of him and give him a worried look. 

"They were after you?", Tony realized and the younger Male avoided his eyes, glaring at nothing as he nodded slowly. 

"Barnes-", Tony started and was horrified to see James flinch away, trembling slightly, still not daring to look up. 

"Am sorry... I'm dangerous...", James then whispered so quietly, Tony almost missed it. 

"What?", Tony asked, completely thrown by the situation. It got even crazier when Barnes dropped to his knees, causing both Andy and Steve to gasp. But Barnes just kneeled, his head lowered, fists clenched at his sides as he repeated:"I'm sorry.", over and over again. His shoulders started to shake and Tony realized that Barnes was crying. 

The scene was bizarre, at least it was in Tony's mind. This was definitely not the monster he had imagined and for the first time Tony could see that. Barnes was just a 20-something guy, who got ripped apart and put back together so many times that he had no idea who he was. Tony looked and it was like he saw him for the first time, saw the countless scars on his body, the tissue where his metal arm was brutally attached to his shoulder, fresh bruises and electrical burns from the latest attack. 

Barnes was terrified, and apparently, he was terrified of Tony, the thought left a bitter taste in Tony's mouth. 

Steve was kneeling next to Barnes, whispering to him but not touching him. It didn't seem to help. 

Tony let himself sink to his knees until he was on one level with the man he despised so much. 

"Calm down, Barnes, I'm not mad.", he stated but Barnes just flinched once more. He was doing something wrong. 

Tony could feel a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Andy behind him, a questioning look on her face. It took him a second to realize that she was asking for permission. What exactly for, Tony didn't know, but he gave it to her. 

Andy stepped past him before she crouched down right in front of James. Tony watched as she carefully, hesitantly placed her hands on the male's shoulders. To his surprise Barnes slightly relaxed instantly, his eyes finally looking up to meet Andy's. 

"Don't apologize for things that are out of your control.", Andy said quietly.

"But I-", James wanted to protest but Andy wouldn't let him. 

"This wasn't your fault. Everybody knows that and Tony isn't mad. He said so himself. He wouldn't lie, okay. Besides, you saved my life. You did great. You protected me, and now I'll protect you.", her tone was gentle, kind, soothing. Tony had never experienced his daughter like this before. 

James quickly glanced at Tony, his eyes still fearful. Finally he nodded and got up, holding out a hand to help up Andy. 

"O-kay. Now that we've dealt with that, how about you tell us what went down here?", Tony then asked. 

"Can I shower first, put on some clothes, I could also really use a sandwich or three. ", Andy asked casually. It was moments like these that made Tony irrationally proud, it was something so simple, asking for basic necessities without fear, but it ment so much for Andy. 

"Yes, I'd also need to clean up, if that's okay?", James asked meekly, lowering his head again and hunching his shoulder s forward. He reminded Tony painfully of Andy when she first got here. 

"Of course. Do what you gotta do. Let's just meet in the kitchen in an hour. Okay?", Tony suggested. When James didn't respond, Steve nodded at Tony before carefully laying an arm around his friend's shoulder and leading him outside. 

Tony looked after the two before returning his attention to Andy. "Are you okay?", he asked softly and Andy shrugged slightly.

"Mostly, yes. My energy levels are pretty low, but otherwise I'm good.", she then elaborated and Tony raised his eyebrows. 

"You know that's not what I ment.",he said and Andy rolled with her eyes before walking past him and leaving the Panic room. 

"I don't know what you ment.", she stated as she made her way to her room. 

"I'm talking about the fact that you are basically naked, that Barnes was cradling you like a doll, couldn't have been easy.", Tony pointed out.

"I thought we talked about assuming the limit of my capabilities?", she asked, her voice sounding clipped. 

"I'm just making sure that you were okay with whatever happened. ", Tony tried to explain as they reached her bedroom door. Andy opened the door before turning around in the frame to face Tony. He couldn't read her expression. 

"I'll explain what happened later. Just know that Bucky didn't do anything I didn't ask of him.", she stated, one eyebrow raised in a challenging way. 

"Okay. If you say so, I believe you.", Tony nodded and Andy instantly lost some of her edge, her expression softening. 

"Thanks. I'll shower now, get an omelet going for me, yeah?", she smiled at him. Andy grew quite fond of the one thing Tony was really good at making. 

"Sure, Poppins.", he grinned before turning around to leave. 

"I love you, dad.", Andy said quietly and Tony stopped to look at her again. 

"Love you, too."

~

An hour later Andy was sitting in at the dinner table, dressed in her most comfortable leggings and and sweater with a fluffy bathrobe on top, feeling fresh and clean again. 

The sleep helped but Andy was still pretty drained. During their research she and Hank figured out that she used up a lot of energy when she healed herself, energy that was restored by food and sleep. 

"I'm so fucking hungry!", she grunted, shoveling in the third omelet.

"You sure that everything is okay?", Tony asked with a smirk as he was preparing the fourth. 

"I have an explanation for this.", Andy replied, her cheeks stuffed with food. 

 "Can't wait to hear it.", Clint commented, letting himself drop on a chair next to Andy. Natasha did the same on her other side and a few minutes later Bruce joined them.

Their reunion with Andy was a joyous one, even if it had exhausted the girl even more. She could easily sleep for another 10 hours, apparently forcefully preventing yourself from bleeding out for half an hour had consequences. Who would've thought?! It's not like Andy's mutation came with warnings and instructions.

"I just- don't want to explain this more than once. Just get it over with and sleep for a week afterwards.", Andy explained while they waited for Steve and Bucky.

Andy was worried about Bucky. Which was new, normally she was the one having the mental breakdown but Bucky's reaction to Tony, it was painfully familiar. 

A few minutes later the two men in question came in. Bucky had showered and changed as well. His wet hair was pulled back and he was wearing a robe as well. He gave Andy a quick smile before lowering his eyes. 

Once they sat down across from Andy, Steve gave her a small smile as well, Bucky still refused to look up, Tony sat down at the table as well. 

"So, can you two please tell us what happened now? Because HYDRA somehow managed to temporarily shut out JARVIS which leaves you two as our only witnesses.", he asked and Bucky flinched at the mention of HYDRA but didn't make any attempts to answer. So Andy started. 

"Okay. From my point of view things went down like this. I was in your workshop, minding my own business, when I heard voices and steps. I asked JARVIS to investigate but as you pointed out he was out of buisness which was quite the warning sign. When I heard one of the people come closer I hid in the locker and watched as he came in. He wanted to steal data, I think. I stopped him.", she explained and Clint raised his eyebrows. 

"How?", he asked and Andy blushed slightly. 

"I shapeshifted into him to distract him so that I could knock him out. And then change into his clothes and pretend to be him.", she confessed and natasha smirked. 

"No bad, малыш. And that worked?", she asked impressed. 

"Yes and no. He shot me before I could knock him out.", Andy pointed at her stomach before explaining how she discovered her inability to heal with the bullet still inside. She didn't give anyone a chance to comment on that. 

"I heard one of the other agents mention Bucky over the com so I figured that they were after him. I went to search him and ran into a few other agents but they didn't suspect a thing until we joined the others in the room where they were-", Andy's voice suddenly broke off, her eyes shooting towards bucky who still couldn't look at her. 

The way she had found him, limp on the floor, lying in a puddle of his own piss, completely unresponsive... she didn't think she'd ever forget that. 

"They were torturing me. Andy saved my life.", Bucky suddenly whispered and everyone's head snapped towards him like they only noticed him now. 

Bucky slowly raised his head, avoiding everyone's eyes but Andy's. "Thank you."

Andy smiled slightly, her eyes burning. "No need." Andy then quickly looked away, subtly rubbing her eyes as if she was just tired, sighing before continuing her story. 

"I'm no fighter. I'm strong and fast but I lack the technique. If it wasn't for the surprise factor of one of their own attacking, I would've totally been dead. And I did get hit by another bullet.", this time she tapped her leg. 

"But I did manage to get Bucky out and drag him to the panic room until he was conscious enough to walk by himself. Bucky then took the bullets out of my body so that I could heal. It went great. No complications. ", Andy completely glossed over the point where she was convinced that she was 10 or something again and with her first customer. 

"Why do I feel like that isn't the entire truth?", Bruce asked with a certain tone of sarcasm. 

"Because it isn't. But I also don't want to revisit that. ", Andy stated, her tone a little clipped.

Awkward silence followed as Andy tried to figure out what to say next. "I- It wasn't easy and it wasn't without complications. It was actually really fucking hard but I- I can't talk about it, okay? Just know that Bucky saved my life. And it wasn't easy for him either but he saved me.", Andy stated, fixing her eyes on Tony to drive the point home. 

Andy could watch Tony struggle. Could watch how he tried to connect her words to the creature he had build up in his mind. A creature that wasn't Bucky. 

Finally he turned his attention to Bucky who shrank under his glare. "Barnes?", he asked quietly and Bucky flinched, still refusing to look up.

Tony gave Andy a look, seeking for help. Andy nodded towards her father before looking at Bucky.

"Bucky? It's okay.", Andy reassured him gently and Bucky dared to look up at Tony. His whole body tensed like he was bracing himself for something.

"Barnes. Thank you for saving my daughter. I owe you.", Tony admitted.

An expression of pure confusion crossed Bucky's face and his eyes looked to Andy and the to Steve for an answer. Steve nodded encouragingly and Bucky swallowed before looking back at Tony. 

"You don't owe me anything. It's- it's fine.", he mumbled before taking a shuddering breath. After that he got up from his chair and looked around frantically, his fists clenched. "Can I go now?"

"Sure, if there is nothing else you can tell us.", Tony nodded and Bucky gave Steve a questioning look that Steve responded to by getting up as well. 

"Alright, I'll come over again later.", Steve stated and then they were already out the door. 

"I'm proud of you.", Andy said as she got up to put away her plate. 

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic.", Tony sighed burying his face in his hands. 

"Am I this bad at being genuine?", Andy asked. Maybe it had to do with her exhaustion. God, she couldn't wait to get into her bed. 

Clint smirked at that before getting up and patting Tony on his shoulder. "Nah, Tony. I think she's serious."

Tony raised his head again and turned it so that he could look at Andy who was leaning against the kitchen counter. His eyes were glistening.

"I'm proud of you, too.", he said and even if Andy didn't understand what there was to be proud of, she felt comfort in that.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy: I'm the worst
> 
> Bucky: No I'm the worst.
> 
> Andy: You're wrong on account of the fact that I'm already The Worst ™ Get your own thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried something new with this one, I wanted to skip ahead a little in this chapter so that's how it ended up.
> 
> Also it gets pretty rough on the emotional front. There is a lot of internalized victim blaming, it's the main subject of the chapter, so please be warned. 
> 
> Also, as always, leave a review, I absolutely love them!

"I'm glad to see you here again. After you canceled our last appointment I feared that we wouldn't see each other again.", Dr Seine commented, not sounding accusatory.

Andy was sitting on one of her couches, her legs pulled to her chest, arms wrapped around them with her chin resting on her knees. 

"Yeah, I kind of threw a fit and didn't want to do anything Tony wanted me to do. ", Andy shrugged. 

"Do you often feel the need to rebell against your father?", the woman asked and Andy raised her eyebrows. _So we are getting right into it._

"No. Normally I want to do everything to please him. Isn't that one of the things that is wrong with me?", she asked, her tone slightly challenging. 

"Only if you put this need to please over your own comfort.", Dr Seine returned without budging. Andy didn't reply anything to that. 

"Why don't you tell me why you didn't want to please him this time?", the doctor then asked and Andy narrowed her eyes at the ceiling. 

Then, after a while:"It's not like it came naturally to me. Disobeying never does. But I was really pissed."

~

"I get it. Okay,  I get that Bucky and I are like two bombs that could trigger each other at any moment-", Andy was sitting on one of the desks in Tony's workshop, her legs dangling above the ground. God, she hated starting this topic again. 

"-but I seriously feel like I should check on him-", she continued meekly. She hadn't seen Bucky since the HYDRA attack. Last time he was in bad shape, she was worried. That was one week ago. The whole week felt unreal, like Andy was waiting for something big. In a way, she always was.

"Go on then.", Tony commented, continuing to tinker on the leg piece of his suit. 

"And I mean, it's not like we will be- wait. What?", her train of thought came to a screeching halt. Did Tony just agree?

The Male dropped his tools and turned his full attention towards his child. The look in his eyes was gentle, a soft smile on his lips. Andy's chest ached for no reason.  _Stupid feelings._

"Andy, I trust you. And after everything that happened with HYDRA, after pulling not only yourself but also him through that- Don't get me wrong, I'm worried. But I trust in your decisions. I trust you."

Andy tried to make sense of the words, it wasn't quite working. Andy couldn't help but to feel like this was a trap. But then again, Andy always purposely ran into traps to prove herself right.

Turns out she was wrong.

~

"And Bucky? He has gone through something similar to your experience?", Dr Seine asked after Andy told her about the events of the previous weeks. 

"Yes and no. I don't think that his stuff was sexual. He was brainwashed into a killing machine.", Andy shrugged and Dr Seine nodded like that was totally normal. 

After meeting her a couple of times Andy found that this was her favorite thing about the woman so far. She just shrugged off all the bizarre aspects of Andy's life like they were nothing. 

Not the heavy stuff, but the whole,  "My dad is a superhero, I'm a mutant that constantly looks different, every person I know is freaky" By now Andy knew that at least when it came to this topic, she could throw whatever at the doctor. 

"And you've previously said that you sympathize with him. That you feel a bond to him?", she asked and Andy nodded.

"I don't know, I think I might be projecting myself onto him. But I also like him as a person, you know?", Andy asked and leaned back.

She was surprised how easy it was to talk to Dr Seine. At least about things that weren't too deep. They didn't get there yet, but it was okay. The woman didn't push. But other things,  _easier_ things were okay. Like talking about Tony, or Bucky, stuff that were part of the present, not the past, never the past. 

"And how did your reunion go?", Dr Seine asked, pulling Andy out of her thoughts. 

~

Bucky was curled up on the couch when Andy entered their flat, his eyes landed on her like a visor. 

"Hey Bucky.", she said casually, walking past him into the kitchen, she could hear Bucky scramble to get up and follow behind her. 

"I didn't expect you.", he only stated as Andy started to search the fridge for something to eat. She was turning into a stress eater. 

Her eyes wandered over to Bucky for a second. He looked better than he did last time. Not as panicky. He was looking her in the eyes instead of avoiding them, he wasn't shaking. The male seemed tense, but then again, it was Bucky. 

"Neither did I, but I wanted to check on you.", she admitted before giving up her search for snacks and turning her full attention towards Bucky. 

"Isn't Stark going to be mad that you are here?", Bucky asked and he was trying for 'humorous' but Andy could hear the anxiety in his voice. 

"No. He trusts in my own decisions now, or something like that.", Andy smirked. "The bottom line is,he knows I'm here and he doesn't mind. Or he does mind but he isn't holding me back. "

Bucky sat down on one of the chairs in the kitchen, still watching Andy. "I thought he hates me."

"To be fair, I think he thought so himself. But he finally sees that what happened wasn't your fault. ", Andy shrugged and Bucky suddenly diverted his eyes, staring at the floor instead. It was so sudden that it rubbed Andy the wrong way. 

"Hey, what are you thinking?", she asked calmly and Bucky didn't react for a while until finally looking up with a heavy sigh. 

"Do you really think- that it's not my fault?", he then asked and Andy froze for a second. Andy hadn't quite entertained the thought that Bucky might blame himself for what he did as the Winter Soldier. Mostly because it was so obvious to her that he was a victim. 

"Of course it isn't. You didn't want any of this. They made you into this thing that wasn't you. You didn't have a say in that!", she exclaimed, really upset all of a sudden. 

"Yes, but I stopped fighting. I killed people, innocent people, your grandparents! They are dead because I gave up! Because I was too fucking _weak. I let them do this to me!",_ he suddenly spat and Andy took a few steps back. Her arms held out in front of her body protectively.

It was a reflex, more than anything else. She wasn't scared of Bucky, not really, not more than of everyone else. Still, her alarmed posture didn't go by unnoticed and Bucky quickly softened his expression, loosened his clenched fists. 

"I'm sorry.", he said quietly, and bowed his head, his hair falling into his face like a curtain. 

Andy only now truly realized what he just said.  _I let them do this to me._ The girl suddenly felt really foolish, and also selfish.

~

"And why did you feel that way?", Dr Seine asked and Andy leaned back with a sigh, letting her eyes wander through the room. Why did she feel that way? It was quite obvious. That didn't make it an easy confession. 

"I-how do I say this... I  _always_ let Nancy do whatever she wanted to me. I let these men have their way. I never even tried to fight it, I-.", Andy grew quiet for a few seconds, waiting until the ocean in her head calmed down a little. Dr Seine was patient enough to let her have that time.

"I can't help to feel like it's my fault, I could've told someone, could've- I don't know. And objectively I know that I'm wrong. Because when I imagine someone else going through this- when I talk to Bucky or Clint, it's so obvious to me that they've been wronged. But I'm a hypocrite, I just can't see myself like that. I can't help but to feel like- like I just got what I deserved...", she took another minute to breathe. By now Dr Seine could tell when Andy was finished talking and even she was just taking a break. 

Next time she looked up at her doctor her voice was thick with emotion. "And when I give into that thought I feel even worse because Bucky couldn't just ask for help! Bucky couldn't tell someone! And he fought! He fought for years and years and they tortured him until he wasn't even a person anymore and even then he eventually managed to fight his way back! I never even fucking tried- I- I-", suddenly Andy was gasping for air, her cheeks wet, her lips salty with the taste of her tears. The girl clutched her chest with her hands and closed her eyes, forcing herself to calm down.  _Island, Island, just get to the island._

Next time Andy opened her eyes Dr Seine had put down her pen and folded her hands in her lap, the expression on her face compassionate, no pity, thank God. 

"Andy, let me put it this way. When you meet a new person, what is the first thing you assume?", she asked and Andy raised her eyebrows. What did that have to do with anything?

"That they are going to use me, in some way.", she replied, her voice cracking. She thought back to the time in the medical wing when she offered Clint and Bruce sex.

"Why is that?", Dr Seine asked.

"People always have. ", Andy replied, still not seeing where she was going with this. "Until now, that is.", she then added.

"So how were you supposed to know that this wasn't normal, that people would help, that you deserve better?", Dr Seine asked and Andy didn't say anything for a while. 

It's not like this was some grand revelation. Again, it was quite obvious. Andy just struggled to make herself believe in it. The voice in her head was louder, as always. 

~

"Would you blame me for what happened to me?", Andy asked Bucky one afternoon out of nowhere. The thought had been rattling around in her mind ever since her last therapy session. 

"Of course not!", Bucky automatically shook his head and tried to turn to face Andy. 

They were sitting on the couch, Andy was leaning with her back against his, facing away from him, resting the back of her head on his shoulder. 

It was a position she found strangely comforting. It included touch but without any arms or hands that could grab or hold her down. 

"Why would you even think that?!", Bucky asked, sounding genuinely shocked. Andy still kept her eyes trained on the ceiling. 

"Why do you blame yourself then?", Andy asked, ignoring how big of a hypocrite she was being. 

She could feel Bucky's head shift as he lowered it, hunching over a bit. 

"Andy that's different. You are a child, from what I heard you've been horribly abused for your  whole life-", Andy didn't flinch at the word  _abuse._ Even though it felt wrong, like she was an imposter. 

"You didn't kill people.", Bucky finished and Andy snapped out of her thoughts. 

"Neither did you, not really.", she mumbled and another sigh was her reply. Followed by a humorless chuckle, it made his shoulders shake. 

"You forget that I used to be a soldier before HYDRA even got their hands on me. I killed before, as myself, and I was good at it... am good at it.", he commented and to that Andy didn't know what to reply. 

So she just lifted her head and sat up, hunching over, looking at her hands in her lap. 

"I stil don't understand why you would ask that?", Bucky pointed out after a few minutes of silence. 

_Because I don't deserve any of this,  I don't deserve your sympathy, I don't deserve you or Tony or the Avengers, I don't deserve a home, I don't deserve to be a person. I'm dirty and messed up and broken and I was smashed into pieces and put back together all wrong so many times. Like puzzle pieces that don't belong together but are forced to connect, forced to paint a picture, so disgusting that I don't understand why you still look. Nothing works right with me, I can't even agree with my own logic. I'm wrong wrong wrong and one day you'll see it and when you do I won't be able to take it._

"Just morbid curiousity I guess.", Andy smirked. 

 

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles: I'll do anything  
> Raven: Talk to Erik  
> Charles: Not that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a filler chapter, mainly plot stuff but it's important.
> 
> Also on a similar note, I have loads of ideas for little slice of life chapters that don't really have to do with the main story and I thought of uploading them separately. Like an afternoon with Andy and Bucky or Trainig with Nat or mor father daughter time. Little extras. Would you be interested in that? PLEASE COMMENT AND TELL ME!
> 
> And as always, please leave a review about the chapter itself, I love them!

"Are you sure that you are ready?", Andy asked as she followed Charles through a hallway. 

The Male had called her over that morning because he finally wanted to attempt his luck at Cerebro. He'd been avoiding it for weeks until he felt like he couldn't anymore, sooner or later he'd have to try again and he'd have to talk to Raven eventually. 

"I'm really not but I feel like if I don't do it now, I'll avoid it forever.", he confessed as he opened the door to the elevator that lead to the underground facilities of his mansion. The elevator was luckily large enough to fit Charles in his wheelchair, Hank, Andy and her father Tony. 

Charles liked Tony all right. That didn't change the fact that he felt a sense of protectiveness for Andy. Maybe he just didn't know the man enough. And maybe he just missed having Andy around. 

"I've never been down here before.", Andy pointed out as they made their way through the underground hallways. Down here the walls were made of metal, not the best decision, considering a certain frenemy. 

"Yeah, I haven't been down her in a while, either.", he sighed before opening the door to cerebro, it opened in the shape of an X.

"What even is Cerebro?", Andy asked as they stepped into the huge dome that contained it.

"Cerebro amplifies Charles' telepathic powers, by strengthening his brainwaves. It also makes the users brain work extremely quickly by speeding up the neurons in it. Charles can use it to detect other mutants.", Hank explained as Charles reached for the head piece and placed it on his scalp. 

"Yeah, I used to be able to do this. We'll see how well it works now.", the Male mumbled. 

Stark let his hands wander over the control panel, his eyes focused. "It looks surprisingly low tech. When did you build this,  in the 50s?", he commented before Andy nudged him with her elbow. "Hey!" The girl only rolled with her eyes, a smirk playing on her lips.

"Excuse me, I'm not an engineer or a designer, and we build it years ago.", Charles returned only slightly offended. "Hank, turn it on.", he then ordered and his friend nodded as both Andy and Tony took a step back. 

Hank gave him a reassuring smile before flipping the switch and suddenly Charles' mind exploded. 

He had forgotten how overwhelming it is, having all these people in your head, the sensation made him scream out for a second. 

"Is it hurting him-", he heard an alarmed voice ask but it was far away, or Charles himself was too far away, diving into the sea of voices. For a little while he let his mind get carried away. Let himself drown in all the noise until it got hard to breath. 

Only then he finally forced himself to look. Look for the mind they were searching. One he knew better than any other.  

_Raven._

It took him a while but eventually he found her. For a while he didn't say anything, didn't announce his presence. He just watched her. 

She was in her regular form, blue skin, red hair, yellow eyes. Charles always thought that she was beautiful, apparently he didn't let her know that. Raven was in a boxing studio of sorts, it was empty and she was the only one training. 

It was sort of entrancing, watching her. So beautiful yet deadly. Charles' chest grew tight. 

"You look good.", he stated like a fucking idiot and Raven whirled around with wide eyes until she faced Charles' astral projection. 

"Charles-", she gasped, her voice cracking. 

"Hello, Raven.", he said, unable to hold back his sad smile. 

Raven just glared at him for a moment, taking in his appearance. Charles suddenly felt really self conscious about his long messy hair, the beard, the sweatpants and t-shirt. 

"You're not really here, are you?", she then asked and Charles shook his head. 

"What do you want?", Raven asked, an edge in her voice that almost made Charles flinch. 

"I need your help. Or, not me but a friend of mine.", he replied awkwardly. Charles hadn't really planned how to explain Raven who Andy was, yet. He was just making it up as he was going.

"Why would you need my help?", she asked and Charles sighed, going through his hair with his hands. 

"I-I can't explain the whole situation to you. It's not my story to tell, but I need you to come to the mansion.", he replied and Raven crossed her arms, a frown on her face.

"I'm not coming anywhere until you tell me what this is about.", she snapped and Charles wanted to groan.  _So fucking stubborn._

"O-kay. It's about your sister. You have a sister, Raven, and she needs your help.", he answered and Raven scoffed.

"Are you kidding me, Charles? What is this really about?", she asked again and now Charles groaned.

"I'm not lying, her name is Andy, she's your half sister, she's a shapeshifter, like you! ", he explained, sending Raven an image of Andy. 

The woman didn't look convinced yet but she was starting to consider his words. 

"I don't know how to prove it to you, I just need you to trust me on this one. I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't really an emergency.", he tried again and this time Raven let her crossed arms lose and started to pace slowly. 

"Okay,  let's say I come to your mansion, I have a condition. If you agree to this I'll believe that you're serious.", she stated and Charles nodded. 

"Fine. What is it?", Charles asked raising an eyebrow. 

"Let me bring Erik. If this is really serious, you'll agree to this. ", she replied, narrowing her eyes at him.

Chatles wanted to scream, or he wanted to call quits and stop this thing. Talking to Raven was hard enough, the last thing he wanted to do was see Erik. Even the thought of him send Charles into a spiral of heartache, disappointment and selfloathing. But Andy needed him.

"Fine! Bring him, I don't care!", Charles snapped, completely letting go of his composure and covering his face with his hands for a moment before looking at Raven again. 

The expression on her face was a surprised one. "Wow...you really need me to come over?", she asked, her voice softer.

"It's serious Raven. I'm not lying. ", he admitted but Raven still didn't look convinced, not completely.

"We'll see." She said. "We'll take the next flight, I assume that we'll be at the mansion tomorrow.", she finally agreed and Charles simultaneously relaxed and tensed up if that was even possible. 

"We'll be waiting. ", he nodded and Raven didn't say anything for a while, just looking at him. Charles felt like he was being observed, dissected. He didn't enjoy it.

Suddenly Raven's tough facade cracked and a sadness came to light that wasn't there before. "Charles?", she asked, her voice so much softer:"Are you okay?"

That's the point where Charles cut the connection and woke up in his mansion again.

"Did it work?", Andy asked breathlessly. 

"Yeah, she's coming. Tomorrow.", Charles grunted, taking off the head piece. He rubbed his fingers against his temples, trying to calm his raging headache. 

"She's also bringing Erik.", he then said, turning to Hank. 

"Is that bad?", Andy asked and Charles nodded. 

"For my mental health, yeah. But I'll be fine. All that matters is that she's coming. I told her that you're her sister and that you need her help but that's it. Thought you might want to decide yourself how much she gets to know.", Charles replied, turning to Andy. 

The girl smiled softly. "Thank you."

"Thank me if she actually helps.", Charles mumbled before going through his hair once more. He needed to calm down, unwind a little, tomorrow would be stressful enough. 

Luckily Andy knew exactly what he needed, or maybe it was just her own coping technique. "Who wants some tea?"


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven: family is for losers
> 
> Andy: *exists*
> 
> Raven: I have a baby sister now and I'll do anything for her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a long time coming. I really hope that you enjoy it! Also there are mentions of child abuse and the typical Andy stuff in here, nothing graphic though.
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Leave comments! I love them!!!

Raven didn't expect to ever return to the Xavier Mansion. It used to be her home, but after choosing Erik over Charles, after leaving him at that beach in Cuba, she didn't think she'd ever be welcome again. Erik probably felt something similar. 

He'd been a nervous wreck ever since she told him about her plans. Nervous in Erik's case ment silent brooding. He was stuck in his head and Raven knew that she couldn't get him out. Charles was always the only one who managed to do that. 

"It'll be fine.", Raven said into the silence of their car as they were rolling up the driveway of Charles' Mansion. 

"Sure.", Erik mumbled. 

Raven was yet to confront the whole sister-thing. She wasn't entirely convinced that it was the truth, so she decided to put it off until she knew for sure. Still, the closer she got the more she realized that she might meet her sister, a family member she had no idea about. 

Family was a complicated term for Raven. She never met her mother and grew up with a father that was disgusted by her mutation. Family only became something positive once she met Charles. He was her family for the longest time, until everything went wrong. And Erik?

Their relationship was complicated, molded by Charles. He was such an integral part of both of their lives that they each felt incomplete, even around each other. 

"We're here.", Erik stated the obvious as he parked the car next to the door. There was already one car waiting outside, a red Porsche, and Raven couldn't help but to question if that was her suposed sister's car.

When they rang the doorbell Charles opened the door Raven felt Erik tense beside her. 

Charles looked like shit, Raven had noticed that much when he visited her mind the other day. 

That's why Raven could tell that Charles made an effort for their reunion. His long hair was combed back, he had shaved and wore actual pants instead of sweats. But that didn't change the dark circles under his striking blue eyes. Or that he was in a wheelchair. 

Charles was the first one to break the uncomfortable silence. "Erik, Raven.", he only nodded slightly, his tone cold. "You're not blue.", he then pointed out. Raven had taken on her more socially acceptable form.

"Yeah, don't mention it.", she shrugged before walking past Charles into the house that used to be her home. 

She looked around the foyer, noticing that nothing had changed, the halls still looked the same as when she was a kid. 

"I won't drag this out because Andy is buzzing with excitement. Which is rare. She's waiting in the kitchen.", Charles replied, he knew that he didn't have to show Raven the way. 

"Okay...", Raven released a breath. Was this really happening? Was she really about to meet her sister?

She could feel Erik follow behind her until Charles stopped them again. "It would probably be better if you talked to her by yourself first. She kind of has an issue with-", Charles glanced over at Erik:"-men she doesn't know. "

Raven raised an eyebrow but didn't argue. Instead she turned to Erik. "It's fine. I'll call if something is up." With that she turned around again and made her way to the kitchen. 

Once she entered it she saw a girl, leaning against the kitchen isle, eating tomatoes. 

 She was the same height as Raven, pale, large brown eyes, with short pink hair that went town to her chin and banks. She looked like she was maybe 18, definitely younger than Raven. She didn't look like the image Charles showed her but if Charles told the truth she was also a shapeshifter.

The girl stared at Raven with an intensity that was frightening. Then she smiled. 

"You must be Raven, hey, I'm Andy.", she said and Raven just stared at her with wide eyes. "This is weird, innit?", the girl then smirked.

"Yeah...I just didn't really believe Charles until now. You really are my sister?", Raven asked, baffled. This was fucking crazy, this girl was her younger sister! She had a baby sister! And her baby sister was fucking British!

"Yes, half sister. We share a mother.", the girl nodded. She didn't seem half as freaked out as Raven.

"Weird.", Raven nodded. "Uh, sorry, this is a lot.", Raven laughed nervously, shaking her head. "I don't know where to even begin. Tell- Tell me about yourself. What's your family like? How did you meet Charles? I also heard that you're a shapeshifter too.", Raven rambled and Andy only watched her until she shut up. 

"Well, You heard right about the shapeshifter thing.", she then shrugged and suddenly a copy of Raven was sitting across from her. Raven couldn't help but to get excited. She never met another shapeshifter before.

"Nice! And are you blue, too?", she asked and Andy cocked her head to one side. "Blue?", she asked in Raven's voice and Raven transformed into her natural form.

Andy's eyes went wide. "Holy shit! That's so rad!", she exclaimed before imitating Raven's blue form as well.

"But it isn't your natural form?", Raven asked, trying to not sound disappointed. 

"I don't really have a natural form.", the girl shrugged and Raven raised her eyebrows. 

"You don't?", Raven asked, not really understanding. 

"Nah. My powers are impulsive like that,  if I don't make a conscious effort to stay the same, I won't. But if you're asking how I'd look like if I wasn't a shapeshifter it'd be something like this. ", she replied and shifted into a different form again. 

This time she looked much more fragile than before, younger. Her face was all eyes and lips with a uncontrollable mess of dark curls going down to her waist. Only on the second look Raven noticed a collection of fine white lines, everywhere where skin was showing. But before she could take a closer look she already shifted back into the pink-haired girl with flawless skin. 

"Do you have a healing factor as well?", Andy then asked, changing the topic. 

"Yeah, you too?", Raven asked and Andy nodded eagerly. The next 30 minutes they spend discussing the similarities and differences of their powers. 

It was nice, Raven had no idea how fucking nice it was to have someone to talk to about her mutation. Someone who really got it. And Andy was a great discussion partner, Raven didn't know how old the girl was but she seemed really mature. 

"This is so crazy! I never met someone like me before!", Raven finally exclaimed. 

"I'm just jealous that you get to be a polyglot. That's so cool!", Andy smirked. 

"Yeah but you can be as strong and fast as humanly possible!", Raven returned and Andy shrugged with a smile. 

"So, tell me more, what about your family? Did you grow up with our mother or?", Raven then asked. She'd like to convince herself that she was just curious but there was also a part of her that wanted to know what kind of life Raven could've lead. If her mother hadn't abandoned her, if her father hadn't been such a dick, if she hadn't been such an obvious freak of nature. 

Andy smile disappeared and she diverted her eyes. "That question actually leads us right to why I need your help. Uhmm... I don't know where to start with this... I didn't grow up with our mother, I didn't grow up with my dad either. By the way, Tony Stark is my father, and-"

"Wait! Hold up! Did I just hear that correctly? Tony Stark? As in, Iron Man?", Raven gaped. Fucking Iron Man! That'd explain the Porsche. "But he doesn't have kids.", she then pointed out before fully realizing that Andy told her that she didn't grow up with him. 

"Yeah, he only found out about me a few months ago and we are keeping it under wraps for now.", the girl explained and Raven nodded slowly. Andy Stark. Daughter of Tony Stark. Not only a mutant but also her sister. She couldn't have predicted that.

"The reason why I need your help is that I really need to find out who our mother is. We hoped that maybe you could help.",Andy then clarified and a frown crept on Ravens face. 

"I have no idea who she is. I grew up with my dad until I ran away.", she replied and Andy narrowed her eyes a little, they were distant, like she was thinking. 

"But your dad might now who she is?", the girl then asked carefully and Raven couldn't help but to grow defensive. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to her father. 

"Doesn't your dad know who she is?", she asked, a little passive aggressive.

"Nah, he fucked a lot of people and since we don't know how old I am or what my real name is, he can't tell.", Andy replied and the casualty of her tone made the words so much more shocking.

"What do you mean you don't know your age? Or your name? I thought your name was Andy?", Raven couldn't hold back the shock. At first she thought that Andy would be a more perfect version of her, someone who had more luck than her. Now she was completely thrown off. 

Andy rolled with her eyes like this wasn't a legit question. "I only got that name once I moved in with Tony a few months ago. And when it comes to my age I can only guess.", she replied and when Raven didn't look satisfied with that answer Andy sighed and buried her face in her hands for a few seconds. "I have to tell you eventually, right?", she asked, more to herself than Raven before finally looking up. 

There they were again, those huge dark eyes, glaring in a way that kind of stressed Raven out. 

"I am... I used to be a child prostitute. My aunt, our aunt, raised me and she sold me off to men for sex until recently, I didn't have a real name or identity. I need to find our mother to get some clarity about myself and also because we hit a dead end in our search for my aunt. ", she explained bluntly and Raven felt like she was about to be sick, bile rising in her throat. 

"That wasn't so bad, right? Like ripping off a bandaid.", the girl then shrugged and Raven couldn't help picturing the girl she saw before, the fragile one, the one with all the scars. Who put them there? What else did they do that didn't leave marks?

Suddenly Raven was bend over the kitchen sink emptying out the contents of her stomach. Once there was nothing left, Raven was left trembling with a burning throat and eyes. She turned towards Andy who still leaned against the kitchen isle, her arms wrapped around her torso awkwardly. "That's a new one. Sorry about that.", she then said and Raven turned on the sink to get rid of her vomit. 

"I'm so sorry. ", she said, her voice cracking as she watched the dirty water swirl down the drain. It felt insufficient. Raven felt like she should do more. Like she failed Andy, which was stupid. She didn't even know about her until yesterday, didn't even believe in her until an hour ago. 

"I'm sick of hearing that.", Andy only said, her tone sharp as she crossed her arms. "I just wanted you to understand why I need to find our mother and right now you are our only hope.", she then added, gentler this time. 

"My father isn't going to help you. He's a monster.", Raven said, her voice raw. 

"I have experience dealing with monsters. ", Andy remarked before adding:"I also have a billionaire who will do whatever it takes to catch our aunt. They say that there is nothing that money can't buy."

Raven stayed silent after that,  thinking back to her own father. How he locked her up at home so that people wouldn't see, how he tried to drown her once. It send shivers down her spine.

"You don't even have to come with us, okay? If you can just tell us how to find him, that'd be enough. ", Andy pleaded. Raven couldn't help but to notice how calm Andy was, she didn't seem desperate, even when she told Raven about what happened to her, she made it sound like something boring. It freaked Raven out, it also intimidated her. What kind of person is so unattached to their paren abuse?

Then Andy sighed once more and suddenly she looked... not necessarily worse, just tired, still resigned, still like she didn't really care, but not quite as neutral. 

"You asked how I met Charles. I didn't. Hank found me bleeding out in the woods, naked. Nancy, that's our aunt, got her hands on me again- Things happened, she dumped my body and left me to die. It's why we are scared to reveal my existence to the public because then she'll find out that I'm not dead. As long as she is out there, I'm in danger, and if it was just me I wouldn't really care, so I don't expect you to care any more. But I do know that I wasn't the only one of her girls. Not the first, not the last, and I'm pretty fucked up. I wouldn't wish that on anyone else. ", she then confessed and suddenly it was all pretty fucking clear. 

Raven couldn't just turn away now, couldn't fly away and leave her sister to deal with this on her own. Not if she could help, not if Andy had the chance to have an actual life, not if it depended in Raven.

"Okay. I'll take you to my dad."


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven confronts her dad, Andy experiences hers like never before and Erik had angst issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why this took so long, It's also not my favorite. I just don't know what to think of it. So please leave a review and let me know what you think of it!

"What do you mean we're meeting your father?", Erik asked after Raven told him what their plan was now. Raven explained it to him in the car while they were driving to her old address.

Since her father used to live in Jersey it was easiest to just drive there. She gave Andy the address and they'd meet there.

"We are just going to hop by and ask if he knows anything about our mother.", Raven replied, trying to ignore her own anxiety. Erik knew of her relationship to her father.

"You know that you don't have to do this,  right? You don't even know this girl, you don't owe her anything.", Erik said, gently laying a hand on one of her shoulders while she drove. 

"She's like me, Erik. And she needs me, like, really. Do you think I would agree to this if it wasn't really fucking important?", Raven insisted and Erik rolled with his eyes before watching the road again. 

"I'm just having trouble imagining that the daughter of Tony Stark has any issues.", he confessed. "Why does no one know about her anyways?"

"Oh I know where you are going with this. Look, this isn't about her being a mutant and him being a human. He isn't like my father, he's an avenger. It's not always us against them. ", Raven sighed. She understood where Erik's distrust of the humans came from, hell, she felt resentment, too. But sometimes he'd take it a bit far. 

"In my experience it is.", Erik stated before shutting up for the rest of the car ride. It was tense. Raven hated disagreeing with Erik. It was rare and when it happened it always weighed heavy between them.

"Do you trust me?", Raven asked after a while. They were close, Raven could feel her heart flutter in her chest and she really needed Erik on her side right now. 

Erik's head spun towards her, his eyes softer now. "Of course I do.", he spoke and Raven relaxed ever so slightly. 

"Then trust me on this."

~

Andy and her father (Tony fucking Stark) were already waiting outside the New Jersey Apartment Complex that Raven left 20 years ago. She looked up at the red brick building, shuddering slightly. 

"I didn't think I'd return here.", she mumbled as they got out of the car and walked towards the pair. Raven could see how Andy tracked Erik with her eyes, her face neutral. Suddenly the 'no men she doesn't know'- rule made a lot more sense. 

Erik's focus was on Stark, a grim expression on his face. He only changed it when Andy spoke. 

"We really appreciate you doing this Raven. You know that you don't have to face him if you don't want to. ", she stated, her tone neutral but with a gentle look in her eyes. 

"No. I- I want to face him. ", Raven nodded after taking a shaky breath. She could feel Erik's hand on her back, spreading warmth and comfort. 

"Let's hope that he still lives here.", she then mumbled before walking up to the door and searching for the right nametag. 

There it was. "Richards.", she mumbled before pressing the doorbell. 

"I thought your name is Darkholme.", Andy pointed out. 

"Dad always said that it's my mom's name. ", Raven replied, her heart wouldn't stop racing and she almost flinched when the door opened with a ringing noise. 

Raven gave Andy a look and the young girl nodded encouragingly. With that Raven stepped inside. 

~

The first thing Andy noticed when Ravens father opened the door to his apartment was the smell. It was assaulting her nose, the stench of alcohol and Andy had to resist the urge to run away.  _Drunk means dangerous._

This was not the time for her stupid triggers. This wasn't even her nightmare, it was Raven's and Andy was reminded of that when the woman beside her tensed as soon as the figure of a middle aged man appeared in the door. 

He was tall, with broad shoulders and full dark hair hanging into his piercing green eyes. If it wasn't for the patchy beard, bags under his eyes and generally filthy look, Andy could've imagined him to be quite handsome. 

 "Who are you? What do you want?", he asked,  his voice gruff as his eyes wandered from Raven to Andy, Erik and finally Tony. That's when they widened. 

"You're Tony Stark-", he started but Raven cut him off. "Yeah he's Iron Man, get over it!", she snapped before pushing him aside and walking into the apartment. Andy quickly followed her, avoiding even brushing the Male with her shoulder. 

The door lead directly into a messy cramped livingroom. The TV was turned on and there were leftovers and empty bottles everywhere. Andy started to breath through her mouth to avoid the stench. She felt really close to puking.

"Who are you?!", the male asked again after they all forced their way into the room. This time it was directed towards Raven specifically.

"Don't I look familiar, Mike?", she asked, her tone cold,  her eyes piercing before they turned yellow. Then Raven revealed her natural blue form and Andy heard Tony gasp slightly behind her. He hadn't seen it yet. 

"You! What are you doing here?!", Raven's father, Mike, shrieked with wide eyes, stumbling back against the door.

"That's enough. Calm down!", Erik barked and Andy flinched slightly before quickly forcing herself to relax. Unconsciously she reached for Tony with her hand and only noticed it when he took her hand and pressed it gently.

"What do you want?! You know that you aren't welcome here!", Mike yelled at Raven, regaining a bit of courage and charging towards her. 

Raven stood her ground but Andy could see the panic in her eyes, hidden under layers and layers of hate. "Don't bother. I'm aware of that. We're here for a reason and the sooner you help us the sooner you'll be rid of me forever. Does that sound like a plan?", she snapped at him.

"Fuck off!", he spat before lashing out at her only to be stopped by two pieces of metal that wrapped around his wrists like cuffs, pulling him back. 

"Shut your mouth!", Erik yelled, an enraged expression on his face and Andy realized that he was controlling the metal.

Apparently, so did Mike, his focus on Erik now. "You! You're one of those freaks!", he screamed as Erik used the metal to pull the male closer to him, like a puppet on strings. 

"Indeed I am. You see I have a talent for metal and I can sense a dental crown or two in that filthy mouth of yours. So if you'd prefer to keep those in place I'd suggest you start cooperating-", Erik's voice was like poison, a fury behind his eyes that send shivers down Andy's spine. 

"Fucking freak-", Mike spat at Erik, his face pulled into a red grimace. Andy could see Erik get ready for an attack and so did Tony. 

"Wow wow wow! Calm down Magneto! The gentleman obviously doesn't respond to your fear tactics. Am I right Mr Richards?", Tony stepped in, his tone easy going, conversational. He gently put distance between the men and even petted Mike's back but as soon as he opened his mouth Tony pressed a finger to his lips.

"Nah! I don't actually want to hear your opinion. Instead you're going to listen to me. I'll suggest a deal, a really lucrative deal that'll leave you with your dental crowns still in place and a little richer. How does that sound?", he asked instead, stepping into the male's line of sight, flashing his million dollar smile. 

When Mike wanted to reply, Tony continued to silence him. "I told you I don't really want to hear what you have to say. So here's the deal.  You'll tell us everything that you know about Raven's mother. I'm talking name, age, when and where you met her, anything you might know about her current location, pictures, everything. The sooner you give it to us the sooner we'll be back on our way and you'll be richer by 5 grand.  Sound good?"

Andy was surprised, even though she shouldn't have been. She had seen this Tony before, on the TV, in the news. When he was just Iron Man, not her father. He was charming, a showman, he even seemed a bit cocky. Andy just didn't experience him like this before, is all.

"I- I haven't seen her in years-", Mike replied a confused frown taking the place of his anger.

"Doesn't matter. Give us everything you have. ", Raven stated, crossing her arms. 

That's when Mike started to spill the beans. Andy felt a wave of disgust. _Money buys everything, of course._

He told them about a woman called Daisy Darkholme, a British lady he met in 1985, they were both in their twenties, it started as one night stand but quickly turned into a regular thing.  Until Raven happened. 

"I loved her, she was funny, intelligent, adventurous but also mysterious. I wanted to marry her-", Mike explained as he got out a stack of old pictures that he put down on the coffee table. He smiled at one that showed a younger version of him holding a tall woman with long curly blond hair and big green eyes in his arms. Andy's first thought was Nancy and she felt sick, before realizing that it wasn't her. This was her mother. 

Strangely enough Andy didn't feel any particular way in that moment. You'd think that she'd  _feel something_ upon seeing her mother for the first time. But as she let her eyes wander over the pictures on the table,  she felt  _nothing._

Mike and Daisy didn't last, obviously. Only a few months after Raven's birth she bounced. Raven turned away at that part of the story, looking out the window instead, her body tense. Apparently Daisy had a habit of abandoning her children. 

"I never saw her again. A buddy told me that he met her in LA a few years back. Apparently she lives there now, that's all I know. ", he finished and Andy's eyes shot from Raven to Tony. Raven looked distant, like she was far away, sunken into her memories. Tony on the other side looked ecstatic, apparently he got what he wanted. 

"I can work with that... Lets get out of here!", he nodded, trying to hide his excitement as he got up and already started to walk to the door. 

"What about my money?", Mike asked alarmed and Andy felt another wave of hatred for him. Tony froze and turned around to face Mike again,  a smirk on his face. But it wasn't his usual smirk,  if wasn't warm and pleasant. It was offputting, dangerous, Andy didn't recognize him for a second.

"Money? Oh Mike. Mikey, Mikey, Mike. Did you really think I'd pay someone who's such a dick. I mean, I don't know what happened between you and your daughter but I'm guessing that you weren't too nice to her, which I'm not a fan of.",he then snarled and Andy rarely heard her father sound so cold.

"You promised me that money-",Mike spat and lashed out at Tony just to be knocked out by a single punch. Silence filled the room as they all stared at the unconscious man on the floor and then at Tony. He just stood, his eyes empty, staring at nothing, until he shook himself slightly. 

"Fuck this. Can we leave?", he breathed out before grabbing thr pictures off the table and storming out the apartment. 

Andy, Erik and Raven were frozen a second longer before Andy forced herself to approach Raven who's eyes wandered back to her unconscious father. 

"Are you okay?", Andy asked softly and Raven looked up, her yellow eyes shimmering slightly. 

"I-I don't know. I think I need to process this first. But I- I'll be fine.", she stammered. "Let's get out of here.", she then added, her voice steady again.

Then Andy was alone with Erik and she tensed up right away before following after Raven without even looking at him. She only felt like she was really able to breath once she stepped out of the apartment complex.

"Thank you for doing this by the way.  This is huge!", she heard Tony tell Raven, his tone excited again. It's like the least 5 minutes never happened.  

"You got what you needed?", Erik's voice asked from behind Andy and she picked up her pace ever so slightly,  walking over to her dad. 

"I sure did. Let's leave this excuse of a city and get back home,  I need three coffees and a computer.", Tony smirked and opened the door of his car for Andy. 

Andy gave the car a look before turning away to face Raven again,  she had concealed her blue skin again. "Thank you, so so much. ", Andy smiled gently and she was satisfied to see Raven smile as well. 

Andy carefully reached out to her sister and placed her hand on her shoulder. More just wasn't an option right now. 

Raven's eyes shot to the hand and then back to Andy's face. "Hey- I-I know that you only reached out because you needed my help but, if you ever wanna meet up or, I don't know-"

Andy's eyes widened when she understood what Raven was suggesting. "Sure! I mean, sure. Let's exchange numbers. I'd love to, meet up or something. Of- course we'll also tell you if we find out anything about our mother and-", Andy noticed her own rambling and stopped herself. "I'm trying to say 'yes'.", she finally breathed out and when Treatmen cracked a wide smile Andy felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders that she hadn't even noticed. 

 "Okay. Let's keep in contact. "

 


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter in Andy's tale of trying to make sense of feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized victim blaming is the main one in here. It's also one of these 'character over plot' chapters and I hope you like it! 
> 
> I also need this because the next two chapters will be very plot heavy. The are some big changes coming and I'm really nervous about how you'll like it. 
> 
> But if you wanna guess in the comments what's going to happen that'd be fun to read! I'll also give you clues as to what will happen.
> 
> Ready? 
> 
> We're about to have a change of scenery , it's gonna be pretty violent and I'll introduce a new original character that'll be really important through the rest of the story! 
> 
> Im so excited to show you what I have planned for the next chapter of Andy's life and- I hope you're with me on this!

"So your dad's all about finding your mother now, huh?", Natasha asked. They were sitting in their favorite coffee house,  her, Clint and Andy.

"Yeah, he buries himself in his workshop, he's obsessed. ", Andy sighed, taking a sip of her tea. Ever since they returned from Raven's father he was doing nothing but trying to track down Daisy.

"Don't be a hypocrite Andy, it doesn't suit you.", Clint smirked and Andy frowned at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about. ", Andy stated before continuing to drink her tea. To her surprise Natasha laughed. 

"You're telling me that you aren't aware of your own  obsessive behavior? Andy, as soon as you find one thing that you enjoy you do nothing else. It was like that with the gym, the books, and now you carry these notebooks everywhere!", Natasha then said and Andy glanced at her bag where her current notebook was in.

Ever since she started to train her fine motor skills at Charles' she didn't stop. She was determined to learn how to write and draw and found it to be quite relaxing, even if she would never show anyone the things she put in those books. It turned from just writing exercises to a diary of sorts.

Andy didn't really write about her day or anything. She filled the pages with the words that rarely left her mouth. Those that she kept to herself because they were to vicious, to poisonous, those that would expose her as the broken thing her family refused to see her as. 

She's locked the voices into her notebooks, made the words real by letting their venom turn to ink. She had filled lots of notebooks that way and stored them into the closet she tried to not hide in too often. 

"Maybe you have a point.", she gave in,  trying to finish the subject. 

"How was meeting your sister for you, anyways?",  Clint asked next and Andy smiled slightly. 

"Are you my therapist?", she joked before replying:"It was weird, but in a good way, I think. She was nice, and she's a shapeshifter like me, and we text sometimes.  I don't know, I still haven't worked out how I feel about her. "

Clint and Natasha seemed surprised by the genuine answer. It took them a moment longer than usual to reply. "It's fine if you aren't sure what to think yet, you'll figure it out in time.", Natasha shrugged before Clint asked:"Have you talked about it with your therapist?"

"Yes I have, she said that I should watch where it leads me for now. ", Andy returned. The topic of her sister and mother took a whole therapy session to talk through, even though not a lot had happened. Andy mainly searched for an answer as to why she didn't feel anything towards her mother. She feared that maybe something was wrong with her,  maybe she was a psychopath, shouldn't she crave contact with her mother?

Dr Seine was quick to reassure her that there was nothing wrong with her, at least on that front. 

"You don't have an emotional bond to her and might even feel abandoned by her. It's completely natural that you aren't excited about the prospect of meeting her.", she said and Andy nodded like she agreed. 

"You get along with her?", Clint asked, pulling Andy out of her thoughts. 

"Dr Seine? Yeah, she's fine,  great listener, can't complain. ", Andy shrugged it off but apparently this answer wasn't satisfactory.

"I sense a 'but'", Natasha pointed out and Andy sighed slightly,  just staring at her tea for a while, watching the reflection of her face in the mug. 

"It's- I don't know. I have trouble opening up,  I suppose. I am not candid, if you will. I filter my words.", Andy confessed. 

"What do you filter out?", Clint asked, his eyebrows pulled together. 

_You are a disgusting, dirty, piece of shit, whore-_

"Nothing specific. I can talk about the present, that's fine. The past? Not so much. ", she replied. It wasn't a lie, not really, she just didn't mention the poisonous words that she filled her pages with whenever they threatened to burst out of her.

~

Andy leaned in the doorway to Tony's workshop, watching him work silently. There was one thought that didn't quite leave her mind ever since they talked to Raven's father. She wanted to talk about it but didn't know how to start.

"You should eat something. ", she said, announcing her presence as she entered to workshop with a plate of sugary tomatoes in hand. 

Tony spun around in his chair. Her father looked a little disheveled, like he didn't sleep a lot. Andy had picked up on the fact that Tony threw himself into work when he was anxious. This knowledge only added to her worry. 

"I can't actually cook so I made sugary tomatoes. ", she explained, putting the plate down in front of him and letting herself fall into a office chair close by. 

"You should put 'made' in quotation marks.", Tony smirked but took a piece anyways, studying it in his mouth. 

"It's not like you can cook more than one meal. We both need a cooking course.", Andy chuckled slightly and Tony rolled with his eyes but laughed as well.

"I guess you have a point.  I'll put it on the father-daughter list. ", he then smiled and Andy's chest grew tight. Even after all these months, genuine affection still send her into panic more often than not. 

"I have a question.", she blurted out, desperate to change the topic.

Tony's eyebrows shot up in surprise but he leaned back in his chair and nodded. "Ask away. "

 _Shit._ The girl hadn't really planed this far ahead. So instead of answering she ate a tomato slice to buy herself some time, trying to word her question. 

"You were weird. At Raven's father's place. Why?", she finally asked and could've slapped herself.  _Real articulate, idiot._

Tony tensed slightly, diverting his eyes,  looking at the plate instead. "What do you mean?", he asked, his tone nonchalant.

"I mean after you knocked him out, you had this weird look in your eyes. You seemed not entirely there.", Andy replied. 

Tony looked up at the ceiling before taking a deep breath, like he was trying to calm himself and alarm bells went off in Andy's head. She knew that Tony wouldn't hurt her for a question. Then again, maybe she had crossed a line. 

Andy hated this. Hated her stupid mind for always jumping to the worst case scenario, no matter how unrealistic it was. 

Tony didn't lash out, of course not. Instead he looked over at her, his eyes glazed with tears, his expression so exhausted that it startled Andy. She'd never seen Tony look so old. With all his jokes and quick wit Andy would often forget that he was the oldest in their group and that he'd lived through so much himself. 

"I- I couldn't help but to imagine how you were treated by- people like him. My mind just went crazy with it. I don't know-", he confessed before taking a shuddering breath and letting his hands slide through his already chaotic hair as his eyes finally looked around the room.

Andy felt like she should say something, but her mind had disconnected from her mouth. 

"I try to avoid thinking about it, which is selfish. But suddenly... it was very clear to me that I failed you. I wasn't there to protect you and nothing I do will ever make up for it. "

It hit Andy like a blow, knocking the air out of her lungs, for a moment she wasn't sure if Tony really said that. The silence that followed was deafening as Andy tried to formulate a response but it was like trying to empty a lake with one teaspoon at a time. 

"You... didn't know about... me.", was the thing she finally came up with and the smile that tugged at Tony's lips was so loaded with selfloathing that Andy damned herself for her inability to make this  _okay ._

"Andy that's not-", he stated but she cut him off.

"No. You didn't do this. Nancy did. Focus on that. I need you to focus on that because I'm drowning.

I'm drowning in these voice that won't give me a break and I sometimes can't breath because I feel like everything that happened was my fault and I don't deserve any of this and I'm terrified that you'll realize this and send me away.

And I know it's stupid and silly but I can't- I can't shut it off! Not yet. So I need you to be the rational one,  I need you to be the strong one.  And maybe that makes me selfish or a hypocrite but I'm fucking drowning here and I need something to hold onto.

So please! Please, please stop this guilt-shit and remind me that it's Nancy. Not you, not me. Please,  can you do that,  because I can't do it myself!"

Andy didn't mean to say all of that, reveal all of that, she didn't mean to cry and gasp for air, the racing heart in her chest didn't help. The girl felt vulnerable, exposed, it wasn't good.

Her vision was too blurry to really see Tony and she was honestly glad that she couldn't.  _What were you thinking?! Spewing this shit! Laying out all your broken parts like this and demanding to be fixed. You selfish, fucked up-_

"Can I hug you?", Toby asked, his voice heavy with emotion. Andy didn't even noticed that she had pressed her eyes shut. She wanted to be held, really. But she already felt like she was suffocating, drowning in her own personal stormy sea. She couldn't bare it. So she shook her head, shame sending a shiver through her tense body. 

Instead she held out her shaky hand and surely enough, seconds later, she felt Tony's hand in hers. Warm, long slender fingers, his rough skin against her smooth one, it felt strangely grounding.

"I'll do whatever you need me to do, Andy. If you need me to be brave for the both of us, I can do that. Just -please... please don't bury your pain inside yourself. Im begging you,  if it ever gets bad, even if you think it's silly,  please tell me. You don't have to do it alone. Okay?", Tony asked, his tone pleading but still gentle and Andy didn't know what do with herself.

She was so fucking exhausted, she hadn't even noticed and it all just poured out now, endless sobs that rocked her whole body until she curled up on her chair just crying into her knees all while still holding onto Tony's hand like it was the only thing keeping her from unraveling completely. 

And Tony? Tony let her have her moment, he waited patiently, rubbing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. 

"I'm- sorry-", Andy gasped out at one point, her voice sounded like someone else completely. 

_She was fine. She was fine only an hour before. Why the fuck was this happening now?!_

"It's fine. Sometimes you just need a good cry. Never apologize for feeling something or a lot.", Tony  whispered softly.

Andy let it happen, let herself feel a lot and it didn't turn out to be the worst thing ever. 

 


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life never gives the Stark's a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploads two days in a row?! What? Really? Maybe because I've been building up to this for months!
> 
> This one is rough, it's bloody, it's painful, I regret everything and nothing.

Andy had gotten used to feeling restless, the girl could never relax, not really. Because as soon as things seem to settle into a routine there  _has_ to be something to disrupt that. There always is. 

Tony knew the feeling too. All he ever did was prepare. Prepare for  _something_. Even if he didn't know what or when it was coming, he knew that it would.

Of course he wanted things to be different for Andy. Of course he wanted nothing more but to grant her a calm, save life without any surprises. 

Then again, she was his kid, what did he expect?

~

It was a day like any other. Because they always are. You can't tell that a life shattering event is upon you when you wake up in the morning. 

Andy went book shopping, which Tony was glad about. The last week was rough. Andy wouldn't leave her room, would barely sleep or eat, she just laid there. 

Those days were the worst, in Tony's mind at least. The crying, panic attacks and nightmares he could handle. The nothingness made him feel useless. 

It was a relief when Andy started doing things again so he didn't think twice when she requested some 'me-time' to go visit her favorite book store. Now he wished that he did.

Tony called her around 3 pm when she still hadn't returned home,  ignoring the churning anxiety in his stomach as the phone rang.

"What's up?", she then asked after picking up, her tone cheerful, and Tony relaxed slightly. 

"Hey, I'm just checking in. You've been gone for a while. ", Tony replied. 

"Yeah I got carried away picking out notebooks.", Andy chuckled slightly. Tony had noticed the rate at which his daughter filled up notebooks. He was glad that she got her thoughts out but sometimes he couldn't help to be curious. A feeling he never acted on. 

"I'm on my way home, I'll be there in 10.", she then added.

"Great. Do you want to order food for lunch, maybe pasta.",he suggested and Andy made a moaning sound on the other side.

"That sounds-", suddenly there was a scream and crashing sound and then the line was dead. Tony's heart skipped a beat as he stared at his phone. With shaking fingers he pressed her contact, trying to call again, to no avail.

As soon as things seem to settle into a routine there has to be something to disrupt that. There always is. 

~

Things moved pretty quickly from then on. JARVIS called the other Avengers into the workshop and the search began.

They started by tracking the phone and they did find it. 10 minutes away from the Tower, on the ground, completely smashed as if someone trampled it. 

Their next step would've been to check out the traffic cameras of that intersection. Through all of that Tony was strangely calm. Don't get this wrong, an ever growing pool of panic was spreading in his stomach but he had it covered, for now. 

Andy's words kept him going.  _I need you to be the rational one,  I need you to be the strong one._ Tony had a job to do and he worked best under pressure. 

Then the video hit.

~

It was public, they played it on all the channels, proving that this was planned well. For a second Tony thought of the Mandarin and his adds. 

The screens showed three men, dressed in black from head to toe, their faces hidden by masks. They were wearing uniforms and Tony could hear Bucky whisper beside him:"Hydra.", his tone fearful. 

"This is a message for Tony Stark.", one of the agents announced, his voice altered to make it unrecognizable. 

He then stepped aside to reveal a chair behind him.  Andy was sitting in the chair, metal cuffs around her wrists, ankles and chest holding her down, a mask on her face that painfully reminded Tony of Bucky. But her eyes, her eyes were Tony's only hope, they looked angry, defiant, straight into the camera. Andy hadn't checked out yet. "JARVIS, track the signal!", Tony demanded.

"Yes, sir."

"You have something that belongs to us. The Winter Soldier. If you want to see your daughter again you'll deliver him to the old  HYDRA base in DC that the Captain blew up. ", the front man explained and Bucky went very still with panic.

"JARVIS? Please tell me you have something!", Tony asked, unable to hide the slight quiver in his words.

"The Broadcast doesn't have one definitive source-", Tony stopped listening when one of the men rammed a knife into Andy's thigh and the girl let out a scream, muffle by the muzzle but not any less horrifying.

"You have 24 hours. The clock is ticking. ", with that the broadcast broke off and silence filled the room.

"JARVIS?", Tony asked, his voice desperate. 

"I was unable to detect the source of the broadcast."

Tony felt like screaming, like blowing something up or bashing his head in. Like-

"I'll go.", Bucky suddenly said, his voice like a scream in a all the silence. 

"Bucky-", Steve started, his voice broken, too, just as Natasha exclaimed:"No fucking way!"

Bucky cut them off, voice loud, tone commanding. "THEY WANT ME! I'm not going to let them hurt Andy because of me. I can't. ", Toby had never heard Bucky sound so confident, never saw him straighten up like this, eyes determined, focused on Tony. Telling him that he understands, that he doesn't judge. 

It was tempting and not even a month ago Tony might've taken the deal. The killer of his parents for his daughter's life,  it should be a no-brainer. But not anymore. 

After everything that had happened Tony could see that Bucky didn't kill his parents, that he was a victim, just like Andy. Giving him back to HYDRA would be like sending Andy back to Nancy. How could he possibly do that? 

"Barnes-", Tony started but Steve cut him off before he could say anything. He stood in front of Tony so quickly, Tony didn't even see him coming. His hands were trembling as he gripped on to Tony's shirt, the desperation in his eyes clearly present.

"Tony,  I'm begging you. You can't- please- you can't send him back. ", Tony's heart would've broken a little for Steve in that moment. The love Steve felt for Bucky, how much he needed him, it was heartbreaking. But Tony was preoccupied with his own personal hell. So he just pushed the Super Soldier away from him and Steve didn't fight him. 

"Calm down Rogers. We're not trading lives today. We'll find another way. ", he replied and Steve's shoulders sagged with relief just as Bucky tensed up. 

"But-", Bucky started but Tony wouldn't let him finish. They were wasting time.

"That's my last word, now get it together. We have shit to do."

~

The traffic cameras turned out to be their only lead. The camera at the intersection where they found the phone showed Andy walking down a street, a van drive by and then she was gone. For the next hours Tony's life revolved around that van. They had the licence plate and the other traffic cameras and they spend hours trying to reconstruct where the van was heading. 

It got harder and and harder the further outside New York it got, with fewer cameras and more variables as to which way they were going. 

Tony also send Nat and Steve to DC with the Quinjet to make sure they weren't holding her in the former HYDRA base. This came up empty but it didn't surprise Tony. It would've been too easy.

All this was going on while the public was going wild over the broadcast. Did Tony Stark really have a daughter? Who was she? Why did no one know about her? Who had kidnapped her? Who was this Winter Soldier that they were demanding?

Pepper's phone was blowing up with calls and messages until Tony threw it out the window in a fit of desperation.

~

12 hours had passed since the first video. It was 2 am, it didn't feel like it was night. Not when the whole Avengers Tower was still lit up like a Christmas tree. It was an absolute state of emergency. 

Tony was running on caffeine and panic, still tracking the van even though it felt like he was chasing a ghost. He couldn't stop, though. Not when it was his only lead.

That's when the second video hit. The scene was the same. Three men, Andy strapped to the chair but she looked worse. 

The knife was still in her thigh and by now her pants were soaked in blood. She couldn't heal with it still inside and Andy could only stop her own bleeding for so long. 

The strain was clearly visible, her head was hanging to one side, eyes half closed, distant. Tony couldn't stop the trembling, the bile rising in his throat. 

"12 hours. Tik Tok.", the broadcast broke off and Tony didn't reach the bathroom in time before he started to throw up. 

~

Charles and Hank arrived at the Tower at 5 am. Apparently they tried to call Pepper since Tony rarely gave anyone his own number but they couldn't get through. 

For a second hope sparked up in Tony's chest. Charles could find people with Cerebro. He had done it with Raven, he could do it again. 

The disappointment when he heard that Charles already tried that and failed was defeating. 

"They have a telepath on their side, that's the only way I can explain it to myself. ", Charles said but Tony wasn't  listening anymore. They were running out of time. 

~

Steve, Nat and Clint followed the route the Van had taken. They had lost the video trail, now all they could do was search on site. It all felt awfully hopeless.

They only had a few hours left and Tony could barely hold it together anymore. That's when JARVIS alerted him that Bucky was trying to steal the Quinjet. 

The AI wouldn't let him start and Tony quickly made his way to their 'garage'.

"Are you going on a suicide mission now, or what?", Tony yelled as he entered the hall where they kept all their jets and shit. 

Bucky got out of the Quinjet, a sour expression on his face. "You know that you have to let me go. It's the only way to save her. "

Tony rolled with his eyes. He wished that Steve were here. Tony didn't know how to talk Barnes down, and he shouldn't have to do that.

"I can't let you do that, Barnes.", he only stated.

"Why not?! She's your daughter! She doesn't deserve this and I'm- I'm a killer! I killed your parents for fucks sake! I bashed your mother's head in! You hate me! So why can't you let me save her?!", Bucky screamed, his face an expression of fury and desperation. And he looked young, so fucking young. Not for the first time Tony was reminded that Bucky was essentially a 26 year old. He was basically a kid and he was so fucking scared.

"I don't hate you. And I don't blame you for my parents, not anymore. Besides, what do you think will happen if you go back. They'll turn you back into the Winter Soldier and you'll  kill even more people or they despose of you, either way, you're dead. And Andy?", his voice broke slightly at her name.

"If they even let her go she'll never forgive you, or me. She wouldn't want this. ",he then added and that's when Bucky started to cry. Big crocodile tears and sorrowful sobs. God, Tony wished that Steve were here.

"I have- t-to do something-", his voice broke off miserably and Tony let out a sigh, stepping closer and putting a hand on the taller male's shoulder. Bucky flinched for a second but quickly relaxed.

"I understand, believe me, I do. But you can't throw away your life. You just got it back! Besides, I doubt that Steve would survive losing you again.", Tony spoke softly, like he did with Andy and suddenly Bucky was wrapped around his chest, his metal arm almost crushing Tony's ribs. 

But Bucky wasn't a threat, he was just crying. And apparently he needed this,  so Tony held him for as long as he needed it.

~

Steve found the Van an hour before their time was up. It was empty, dumped beside some highway and Tony's heart sank. Their only hope, gone.

For just a second, a dangerous second, Tony contemplated taking Bucky's offer. He quickly pushed that thought aside. He did believe everything he told him and Tony knew that neither Andy nor Steve would be able to ever look him in the eyes again if he sacrificed Bucky. He didn't know if he could even live with himself. 

~

New York stood still as the 24 hours came to an end. Everyone watched their screens, including the Avengers. 

Tony almost wanted to turn the TV off when the familiar scene appeared on the screen again. Avoid whatever would happen next. He couldn't, of course he couldn't. 

So he watched.

And watched.

And watched as one of the agents slit through Andy's throat.

And watched as she gasped for air, watched as the blood poured out of her, watched as she choked on it.

He continued watching even after the screen turned dark , unable to move, unable to speak, unable to exist.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is really depressing, I'm sorry. It also has a lot of bad stuff. Torture, blood, gore, alcoholism, brainwashing. 
> 
> The next chapter is going to be happier, I promise. I'm also introducing a new character that I can't wait for you to meet. So you can look forward to that. 
> 
> Also, please, please, please, leave a review, I live for them!

**Day 1:**

Everything felt like it was frozen, like Tony was inside a bubble. Nothing was real, this couldn't be real. It had to be a nightmare, right?

"I call Bullshit!", Bucky snapped, he was the first to speak, minutes after the broadcast stopped.

"Bucky, they slit her throat.", Natascha pointed out like they didn't just all watch it,  her voice cracking. None of them had ever witnessed the Black Widow like this.

"No, she can get back from that, I know she can!  Do I have to remind you that she almost bled out in my arms once and she fixed that in seconds! I'm telling you, she's alive!", Bucky yelled, it was clear that he was on the brink of a panic attack.

"Buck...", Steve said softly, his voice thick with emotion. But Bucky flinched away from him when Steve reached out.

"No! Fuck you!", he snapped before turning his attention towards Tony. "Come on, Stark! You gotta be on my side in this! You know that she could survive this, we have to at least look for her!"

Tony wanted to hide away from him, wanted to crawl away, never to be seen again. He thought of the knife in her leg that already weakened her, of her barely conscious state, maybe she even dissociated, maybe she checked out completely.

"Tony...",Bucky whispered like he was pleading for something, anything. Tony couldn't give it to him.

He couldn't comfort someone else right now, didn't have it in him. So he just got up and left.

Nobody stopped him.

_**Day 1:** _

_There were voices, they were talking, yelling, asking questions. Andy couldn't keep up. Not like this, not with her head pounding like it was about to burst, not with the knife still inside her leg, not with the taste of blood on her tongue._

_Another flash of agony, the knife was gone, Andy closed up the wound._

_Someone grabbed her by her jaw, rough hands, leaving bruises, she knew this. Andy wanted to scream, couldn't with the muzzle._

_For a second she tried to leave, tried to get to the island before quickly pulling herself back. She couldn't loose time. Not now. She had to stay alert. For Tony._

_**Tony would save her.** _

_**~** _

**Day 3:**

Rhodey arrived on the third day. It didn't surprise Pepper that he knew all about the situation, all about Andy. He was Tony's best friend for a reason. 

It was Rhodey that got Tony to leave his bed, at least for a few hours. It was Tony's idea to hold a press conference. None of them thought that it was a good idea, not when Tony was this unstable, not when he seemed to suppress everything. 

But then again, none of them wanted to say no to him either. And it might help with the public scandal. The broadcast had left the city shaken, and with so many questions. Was it all fake? Was that really Tony's daughter? How did he have a daughter?

Pepper could barely save herself from the truckload of messages she got every day. She despised the press, these vultures, feeding off this tragedy. 

But she supported Tony, or tried to, when he stepped into a room of reporters. He kept the story short,  verified that Andy was his child, that the public execution was real, that he only found out about her a few months ago and that she was presumed dead.

Of course investigations were launched, even the remains of SHIELD got into contact with Pepper but Tony didn't care about that. After the conference he went back into his room and locked himself in. 

**_Day 3:_ **

_Andy wasn't in the chair anymore,  she was on a table, strapped down again, her clothes were gone, the muzzle was still there, to stop the screams._

_They were cutting her open, did that for hours, again and again. They wanted to see her heal, see how much she could fix. So they broke her bones and made her bleed over and over again._

_The girl was exhausted, drained. She wasn't sure how long she could hold this up. Everything hurt. Breathing hurt. They had forced a feeding tube through her nostril down to her stomach._

_She lost time a few times,  but she still tried, tried to stay awake._

**~**

**Day 12:**

The Avengers were gone. Bucky was the first one to leave. The night after the press conference he just packed his things and took off, only leaving a note to Steve. He told him that he couldn't do it, couldn't just sit around, had to do something. 

If he wanted to search for Andy or if he was out for revenge was unclear, but they all knew that he was going to get himself killed. So Steve, Nat and Clint went after him, to save one life, at least. Bruce was at the Xavier Mansion, working on God knows what.

Pepper understood, she knew that they all felt useless, all just wanted to have a purpose, something to do. She was that way too, that's why she felt even more useless when she couldn't help Tony. 

He refused to leave his room, refused to let anyone in. On the 12th day Pepper finally had enough and got Rhodey to kick in the door.

Inside it was dark, the air stuffy and smelling of liquor, it made Pepper sick. Tony didn't have a drink in years, not since he thought that he had to die of Palladium poisoning. 

But here they were, countless empty bottles. Pepper didn't know how he even got them in here, he must've had a secret stache. 

They found Tony on the bed, curled up, clutching a half empty bottle of Vodka to his chest and Pepper broke down. Her sobs were quiet, afraid to wake him. That's why it took Rhodey a second to notice,  to wrap his arms around her trembling shoulders, to let her bury her face in his shoulder. 

"I don't know what to do- I don't know how to pick up the pieces- I-", she gasped between sobs and Rhodey tightened his hold. 

"We gotta get rid of the liquor, all of it. We can't leave him alone anymore and he needs to eat.", Rhodey stated but Pepper shook her head slightly. 

"You know that's not what I ment. ", she whispered. 

"I know. "

**_Day ??:_ **

_Andy couldn't tell how much time had passed anymore. Not in the box. There's what she called the cell they put her in. It was barely big enough to lay down and had no lights. Pitch black darkness, no food, no water, no people._

_It had to be another experiment, they've been doing that a lot. They started with the healing, got off on watching her flesh knit back together._

_Then came the electroshocks. They wanted her to transform, so they tased her until she did. Until she pissed and shat herself, until she bit off her tongue and choked on her blood, just to grow a new one._

_The box was easier, at least at first. Then the voice came. It was female, melodic, the only gentle thing Andy experienced in days. That's why it took her a second to register the words it was saying._

_"They tortured and experimented on you, they tortured and experimented on you for so long that you don't remember who you are, Shield put you through pain. HYDRA saved you. HYDRA is good. They tortured and experimented on you, they tortured and experimented on you for so long that you don't remember who you are, Shield put-"_

_With time the voice got louder and louder until it was impossible to ignore, until Andy knew the words by heart, until it was all she could think about._

_She knew what they were trying to do, knew that she couldn't let them win. So she made up her own mantra to chant at the ceiling._

_"I'M ANDY STARK, TONY STARK IS MY FATHER. HE SAVED ME AND HYDRA IS EVIL AND FUCKING STUPID TO BELIEVE THAT THIS WILL WORK!!! ", she yelled it until her voice broke, until she could barely speak or whisper,  until she could only repeat it in her mind._

**_Stay strong. Don't fade away. Fight like Bucky did. Tony wil find you._ **

**~**

**Day 27:**

Almost a month had passed since... Bucky couldn't get it in his mind. Couldn't think of Andy like this,  couldn't give up on her. No matter how many times Steve tracked him down, begged him to come home,  just for Bucky to run again. 

Almost a month had passed since they killed her and Natasha functioned. She was trained to do that, to work no matter what. So she worked. On getting Bucky home, saving him at least. That was not to say that she didn't break down, that she didn't mourn, in the privacy of her own room, at night, when no one could see it. 

Almost a month had passed and Steve didn't let himself think about anything but Bucky. Didn't let his focus waver. Because if he let himself crack, even a little, he knew everything would come crashing down. He broke that way. All at once. It had happened before, when Bucky fell off the train and Steve flew a plane into the sea a few days later. He couldn't let that happen again. 

Almost a month had passed and Bruce burried himself in science, hid away in the Xavier Mansion where Charles could calm his mind with his powers, containing the Hulk from breaking out every second of every day. 

Almost a month had passed and Clint knew why he never got too attached to people, why he never had children, why being alone was easier. If this feeling, this hollow feeling in his chest was the price for love he didn't want it. 

Almost a month had passed and Tony was an empty shell. Pepper and Rhodey got him off the liquor, mostly. They got him standing, walking, even working on his suits but they could see it in his eyes, could see that he was far away. It still felt like he was locking himself away, not letting anyone in. 

**_Day ??:_ **

_Andy was sick, or something along the lines of it. The last few days were a blur of agony and the sweet release of unconsciousness._

_She could tell that they did something to her,  that something was different. Her skin was hot and cold, her heart was racing at a pace that couldn't be possible and her head hurt so bad that she had to stop herself from bashing it against the wall._

_On top of that it got harder on harder to keep out the voice. By now she wasn't even sure if they still played the Audio or if she just heard in her head. Like a loop, over and over again._

_Still, she repeated her mantra as good as she could, even if she started to choke and gag every few minutes, even if it got hard to remember the words, even if she couldn't always tell what she was even fighting for._

**_Tony..._ **

**~**

**Day 48:**

The Avengers were back together, that is, when it came to location at least. Bruce returned from the mansion after he thought himself to be relatively save again.

Steve, Clint and Natasha only returned once they convinced Bucky to come home. It took Steve to break down in front of him to convince him that he was needed, by someone who was still alive. 

That's not to say that things were the samr. Pepper didn't know if they'd ever be. Not when Tony still barely talked, not when he still drank to sleep. Not when the Tower felt empty and miserable, even with all of them back inside. Not when they all seemed to isolate themselves, grieving on their own.

It wasn't okay,  but the world needed the Avengers. Their absence was noticed and the public only had so much patience. So they started to work again,  started to take down arms dealers and fight crazy psychopaths that were out for world domination because it was their job and the world relied on them to do it. 

They were heroes, had to be. They could be human in their spare time. 

_**Day ??:** _

_"Who are you?!", the voice yelled again, Andy had lost count how many times they had repeated it._

_"An-Andy Stark-", she whispered and the metal plates pressed down on her head again, sending waves of electricity through her brain, making everything fuzzier than it already was._

_"Who are you?!", they repeated and Andy just wanted this to stop, she needed all of this to stop._

_"An-y", she whined. Another shock. She couldn't hold on for much longer,  could feel herself slip away. She's had to do something,  now._

_"Who are you?!", they yelled again and Andy made a decision. She had to stay alive, this was her only option right now._

_"I-d-don't know...", she gasped out and there wasn't a shock this time._

_"Who are you?!"_

_"I don't know. "_

_**I don't know, I don't know, I don't know** _

 

 


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy starts her transformation into a killer teddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 CHAPTERS IN 24 HOURS! WHAT?!
> 
> Let me explain it like this, I'm really fucking nervous about this chapter, I'm scared that you don't like the direction I'm taking here so I couldn't wait to upload it and get your response.
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS ONE AND ESPECIALLY THE NEW OC IN THIS. I PLANNED THIS FOR SO LONG. 
> 
> Okay, I'm done yelling, thanks for reading, I can't believe I got this far! I hope you enjoy it!

Paper Planes by M.I.A was blasting in Ace's ears while he was running on the treadmill. He was just finishing up his morning workout when Agent Taylor strode over to him. 

The older male in his black HYDRA uniform looked like he ment buisness so Ace pulled out his earphones and got off the treadmill.

"Hail HYDRA", Taylor greeted him. 

"Hail, HYDRA,", Ace repeated before asking:"What's up?" Taylor squared his shoulders, to make himself bigger, presenting his authority. It was something Ace always found quite amusing. He didn't know if it was a power-trip thing or if it was about ego. The humans knew that Ace could kill them on a whim. He wouldn't do it, of course, but he could.

"We have a new recruit, they want you to train her.", Taylor explained. This wasn't surprising, when it came to HYDRA's younger mutant recruits they requested Ace to train them most of the time. 

It made sense, he was charismatic, got along with pretty much everyone and he was only 18 years old, not to mention, a mutant. People always have an easier time trusting their own. 

When he wasn't on missions, that was his main job. He had done it dozens of times ever since he was 15. "You have her file?", he asked as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of his sweats. 

Taylor pulled a face but didn't say anything when Ace lit himself one of them. Yeah, yeah, smoking kills and all that, but not when you have a healing factor. Also, it was just too much fun to piss off some of the agents with his habit. 

"Yes, here.", Taylor nodded, handing Ace the file. The boy let the cigarette hang from the corner of his mouth lazily as he read through it.

They didn't know her name or age, apparently they rescued her from a SHIELD facility where they experimented on her. She didn't remember anything before the experiments and torture. That didn't shock Ace, a lot of the recruits were rescued SHIELD guinea pigs with similar stories. 

He had more interest in her mutation. A shapeshifter with an instant healing factor. She also had enhanced strength, speed, agility and flexibility, even if it wasn't clear if that was part of her mutation or SHIELD's experiments. 

"Nice, let's meet her!", he grinned, taking a drag from his cigarette and taking the lead, Taylor hated that. 

~

They met her in one of the rooms they usually used for interrogation. Ace sat on one side of the desk, Talor stood in the corner, keeping his distance. Ace knew that he was staring at his black feathered wings. They were huge, even when Ace didn't open them and kept them folded to his back they almost reached the floor. He was used to the staring.

The door opened and two guards came in with a girl between them. 

In seconds Ace had observed everything about her that was to see. She was tall and very fucking thin, SHIELD probably starved her, pale, with sharp features, huge dark eyes and a messy mask of dark brown wild curls. Her face was neutral which was interesting, recruits were usually scared. 

"Hey!", he grinned and pointed at the seat across from him. The girl sat down without saying a word,  but she didn't leave him out of her sight either. For some reason she reminded Ace of a Teddybear.

Because of all the hair he almost missed the collar she was wearing. A metal thing locked around her neck. Ace used to have one of these when the was still a chance of accidentally electrocuting everyone around him. HYDRA used it when mutants couldn't control their powers yet.

"First off, welcome to HYDRA, I assume you already know that we saved you from the SHIELD facility you were held in. Don't worry, you're save now. Here you'll be free to explore your mutation and how to use them to protect yourself. I'll be training you, my name is Ace Caeton and I'm quite obviously-", he raised his wings slight:"like you, so I can imagine what this must feel like. "

That was actually a lie. Ace was never a SHIELD captive, he was actually raised by HYDRA, to be the perfect weapon, the perfect soldier. 

The girl didn't seem impressed, she just leaned back in her chair, not breaking eye contact. _That was fucking new._

"Do you have any questions?", he asked in an effort to get some kind of reaction. She didn't seem to be in shock, that had happened before, but she was too laid back for that. 

She shrugged,  raising an eyebrow, before saying:"Do you?"

Ace raise his eyebrows in disbelief. _Did she just ask if he had questions?_

"Uh... I guess. For starters, a name, it doesn't state one in your file. ", he pointed out and the girl cocked her head to one side. 

"I'd tell it to you but unfortunately some scientists fucked with my brain and now there is zero search results under that term.", she stated before smirking slightly. _Did she find this funny?!_

"Okay- We'll figure one out for you. I'll now show you your room and- Are you listening?", Ace noticed that she had narrowed her eyes at Taylor, focusing her intense glare on him. By the looks of it Taylor was uncomfortable as well.

At least until her glare snapped over to Ace again and she crossed her arms with a smirk. 

"Yeah go on.", she stated and now Ace was the one to narrow his eyes at her. 

"Is this funny to you?", he asked in no particular tone and suddenly the girl was chuckling. _Was she fucking mental?_

"Honestly, it kinda is. Or is it sad? I wouldn't know,  emotions are complicated. But I mean I have no fucking clue who I am,  it's kinda funny, kinda sad, kinda scary, kinda interesting. But laughing is easier than crying, I suppose.", she replied and didn't answer any of Ace's questions. 

"Are you going to continue your welcoming speech or did I break you?", she asked after a while, still sounding fucking amused. She really threw Ace off his rhythm and he needed a second to collect himself before replying.

"Yeah, I'll show you your room now and you can change in there and then we'll get you introduced to the facility."

The girl shrugged slightly before getting up and kicking her seat back a little in the process which caused the two guards that had accompanied her to rais their guns ever so slightly. 

The girl only rolled with her eyes while Ace couldn't help to question what was going on with her.

~

The livingspaces were in the west wing of the compound. Ace had his own apartment for a few years now and he only shared it when he had a recruit. That's what the spare room was for. It had something to do with pack bonding. HYDRA wanted the recruits to trust in him. 

Ace lead the girl through the cozy little livingroom that was filled with books and movies, to the spare room. They left Taylor and the guards at the entrance of his apartment. Everyone knew that Ace was trained to handle things if they got out of control and he worked really hard for all the privacy privileges he got. 

"So that's yours.", he replied opening the door to the guest room, it was pretty basic but enough for a temporary stay. The recruits rarely stayed for long. It was mostly just Ace in here.

"My room is right next door, in here you can move freely, when you leave the apartment you need an escort, which should be me. So get used to this face, you'll see a lot of it.", he smirked,  stroking one of the longest strands of his chocolate brown hair out of his eyes.

"You're free to use the kitchen, living room and the small private gym whenever you like. And inside your room in the closet should be clothes that should fit you.", he explained.  She was still wearing the gray overalls new arrivals got. 

The girl frowned and seemed confused for a second, glancing at the door. "They are leaving me alone with you?", she asked and there was so strange in her tone that was unsettling but Ace couldn't point his finger at it. 

"Yeah, I'm responsible like that. ", he grinned instead of trying to analyze it. 

The girl shrugged before stepping into her bedroom. "Should I change now?", she asked, turning to face him again. Ace nodded and her eyes shifted to the open door. "Can I-?", she asked and Ace's eyes widened slightly. 

"Of course, also you might want to change into gym clothes,  just so you know. ", he pointed out and she nodded before quickly closing the door.

~

The girl was a surprisingly good fighter. Once the guards took off the collar and her powers were in effect, Ace wanted her to give him all she got. He kne that behind the two way glass the scientists were watching,  observing. She was better than expected. 

Sure, she had enhanced strength and speed which helped, even if she didn't seem to be able to estimate her own powers yet. It stuck out to Ace because she seemed to be in complete control over her transformations. 

One time she even transformed into Ace, his impressive height, slim but defined frame, messy brown hair, green eyes and wings, all of it. It was a distraction method and it might've even worked, if her opponent weren't Ace. Fighting was second nature to him. 

Still he was impressed, which was rare. She even seemed to have some form of technical training, even if it was very limited and hindered by her own inability to control how fast and strong she was going. 

Ace dared to assume that the enhanced strength and speed were caused by SHIELD's experiments rather than her mutation. It would explain why she excelled in one field but failed so drastically in the other.

In the end Ace had pinned her to the floor with a smirk. The girl's face was completely blank, her eyes glaring at his hands on her shoulders and for some reason Ace felt weird about it and let go of her. He could swear that she seemed to relax ever so slightly. 

"You have potential.", he pointed out as she sat up. She had tied her huge hair back but single strands had worked their way out of the tie and into her face again during the fight. "Where did you learn to fight?", he asked out of reflex and she raised an eyebrow before tapping against her temple. 

"Remember, scrambled eggs up in here.", she shrugged. "I'm mainly acting on instinct, muscle memory I guess."

Ace watched her get up again and tried to imagine what it was like to remember nothing at all. Not even your name. He couldn't. 

"You need a name.",he pointed out and she raised her eyebrows, surprised.

"Okay... make a suggestion.", she then said and Ace thought for a moment before replying.

"Misha."

"Misha?", she repeated and Ace nodded along. 

"It's Russian for teddy bear and you kinda look like one, with your hair and the button eyes.", he explained. 

"I know what it means,  I just didn't expect it.", she said, back to her disinterested self.

"Do you speak Russian?", Ace asked, now he was the surprised one. "How?"

The girl rolled with her eyes, smirking slightly. "Really? I repeat. Scrambled eggs.", and Ace felt really dense. 

"Yeah, sorry.", he smiled nervously. _Nervously! When the fuck was he ever nervous?!_

"It's fine. And I like it, the name, I mean.", she returned and Ace honestly couldn't tell if she was genuine or not but he felt that he might have to get used to feeling that way. 

"Misha it is then."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end? That's a first. 
> 
> But anyways, this was my introduction of Ace. I hope that you don't mind him, he'll be in the story a lot from now on. Please tell me what you think of him in the comments.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy (Misha): *behaves like a person*  
> Ace: whatthefuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guess who isn't dead, that's right, moi.
> 
> I saw that we hit 3000 hits, which is amazing! Thank you so much!
> 
> I wish I could say that I was super busy but I wasn't. 🤷🏼♀️ I kinda had an identity crisis (still working on that one) I was also writing more original stuff so if anyone would be interested in reading that, I think about posting it on here. 
> 
> Anyways, back and newly inspired again so you can expect more frequent updates! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and leave a review! Honestly, reading your past comments is what motivated me to come back!

Ace didn't have super senses, he didn't need those to hear Misha scream at night. The first time he stormed in, to see the girl on the floor, tangled in her blanket, toss and turn while sobbing uncontrollably. 

He would've liked to pretend that he was shocked. He wasn't. A lot of the recruits he watched over the years were like that. Traumatized, scarred, disturbed after whatever SHIELD did to them. 

Maybe, just maybe he had hoped that Mischa would be different, just judging by her unbothered, neutral demeanor. But apparently she wasn't untouched by SHIELD's horrors either. 

It only took him to place his hands on her shoulder to wake her up. With another startled scream she flinched away before quickly crawling into one corner, as far away from him as possible. "DON'T TOUCH ME!", she screamed and she felt like a completely different person, fortunately, Ace was really familiar with that person. 

"Hey, hey, it's just me, Ace. You're save, you are at HYDRA, not SHIELD, you're safe.", he said gently, not stepping any closer to grant her her space. Her wide eyes looked like black holes in the dark. Normally his words calmed the recruits, it helped with disorientation. Misha only started to panic even more, her chest was heaving as her whole body trembled. She wrapped her arms around her head, hiding her face and started to rock slightly until her sobs became quiet whimpers. "Can- can you please- l-leave...", she then pleaded, her voice so quiet that Ace almost didn't hear her.

Ace wasn't sure why he did what she asked. Normally he'd stay with her until she calmed down, but he could tell that she knew what she needed, and she needed him gone. 

So Ace went back into his room and laid in his bed, carefully listening to Mischa's sobs coming from the other side of the wall until they stopped. Then, after a few minutes, he heard her door open and close. 

At first he thought she might come to his room, even if there was no reason for her to do that. When she didn't, he decided to investigate.

He found her in his private gym, a small version of the huge training area HYDRA usually offered. She was working on a boxing bag and as Ace observed her closer he could see how entranced she was, how removed from reality. 

Her face was pulled into a furious grimace and her eyes were desperate. Finally she placed a hard kick against the center of the bag that send it swinging away just to come back not even a second later, almost knocking her over. She stopped it with her hands, leaned her forehead against it and sighed deeply, her breath heavy. Ace couldn't help but to feel like an intruder. Then again, it should be weird to sneak out as well.

"You're better without your powers.", the words were out before he could realize how absolutely out of place they were. Misha tensed before turning around to face him. He expected her to be angry, or scared, or anything. Her face was neutral. 

"I'm stronger with my powers, faster.", she pointed out, completely glossing over everything that went down minutes ago. Like they were just at a regular training session. 

"Yeah, but you don't have it under control, it's erratic. Right now you're controlled, you know what you're doing.", he explained and Misha didn't say anything to that, she just stared

"How come you are so good at shifting but can't control your strength?", he then asked in an attempt to keep the conversation going. 

"The shifting feels... it's instinctive, I barely need to do anything, I just think about it, same goes for healing. But the other stuff? I don't know. It's foreign. I don't feel like it should be there. ", she explained and Ace was taken aback by how genuinely frustrated she sounded. No trace of the snark of the previous day. Maybe it was just the time, the night, it always revealed a more vulnerable side of people.

"Maybe SHIELD experimented on you. It wouldn't be the first time they enhanced someone. ", Ace shrugged and Misha raised an eyebrow.

"What about HYDRA? Are you enhanced?", she then asked, curiousity in her voice and something else Ace couldn't quite place. 

His mind wandered back to when he was 15. When they strapped him to a table and injected him until his veins were on fire. He knew that it was coming, was prepared for it. His whole life he knew that that was the final phase of his training. 

Knowledge didn't make it easier, it didn't stop him from begging them to stop, it didn't offer a relief in the following days that he spend in a feverish state of agony. It was worth it, in the end. It must've been. 

"Yah, enhanced strength and speed, like you.", he nodded with a grin. 

"So the wings and healing?", she wondered and Ace nodded. 

"All my own. Plus, I have what some would call, an electric personality.", he smirked before snapping with his fingers to reveal a little surge of electricity running along them.

Misha's eyes shifted from his fingers to his face again, a deadpan expression on her face. "Was that a pun?", she then asked and smirked ever so slight when Ace nodded. 

"Did you feel like shit after your enhancement as well or was that just me?", she then asked casually and Ace barely managed to conceal how thrown he was.

"You remember the experiments?", he then asked, completely baffled. It would be the first time that one of the recruits could recall specifics about their time at SHIELD. They assumed that some form of brainwashing or memory wipe was used on them but then Misha told him about her experience and Ace felt a shiver run down his spine.

"It's all blurry and messed up, but I remember a table and needles, everywhere in my skin, and I remember a cell, and feeling hot and cold and confused and miserable and like I was on fire."

Ace felt detached from himself for a moment, not so something he had experienced before. What he did experience was exactly what Mischa described, it was so accurate, he felt like it could've been his own words and that sparked a feeling in his chest that wasn't there before, something aching, something ugly and terrifying that he couldn't confront, he just couldn't. So he swallowed it down and pushed away the unimaginable, focusing on Misha instead. 

"It's crazy that you can remember that.", he pointed out and Mischa's eyebrows shot up. 

"It's not like I know a lot, it's flashes. Mostly pain, blood, lab coats,", she then quickly added and Ace couldn't help but to feel like she was backpedaling from something. He didn't mention it though. 

Instead he changed the topic. "Do you wanna eat breakfast?"

"Isn't it too early for that? It's like, what, 4 am?", she asked and Ace shrugged. 

"Yeah, but I don't feel like either of us is going back to sleep. So are you coming?", he asked, already walking to the door and after hesitating for a second, Misha followed. 

~

Ace seriously contemplated writing down all the peculiarities he noticed when it came to Misha. The list would look something like this:

-remembers fragments of her time at SHIELD

-either has crazy mood swings or is great at concealing emotions.   
Example: having a breakdown one minute and being completely fine the next

-seems to have a fully formed identity

The last point was something he noticed over time. It's not like the other recruits didn't have distinct personalities, of course they did. But they only seemed to form these over time. They pretty much started out as blank slates, with fear and confusion as their standard emotions. They only formed traits and opinions over time, like they had to learn to be human again. 

Misha already had all that. A sense of humor, all be it a very dark one. 

(They were training, throwing knives, Misha was supposed to dodge them but one struck her right in her shoulder, after hissing at the pain she smirked slightly before saying. "Look at that. I'm a popsicle!")

She had tasted and opinions. 

("That book is trash." "Have you read it?" "I don't remember but I know it's trash" )

("Want coffee?" "Coffee is for joyless masochists. Im just joyless. Do you have tea?" )

And sometimes, just sometimes, Ace felt like somewhere, out in the real world, Misha had lived a life. He never got that feeling with any of the other recruits. 

"I wanna go book shopping.", she said one day. "Your books suck."

"Have you ever gone before?", Ace asked curiously, like always when Misha revealed a little about herself, the person she might've been. 

"I don't I'm now, I guess.", she mumbled as she let her hands glide over the books on Ace's shelves. Her eyes were distant, like she was remembering something, but when ever Ace asked she said that she didn't remember anything really. 

"Where do you get your books?", she then asked. 

"HYDRA supplies them. They have to authorize them first so I just tell them what interest me and they look if they can get it.", Ace shrugged, lounging on the couch. It was evening, they had just finished their training session and Ace had put potato slices in the oven for dinner. 

"So you've never been to a bookstore? Have you left the base at all?", Misha asked, her tone nonchalant but not quite convincing. Ace answered anyways. 

"Only for missions. No field trips.", he smirked and Misha's head shot towards him, her expression was neutral, as always, but Ace slowly started to learn to read what was below the surface. She seemed sad, he couldn't pinpoint what gave it away. 

"So you've never really been in the real world? What about as a kid, before you joined HYDRA?", she asked and by now Ace was pretty sure that she was upset, why, he couldn't tell.

"Nah, there is no before. I never met my real parents. HYDRA raised me, this is my real world.", he shrugged, not understanding what the big deal was. 

He turned out great, HYDRA raised him well. He was educated, powerful, charming, disciplined, everything he could've wished for. Who needed parents anyways. 

Still, it would be a lie if he claimed that the thought of a normal life never crossed his mind. Whenever he was on a mission and saw people his age, hang out with friends or their families, talk about school, laugh, make jokes... he'd feel a pit in his stomach, it was small and manageable, but still there. 

But then he'd remember that he didn't belong in the normal world. Not with his wings. He'd be an outsider, maybe SHIELD would catch him and then he'd suffer the same fate as Misha. 

No, this was good. HYDRA was where he belonged. 

Misha dropped the topic, luckily. Ace hated talking about this kind of stuff. It was useless, really. He should just focus on the present. On his real life, his mission, on Misha.

The young girl always managed to baffle him and Ace couldn't help but to feel like something was wrong with her. She was just too different from the regular recruits and the staff seemed to handle her differently as well. 

Their training was always observed by at least one higher up official, scientist and several guards. That didn't happen regularly. They seemed to have a special interest in her. 

On the flip side they didn't seem to trust her, either. It was the power-blocking collar that gave it away. Normally it was only used when a recruit had issues controlling their powers. But even as Misha gained control over her strength and speed the collar only came off during training. 

Ace also found Taylor asking him about Misha constantly, if he noticed anythng weird. Ace could've given him a whole list of things. Then again, he kind of liked having Misha around.

It was a breath of fresh air. Ace only talked to three kinds of people. HYDRA agents he had to respect, HYDRA agents that had to respect him and scared recruits. That didn't bring a whole lot of exciting conversations.

Misha was exciting, or interesting at least. Different. Ace had the feeling that revealing how different she was wouldn't go over well for both of them. So he kept his mouth shut while continuously ignoring the aching worry that was building in his chest. 

There was nothing to worry about anyways, right?


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy (Misha) and Ace play dance dance revolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's on a roll! I am!
> 
> There is nothing super dark in this but I have a sort of announcement in the notes at the end that I kindly ask you to read through.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy the chapter and leave a review!

A few weeks had passed ever since Misha moved in with Ace. Her neutral, almost cold demeanor was something he struggled with at first, he never knew what she was thinking. But sooner than later she got comfortable around him, or maybe he just wanted her to feel that way. Maybe she just got better at hiding her discomfort. One thing Ace was certain about was that Misha hid a lot. 

After the first week or so she slowly got out of her shell. Ace noticed because she was spending a lot more time with him without a real reason. Before she'd always come out for food and training but spend the rest of her time in her room.

Now she'd just hang out with him sometimes. They'd watch one of his DVDs or listen to his records. Misha apparently made it her mission to reorganize his music and book collection. His choice in music she enjoyed, the books, not so much. 

"Why the fuck do you only read nonfiction? I feel like I've entered snor-town. ", she mumbled one day. 

"I just never got into fiction. I don't see the point. If it's not real, why does it matter?", he shrugged and Misha looked shocked, no, she looked furious. 

"I'll just drink my tea and pretend you didn't just say that!", she snapped and dramatically chugged her steaming hot tea. 

"Did you burn your tongue?", Ace asked with a smirk. 

"Non of your God damn buisness!", she returned and Ace couldn't hold back the chuckle. 

The truth was he didn't see books as something emotional. They were strictly about knowledge. A means to an end. He tried to explain that to Misha.

"So what's emotional for you?", she then asked and he pointed at the record player. 

"Music. I love it. It gives me all the story and all the feelings that I could ask for.", he explained. Sometimes he wondered, if it hadn't been for HYDRA, if he hadn't been an assassin, if he hadn't been raised to kill, music would be his calling. He'd probably play the piano for hours if they let him. 

"You play?", Misha asked and that was the first time he let her into his room. It didn't look much different from the rest of the appartment, there was a second record player in there and also a guitar and a piano. And he played for her. 

He started with 'Für Elise' as a joke at which Misha only rolled her eyes but then switched into a piece from Stravinsky. He let his long elegant fingers wander over the keys for what felt like hours while Misha just sat on his bed, watching intently.

Ace couldn't tell if Misha was comfortable around him. She probably wasn't. Ace wasn't blind, he noticed that the girl always kept a considerable amount of distance between them when they weren't training. And he knew that she still locked herself in her room quite often, shutting him out. And she couldn't stand him around her when she woke up from a nightmare, so Ace remained in his room when he heard her scream at night. He wasn't one to imagine something that wasn't there. 

But he also couldn't deny how comfortable he felt. Well, comfortable wasn't quite the right word, he'd never felt uncomfortable when the other recruits stayed with him. 

Usually this was his job. It was fine. It wasn't something he looked forward to. Spending time with Misha was different, intriguing, he never knew what was going to happen next. 

Ace had never been one for friends, aside from a single exception he never had a real friend. Just handlers and colleagues and bosses. He wouldn't dare to call himself Misha's friend, mostly because he feared that she'd disagree. But he'd be lying if he claimed that he didn't want to be her friend. 

This was fucking crazy, he tried to tell himself that. He'd spend his whole life without making attachments. The one time he did was a disaster. You'd think he had learned from that! So where the fuck did this need for something as silly as friendship come from?! 

Misha was a mission, a case. A special one for some reason but still a case. This would pass. Her training would finish, she'd either get reassigned to a different base or move on to the mutant sector of this one, either way he'd probably never see her again. Ace had barely any contact to the other mutants, even the ones in this base. So he should stop getting attached! 

Of course, what he should do and what he ultimately did were very different things. Every time he told himself that he'd only view their relationship in a professional way he turned around and did some really non-professional shit. 

Like the time he smoked in the apartment during dinner which for some reason send Misha into a full on panic attack. He didn't smoke once after that, it wasn't even a question.

~

Ace enjoyed training with Misha more than anything else probably. She was a quick study and once she learned to control her powers she became a serious opponent. If it wasn't for Ace's years of experience, she probably would've put him through walls on several occasions. 

Sure, Ace loved to fight but the real reason why he enjoyed it so much was because he could see that she liked it as well. During training was one of then only times when she'd genuinely laugh. Not smirk or chuckle but really laugh. Ace got addicted to it, he just wanted to make her happy which was terrifying him. Normally he just wanted to piss people off for fun. 

"You are a good influence on me.", he once said when they were eating dinner together. He made spaghetti while she watched. "I feel like I'm less of an asshole around you."

"Sorry to disillusion you but you are still an asshole.", the girl smirked before stuffing another fork of noodles in her mouth. 

"What?!", Ace asked dramatically. "I made dinner for you? How can you call me in asshole?!"

"Yeah but you also stabbed one of my eyes out a few hours ago.", she pointed out and Ace rolled with his eyes. Because of her insane healing abilities Misha could fix pretty much everything, including regrowing limbs, or in that case, her eye. 

"That doesn't count, we were fighting! You aren't too innocent yourself, when it comes to that. Last week you almost ripped out one of my wings!", he protested and Misha grinned at him. 

"My eye wasn't even the issue! You then had the audacity to laughed at me and called me Mike Glotzowski!", she added.

"You laughed at it, too!"

"That's be cause I have a weird sense of humor! Normal people would categorize that as being mean!"

"Good thing that we're not normal then.", Ace shrugged at that. Misha didn't protest this time and instead continued to eat her food in silence. The shift of the mood was startling and Ace couldn't quite tell what it was or why it happened. "Are you mad at me?", he then asked, while trying to maintain a joking tone. 

Misha rolled with her eyes before looking at him, but when she did she smirked. "Of course not.", she said before launching a few spaghetties at his face with a fork. Ace, of course, hat do retaliate. It escalated quickly. 

They ended up having a full on food fight that left the kitchen as a mess and both of them laying on the floor laughing hysterically. 

"We have to clean up this shit!", Misha said once she managed to calm down a bit. Ace could see her face next to his, covered in tomato sauce and a noodle hanging from her eyebrow, it was probably the closest they ever were without being in a fight. 

"Or we could just eat it.", he shrugged with a grin as he got up .

Misha pulled a face. "That's disgusting.", she stated before getting up. She slipped and almost fell over but Ace caught her, holding on to her back. They froze like that for a second before Misha quickly distanced herself. 

She played it off all right, started to clean up, pretended that that moment wasn't weird and Ace didn't bring it up either. 

~

"We're doing something different today!", Ace announced during their training one day. The usual audience was there, guards, scientists, an higher ranking agent or two, but they were unbothered by their presence, like always. 

"How different? Are we still fighting?", Misha asked as she was sitting on the floor. Her wild hair was tied back and she was only wearing leggings and a sports bra, the collar was off. 

"Yes and no. Ever heard of Capoeira?", he asked as he set up a music box that was connected to his phone. 

"Isn't that a fighting style?", Misha asked as she got on her feet again. 

"It's a mix between fighting and dancing. A dance battle if you will, a quite violent one but still. And that's what we'll do now. Not capoeira specifically, but a dance battle.", he explained and Misha raised her eyebrows. 

"Why?"

"It's this old HYDRA tradition, they barely use it anymore. When two people finish their training they do the dance, it's like a graduation ritual. Not to say that you are finished with your training, but you are pretty good and since that whole thing is so outdated I rarely get to do the dance. It's quite fun, trust me.", he explained.

"A graduation ritual between two people you say?", Misha raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeah... it's like this whole partner thing. The other people you dance with becomes your life long partner.", he added and Misha pulled a face. 

"Buddy, I'm sorry but I don't like you like that. ", she smirked a  
nd Ace had to chuckle. 

"Parter in crime! Like a fighting partner! God, Mish, don't kill my vibe, I love that dance!", he protested. 

"Aww! So I'm your partner in crime!", Misha teased him and Ace almost blushed. 

"Don't interpret too much into that!", he snapped playfully. "As I said, it has lost its meaning. I just think it's fun."

"Okay, okay. I'll stop, we can start now!", Misha nodded with a grin. 

So they, started to work on the dance. Ace had learned it years ago, he was told about this old tradition when he was young and because of his love for music he kind of got obsessed with it. He taught it to himself, both parts, he once even danced it with someone else but that was a long time ago. 

Teaching it to Misha turned out more difficult than expected. She had no issue with the fighting aspect of the choreography. The angry stomping of the feet, the violent kicks, throwing Ace around and getting thrown around by him. 

It was the dancing she struggled with. For weeks it was all they did, during training with the audience, in the privacy of Ace's apartment gym. It was frustratingly difficult for her.

Misha had everything she needed to be a good dancer, she could move her body in whichever way she needed, be as flexible, as strong, as fast as she wanted. She should be perfect and that exactly was the issue. 

"You aren't doing it right. When you do it, it looks so performative, robotic. Your heart's not in it.", he once conplained one day.

"I don't understand what your issue is. I'm doing all the steps correctly. You're just too much of a perfectionist!", she shot back and Ace let his hands glide through his hair. 

"I'm not the perfectionist. You are. And that's the problem. This isn't about doing all the steps correctly. It's an emotional thing, it's about two people trusting in each other, being in harmony, it's-" he cut himself off when he noticed his own rambling. 

"This means a lot to you.", Misha realized, a puzzled expression on her face. Ace wanted to dig his own grave and hide in it.

"No, whatever. ", he mumbled, shaking his head. 

"No, no, tell me, why does it mean so much to you?", she asked and maybe it was the genuine curiosity in her voice or maybe Ace just wanted to talk about it for a really long time. 

"It's a romantic concept, not in a 'i'm in love with you' way. I don't care for that. But just the thought of two people that care so deeply about each other that they want to always fight by each other's side, it's romantic. And I guess I always wanted something like that. I'm not saying that we have that. It's just- My life gets pretty lonely sometimes, which is fine, I don't know, the concept was always intriguing to me.", he confessed. Afterwards he felt an emptiness, like he had given away something he couldn't take back. 

"You don't have to do the dance. It's silly.", he then added, staring at his hands before looking up at Misha, she was chewing on her lip, thinking. 

"So here's the thing. I kind of already have issues with my sense of self when it comes to my body. And the whole 'trusting in someone else'-thing sounds like the worst idea ever. I don't know if I can do it. But I know that I definitely can't do it while you are watching.", she explained matter of factly and Ace raised an eyebrow. 

"What are you suggesting?"

"Let me train by myself, only in the private gym of course. But let me figure out the dancing part on my own. I'm convinced it's the only way and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to dance with you the way you want. Would that be a deal?", she asked and Ace was sceptical at first. "Come on, don't you trust me?", Misha then asked with a grin and that finally brought Ace around.

"Deal."

~

So Misha danced on her own, every evening Ace heard the music coming from the gym but he was forbidden to watch. Until on day Misha decided that she was done. 

"We are doing the dance today.", she claimed at breakfast and Ace raised his eyebrows.

"Really? Do you feel ready?", he asked before sipping on his coffee.

"As ready as I'll ever be. ", she sighed and didn't sound too convincing. 

Still, that afternoon they prepared for the dance. The audience was slightly larger than usual, even if it was an outdated tradition, people were still interested in the dance. 

Ace put on Beethoven's 17th Sonate in D minor, 'The Tempest', and then stepped in front of Misha, facing her. Their eyes were locked onto each other as the first note of the song played and then they started the dance. 

It started out like any other time they had tried it before, Misha was focused, too focused on doing the right thing. Her kicks and punches were powerful, her jumps and twirls robotic, perfect but lacking. 

Ace had already resigned to the thought that she couldn't do it, couldn't trust him like that. He couldn't blame her either. 

Then something happened. It was the first big jump of the piece. Misha had to launch herself into the air, throwing her limbs and head back in the process and trust that Ace would catch her, would grab her out of the air and swing her into the next bit.

Whenever they tried this before Misha just couldn't let go. She was tense, always made sure that she could safe herself from crashing. 

This time Ace could see it in her face, her eyes were closed, her expression relaxed, this was a leap of faith and Ace just had to catch her...

He did it, caught her in his arms and spun her around and it was like everything clicked into place. 

Suddenly their stomping was synchronized, their kicks and punches felt like the waves in the sea, a force of nature. Misha let Ace carry her through the steps, let him hold and throw her around, pull her close and push her away, and he let her do the same. 

It was cathartic, freeing. Ace melted into the music, melted into Misha when she wrapped her body around his, until her heartbeat was the same as his, until they were one. And then finally, with the last seconds of the song, they sank to the floor, their bodies parting. 

The sound of silence was filled with Ace's heart beat, his heavy breathing. His eyes locked onto Misha's once more. These endless dark pools that he could drown in any second. 

"You did it.", he breathed out. 

"I did it.", she nodded before her lips parted into a wide smile and Ace's did the same. 

Their was no applause, no real reaction, Ace didn't need that anyways. Not with the adrenaline pumping through his veins, not when Misha looked over to him, still smiling. If he could just keep her like this, breathless, probably exhausted, but ecstatic, he wouldn't need anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ!
> 
> So here's the thing, somebody asked me if I intended on making Andy's and Ace's relationship romantic. The basic answer is no. He might have a bit of a crush on her as you might've noticed in this chapter but a of now Andy is in no way ready for a romantic relationship. 
> 
> That's not to say that Im not planning on something like that in the future! Not necessarily with Ace (though I'm not excluding him). I am considering other marvel characters that could be a match. 
> 
> So if you have any suggestions who to pair her with (male or female) leave a comment down below! Just please, don't say Spiderman, I've already planned a more brotherly/sisterly relationship for them. Okay that's all, thanks!


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ace: I need the truth  
> Andy: *tells him the truth*  
> Ace: no. Not like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so fucking excited for the next chapter and for those of you that miss Tony and the gang, we'll be hearing from them soon!
> 
> Hopefully you enjoy this chapter and leave a comment, I live for them!

Things were going great for Ace. It was almost like a rush. Like the first time he launched himself into the sky with his wings, like jumping off a tall building or facing death. And Ace got used to it, far too quickly, for too extremely. He just had an addictive personality, the bane of his existence.

Things had to go south at some point and unfortunately Ace was his own worst enemy. It had to be something he had done, he was sure of it. 

One wrong word to Tyler or one of the Scientists maybe, Ace didn't know what caused it, what the mistake was but one day he was training with Misha, living with her, eating with her, spending almost every waking moment by her side, the next day she was just gone. 

Ace asked Tyler, the other agents, the scientists, everyone. "Special training. Extra evaluation.", they said. 

"Fucking bullshit. ", Ace thought,  he didn't say it though. He knew he had to keep his cool and wait, in the hopes of her returning. 

It was startling, though. He'd gotten so used to her, it was almost like withdrawal. The loneliness collapsed in on him and left everything cold and empty. 

He tried to be himself, he trained, played music, danced, read, did whatever he'd normally do but he always felt incomplete, like something was missing. 

He cursed himself, for letting it come this far, for loosing himself so drastically, he also spend hours agonizing over what could've triggered Misha's sudden departure, if he could've done anything to prevent it. 

Was this it? Would he ever see her again? Was she okay, wherever she was? These questions kept him up at night. 

Misha came back after a week. A relief, really, but Ace could tell that something was wrong, different.

Where Misha was once quick, witty and bright, she now became confused, empty and dull. Her eyes had lost that sparkle, now he was just looking at empty holes.

"Where have you been?", he asked worried and this time the blank expression on her face had nothing to do with hiding something. There were no hidden layers that Ace could search for, just void.

"Special training session.", she replied, her tone robotic.

"Is that where you got the bruises?", he asked, pointing at the collection of bruises starting at her left temple and going down to her cheek. Her hand reached for her face, pressing on the bruises as if she only noticed them now.

"Yes, I think...", Misha never sounded so unconvincing. And Ace could see it in her face, could see the doubt.

The girl looked like she was desperately trying to remember something but couldn't. Eventually, she gave up.

The days became quieter after that, Misha completely retreated into herself. If she wasn't eating or training she was in her room. It was like living with a ghost.

Ace didn't know what was going on but whatever it was, it had made Misha a shadow of herself. She barely responded to Ace, only spoke when spoken to, she wasn't around as much either.

Now she had daily appointments with the scientists. They kept her for hours at a time, doing God knows what. Whenever she returned she looked a bit emptier, a bit mor like a shell, if that was even possible.

The worry that build up in Ace chest over weeks, that he steadily pushed away and ignored was threatening to burst out of him.

Whatever was happening, it was HYDRA's doing, he could tell that much, but then again HYDRA were the good guys, they raised him, they were his family, how could he distrust them?

Misha finally reached her breaking point. Ace knew that it was coming. This storm had been on the horizon for weeks, subtle at first but soon demanding attention with its rumbling thunder. 

One morning it all broke loose. 

"I can't fucking do this...", Misha whispered, they were eating breakfast and Ace barely heard her. 

"Pardon?", he asked putting down his coffee mug. 

Suddenly Misha rammed the knife she held in her hand into the wodden table before her wide crazed eyes focused on Ace. 

"I said, I can't fucking do this anymore!", she snapped, her voice dripping with poison before she got up, pushing over her chair in the process. 

Ace was taken aback by the sudden display of anger but he also knew that this moment was important, there would be a revelation, something momentous, he could feel it in the air. 

"What do you mean?", he asked carefully as Misha paced up and down the room frantically, like a cornered animal. 

Her head then snapped towards him once more and this time he saw her trembling lip, the teary eyes. "Are you fucking blind?!", she asked and Ace didn't know what to reply. He certainly felt like he was missing something,  he had felt that way from the beginning.

When he didn't reply Misha sighed exasperated, trying to blink the tears away. "Okay... listen to me, please. Hear me out. Can you do that?", she asked, her tone shaky. Ace nodded slowly, curious for what would come next. 

"HYDRA is evil, let's start there. I know that they raised and brainwashed you but you need to understand that they are literally Nazis. And they don't want to save the world, they want to take it over,  like Nazis always do.

And they use people like you and me. Mutants who are stronger than them and they make us into weapons.

They study and dissect us and then they enhance and train us until we are the perfect soldiers! SHIELD didn't experiment on me, they never laid a hand on me, HYDRA did!

You out of all people should know that! You were one of their experiments! Why do you think we went through the same thing? It's because the same people did it!

And now they're using you to pull in more of us, tell us SHIELD is bad and HYDRA is good, when it's- exactly the other way around.

And I know that you have no reason to believe me but they kidnapped me, tortured and isolated me, experimented on me and tried to wipe my memories, over and over again.

I can barely tell what's real anymore and I can't fucking take it! I thought that if I just pretended that their tricks worked on me,  that they flipped me, maybe I could buy myself some time to figure out an escape plan!

It was all about survival but I can't fucking live like this! I'm losing myself, becoming a thing again and I can't- I can't do that again- Can't get back from this again- If I loose myself again... that's it. I can't-", that's when Misha broke down crying. She was standing in the center of the room, hiding her face while horrible sobs wrecked her body. 

Ace was stunned. There was no other way to put it. You'd think that his thoughts had to be racing. You'd think he'd question everything he'd ever known or might've remembered all the little moments which made him think 'Something about this isn't right.' But his thoughts had come to a sudden halt. 

"Why are you telling me this?", he whispered and his voice didn't even sound like his own. It was quiet, quivering, unsure.

Misha lowered her hands, revealing her blood shot eyes, she looked so fucking exhausted and miserable and Ace couldn't help but to wonder if she'd felt like that all along. 

"I don't know... I know you're HYDRA, you're my enemy but- You're also my... friend. I want to trust you- I- I want to believe that you'd help me. And if you can't do that than I hope that you'll at least free me off this fate. Kill me, or at least make sure that when they get me next time, they destroy enough of my mind to erase me. Because I'm done, I can't do this anymore. "

Ace swallowed, diverted his eyes. She was begging him to kill her, it made him sick. He tried to make sense of it, he wanted to believe in HYDRA, that they were doing the right thing. But how could he, when Misha was so clearly unraveling in front of him. 

"I have to go...", he whispered, getting up frantically. 

"What will you do?", Misha asked, her voice barely audible.

Ace didn't lie, he didn't have it in him right now. "I don't know... But please stay here, don't do anything rash, I- I need to think." With that he stormed out.

~

Ace was walking for a while, aimlessly down endless hallways, unable to form a coherent thought. That's how he wound up outside one of the labs. 

Only on second look he realized that it was the exact lab where he was enhanced three years ago. He could still feel the burning sensation in his veins, see the bright neon lights above the table. 

He always knew that it would happen, that's not to say that he wanted it. He never had a choice. If Ace thought about it he never had a choice in anything. And neither did Misha. Even right now, it all depended on him, for the first time.

His eyes wandered back to the lab. If what she was saying was true than she might've been experimented on in that exact lab. 

Ace thought back to the last 3 months. To every little instance where the aching feeling in his chest grew because things just didn't make sense.  _You know she's telling the truth, you're just afraid of it._  

Deep down Ace knew that she was right, maybe he even saw this coming, waited for it without realizing it. 

He still didn't know what to do, though. Maybe, just maybe he could help Misha escape, maybe he could run with her, but what then? 

HYDRA would hunt them down like prey. Where would they even go? Ace didn't know anyone in the real world and he didn't know how much Misha remembered of her past life. Did she have someone that could protect them?

In the end all his worries didn't matter. He had to talk to Misha, he knew that. And he had to help her, in whichever way possible. 


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans never work the way you planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck, every time I reach a new plot point I planned for months I marvel that I even got that far. This is by far the longest story I've ever written and I still have so many ideas. 
> 
> Anyways, I wanted to say thank you once more to all the people who read my story, leave kudos and comments, you brought me this far! 
> 
> And thank you especially to everyone that shares their own ideas and inspires me to go places with this story I wouldn't have thought of by myself. 
> 
> THANK YOU!

Ace and Misha were making their way through another busy hallway, they were in one of the higher levels of the base and Misha hadn't been here before. Ace could feel how tense she was but everyone else just saw Ace walking next to Agent Tyler, completely normal.

~

_"I'll help you, okay? I think I can get us out but I don't know where to go after that.", Ace explained his dilemma._

_Misha visibly relaxed at the prospect of getting out. Her eyes were still blood shot but she was a lot calmer now, more focused._

_"I know where to go. My family will protect us.", she replied and Ace raised his eyebrows._

_"Can they do that?" Ace still had no idea who Misha really was, she said he wouldn't believe her if she told him._

_"Trust me, they can. They have ties to SHIELD and such. They'll take care of it.", Misha waved him off._

_Ace had to fight his instinct to protest. Just because she had convinced him to help her, didn't mean that he trusted in SHIELD. It was against his programming._

_~_

Misha's portrayal of Tyler was perfect, even his voice was accurate and nobody suspected a thing when they made their way to the hangar where all the jets were.

~

_"We steal a jet and fly off. Voila, freedom.",Ace shrugged._

_"Okay. What's the plan?", Misha wanted to know and Ace raised an eyebrow._

_"That was the plan."_

_"No that's the goal, but how do we get there without getting caught?", Misha asked with a frown and Ace just shrugged again._

_"Are you kidding me?!I thought you were an agent! Aren't you supposed to be good at this!", she snapped at him._

_"I never make the plans, I follow orders!", he returned but Misha still seemed disappointed._

_"And what do you do when the plan doesn't work?", she asked, her tone challenging._

_"I improvise! Im great at that. ", he smirked and the girl rolled with her eyes._

_"Well, we can't improvise this one, I'm not trying to die like this.", she sighed._

_~_

They were granted entry to the hangar, no problem. Misha just replicated Tyler's finger print and they were in. Still, Ace felt like this was going too smoothly, it was too easy.

~

_"Didn't you beg me to kill you not an hour ago?", Ace wondered._

_"I just said that. I knew you would help me, I made sure of that.". Misha shrugged and Ace's eyebrows shot up in surprise._

_"What do you mean, you made sure of that?", he asked genuinely thrown. Misha glanced at him, looking slightly guilty, like he caught her doing something she shouldn't be doing._

_"I knew from the beginning that I couldn't get out of here by myself and when I met you... I knew that you could be reasoned with, that I could change your mind.", she confessed._

_"But how could you possibly know that I'd help you?", Ace thought that that must've been a huge risk and a really dumb plan._

_"Don't take this the ring way but you are desperate for love and attention, which isn't your fault. From what I've seen you didn't have a lot of good people in your life. You said yourself that you are lonely. I knew that if I just got you to like me I could trust you to help me.", she explained and watched Ace carefully, waiting for his reaction._

_"You manipulated me!", he exclaimed and Misha bit her lip, glancing away._

_"Are you mad?", she mumbled._

_"Well, my ego is pretty bruised but mostly I'm just impressed. I thought it was harder to see though my cool and collected facade of 'I don't give a fuck'"_

_~_

"Which one are we taking?", Misha mumbled in Tyler's voice. They successfully infiltrated the hangar.

"The K3747. That's the one I fly most of the time.", Ace replied. 

"Your numbers are meaningless to me, you know that, right?", she shot back and Ace rolled with his eyes. 

"That one.", he said, pointing at a small jet, on the other side of the hangar, it was one of the fastest in the base and their best bet when it came to getting away as quickly as possible. 

~

_"For starters you need to get this thing off me.", Misha said, tapping against her collar._

_"That shouldn't be an issue. Wait...", Ace mumbled, placing his fingers against the cool metal. "You might feel a sizzle. ", he warned before sending a small shock through the collar to overpower the locking mechanism._

_"Agh, you shocked me...", Misha hissed._

_"Yeah but I got the thing off.", Ace shrugged, taking off the collar and tossing it aside._

_"Thanks. ", Misha smiled slightly while rubbing her neck. "_ _Now we need a HYDRA uniform.", she then added._

_"For what?", Ace asked before Misha morphed into Tyler._

_"My disguise."_

_~_

"And you can fly this thing?", Misha asked for the 5th time. Ace was slowly getting sick of it. 

"Trust me, just this once! I know what I'm doing...", he mumbled. They had almost reached the jet when an alarm went off. Sirens, red lights and suddenly a voice announced:" Recruit MO74 is on the loose. I repeat, Recruit MS-074 is on the loose. Agent Ace is assisting the recruit. The base is on lockdown until both are detained and returned to Dr Keipon. " 

"Shit.", Ace hissed before starting to run to the jet. If the lockdown had already started they only had seconds until they were locked in the hamgar "Your absence has been noticed." He knew that it couldn't be that easy. He heard the steps running after them and then someone yelled. Shots were fired. They might not recognize Misha but Ace was pretty known around here. _Fuck!_

_~_

_"The trackers!", Ace realized right before they were about to leave the apartment._

_"What?", Misha asked in Tyler's voice, she looked exactly like him._

_"We both have trackers implanted. Wait, turn around.", he ordered and took one of the knifes from his belt. They packed all the weapons they had in the apartment which unfortunately included no guns._

_Carefully he felt for the little bump under the skin of her neck. He knew what he was searching for and when he found it he carefully sliced her skin right above it. Her blood tinted his fingers red as he pulled out the small tracker but she didn't even flinch. "Now it's my turn.", he said as he handed her the knife._

_~_

He heard her scream before she fell. It took him a split second to stop, turn around and observe the situation. 

Misha was on the floor, back to her regular appearance, possibly injured but she was getting up. There's blood, a lot of it but he couldn't determine the source, Misha's body, probably. Guards were close behind them. They had less than a minute left to get the jet out of the hangar, tops.

Ace acted on instinct, he ran back, wrapped his arms around Misha's torso, and  spread his wings, launching the two of them into the air and towards the jet. More shots, more bullets, one hit Ace in his back, he bit back a scream and tried to stay in the air. Then, when he was close enough, he speed towards the entrance of the jet, not even bothering to open the door, kicking it in mid flight. 

Inside the jet he let go off Misha and stumbled towards the control panel. His ankle felt like it was broken and he got shot. If it weren't for the adrenaline, he wouldn't be standing. 

With a shock wave coming out of his hands he brought the jet to life and got it into the air as quickly as possible. Next to him Misha came into view, limping and weakened, but standing. 

"You okay?", he asked, his voice surprisingly calm as he stirred the jet towards the opening of the hangar. It was closing, they had only seconds left, he speed up once more, pushed the machine to its limits. 

"Yeah, is this going to work?", Misha asked, her eyes wide as she watched their exit get slimmer and slimmer. 

Maybe it was the adrenaline rush, or maybe it was because Ace knew that he could be free,  truly free for the first time in his life but in that moment he grinned at Misha. "Trust me, will you?"

With that they shot through the metal gates, the jet barely fit, almost got stuck, the landing wheels and a piece of the roof broke off, the turbulance threw Misha off her feet but eventually they got through and were met by the bright sun and the blue sky outside. 

Ace couldn't believe it, couldn't believe that they were out. And it didn't matter that HYDRA was still after them, that they were nowhere near safety, that their jet was so damaged that it could break down at any second, for this one second they were free.

When Misha got up and looked outside, the expression on her face made it all worth it, the wide eyes filled with tears, her smile and her victory yell before she wrapped her arms around Ace, almost suffocating him. 

"We did it Ace, we did it!"

~

The jet didn't take them far, after about 10 miles it started to protests and not long after that the engine failed which of course turned their vehicle into a fucking death trap. 

"We need to jump off!", Ace yelled, making his way to the entrance. Walking was pretty hard when your lankle was messed up and the floor you were trying to walk on was part of a plane that was hurling through the sky. 

"Can you hold us, though?!", Misha yelled back, holding him up. She had a bullet in her leg herself but was still more stable. 

"We'll see!", he returned before holding her a little tighter and jumping out. The wind under his wings almost knocked him over but he caught himself in time. Misha was pressed against his chest, her legs wrapped around his waist. Normally this wouldn't be a problem but he was too weak. So instead of flying off into the sunset he just tried to slow down their descent to earth.

The last thing he remembered was the ground, getting closer and closer and then darkness.

~

Ace woke up to pain, burning in his back, an aching ankle, one of his wings was damaged too, but he could tell that he was healing. He cauld also tell that this burst of consciousness wouldn't last long so he had to get a grip on the situation quickly. 

He was inside a... supermarket? There were shelves with food and supplies, he sat behind a cash registry. Misha stood beside him, talking. He had trouble following her words. 

His eyes wandered over to the window and he saw a gas pump. Not a supermarket then, a gas station. By the looks of it an abandoned one.

He tried to focus on Misha. The girl looked bad. She wasn't standing, he realized, she was leaning on the counter and there was a pool of blood forming underneath her. 

"Pick up- pick up-", she mumbled frantically. Phone call, she was calling help, good. Then:"Dad?! Dad it's me, Andy- it's- fuck!"

Ace heard her type in another phone number and then her voice again:"Dad?! Please! Please listen to me, It's Andy,  this isn't a joke! It's me- I- I escaped HYDRA and- and I'm injured and they're after us and- I don't know what to do- Please-"

The sound of Misha's pleading voice was the last thing Ace heard before he drifted off into the void again. 

 


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony: You're safe  
> Andy: Seems fake but okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a bit of violence in this, dissociation, and a panic attack but nothing too graphic. 
> 
> Also I have to emphasize how much I love love love reading your comments. Please, keep them coming!

It was so surreal, hearing Andy's voice was so surreal that Tony at first assumed that it was a cruel joke. But no, it was his daughter on the other side of the line. His daughter that was alive, his daughter that abandoned. 

Things moved pretty quickly after that phone call, they had to, according to Andy she was on the verge of death.

Tony informed the other Avengers that were back at the new compound, him and Rhodey got into a Quinjet and took off to the location they tracked the phone call to. 

What they found was an abandoned gas station in the middle of nowhere. It was an eerie sight, the rusty gas pumps, the grass that was burned out by the July sun, there was no sound as they walked up to the door. 

Inside he didn't see Andy right away. Her body was on the floor behind the counter, laying next to an unconscious boy with huge wings. But Tony only had eyes for his kid. 

Seeing her like this, pale, in a pool of her own blood, Tony wondered if he'd ever get used to it,  to the feeling of losing her. He fell to his knees, reaching for her face with trembling hands. That's when he noticed that she was holding the boys hand, and once he pulled her hand out of his he found the bloody bullet. 

"Is she-?", Rhodey asked behind him and Tony desperately reached for her wrist, praying for a heartbeat. And there it was, strong and steady, Tony felt like crying, he was so relieved. 

"She said she'd try to get the bullet out, heal herself. I think she did.", Tony whispered as he searched for the source of all the blood. 

He found a bullet hole in her pants but the skin underneath was intact. "She's fine,  she's alive.",he breathed out before pulling her sleeping body on his lap, cradling her.

Tony couldn't believe it, couldn't believe that they got another chance. That she was really here, alive. He couldn't yet confront what had happened in the last 4 months, how much had changed,  what he had done or rather, what he failed to do. It didn't matter, though. Not in that moment. The moment he got her back. 

"What about the boy?", Rhodey asked and crouched down next to him. 

Tony only paid him attention then. The boy looked almost as pale as his daughter and was smeared in blood as well, one of his wings was bend in a weird way but his chest was rising steadily.

"They both need medical attention, let's get them out of here before HYDRA catches up. We need to call the compound, tell them to prepare everything. ", Tony decided, carefully picking up Andy while Rhodey did the same with the boy, maneuvering his giant wings. He had to be another mutant.

As they were walking back to the Quinjet Tony heard a voice. It was so quiet that he almost didn't catch it and it took him a second to realize that the boy had spoken. 

"Mish...", he mumbled before losing consciousness again. 

~

Tony was standing outside Andy's hospital room, watching through the glass. Andy had healed all her major wounds by herself and was stable by now, the exhaustion of her powers probably caused her current state. 

It still freaked him out, seeing her like this again, it was terrifying. On the other hand, he spends months running he'd never see her again, dead or alive. So this? This he could handle. 

"How is she doing?", Bucky asked, stepping next to Tony, his eyes focused on the sleeping girl. 

"Alright, she's just sleeping off her hangover. She needs to recharge.", Tony mumbled. Bucky wasn't the first one to come by. He had talked to Natasha and Clint already, Steve was on a mission with the new Avengers but even he called in for updates every few hours. "Is our new guest placed in his room?", Tony then asked and Bucky nodded slowly. 

~

_The boy they found with Andy, the one with the wings, surprisingly had a record. Tony's first assumption was that he was another captive but Bucky recognized his face, while Natasha recognized his powers. 'The Harrier' they called him, a HYDRA agent that made a surprisingly big name for himself in the last 3 years._

_"He's credited with at least 6 assassinations. Some people call him the future of the intelligence community. I just didn't think that he's so... young.", Natasha explained._

_"I saw his face before, somewhere at HYDRA, I don't remember. But I saw him.", Bucky said. It was enough to convince Tony that he didn't want him anywhere near his daughter, not until they knew what his deal was._

_"Patch up his wounds and put him in a cell for now. One with power dampeners, we don't know what he's capable off. We can't trust him at this moment. ", Tony ordered._

_~_

"He's locked up, don't worry, he'll stay put until you choose to interrogate him. ", Bucky replied. "Do you know what you'll say? When she wakes up?", Bucky then asked. 

Tony was terrified of that moment. As much as he wanted Andy to come back, to open her eyes and smile at him, he knew it wouldn't be that easy. Not after everything that had happened. Not after all of them, except for Bucky, gave up on her. Not after she spend months in HYDRA captivity. Tony was terrified of doing the wrong thing, but his biggest fear was that there was no way to make it alright again. He couldn't turn back time, couldn't make different decisions, couldn't prevent the pain. 

"I have no idea. What would you say in a situation like this?", he whispered before glancing over at Bucky. The young man's eyes were still trained on the sleeping girl. "I mean, you've been a HYDRA captive. What can I expect here?"

After a few moments of silence Bucky sighed:"Honestly? I don't know. She's still herself, or at least enough to remember who to call when she needs help. She's already better off than me when it comes to that. But if they- If they used the halo on her there is no way to know what she remembers until we ask her. We don't know the damage yet so you should probably prepare for the worst case scenario."

"Which is?", Tony asked weakly.

"Memory issues, altered personality... resentment", Bucky stated and Tony knew that he was right. That there was a chance that Andy wasn't herself anymore or that even if she was, she wouldn't forgive Tony. He knew he had to prepare for that but how could he?

Out the corner of his eye Tony saw a nurse enter Andy's room and check on her. He turned to Bucky once more. "And what is the best case scenario?", he asked but he didn't get to hear his reply because in that moment the nurse screamed out.

Andy had woken up and was now holding the nurses arm, twisting her wrist painfully. "NO EXPERIMENTS!", Andy hissed as Tony and Bucky rushed into the room. A cracking sound could be heard and the nurse screamed in ce more as Andy single handedly broke her wrist.

"Andy!", Tony exclaimed and the girl flinched so violently that she let go off the nurse and stumbled back against the bed. 

Her wide, terrified eyes stared from Tony to Bucky and back to Tony and Tony already assumed the worst. That somehow, she didn't recognize him.

Slowly she crawled onto the bed again,  not leaving them out of her sight. The nurse stumbled out the room, sobbing.

"She feels cornered, back off.", Bucky mumbled and her eyes shot towards him.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!", she snapped before looking back at Tony. The expression on her face became unreadable. 

"Andy. You are safe. You are at the Avengers compound. You're not with HYDRA anymore.", Bucky said, his voice calm. Later Tony would be so thankful that he was with him that day, he didn't know what he would've done without him. 

"Are you real?", Andy asked, her tone as neutral as her face but there was something in her eyes, they were glistening. Tony's heart shattered all over again. You'd think by now there wouldn't be anything left of it. 

"Yes, Poppins. I'm real. You're home, you escaped, do you remember?", Tony asked, giving his best to hide the tremors in his voice. 

Andy didn't reply to that at first, instead her eye started to shift around the room. "Where is Ace?", she asked. Her tone was distant, like she wasn't really there anymore.

Tony assumed that Ace was the boy's name. And for now it would probably be a better idea to bend the truth a little. "He's here, too. He's recovering.", Tony replied and it was like he lifted a weight off her shoulders. She just sagged back against the headboard of her hospital bed. 

"Thank God...", she whispered before suddenly collapsing in on herself like a house of cards. Her head rolled to one side, her eyes closed again,  passed out once more. 

Tony could feel Bucky's eyes on him. "That went about as good as you can expect.", the younger male mumbled. 

"She broke the nurse's wrist. ", Tony only now realized. "How was she strong enough to do that?"

Surprisingly Bucky only shrugged. "She mentioned Experiments, didn't she. ", he pointed out. "It wouldn't surprise me if they tried to make her into even more of a weapon. They might've enhanced her. I don't know. It's too early to tell."

Yeah. Tony thought that there were a lot of things they couldn't tell yet. There was barely anything they could be sure off and the uncertainty of it all was killing him. 

~

Andy woke up two more times in the span of the next 6 hours, each time with a defensive violent outburst before collapsing 5 minutes later. The third time it went a little differently. 

"Please- I- no experiments-", she sobbed out for probably the tenth time, Tony had to swallow his own tears. 

She'd been in a continuous panic attack ever since she woke up, possibly dissociating, by now Tony didn't know what to do anymore. They tried to get her back to the present, to no avail. 

"Please- please- I'll be good- Dr Keipon- I'll be good-", she sobbed, curling in on herself and Bucky reached for his head with a sigh. 

"Of course... so fucking thick. ", he mumbled before going through his hair with his hands. 

"What?", Tony asked, wanting a piece of this apparent epiphany. Anything to help his daughter. 

"It's the room, the hospital room, the nurses and needles and white coats. It's triggering her.", Bucky explained and something told Tony that he spoke from experience. "We need to get her out of here, into a regular room."

"I- want- my r-room...", Andy whimpered, barely audibly. As much as Tony wanted to grant her that wish, her room got mostly destroyed when Ultron attacked and Tony didn't furnish one for her in the new Avengers compound yet. 

Bucky knew that. "She can have my room. She knows my stuff, it's familiar, and it doesn't smell so fucking sterile.", he argued, pulling a face. Tony wondered if  this room made him uncomfortable too. 

"Alright, but how do we get her there if she's-", Tony wanted to ask before noticing that the crying had stopped. Andy had passed out again. 

"That solves that problem...", Bucky mumbled. Great. 1 down, 99 to go.

 

 


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint, Natasha and Bucky: Hey, you still remember us?  
> Andy (internally): fuck fuck fuck  
> Andy (externally): Yeah... Of course...
> 
> Also: by Annabellelee13194
> 
> Andy *slowly emotionally bleeding out*: This is fine.  
> Literally everyone: Andy plz stOP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's sick and will probably write a lot! So if there is another chapter today you can thank my insufficient immune system.
> 
> As always please enjoy the chapter and leave a review!

It was the smell. Andy noticed the smell first. Not sterile, familiar. It smelled like coffee and vanilla. She's tried to assign it a person. Dark long hair, metal, crooked grin. Bucky. 

She opened her eyes and found herself in a dark room, but even in the darkness she could make out the person  sitting in an office chair a few feet away from the bed. 

Broad shoulders, build like a shelf, her heart started to race until suddenly a single lamp turned on and revealed the males face. Dark hair, stormy eyes, no grin, at least right now. 

"You're awake.", he said and Andy felt an urge to say 'Yeah, duh'. She didn't, though. Instead she tried to sort out the mess in her mind to figure out what was going on. 

She was at HYDRA, then she escaped with Ace, they jumped out of the plane and crashed, Ace was unconscious and injured and Andy dragged him to the closest gas station, there she called...Tony. Then she took the bullet out of her leg. After that, nothing. Or at least nothing solid. 

"Do you remember who I am?", the male asked and Andy returned her attention to him, his worried eyes.

After being wiped over and over again it got harder and harder to preserve her memories. She knew that Tony was her dad, that the Avengers were her family. She still remembered most of the things Nancy did to her unfortunately. But other things were missing, she saw faces and didn't know their names. Some things were twisted. She's thought of SHIELD and images of surgical lights and needles popped up in her mind even though she knew that they weren't the ones that experimented on her, at least she didn't think so.

"You're Bucky.", she stated and sounded like a stranger to herself. Like a robot. 

"And is that just a name to you?", Bucky asked. There was no accusation in his voice, no emotion at all. Andy was glad, she couldn't have handled someone else's pain right now. 

Andy searched her mind for memories, for who Bucky was, it didn't just come to her automatically. She remembered movie nights, she remembered her back against his. She also remembered gunfire and blood and his arms around her. So the important stuff was still there.  

"You're my friend. You saved my life.", Andy said and Bucky nodded slowly. 

"And you saved mine.", he then added and Andy didn't really know what to reply. 

Friend. Andy thought of Ace, he was in pretty rough shape last time she saw him. Sure, he had a healing factor, but still. "Where is Ace? Can I see him?"

For the first time Bucky's calm and collected expression slipped a little but Andy was too drained to make an effort to read his face. "He's recovering. We also put him in a cell.", he confessed.

Andy kind of expected something like this. After all, Ace was a HYDRA agent and they didn't know him like she did. He'd have to convince them that he could be trusted first, she'd help him with that. 

"Are you mad?", Bucky asked and Andy shook her head. 

"I'm just glad that he's alive.", she replied. "Can I see him?"

"Yes, but I feel like you might need to eat something first, maybe see your father.", Bucky suggested carefully and Andy's chest tightened. Tony. There were a lot of memories and a lot of emotions connected to him, all of which were entirely too complex to be dealt with right now. 

"Where is he?", she asked. 

"Pepper made him go to bed a few hours ago. He's been running on caffeine since you called.", Bucky replied. "I promised I'd get him once you wake up."

"Can we let him sleep for a little longer, he might need it. ", Andy asked and a small smile appeared on Bucky's lips. 

"Of course. I do think you should eat something, though.", Bucky pointed out and Andy agreed. Maybe that would help her feel a bit more alive. She rolled out of bed and got up, only then she noticed that she was wearing a set of maroon pyjamas. 

"Are those mine?", she mumbled, looking down herself. 

"Yeah, Pepper got them for you. She thought you might prefer something familiar.", he explained as he got up and walked to the door. Andy needed a moment to place Pepper in her mind. Pantsuit, strawberry blond hair, gentle eyes. Pepper.

Andy followed Bucky outside the room and automatically found herself disoriented. The hallways looked foreign, not like in the Tower, at least Andy didn't remember them to look like this. 

"Where are we?", she asked, trying to not sound too alarmed. 

"New Avengers compound.", Bucky replied as they walked down the hallway. Here, in the light she could observe him a bit better. He seemed better than she remembered. His hair was cut, it was shorter on the sides and a little longer on top. He seemed stronger, held himself straighter. It filled her chest with a strange feeling, it was warm and pleasant.

"What happened to the Tower?", she asked.

"Got blown up.", Bucky replied before stopping in his tracks and looking over at Andy. "You missed a few things."

"Like?", Andy wanted to know. 

"Tony and Bruce accidentally build a killer robot that tried to erase humanity. ", Bucky replied and Andy's eyebrows shot up. 

"Is everyone okay?"

"Mostly, yes. We lost Bruce, though. "

"Bruce?", Andy asked, slightly confused. She struggled to connect the name to an image. She knew Bruce, that was sure, but she couldn't quite remember him.

Bucky frowned slightly. "Yeah, the scientist that turns into a rage monster. ", he elaborated. 

 _" Andy it is, then."_ Andy's heart ached once she remembered the gentle man that gave her her name. "I thought he can't die...", she mumbled.

"We don't think that he did. When I say we lost him, I mean he literally disappeared and we can't find him.", Bucky explained but somehow that didn't make Andy feel better. 

"Anyone else?", she asked as they continued to walk.

"No, the rest of the team made it out fine. A lot has changed, though. Your dad retired from being an Avenger, the team has new members now, stuff like that.", he said and Andy wrapped her arms around her torso.

"New members?", Andy asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Yeah, from the old team only Steve, Nat and Clint remained. After fighting Ultron I was finally officially accepted as a member. "

"You're an Avenger now?", Andy asked, almost smiling. Bucky looked down at the ground, blushing. 

"Yeah, I guess.", he mumbled. "Other members include a friend of Steve, he's a vet, war machine, he's a friend of Tony's and a witch that Clint recruited."

Andy flinched ever so slightly at the word 'recruit' but didn't mention it, especially because they reached a huge window now. Outside everything was green and blue, the sky was clear and the sun made everything look even brighter. The last time Andy was outside it was still snowing occasionally.

"How long have I been gone?", she heard herself ask as she looked outside. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to know. 

"4 months, 13 days.", Bucky replied and Andy glanced over at him. 

"You counted?", Andy realized, unsure what to feel. 

"Of course I did. We all did.", he replied, his voice heavy with emotion. "There was not a single day that we didn't think of you."

 _Why didn't you save me then?_ It was an ugly thought,  Andy knew that. They slit open her throat, her family must've assumed that she was dead, but still. She couldn't silence the voice in her head that told her:  _They abandoned you._

"I think I'd like to eat now.", Andy said before turning away from the window. 

~

Clint was eating breakfast with Natasha when the door to the Kitchen slid open and Bucky and Andy stepped in. The room froze as they both stared at the girl.

Andy looked painfully remenicent of her first days with them. Small, fragile, lost. Clint had hoped that he'd never have to see her like that again. But he also couldn't believe how lucky they were. That she was alive. It was a weird mix of relief and dread. 

Bucky had warned them that she might have memory issues, that HYDRA might've messed with her mind. Nobody knew more about how that effected someone than the former Winter Soldier. 

"I remember you.", Andy answered the question that nobody voiced. "Natasha.", she looked over at the redhead and then locked eyes with Clint. "Clint. I remember you."

It was one of these moments where you just don't know what to say or do. There was just too much happening in all their heads to express any of it so Andy just sat down at the table while Bucky made her something to eat.

Natasha broke the silence first. "It's good to have you back, малыш.", she said, trying to get Andy's attention.

Andy just stared at nothing, looking like she was far away. "I don't know if you have...", she then mumbled and it was soul crushing.

Suddenly she looked up at them with a sigh. "I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry, I-", her voice broke off when she covered her face with her hands. 

"It's okay, Andy. We don't expect you to feel like yourself again.", Nastasha said calmly and Andy nodded slowly before taking down her hands again. 

Bucky placed a plate with a large sandwitch and a second one with sugary tomatoes in front of Andy and she stared at it before carefully reaching for one of the tomatoes and putting it in her mouth. "Why is it sweet?", She then asked while chewing.

"They are sugared. You actually introduced us to that.", Natasha said carefully and Andy gave her an unreadable look before looking down at the plate.

"I need to see...see... I- I can't recall his name-", she stuttered and Clint could see her eyes move frantically, scanning her mind for the missing information. "Telepath.", she added.

"Do you mean Charles?", Clint asked and she nodded slowly, still not looking at any of them. 

"Why?", Bucky asked and Andy shrugged miserably.

"Because my brain is made of scrambled eggs? Because maybe he can save something out of that dumpster fire that HYDRA started? I don't know.", she replied and hid her face once more, curling in on herself.

It was painful, to see her so helpless and frustrated with herself. "We'll call him over. ", Clint reassured her and she nodded slowly. 

"Thanks. I can't stay like this. I won't. ", she said and Clint wasn't sure who she was trying to convince.

 

 

 


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy (about Ace): Excuse me, he's allowed on this flight. He's my emotional support Assasin
> 
> Also, another gem by Annabellelee13194:
> 
> Ace: why are you here I’m a trash person  
> Andy: ah but you see- I’m the ORIGINAL trash person. Fucking peasant get on my level. *backflips into a golden dumpster*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only 3 pm where I live so there might even be a third chapter today, we'll see!
> 
> Please enjoy and leave a comment!

After eating Andy asked if she could change into some regular clothes. "Yeah, I've brought your clothes from the Tower, or what's left of them. Let me get them.", Natasha replied before getting up.

"I thought nothing survived.", Clint commented.

"Well, I lied.", Natasha mumbled before leaving. Andy watched her leave when a random thought crossed her mind.

"Did any of my notebooks make it out?", she asked and Clint glanced over at Bucky before replying.

"No. I'm sorry Andy." Andy expected to feel loss or something like that but it didn't come.

"Probably better that way.", she shrugged and from the corner of her eye she could see Clint and Bucky exchange another look.

When Natasha returned with a whole suitcase of Andy's clothes the girl retreated into a bathroom to change.

She started by taking off her pyjamas and then looking at herself in the mirror. Petite, pale, huge eyes and huge hair. Andy felt like a ghost, or like she made a step back, to the person she was before meeting Tony.

That was the smaller concern though. She turned her back towards the mirror and tried to get a good look at it before dropping the transformation. There it was, the black ink offered a stark contract against her pasty skin.

~

_"What's that on your back?", Andy asked Ace when he took off his shirt during training once._

_"Oh this?", he asked, showing his back. Right between his shoulderblades was a tattoo, black lines that showed the HYDRA logo with a code printed underneath it. MS-005_

_"It's for identification. MS means Mutant Subject and I was the fifth one.", he explained casually without noticing how Andy instinctively reached for her back._

_~_

There it was, between her shoulderblades. MS-074 underneath the HYDRA symbol. Andy didn't see it for the first time but the sight still sparked dread in her heart and she felt sick. They had branded her. Not for the first time she wondered if Bucky had one, too. 

 Andy felt like sobbing as she looked at the tattoo. She didn't, though. Instead she made it disappear under unblemished skin and pretended that it wasn't there. It still was. Andy never forgot.

Then she picked out a pair of black skinny jeans, a large stark industries shirt and a pair of maroon boots. After changing into the clothes she made herself taller, not as fragile. She let the wild dark curls turn into straight blond hair and added pink tips. Her eyes stayed the same, they usually did.

Once she looked back at herself she recognized herself a little more. Or at least who she was before HYDRA. Who she was now was still unknown. 

When she came back into the kitchen everyone had left and only Tony was sitting by the table, staring at her, his eyes glistening. He looked like he just rolled out of bed. His hair was standing up in all directions and he was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. He still looked exhausted. 

Andy wasn't sure if she could rely on her memory but he looked older than before, like the months had aged him. It was worrying.

"Morning Poppins.", Tony smiled, his voice gentle.

"Hey, Tony.", she returned. The nickname flew right by her. 

"You look better.", Tony commented and it was so fucking awkward. Andy didn't know what to say to make it okay. She couldn't even tell what okay was.  How it used to be. Were they always so frustratingly awkward in their conversations?

She could tell that Tony wanted something. That he was experiencing a lot of emotions right now but Andy just didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with it yet. "I'm working on feeling better, too.", that's what she ultimately came up with and hoped that it'd be comforting. 

Tony diverted his eyes. _Fuck. Wrong comfort words._

"Andy, I can't even begin to say how sorry-", he suddenly started and alarm bells went off in Andy's head. 

"Stop. I can't talk about... any of this yet. I can't. ", she snapped before quickly forcing herself to calm down. She could only grant herself one emotion at a time, anything more and she'd crash. 

Talking about what happened, what HYDRA did to her, her feelings of relief, dread and resentment, all of that was tugged into the 'deal with it later, preferably never'-folder. Discussing even one of those topics would open her up to a world of pain she couldn't deal with at the moment. 

She needed to function, needed to look after Ace, needed to talk to Charles so she'd get her memories in order. 

"That's fine, whatever you need.", Tony agreed but Andy could tell that it was tough on him. 

"What I need is to talk to Ace.", she stated. "I agree that it's reasonable to keep him locked up for now but I need to see him."

Tony didn't like this. Andy could tell, and it almost made her shiver. He looked like he was about to argue but he seemed to pull himself back. "We'llneed a bit more information about who he is, to you, before I let you anywhere close to him.", he said calmly and Andy tried to figure out how much she could give away.

"He's a HYDRA agent, yes. But only because he didn't know better.  He was raised in a fantasy world and barely set foot into the real world. But when I told him the truth he helped me escape, I couldn't have done it without him and if it wasn't for him, I would've shattered by now.", she said more than she intended but it was still surface level enough to not send her into a panic attack or something.

"Alright, you can see him, but we'll be watching. Okay?", Tony finally agreed and Andy could feel a smile tug at her lips.

~

Outside the cell Andy and Tony met Bucky. Next to the door was what Andy assumed was a two way mirror. They could see inside but Ace couldn't see them. 

"How is he?", Andy asked, worry and excitement bubbling inside of her.  _More than one emotion? Don't you ever learn?_

"He's been screaming for Misha for hours. Calmed down by now. I suppose you're Misha?", Bucky asked and Andy nodded. 

"Why Misha?", Tony asked. 

"They didn't give me a name. Ace did. He said I look like a teddy bear.", Andy explained before heading straight for the door when Bucky stopped her. 

"Be careful. We'll be out here if anything happens.", he warned and Andy glanced at both of them.

"Nothing will happen.", she said before opening the door and stepping inside.

The room was completely white with a round cell in the middle, made of glass. In the centre of the cell sat Ace. 

He wasn't wearing the HYDRA uniform anymore but a set of grey hospital pants. It didn't even look like fabric. Andy would have to get him some actual clothes.

He didn't have a shirt on because his wings were in the way and Andy could see that except for the bullet wound that wasn't quite gone yet, he was fine. His eyes startled her, they had never looked so cold before, glaring at her. 

"Where is Misha?", he asked, his voice hoarse, indicating that he really screamed for her. Andy suddenly felt stupid, of course he didn't  recognize her.

"Relax, Ace. It's me.", she said and his dark expression immediately melted away, making way for relief.

"Misha? God, I was so worried, nobody was telling me anything and- you look different.", he pointed out as he got up and walked up to the glass. Andy cracked a smile at that and got closer as well until the only thing separating them was the glass. 

""That's what I usually look like. And my name isn't Misha. It's Andy. ", she smirked. "Nice to meet you."

Ace raised his bushy eyebrows and grinned as well."Makes sense. You don't look like a teddy at all like this.", he remarked before sitting down on the ground. There was a bed in the cell but no chair so Andy joined him on the floor. 

"Sorry to disappoint you.", she joked. Things were just so much easier with Ace. He knew her current self. Not the one before Tony, not the one after. She remembered the majority of their time together and he didn't expect her to be like she was before HYDRA.

"Are you okay?", he asked, his tone sincere. 

"Yes, that's thanks to you.", Andy smiled at him and he looked down. Ace continued to chew on his lip for a few seconds not looking up again. 

"So, are we at SHIELD?", he asked, failing to hide the slight quiver in his voice. 

"No we're not. ", Andy shook her head and he looked up, surprised. "I know you're scared of SHIELD, I wouldn't send you to them."

"I wouldn't say that I'm scared-", he started to argue and Andy raised her eyebrows. 

"Oh! So you want me to call them up?"

"No!", he exclaimed and Andy had to laugh slightly. 

"Chill out. I wouldn't do that. ", she tried to calm him down. 

"So where are we then?", he asked and Andy thought that it was time to reveal her identity. So she gave him a brief overview. That Tony was her father, that she was raised by her aunt and only moved in with him almost a year ago. She left out the whole sex work thing. He didn't need to know that side of her yet. 

"You're right. I wouldn't have believed you if you told me before.", he replied, still obviously shocked. "But I'm happy for you. That you're home. You deserve it. Even though I'll miss having you around. "

"Why wouldn't I be around anymore?", she asked, seriously confused. 

"Why would you stick around? I mean, I kinda assumed that this is a goodbye. Not that I'd blame you. I had time to think about the last few months while being locked in here. I was basically your prison guard for months. Just because I didn't know, doesn't mean it didn't happen. And even if you set that aside I'm an assassin, I killed people. I used to think that it was the right thing, now I'm not so sure anymore. I don't know how you can even look at me.", he stated, not looking up at Andy and her heart ached for him. 

"The fact that you can see that yourself, would already be enough reason to give you a second chance. But you are forgetting something.", Andy said, trying to sound genuine for once. Ace looked up at her, his eyebrows pulled together. 

"I'm your friend. And you are mine and I'm not giving up on you.", Andy placed her hand on the glass and Ace did the same before locking eyes with her. His grass-green eyes were glistening.

"You might be in a cell right now but that's temporary. I'll help you, I'll make you a person. We'll be real people together. Okay?"

"Okay."

 


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy:* looks at all her trauma for hours* this isn't ideal
> 
> Also, by Annabellelee13194
> 
> Andy: if I procrastinate my trauma long enough it’ll go away   
> Charles: that’s not how that works- that’s not how ANY of this works

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one for today, three in one day! Holy fuck, I'm productive as fuck when I'm sick. So you might get some more the next few days!
> 
> As always, please enjoy and leave a comment!

The next few days Andy was meeting a lot of people. Pepper was first, then the new Avengers returned from their mission and Andy was shortly introduced to the new members. 

She was also informed about the majority of events that transpired before and after her supposed death. "The world knows about me?", Andy asked shocked as she was scrolling through online articles about herself. 

"Yes, the press went crazy after your execution on life television. Tony decided to confirm the rumours.", Pepper explained. Andy could barely remember Pepper but in the last few days she'd been nothing but a huge help for Andy.

Anything Andy needed, Pepper would take care off. Need to avoid the others because they're too draining? Pepper talks to them. Want to order a bunch of stuff for your new room? Pepper gets it over the next day. Want to get a piano and mp3 player in Ace's cell? Pepper has got you covered. Need to avoid your father? Pepper keeps him out of your way. 

The best part was that she could keep it professional. She didn't withhold information and she didn't ask Andy any uncomfortable questions. 

"So what do we do now? I'm not dead.", Andy asked, looking up from the tablet. 

"We could return to our previous plan. Keep you on the down low until we find Nancy. She still, or again, thinks that you're dead. It's an advantage.", Pepper suggested. 

Andy had almost forgotten about their search for Nancy. Almost. You can never quite forget something like this.

"Did Tony continue searching for her and my mother after...", Andy asked and Pepper carefully shook her head before quickly jumping to his defenses. 

"Andy, he was grieving-", she started but Andy cut her off. 

"Stop it Pepper. I'm not talking about this. ", the girl insisted and Pepper sighed slightly. 

"Eventually you'll have to.", Pepper stated and Andy clenched her hands around the tablet. 

"Will you make me?", Andy snapped at her, not even noticing that she was slowly crunching up the tablet in her hands. 

"Of course not...", Pepper sighed again and Andy relaxed slightly. 

"That's what I thought. ", she said before noticing that she destroyed the tablet.

"What's up with that?", Pepper asked as Andy tossed it away. 

"Not gonna talk about that either. ", Andy said. She hadn't told anyone about her new powers yet, though she was sure they could tell. Talking about her powers would mean talking about the experiments, about the labs, she couldn't even afford to think about that.

Andy could see the sad look in Pepper's eyes.  _Nobody's perfect._

"I don't want to hide. I want to lead an actual life. The sooner the better. If we need to find Nancy first, find. But we should already start thinking of a way to explain why I'm alive. As you pointed out, I died on live television and I'd rather not reveal my mutant status. ", Andy continued the subject. 

"I'll think of something.", Pepper nodded, typing something in her phone. 

"What are the appointments for today?", Andy then asked. With the help of Pepper she made herself a schedule so that she always knew when she had to talk to whom. It helped her anxiety slightly, made her feel slightly in control. Because everyone was so fucking terrified of doing the wrong thing they followed her schedule. 

Maybe she'd eat breakfast with Clint, or spend an hour in the gym with Natasha, or watch a movie with Steve and Bucky. The new Avengers she mostly avoided, she already struggled with remembering her old friends, new people were too exhausting. 

Spending time with Tony was tricky. She generally didn't spend time with him alone and even then it wasn't a lot. She knew that she was hurting him, even if he didn't mention it, but bloody hell, she was hurting, too. 

Every time she saw him she just felt like she'd break out in tears, out of joy or sorrow, or she'd scream at him. Either of those options wasn't great, especially in combination. 

Andy didn't know how long she'd be able to hold back the storm of emotions that was on the horizon, but she'd do it as long as possible if it ment that she didn't have to confront her feelings.

That's why spending time with Ace was easy. She mostly spend her evenings with him. She'd just listen to him play the piano for hours or sometimes she read him chapters from the current book she was reading. Then he'd complain that she only read fiction while secretly enjoying it. 

It was just so easy with him. He'd didn't know what was going on outside the cell, how messed up Andy was. She didn't even have to worry about his touch, a wall of glass between them keeping her safe. 

"You're meeting with Charles for tea in an hour. You wanted him to take a look inside your head.", Pepper reminded her.

"Yeah, right. ", Andy nodded before getting up. "Thanks Pepper."

~

Andy met with Charles an hour later. Their reunion was strangely enough the least stressful one for Andy. Maybe Charles had looked into her head and knew exactly what Andy didn't want. If that was the case, Andy didn't really care about it anymore.

Andy knew that having someone inside her mind used to enrage her. But after HYDRA had a picked her mind apart over and over again she'd lost even that sense of personal boundary. 

"You know, I might see some things in there that you don't want me to see.", Charles finally said, getting into the main topic.

Andy put down her cup of tea and looked up at Charles. "What does it matter? ", Andy shrugged. 

Charles raised his eyebrows. "Do you really feel that way? Are you so indifferent?", he asked and now he sounded worried. Great. 

"I don't know what to feel at all. I won't lie to you because I know you can tell. Interacting with anyone I know is exhausting because I don't know how to be myself. I can't even really remember who that was. ", she replied truthfully. "That's why I need you in there, to help me sort trough it."

"Let's start then.", Charles nodded before closing his eyes and Andy did the same. 

~

_"Did you redecorate?", Charles asked as they made their way through a huge library. It looked suspiciously like the one at Charles' mansion. The bright lights were a little startling._

_"Yeah, different layout for different occasions, you know. Also these aren't my emotions. These are my memories. Every book is a memory. And this-", she turned to a different row of shelves. "- is where HYDRA had a field trip."_

_The floor was covered with endless books, scattered everywhere on the ground._

_"Yes. That doesn't look good.", Charles mumbled._

_"Thanks. That sounds promising.", Andy smirked. "I've tried to organize it, tried to assign memories to people and stuff. It's not like anything's missing, at least I don't think so. I just can't sort through it by myself. Every time I try it- I can't take most of it, so I don't really make any progress."_

_"So what do you want me to do?", Charles asked._

_"Calm me down. Just while I sort through this. I can't do it by myself. ", Andy asked and Charles nodded gently._

_"If that's what you want.", he agreed before closing his eyes once more. Suddenly a faint warmth spread through Andy's body. She looked up at the lights of the library that dimmed down to a pleasant golden light. Andy suddenly felt calm, at peace, it was so foreign. For once it had nothing to do with suppressing her emotions. She still had to aknowledge that it was fake, though.  Like taking a drug._

_"Is this what normal people feel like?", she smirked at Charles._

_"Yeah. When they're high.", Charles returned with a slight grin._

_"Then maybe I should try out drugs when I get the opportunity.", Andy chuckled and Charles raised his eyebrows. "Relax, I'm kidding. I'm too paranoid to take drugs."_

_So Andy started to go through the books, one by one she started to sort them according to person and in (hopefully) chronological order. There was a lot of pain hidden in the pages, a lot of things Andy would rather forget, things that by now would've wrecked her. She was fine,  calm, peaceful._

_It took forever though. She wasn't even finished with the first shelf when Charles alerted her that outside 4 hours had passed. "Maybe that's enough for today. ", Charles suggested and Andy noticed that he looked tired, holding up this connection had to be exhausting._

_"Sure."_

_~_

Outside the window the sun was already setting when Andy opened her eyes. She could tell that Charles withdrew his calmness the second  the dread set in, the memories she watched for hours, all hitting her at once.

Suddenly she was curled up on her chair, sobbing uncontrollably and now even Charles looked a little helpless. 

"That- w-was a lot-", Andy whimpered, wrapping her arms around her legs.

"Do you want to talk about it?", Charles sighed, pouring both of them another cup of tea. 

"You know that's the last thing I want to do.", Andy sobbed before forcing her breathing to calm down. This wasn't happening. She couldn't handle all of this, not right now. Not ever.  

"I need to leave...", she mumbled before getting up anf storming out without another word. 

 


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy: I'm broken...  
> Tony: we can fix you  
> Andy:... and it's your fault  
> Tony:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's bad. I'm so sorry. Truly. But it had to happen. There is self destructive behaviour in this, discussion of torture and also implied suicidal thoughts. 
> 
> The next chapter will be happier (not really, let's call it less awful) It's gonna be more Bucky/Andy bonding time so I hope that you're excited for it. 
> 
> Also, as always, please enjoy and leave a comment!

Tony accepted Andy's behaviour like everyone else did. She was distant, avoided any confrontation and every sensible topic, she spend most of her time with the HYDRA agent. 

They all accepted it because none of them knew what the right thing to do was. None of them wanted to pressure her, put her through more pain but then something changed.  

After her meeting with Charles her behaviour worsened, a lot. Charles had warned them that they had brought a lot of harrowing memories back to the surface but nobody anticipated that Andy would completely withdraw from all of them. 

She didn't leave her room for days, keeping her door locked at all times, not responding to any of their requests to be let in.

Tony of course knew where she got that from. Hadn't  he done exactly the same when he lost her? That was exactly why it terrified him so much. Tony knew what he was like and he knew how Andy was. They broke the same, preferably alone, quietly, without an audience.

If Pepper and Rhodey hadn't taken over his life, hadn't  forced him to live, he would've continued his own destruction until there was nothing left to safe. And he was terrified that Andy was doing the same. 

So Tony tried to get her out. He didn't want to bust inside her room, didn't want to break down that boundary. It wouldn't help if she lost trust in them, if she felt unsafe. He also feared that it might send her into a panic attack or a flashback. 

So they tried to coax her out. The spend hours in front of that door, each of them, trying to get her to at least reply. Tell them that she was okay that she just needed alone time. But no matter how hard they tried.

Nothing. 

Tony wasn't proud of his resolution,  on the contrary, he hated it. But he was out of ideas and terrified of losing her again,  so after a week of silence he used one of his blasters to shoot away the door lock. 

The room was dark and stuffy when he stepped in. The curtains were drawn shut and there was only one slit of sunlight illuminating the room.

That's why it took him a second to realize that the room was empty, the blankets on the bed were crumpled up but no one was laying in them, he checked the bathroom and when she wasn't in there panic set in. _Hello old companion._

Then his eyes fell onto the closet and as he stepped closer and reached for the door he just thought:  _Please._

There she sat, at the bottom of her closet with crossed legs, her head leaning against the back of the closet.

She still had her blond appearance but her hair hung down lifelessly, the circles around her eyes were so dark, they locked like bruises. 

At first Tony thought that she was unconscious but then she lifted her chin, looking up at him with bloodshot eyes. "Let me guess, I left you no other choice?", she asked, her voice monotone and hoarse, it send a shiver down his spine. 

"Andy, I'm begging you to come out of here, we need to talk about this, please.", he pleaded and to his surprise Andy only shrugged. 

"Yeah, whatever. ", she mumbled as she got up. She seemed to struggle a little to find her balance but once she did she simply walked past Tony, out of her room.

Tony followed her to the living room where the rest of the original Avengers were still gathered. They'd met to talk about ideas on how to get Andy out before agreeing that they were out of options.

Now they all looked pretty startled to see Andy again. In the light of day she looked even worse. Andy looked so fragile, like the slightest friction could shatter her into a million pieces.

Tony knew that Andy could chose to look fine so apparently she wanted them to know how awful she was feeling. Tony hoped that that was a step in the right direction. Maybe she felt tau to share.

"You want to talk, I'm listening.", Andy spoke into the silence before letting herself fall into an armchair, crossing her arms, looking out the window defiantly.

 _Great_.  Tony was apparently about to get the whole 'standoffish teen' experience. Except that his kid wasn't just a regular teen. He couldn't just tell her to behave and ground her. 

Everybody was silent for moment, unsure what to say, so Tony took the lead. "Andy, your secrets are eating you alive. We can all see it and surely you can as well. You are destroying yourself and we- I can't watch you do that. Not after losing you once already."

To his shock Andy only smirked at that, rolling with her eyes but still not looking at any of them.  

Tony didn't let that stop him though. He couldn't. "Andy, we just want to help you. I promise, that's all we want. For you to be happy and safe and okay. Whatever happened at HYDRA, what they did, you can tell us, I'm begging you to tell us or anyone at all. Because you're unraveling and keeping it inside isn't helping. "

"You don't want to hear what I have to say...", Andy hissed, still refusing to face them. Her voice had an edge to it that was new, a bitterness Tony wasn't used to.

"Yes, we do. Whatever it is, even if it's ugly. You have to get it out.", Natasha chimed in when suddenly Andy's head snapped towards them. Her eyes, so much colder than Tony ever witnessed, wandered from face to face until they finally focused on Tony and he could tell that whatever was coming, it wasn't good. 

"I'm not me anymore.", Andy stated, untangling her arms and putting them down on the arm rests, clenching them until her knuckles turned white. "I'm not me anymore and I probably never will be. You know it, I know it. You're just too fucking scared to admit that I'm not who you want!"

"That's not true-", Tony tried to protest but Andy wouldn't listen to him.

"I'm broken!", she snapped, the fury that seemed to bubble under the surface since she came back finally spilled over.

"I'm more broken than I ever was. I barely remember who you all are. I can't remember how I first met Bucky, or why I know that Steve can't cook for shit, I forgot Bruce's name and that Tony loves Pepper. All our inside jokes and nicknames make no sense to me anymore and I don't know how to bring any of that back! I don't know how to be myself!"

"Andy, we understand that, none of us expect you to-", Tony tried again, already fighting against the tears but suddenly Andy was on her feet, right in his face, eyes wide and full of fury, agony and desperation. 

"No you don't get it!", she yelled before stepping back and starting to pace. "None of you fucking get it. HYDRA stripped me off everything! I have no name, no identity, no past! I'm a number. I'm a subject, an experiment. They cut me open so often that I know exactly what my insides look like, I can still hear the sound of my own bones breaking. I can still feel the needles and straps and shocks. They made me theirs and made sure that I'll never forget it! ", she yelled before suddenly turning around and lifting up her shirt to reveal a black tattoo right between her shoulder blades. Hydra's logo and a identification number. Tony felt bile rise in his throat. 

"You see this?! They branded me! I can hide it but it's still fucking there!", Andy cried out as she turned back around to face them. By now tears were flowing down her cheeks.

"They are still in my head! Thinking of SHIELD sends shivers down my spine because they are still in my fucking head! And I can't talk about this- can't put any of it on you because how long can I hide it? Hide-", her voice suddenly broke off, her teary eyes widened and Tony knew that she was trying to avoid the inevitable. He also knew that whatever she was going to say, it would hurt, but she needed to say it. 

"Hide what?", he asked, his own voice cracking. 

All the violent edges in Andy's expression suddenly faded, the rage disappeared and there was only sorrow left. Endless tears, gasps for air, and so much pain.

"I hate you. HYDRA taught me to hate you. All of you. And I don't want to hate you. You are my family, I love you, I know I do. That's why it was- I know that you gave up on me. I know that you thought I was dead, I get that- But I wasn't dead. I was alive and I was in hell and I begged, prayed, for someone to safe me until they burned every bit of hope out of my mind. "

There it was, the elephant in the room, Tony's crime. He knew that it was coming, that he'd have to answer for it eventually. That didn't make it any less devastating.

Tony had failed Andy in the time she needed him most and now her pain was on him. Knowing that created guilt that weighed him down, every minute of every day. Still he knew that it wasn't comparable to what Andy went through.

He looked at his daughter. All the fight had left her body, the tension, the electrifying rage and agony. There was nothing left that could take its place. Andy was drained and he could tell that there was nothing left but void.

"And now I'm broken and can't be fixed and I can't blame you because I know that it wasn't your fault but I also can't change the fact that I don't trust you. Not anymore. But if I can't trust you, my family,  what else am I supposed to do.", she confessed. Her voice a broken sound in all the silence. 

"You say I'm destroying myself. Maybe you should let me. I'm not your daughter anymore. You aren't losing me, not really. Who I was is already lost. You've buried me.", Andy whisped and suddenly she turned over to the window and rammed her fist against the glass, making it all shatter to millions of pieces.

Tony jumped back on instinct. That's why he only managed to yell her name before he saw her jump out. 

With a racing heart he scrambled after her and suddenly Bucky was behind him, holding him back from jumping after her . They were on the sixth floor but Andy landed on her feet before starting to run off into the woods surrounding the compound.

"Andy?!", Tony yelled after her, trying to free himself from the super soldier to no avail. He couldn't loose her again, couldn't let her down, he couldn't. 

"You can't help her right now.", Bucky spoke into his ear, his voice determined. The younger male then grabbed Toby's shoulder and turned him so that they were facing each other. 

Bucky's eyes were bloodshot but otherwise he seemed completely calm. "I'll follow her. Okay? I'll talk to her and bring her back safely, I promise. ", he said. "Trust me. Okay?"

Tony looked at Bucky. This young man that might be the only one who could truly understand what Andy went through. Bucky had come so far, he found himself after decades of HYDRA, if anyone could help, it would be him.

"Okay. ", Tony nodded and Bucky didn't wait for another reply. Seconds later he jumped as well, running after Andy.

Tony slowly turned back to the room where the rest of the Avengers were still sitting in shocked silence. 

"If anyone needs me, I'll be in my workshop, having a mental breakdown.", Tony said, his voice cracking, before he stumbled out onto the hallway. Nobody stopped him but a few seconds later he could hear Pepper's heels click against the floor as she followed him.

Tony tried, he really tried to reach the safety of his workshop before breaking down. The minute Pepper reached him, the moment her hand touched his shoulder, he crumpled.

Right then and there, on the hallway where anyone could see, he broke down. He fell to his knees, pulling Pepper with him and curled up in her arms as the sobs erupted. 


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Sometimes I get sad  
> Bucky: Mood
> 
> Also, this tragically hilarious addition by Annabellelee13194:
> 
> Andy: I’m broken  
> Bucky: *gives t shirt*  
> Andy: ....what?  
> Bucky: we have a club. *shows his own “broken brainwashed assassin club” shirt*  
> Natasha and Clint: *flash matching shirts*  
> Andy: .....  
> Bucky: perks include- PTSD, nightmares, and lots of therapy  
> Andy: those aren’t perks  
> Bucky: I know. You get them anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I surpassed the 100000 words mark which is insane to me. I never wrote anything that's even half that long! So thank you all for sticking around! 
> 
> I'm not ready to stop yet, though this story is slowly (very slowly, don't worry, I still have a tone of things to resolve) coming to a close. 
> 
> But worry not, children. Andy's story if far from finished and I plan on writing sequels and one shots for this. They are already in the planning process!
> 
> So if you have ideas or wishes for things you'd like to see in future installments, leave them in the comments and if it fits, I'll put it in! Anyways, thank you so so much for reading! 
> 
> Trigger warnings: discussion of torture (not graphic)
> 
> Also, I'm sorry, I just love Bucky and Andy together, it gives me all kinds of feelings, so I hope you enjoy it as well and leave a comment!

Bucky found Andy sitting on the forest floor, leaning against a tree not far away from the compound. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing heavily but once Bucky approached her she looked up at him.

"You followed me.", she pointed out and Bucky nodded, letting himself fall on the ground next to her but still keeping his distance.

"Did you expect anything else?", he asked and the girl shrugged. She seemed a lot calmer, or maybe she was just exhausted. 

"I kind of hoped that you wouldn't. ", she mumbled, looking down at her lap. Bucky followed her line of sight and spotted her bloody fist, that must've happened when she punched through the glass. 

"Aren't you going to heal that? ", he asked and she shrugged again, eyeing her own wounds. 

"Why would I? It's nothing. ", it hurt, hearing her so defeated, ready to give up on herself. "I'm sorry, for what I said in there-", she then started but Bucky cut her off.

"You don't have to apologize for the way you're feeling. You're entitled to that. "

Andy softly shook her head before looking at Bucky. "I didn't mean the stuff about me being broken, or me feeling abandoned- I ment all of that. But it wasn't fair to assume that you wouldn't understand. You're probably the only one that would. "

Bucky was surprised how much that had bothered him, without him even noticing. He didn't get time to think about it yet.

"Yeah. That's what I don't understand. You know you can talk to me, right? You know I've been there! And if it's because you think I gave up on you, I didn't. I searched you, for weeks. Steve had to drag me back to the tower. And even then I always kept my eyes open for something that could indicate your location. I didn't give up on you.", he reassured her and her head snapped towards him, her eyes wide. "I never would. "

"You searched for me?", she asked and now her voice was trembling. 

"Yeah...", Bucky mumbled. It all felt meaningless now, it didn't help her in the end. "So if that's why you felt like you couldn't talk to me-"

"That's not why.", Andy snapped before sighing. She raised her chin and turned her eyes towards the top of the trees where the beams of the July sun were peaking through the branches and leaves. Bucky could see a single tear roll down her cheek as she tried to blink them away. 

"I- You must think I'm so weak...", she finally breathed out and at first Bucky couldn't even begin to understand what she could mean by that. 

"Why would I?", he asked, genuinely confused. Now Andy turned her face towards him, her glistening eyes locking onto his.

"HYDRA tortured you for decades. Decades! It took them years to break you and still, you are here and you're fine. And I- I was there for 4 months and I'm a wreck and I have no idea how to live on. I must look so pathetic to you.", she replied and Bucky almost laughed out at how wrong she was. 

"Andy, that's bullshit.", he said instead and continued before she could cut him off. "First off, you didn't break, you still found enough of you to save yourself! I surely didn't do that! If it weren't for Steve I'd still be a mindless drone.

And I'm not fine. I am functioning most of the time, which you are as well. But that doesn't mean I'm fine. I still don't remember most of my life and maybe I never will, I need to check every room for intruders when I enter it, my own arm sometimes sends me into panic attacks,  I can't let anyone in a lab coat get even remotely close to me and Steve...I love Steve but some days I can't have him around me. I can't have him touch me when I wake up from a nightmare or after a flashback. So don't tell me that I'm fine."

His words came out more heated than he intended but he just couldn't hide how surprised he was that Andy thought he was okay when Bucky felt like he was on the verge of a breakdown most days. 

"Why are you telling me all of this?", Andy whispered,   tears flowing down her cheeks freely now. 

"You need to know that you're not alone. That I'm here, that I I understand and I won't judge. You can tell me what you want, no one will ever know about it." He replied softly and Andy nodded slowly before turning her face away.

"They changed me.", she then whispered before looking back at Bucky, like she expected him to flip out or something. 

"I figured. Jumping out the window kinda gave it away.", he tried to joke but suddenly a single sob broke out of Andy and before he knew what was happening Andy carefully leaned against him, her head resting on his chest.

He was so startled by the sudden contact, he froze. But then he carefully placed his arm around the girl. She was trembling and even though he couldn't see her face Bucky assumed that she was crying.  

It broke his heart, because he knew that that wasn't the only thing they did to her, wasn't the worst thing. He knew from experience.

"They experimented on you.", It wasn't a question but Andy nodded anyways before another wave of tremors went through her body. 

"And they dissected you.", he had to think back to Andy's words on how she saw her own insides and memories flashed before his eyes. Arnim Zola slicing him like open just to watch him heal again. All the blood. Andy held him even tighter, if that was even possible. 

"And they used the HALO.", he finished and this time Andy went really still. She didn't have to reply, didn't have to tell him that he was right. How else would they've picked her brain apart.

He remember the cold metal plates, pressing against his skull, sending waves of shock through his brain, destroying it just so that his healing factor could rebuild it. Bucky almost lost himself in the memories of that. Then he heard her voice, barely above a whisper. 

"Did you- did you ever resent Steve- for not saving you?", she asked, her voice trembling. 

Bucky was surprised by that question, had to think about it for a moment. He could remember bits and pieces of his first months with HYDRA, he could remember screaming for Steve, praying for Steve to safe him. But he wasn't sure if he ever truly resented him. Maybe they destroyed too much of him before he could loose hope completely.

But the were definitely times that he felt alone and helpless. Times he realized that no one was coming for him. Later of course he'd find out that Steve couldn't search for him, that he was frozen in the arctic. But that didn't make the pain any less significant.

"In a way, I think I did. It wasn't really resentment. It was confusion. 'Why is no one looking for me?' Stuff like that. But you can't beat yourself up for feeling that way. It's only human. So much so that everybody back at the compound understands why you feel like this,  and won't judge you for it.", he replied. Andy didn't reply to that for a while so Bucky just continued talking. 

"You know, I thought you avoided me because I am the reason they kidnapped you in the first place. ", he confessed and Andy separated from him, to look at him, confusion pulling her eyebrows together. 

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how much you remember of the day they took you but they were after me. They wanted me in exchange for you. And I was ready to go, but the team wouldn't let me.", he explained. 

"I wouldn't have wanted that. You know that, right? I wouldn't have wanted you to give your life for mine!", Andy quickly protested.

It helped to hear that from her. The avengers had told him the same at the time and rationally he knew that it was true. But that didn't stop the guilt. He knew that he could've saved her, he didn't. Of course he felt guilty. But hearing her say that she wouldn't have wanted that, it helped. 

"No, I know that, that's what they told me as well. What I'm trying to say is, that I was- I still am ready to take the blame. You are free to blame me, or Tony or any of the other Avengers. As long as you don't blame yourself.

You have been through hell, trust me, I know. And you are entitled to feel angry, to feel pain. You don't have to hide it. We can take it. I promise. And feeling the pain now will help you to move on sooner.", he tried to reassure her. Tell her that her feelings were valid, that she wasn't wrong for feeling them. He couldn't tell if he was succeeding.

Andy looked at him for a long time, her cheeks were still wet, her eyes bloodshot, but she had stopped crying. Then, she leaned back against him. "How are you so wise?", she asked, she sounded tired. 

"Well, I am 98 years old.", Bucky attempted to joke and to his delight Andy smirked. 

"I still don't know what to do now.", Andy confessed. 

"Do whatever feels right. Don't suppress anything. That won't help anyone. ", Bucky replied.

"Do you think I should continue working with Charles on my memories?"

Bucky tried to be careful with his answer on that one. Mainly because he didn't know what the right thing to say was.

"As I understand it, your session triggered this episode?", Bucky then asked and Andy nodded slightly. 

"Well, it comes down to if you want to put yourself through more pain for your memories. I can tell you that some of it will come back with time, maybe even all of it, I still get moments where I remember stuff, almost every day. Some of it might be gone forever.

But you need to decide for yourself if you want to put yourself through pain again and again for those memories or if you want to use that time to make new ones, to heal. ", Andy started silent at that, she was thinking and Bucky was already scared that he said the wrong thing but then she nodded slowly. 

"I'll think about it.", she replied before raising her head slightly. "And Bucky?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we stay here for a little longer, we don't have to talk. I just don't want to go back there yet.", she asked and again she sounded almost like she was ashamed to even ask that.

"Of course, we have time.", he replied gently before carefully starting to rub her back. She didn't flinch away and didn't tell him to stop so he just held her as they sat on the forest floor in silence, the wind in the trees was the only sound. 


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky (in public): listen to me, I know my shit  
> Bucky (in private): wtf am I doing
> 
> Alternatively by Annabellelee13194:
> 
> Tony *slowly drowning on the SS Guilttrip*  
> Bucky *grabs him by the boot straps*: Time to nut up or shut up bitch. It’s daddy time.  
> Andy:....you LITERALLY could not have said that any creepier  
> Bucky *tearing up*: I know I said to be honest about your feelings BUT WORDS HURT ANDY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all like stucky as much as I do because you'll get some in this chapter! 
> 
> I'm gonna start wrapping up the story soon so if you have any wishes for things you want to happen before I resolve the Nancy/ Daisy plot, hit me, whatever it is! Fluff or Angst. (We might all deserve some fluff after this)
> 
> As always, -please enjoy and leave a comment!

Tony didn't expect Andy to come back an hour later, he didn't expect her to want to talk to any of them, either. 

Bucky was the one that came to the Workshop where Tony was currently hiding from his feelings.  "Would you come back to the living room , Andy wants to talk to us."

Tony sighed, burying his face in his hands for a moment before getting up from his office chair. "Of course.", he mumbled as he followed Bucky back to the living room. 

They were all still gathered and Andy had sat down in her armchair again. She seemed tense, her eyes were focused on her hands. 

Once Bucky closed the door behind them Andy looked up. Her face was neutral again, no rage or pain, she seemed calm. By now, Tony had no idea what to think of that. 

"I-  I'm sorry for breaking the window.", Andy started, her eyes wandering over to the broken shards on the ground. That wasn't what Tony expected. 

"Don't worry about it.", Pepper said gently and Andy nodded at her before looking at Tony. 

"I'm really mad at you.", she then said and Tony braced himself for what was about to come. 

"But you're still my dad and I still love you.", she then continued and once again this wasn't what Tony expected at all, it wasn't what he deserved. "I still love all of you.", she then said, speaking to the rest of the Avengers now. 

"But I don't trust you anymore. I'm sorry.", she confessed and Tony knew that it was his fault, knowing that didn't make it hurt any less to hear her say that. 

"I'll work on it though. I just- I have a lot of stuff to work through. It might take some time, I might need to be alone every once in a while. But I don't want to blame you forever. And I don't-", she glanced at Tony. "I don't want to destroy myself. I really don't. "

It took Tony a second to regain his voice. Then he said:"Its okay, we'll do whatever it takes for you to recover. Whatever you need, we'll do it, just don't completely isolate yourself again. "

Andy nodded slowly before getting up again. "Okay,  that's all. I'll take a nap now. ", she stated with an awkward shrug before turning around and leaving the room again. 

"That went better than expected.", Clint mumbled after she closed the door behind her.

"You think?", Tony sighed, letting himself fall into the armchair Andy sat in before. 

"She doesn't completely hate us. I think that's as good as it's gonna get at the moment.", Natasha shrugged. 

"I'd prefer if she didn't hate us at all.", Tony said under his breath. Of course he knew that it wasn't so easy. It never was.

"Can you blame her though?", Steve asked and Tony shook his head.

"Of course not...", Tony said before stroking his hands through his hair. "I just can't stop thinking,  if I just had-"

"No. ", Bucky snapped and they all turned their attention towards him. "No ifs or whens. It won't help Andy if you continue to wallow in your own guilt. So stop it, all of you."

"What do you think we should do instead?", Clint asked and Bucky just stared at all of them for a while. Tony thought, that like them, Bucky had an idea of what not to do. But nobody really knew what the right thing was.

"Let her get back to normal, okay? Don't treat her like a bomb, treat her like you would've treated her 4 months ago.

And if there's awkward moments, let them happen! If she doesn't remember stuff, don't be weird about it! But also listen to her when she tells you what she needs.

Don't treat her like she's fragile and about to break every second. Treating her like a that isn't the worst thing you could be doing but it isn't the best either. It'll take her longer to get back to normal, to get comfortable with us again. ", Bucky explained and Tony had to take his previous assumption back. 

"Okay. We'll try.", Pepper nodded and Bucky's eyes snapped towards her. 

"Don't just try. Fucking do it. Treat her like a person. She hasn't been in a long time.", he snapped before promptly turning around and leaving the room. 

"I'll talk to him...", Steve mumbled, hurrying after his boyfriend while Tony cleared his throat. 

"You heard what the old man said. That's what we're going to do.", Tony nodded, getting up as well. Easier said than done. 

~

Steve followed Bucky back to his room. There he found him, laying on his back, spread eagle style. "Bucky?", he asked carefully. Bucky sometimes got these moods, then it was better to let him have his space. 

"Yeah?", he asked, his voice cracking slightly. 

"Can I come in?", Steve asked from the door and Bucky lifted his head slightly. 

"Sure.", he sighed before dropping his head again. "Lay with me."

Steve stepped inside and dropped himself onto the bed, next to Bucky, but kept his distance. He always let Bucky make the first step. His worry for him eased up slightly when Bucky rolled over and placed his head and his metal hand on Steve's chest. 

"How you doin', pal?", Steve asked quietly, running his hand through Bucky's hair. Bucky sighed and at first Steve thought he wouldn't reply.

Then:"I don't know, Stevie. I don't know if I'm doing the wrong thing with Andy. Just because something worked for me, doesn't mean that it'll work for her. What if I advised all the wrong things?"

Steve wasn't sure what to reply to that. By now they all kind of relied on Bucky's expertise but Steve could also understand the fear and uncertainty he was feeling. 

"Bucky,  you can only try your best. And from what I'm seeing right now, you are the only person thus far that hasn't disappointed Andy. You are already doing the best you can. There's nothing more that anyone could expect of you. ", Steve tried to reassure him.

Bucky's metal fingers were gently tapping against Steve's chest. He sometimes did that when he was sunken into thought. 

"Did I ever say thank you?", Bucky then asked and Steve raised his eyebrows.

"For what?"

"You didn't have anyone to help you. You just did the righ thing, by yourself. You brought me back.  Thank you for that. ", Bucky replied, slightly lifting his face to look up at Steve, their eyes locking onto each other.

"You would have done the same for me, Buck.", Steve then said, his voice heavy with emotion, before placing a gentle kiss on Bucky's forehead.

"I love you, punk.", Bucky whispered and a smile spread on Steve's lips. 

"I love you, too, jerk."

Sure, there were countless troubles they faced each and every day but Steve was so thankful that he got to be with Bucky again. A few years ago, this, laying with Bucky in his arms, showing him how he really felt, would've been unthinkable. It filled him with an indescribable feeling of joy. And he prayed that they could help Andy to feel like that one day, too. 

~

Andy didn't go to bed right away. Instead she went to visit Ace. When she stepped into the room with his cell, she didn't really take into consideration how she looked. 

Absolutely exhausted, her clothes dirty from running around in the forest, her hand still bloody from punching through the glass. 

Ace jumped up from his bed and rushed to the glass, clearly alarmed. "Mi- Andy, what happened to you? Is something wrong?!", he asked worried and Andy looked down at her fist like she only noticed it now. 

"Oh. That. That's nothing. ", she shrugged before sitting down on her regular spot in front of the glass. Ace let himself sink to the ground as well but he still seemed worried.

"It doesn't look like it's nothing. Especially since it's still bleeding and with your powers it really shouldn't. ", he pointed out and Andy looked down at her knuckles with a sigh before healing them. 

"You satisfied?", she asked holding up her hand and Ace shrugged.

"Not really, not until you tell me what's been going on. You didn't show up for days. I was worried.", he replied and Andy turned her face away, pulling her legs to her chest. She wasn't sure why she even came down here. 

"You know, I kind of feared that you- you somehow changed your mind about me.", Ace confessed and Andy had to smirk. 

"Not everything is about you, mate.", she said, looking at him again and he chuckled slightly, it felt self deprecating. 

"Oh really? And here I was, thinking I'm the protagonist of this story, just because I got a few chapters.", he said sarcastically before getting serious again. "Come on. What's up."

Andy was chewing on her lip. She knew why she came down here, of course she did, that didn't make it easier. "It's nothing. "

"I feel like you want to tell me something but you don't know how.", Ace pointed out and Andy was mad at how right he was. 

"I've just- been dealing with a lot of issues the last few days and- I don't trust a lot of people right now.", she replied, unsure how much she could tell him. 

"HYDRA issues?", Ace asked and Andy could see his own guilt. Why did she make everyone feel guilty? Was she really that toxic?

"Yes... no... It's a mix. There is some stuff, a lot of stuff actually, that you don't know about me. I was pretty messed up before HYDRA even got their hands on me. And I didn't want you to know because there is already enough horrible shit you know about me but- I don't know.", Andy groaned out of frustration but Ace just listened to her patiently. 

"Wanna tell me about it?", he then asked.

"I think I do.", Andy nodded slowly. She couldn't believe that she was really doing this. 

"Then hit me. I'm all ears.", Ace encouraged her. Andy told him, started from the beginning and she just sat with him for hours and talked and talked and talked while Ace just listened. 

He didn't stop her from crying, he didn't try to tell her how to feel and he didn't pretend that he understood half the things she went through.

But he listened, and he left room for her emotions, not revealing his own. This was about her and he knew that. And strangely enough,  this turned out to be exactly what Andy needed at that time.

A friend, who'd just listen, without imposing his own feelings on her. She could barely handle her own. 

 


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By Annabellelee13194:  
> Tony: oh no I have to adopt ANOTHER kid  
> Andy: no one asked you too-  
> Tony: (loudly) I cant stand kids  
> Andy: Tony no one-  
> Tony: (even LOUDER, while putting khakis on) Can not STAND them  
> Andy:....  
> Tony: (now wearing socks and sandals) FATHERHOOD IS THE WORST  
> Andy: ....what’s happening  
> Tony: (awful floral shirt appears) I’m going to Home Depot- I feel like the compound could use a new deck  
> Steve “dad” Rogers: did somebody say deck?  
> Andy: ok. I’m ready to go back to Hydra now. Or for someone to just shoot me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what this is, bit of a filler chapter next one will be fluffy though
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy and leave a comment!

As July came to an end a sense of normalcy returned to the avengers compound. They all listened to Bucky's advise to treat Andy as normally as possible and followed it to their abilities. 

It was awkward, sure, but Bucky predicted that. They were all aware that the young girl didn't trust them anymore, not the way she did before. But she still seemed to enjoy their company, which was a relief. They started to reconnect on surface level stuff. Fell back into old habits. 

The first day Andy spend in Tony's workshop , just reading while he worked, almost made him cry out of relief. She didn't turn her back on him yet. 

They didn't speak of HYDRA, didn't mention it when she mixed things up or didn't remember something. Andy was very clear that she didn't want to share that part of her yet. At least not with them. 

It hurt, of course it did. But Tony found comfort in knowing that she didn't keep it all inside. Bucky let him know that she was speaking to him, that she came to him on bad days, that she didn't isolate herself. And as much as Tony wanted to be the one to help her, he knew that he first had to earn back that trusts.

So he put all his efforts back into searching her mother instead. That was something he could help with. A way he could redeem himself. 

People fell back into a routine at the compound. Sure, every once in a while a crazy maniac threatened to destroy earth and shook up their plans. But there were good things too. 

Like the day Raven visited. Tony didn't contact her after Andy's supposed death, he was too caught up with his own feelings. Charles did. He told her what had happened and according to Pepper Raven tried to reach him.

In hindsight Tony regretted isolating himself so much during his grieving. Of course there was a whole list of things he regretted when it came to the last few months. The drinking was on top of that list, for example. 

Once Andy felt ready they contacted Raven again and, not that anyone was surprised by that, hearing that your dead half sister is alive again was a good enough reason to travel back to the United States.

It were a strange few days. Andy gave her sister a vague outline of what happened. HYDRA, torture, experiments, brainwashing. Memories were tough. Raven accepted it and handled it better than expected. 

"She isn't the only person I know that has been a Guinea pig.", she once explained and Tony didn't ask any further questions. 

Andy eventually decided that forcing her memories to come back wasn't worth it so she and Charles only met to drink tea and discuss books.

She also decided to see Dr Seine again. Surprisingly she suggested that herself. "I told you, I want to be happy one day. And if I have to work for that then I'll do it. ", she told him and Tony couldn't be prouder of his daughter that was so much stronger than him.

Tony didn't think that it was possible. Not after everything that they'd been through. Whenever a new tragedy hijacked their lives he thought: That's it. We're never coming back for that, we can't,  I can't. Strangely enough they did. Starks are made if Iron, Tony started to believe that there was a spark of truth to that statement. 

As August passed by Tony dared to plan for the future. He thought of last August, of a girl that was dropped into his life like a bomb. He remember how he was convinced that he couldn't care for her, he still wasn't sure if he could, but he'd be dammed if he didn't try his best. 

"Let's celebrate.", he suggested one day. 

"What is there to celebrate ?", Andy asked, looking up from her notebook. She picked up that habit again but as far as Toby could tell she was mostly drawing instead of writing. 

"One year since we met.", he explained. "I mean, we don't know your birthday so we might as well take that date."

Andy stared at him for a while with that unreadable expression of hers. Then:"I've never had a birthday party before."

Now, that wasn't a surprise. "Then it's about damn time!", Tony smirked but Andy seemed sunken into thought.

"One year, huh. Doesn't feel like it.", she then remarked before a light grin appeared on her lips." Maybe because I spend half of it kidnapped."

Tony groaned. Andy's jokes were as always, too real. But at least she was laughing. "Calm down! I'm kidding!", she chuckled. "I don't have anything against a party. Who should we invite?"

"Well, the avengers, Hank and Charles, your sister and her sour boyfriend. ", Tony shrugged. 

"Can Ace come?", Andy asked meekly and Tony sighed but Andy wouldn't even let him protest. "Please, you know that he's been nothing but a model-prisoner.", she argued. 

Unfortunately, Tony couldn't argue with that. The boy had been nothing but cooperative. He gave them HYDRA intel, he never displayed signs of violent behaviour or malicious intent. He was eager to learn about the real history of HYDRA, not the manipulated one he was taught. 

Tony knew that he was only 18, that HYDRA raised him, that it wasn't his fault that he was made into a killing machine. That didn't mean he trusted him, especially not when it came to his daughter. 

"Come on! He saved my life! And he's my only friend that is my age. I'm not asking you to just set him free, just let him out of his cell for a few hours, just for the party, he can even wear a power dampening collar.", Andy pleaded.

"Wanda is about your age! Why can't you be friends with her?", it was a weak excuse, he knew that.  Andy even rolled with her eyes. 

"You know that we aren't besties and probably never will be.", Andy replied. He did know that. Andy didn't interact much with the new Avengers in general. But she didn't mind Rhodey, Sam or Vision. At least not more than other men. 

Wanda though,  she didn't trust her at all. "It's her powers, the mind alteration freaks me out.", Andy once replied when he asked her about it. 

"But you trust Charles to get into your head?"

"Charles didn't try to kill my family!"

Anyways, Tony knew that they didn't like each other much, and he knew that Andy might benefit from having friends her own age. It was one of the smaller things he worried about, but it was still a worry. Why did it have to be a HYDRA Agent though? 

"Are you really surprised?", Bucky smirked when Tony mentioned it to him. 

"Of course not! She always does this. I mean, you're her favorite! I should've seen this coming!", Tony sighed. "Before I know it I'll have to adopt him.", he then complained.

"I think Andy might've already done that.", Bucky said. "So what did you say?"

Tony buried his face in his hands,  groaning. "Of course I said yes! I can't say no to her.", he admitted and Bucky chuckled at that. 

That's how, over the course of 2 weeks, Tony planned a birthday party for Andy. (Pepper did most of the planning)

They agreed that a calm dinner would probably be a more manageable event. Since ordering food to their super secret compound wasn't the best idea they decided to cook themselves, with the helpful instructions of Natasha and Pepper. 

Invites were send out, the meal was planned and on the 28th August Tony and Andy made their way to Ace's cell to tell him the big news. 

Tony had thrown on a suit and Andy was wearing a blood red petticoat dress with black tights, combat boots and a leather jacket. Her hair was dark and in luxurious short curls. 

Ace raised his eyebrows once he saw them. "You look stunning, what's the occasion?", he smirked before Tony went up to the door of the cell and typed in a code to unlock it. Suddenly the boy seemed alarmed. "What's going on...?", he asked, taking a few steps back. 

Andy stepped inside the cell and he distanced himself even further. "It's my birthday,  or not really, but we're pretending that it is. And you're invited.", Andy smiled. 

"You have to change, though. ", she then added, before holding up a pile of clothing they brought along. The shirt and sweatpants look wasn't really fitting so they 'borrowed' some clothes from Bucky. They had to cut up the shirt a little to make room for the boy's wings and the clothes might've been a bit large but it would be fine. 

"You're letting me out?", he asked, his tone sceptical. 

"Yes, for a few hours. Consider it a test run. But you don't leave the party and you wear this.", Tony explained, holding up a power dampening collar.

"Kinky...", he smirked at which Andy rolled with her eyes.

"You know what? Maybe I'll uninvited you!", she threatened at which the boy chuckled. 

"Sorry! I'll stay quiet, and I'll wear the thing.", he agreed before getting a bit more serious. "Are you sure you want me there?"

A soft smile appeared on Andy's lips:"Of course, you're my friend, I want you with me."

Tony tried to hold back a sigh. Apparently he really would have to adopt this kid, too.

 


	57. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, birthday presents and music

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter, I hope you do, too. It just make me feel all warm and fuzzy so please tell me your opinions about it in the comments, it'd mean a lot to me!

Ace had never been to a party before, or a family dinner, add that to the fact that it was the first time in weeks he got to leave his cell and you'd understand his nervousness.

Funny, isn't it? He could've killed a room full of people without thinking about it twice but while he changed into a pair of black pants and a white button down he found himself on edge. 

He desperately wanted to proof his worth, his trustworthiness. When Andy put the collar around his neck he knew that they still didn't trust him. 

"Ready?", Andy smiled at him and he nodded. 

"If you are."

For the first time in weeks Ace stepped outside the cell. He woke up in it so he didn't even recognize the hallways they walked through.

Eventually Andy and her father lead him into a spacious living room. It was nothing like his own, back at the HYDRA, the furniture was modern, minimalistic, one wall was entirely made of glass, exposing the room to the bright sun and blue sky. Ace could count on two hands how often he'd seen the sky. 

The biggest difference, though was that the room was full of people. Ace knew that Andy had lead a life before him. Even when he didn't know who she was he felt it. But to see it now, over a dozen people who's faces lit up at the sight of her. It made his heart ache and feel warm at the same time. Bittersweet would be a term Andy would use. 

Andy went on to greet all her friends that she referred to as her family. Ace didn't know either so it made no difference to him. To his surprise Andy actually bothered to introduce each of them to Ace. 

He tried to remember all their names and who they were but a few distinct faces stuck out. A blue woman Andy introduced as her sister, called Raven, obviously another mutant.

Captain America, an individual Ace was taught to despise since his birth, but to her he was just Steve, her friend.

An android everyone referred to as Vision that occasionally floated instead of walking. 

And then there he was, Bucky Barnes, or who Ace knew him as, the Winter Soldier. He knew stories of the man, the legend, he'd met him only once. The Winter Soldier once attended one of the sparring sessions during Ace's training. He was a brutal killing machine, unstoppable, feral, without any mercy. Ace barely recognized the man before him, the one who held the hand of Captain America and chatted with Tony Stark. 

That circumstance was especially surprising to Ace. Didn't Stark know that the Winter Soldier killed his parents? It was Hydra history. When he quietly asked Andy about it she just shrugged. "He had his issues with it at first but he eventually realized that it wasn't Bucky's fault, it wasn't him."

Right. The brainwashing. The man he met was a product of HYDRA just like Misha had been. He only got to meet the real person, Andy, now. 

This person seemed to be adored by them all and they respected her, respected her needs for distance and space, her adversity to touch. 

Andy had told him about her childhood, it was truly horrifying. He couldn't imagine how someone could do that to a child and he couldn't imagine how Andy ever let him even remotely close to her. When he asked her she just shrugged. "Couldn't give away that I knew who I was, now could I?"

Another peculiarity Ace noticed in interacting with Andy's friends and family was that somehow none of them seemed to mind him too much. He thought they'd not only be distrusting, not to say that they weren't, but hateful. The contrary was the case. They were polite, nice, understanding. Ace soon understood that the reason for that was that his background was nothing of unusual in Andy's circles. 

"Bucky, Nat and Clint always joke that they are members of the 'former brainwashed assassins'-club. I'm an honarary member, though I haven't killed anyone.  Maybe you could be one, too.", Andy joked at his concerns. 

Not long after they arrived the dinner began. The food was a weird mix between american and Russian food. There were burgers but also pelimeni, cake for dessert but also blinschiki. It was good though, Ace enjoyed it.

He also enjoyed seeing Andy in her natural surroundings. Not holding back as much as she used to around him, though he doubted that she ever revealed all. She joked and told stories of things she remembered, spoke of books she'd read. They all cared of what she had to say. It was foreign to him.

After the dinner they moved back to the living room and the guests started to hand Andy gifts. Natasha was the first.  "Really?", Andy asked, holding a small box wrapped in ruby red paper in her hands. "I've never gotten a gift before...", she mumbled before tearing the paper off. She then opened the box before letting out a chuckle. "Nat, you've got to be kidding me. Are these throwing knifes?", she asked,  lifting one of them up.

Stark let out a groan. "Why do you always have to promote violence?"

"Says the merchant of death.", Natasha quipped back before smiling at Andy and she returned it.

"Don't listen to him, I love them.",Andy winked and so the giftunwrapping went on. 

She got a set of art supplies including canvases, paints, brushes, a sketchbook and coal from Steve and Bucky. "It was brought to my attention-", Steve glanced over at Bucky," that you have taken to drawing, as a fan of art I wanted to encourage that.", Steve said with a smile and Ace could've sworn Andy's eyes were glistening. 

"It's- It's amazing, it's perfect, thank you.", she said, a little breathless. 

Not even minutes layer she was wheezing at a shirt Bucky gave her that said in rainbow letters 'I got kidnapped by HYDRA and all I got was this shirt.' It got even better when he unbuttoned his shirt to reveal a matching one underneath. 

The guy in the wheelchair called Charles gave her an old french novel called 'Claudine' and a collection of Sherlock Holmes stories.

Clint brought out a leather jacket that not only had a stark industries patch and an avengers patch on it but also one that read 'behold, the living dead girl'. "I hope it's not in poor taste. It probably is but after Buckeroo over here, we all know you love poor taste.", he joked but Ace could tell that he was nervous for her reaction. Andy loved it, she switched it for the jacket she was wearing immediately. 

Her sister Raven gave her a Polaroid camera, 'in case she ever lost memories again and needed to look back at them.'

At last it was her father's turn and Stark knew how to pull the attention of a room. He stood up from his spot in an armchair, a champagne glass filled with orange juice in hand and the room fell silent, all eyes on him. 

"I tried to come up with the right words for this day for weeks now. Tried to rehearse them so that I won't fuck it up. But as everybody in this room and in the world knows I suck at rehearsed speeches so I decided to wing it.", a slight chuckle went through the room. Ace's eyes were on Andy, her wide smile, the sparkle in her eyes that he never saw before. 

"Andy, I'd be lying if I said that I ever wanted children. You know that. But I'd also be lying if I said that I ever wanted anything more than I want you. Your happiness, your safety, your love and trust. You gave my life a new focus, made the world a much scarier but also much brighter place.", he continued and Ace could see it in both their eyes, the absolute adoration they felt for each other, the undeniable love.

"I didn't think I'd be a good father, you know, when your own is a bit shit you always have these doubts. Didn't think I could do it. And I won't say that I'm particularly good at it, certainly far from perfect, but I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel every little bit of love that I can give. Because you deserve it Andy. You deserve people that love you, a family, friends, you deserve a grand life and I'll do whatever it takes to give it to you."

Andy was crying, so was Tony, the room was silent. Then she got up and for a moment Ace thought she'd hug him. Instead she just reached out, held his hand, and it wasn't any less intimate. 

"I love you...", Andy whispered and Tony was obviously choking up as he pulled a small box out of his jacket. Ace couldn't see what it was but Andy gasped. "It's beautiful!", she exclaimed before taking a long silver necklace out of the box. At the end of it hung a little medallion with a stone in the middle that was clear like glass. 

"It's a piece if my old reactor. So that you'll always have a piece of my heart with you.", Tony told her as he put it around her neck. Andy's hand closed around it before she looked back at her father. That's when Ace looked away, focused on something else, he didn't want to spy on their moment. 

After all the gifts were given the mood lightened up again. They listened to music, talked, Ace mostly observed. Andy was having a long conversation with her father and he didn't want to interrupt them, that's why he was surprised when she suddenly stood beside him. 

"And where is your gift?", she joked before taking a sip of her juice. 

"In case you hadn't noticed, I was in a cell for the last month. ", he shot back but Andy had a cheeky grin on her lips. 

"Why do you think I asked for a piano to be brought into the living room? ", she asked with a raised eyebrow. Sure, Ace had noticed the white grand piano in the middle of the room, it was gorgeous, he didn't touch it though. Didn't plan on playing it, especially not in front of everyone. 

"No, Andy-", he quickly shook his head but she only smiled. 

"Come on! One piece! It's my fake birthday!", she chuckled and when Ace didn't agree immediately she raised her glass. "Attention! Everyone! Ace is going to play the piano for us but he's shy so could you all give him a round of applause to encourage him?" To his shock they did applaud so Ace had no other choice than to take his place at the piano and play.

~

The music was intoxicating, Andy had mentioned that Ace was gifted, she even convinced Tony to put a piano into the boy's cell, he never heard him play, though. 

Tony wasn't a fan of classical music, ACDC was more his thing, so he couldn't identify the piece the boy was playing. He'd never heard anything like it.  

It was wild, chaotic and desperate at some parts, yet fragile and sweet at others. It had a duality that was fascinating. The boy seemed to loose himself in the music, his whole body moving with it, even the wings, as he disappeared in the whirlwind of anguish and heartbreak. When he finally finished he was out of breath, his head lowered, the room was silent. Until it wasn't, until they all applauded. 

"Who wrote that?", Tony heard Charles ask in the mids of all the noise. 

"I did.", Ace admitted sheepishly and Tony felt a familiar ache in his chest. One he knew since Andy first told him that she didn't use to have a bed. If this boy truly felt everything he made Tony feel in the last minutes, Tony couldn't blame him, he couldn't. 

When the crowd calmed down he noticed that Andy was standing beside Ace again, quietly speaking to him.

"Are you sure? I thought you don't like it when people-", he protested but she only smiled. 

"You trust me?",she grinned and slowly he did the same. 

Tony couldn't tell what was happening but he was about to be surprised for the second time today. Andy rushed over to Clint who had control over the music while Ace cleared a space in the middle of the room. 

"What's this about, Andy?", Tony asked confused yet curious. 

"You'll see.", Andy only said before stepping into the middle if the clear space where Ace was waiting. Suddenly another classical piece started to play over the speakers, a dark and dramatic one and Tony saw Andy do something he'd never seen her do before. She danced. 

Or at least he thought that it was dancing. It also seemed like a fight, violent, powerful. But the way she and Ace were moving in harmony, they way he lifted her and twirled her around was clearly performative. 

Tony was shocked at how easy it came to them, how natural Andy looked, never flinching from his touch. It seemed like second nature and Tony couldn't comprehend it. 

"What is this...", he heard himself mumble, completely in awe. 

"Old HYDRA tradition, it's from the Russian days. You know us Russians, we love elegance and violence equally.", Natasha smirked beside him. Her eyes tracked the movement carefully and she seemed a bit distant, like she was remembering something. Tony rarely saw her like that.

"It's a dance between partners.", she continued to explain and Tony pulled an alarmed face.

"Not like that! Partners in battle. Brothers and sisters in arms. It's about trusting someone else with your life.", Bucky suddenly chuckled. Tony didn't  even hear him come up. "Looks like you'll really have to adopt him.", he then joked and Tony sighed as he watched them dance. 

He rarely saw Andy look so free, so unbothered. And he looked the same. They were like two halves of one whole. "I figured...", Tony mumbled.

"Did you ever do the dance?", he then asked Natasha and a small smile spread on her lips. The black widow rarely looked so fond. 

"Just once.", she replied before glancing over at Bucky who wore the same gentle smile of remembering and Tony didn't ask any further questions. 

When the song came to an end so did the dance and Andy and Ace sank to the floor, breathless but both smiling brighter than the last sunrays that were disappearing behind the horizon. 

 


	58. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy: I wanted to love you  
> Andy: butchya didn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking love this chapter even more then the last one, it was just fun to write. Like a revenge fantasy with a bunch of angst. I loved it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Please leave a comment and tell me about it!

Andy didn't think she'd ever lead a semi-normal life again. In her case, normal ment living with a bunch of superheroes, seeing a therapist every two days and spending most her of her time either sparring, painting or reading. Still, she was impressed that she even managed to do that. 

Her relationship to most of the Avengers was still a little weird from time to time but ever since her 'birthday' the whole situation relaxed a little. 

The party was perfect and probably one of the best days of her life. Not only the gifts they gave her, which she cherished every day, but just the feeling of having everyone she cared about in one room with her, it was amazing. 

It was  relief to see that Ace made a good impression. Ever since the dinner Tony let him out of his cage more an more. Ace was always in a controlled environment and someone was always watching him but he seemed to enjoy it anyways. "It's the most comfortable imprisonment ever.", he once said.

The peaceful routine Andy had build herself, (by the way, much more fulfilling than micromanaging every interaction) was once again disrupted when Tony suddenly stormed into the kitchen while Andy was eating breakfast with the former-assassins-trio. 

"I found her!", he declared, eyes wild, looking a bit disheveled. Andy figured that he didn't sleep. 

"Found who?", she asked, calmly sipping her tea. 

"Daisy Darkholme, or Daisy Chester, as she calls herself now. ", Tony stated before holding up a Tablet with a picture of Andy's mother. She recognized her immediately, she had barely aged. 

"You found my mother?", she asked as she took the tablet from him to take a look at the picture. It was part of a news article talking about her. Apparently she was an artist, a successful one as well. Andy didn't want to read about her so she put the tablet down. "I say we surprise her, kick in the door if necessary and demand a way to find Nancy.", Andy suggested, dead serious. 

"Someone is enthusiastic about meeting their mother...", Bucky mumbled. 

"I don't want to meet her, I don't give a fuck about her! But if we need her to find Nancy then let's get it over with. I'm done playing dead!", Andy stated, all the hiding was really getting on her nerves, the world knew about her and she still couldn't be a part of it. 

"Then let's fly there, right now, I can call up a private jet, we can be there tonight!", Tony suggested. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation but he almost seemed manic about the prospect of meeting Daisy. 

"I'll call Raven, ask if she wants to come,  if yes we'll wait for her, if not we're going today!", Andy nodded while the other three watched them, their expressions worried.

"Why do I feel like this will definitely be a catastrophe?", Natasha mumbled. 

~

Raven decided that she wasn't ready to face their mother so Andy got on a plane with her father that same day. To nobodies surprise Tony fell asleep the moment he connected to his seat. It was okay, though,  they'd have some time until they landed in LA. 

Andy occupied herself by watching a movie first and then drawing in her sketchbook that Steve gave her, she still thought the her fine motor skills were lacking but she was working on it.

Mostly she just tried to not think about Daisy. Did she have a family? Die she have other kids? Was she a good mother? Why couldn't she care for Andy? How would she react? Would she recognize them?

When the plane finally landed Andy gently tried to wake up Tony. When that didn't work she morphed into Pepper, got really close to his ear and whispered:"I'm pregnant, Tony."

He woke up screaming while Andy shifted back into herself, laughing hysterically. "Calm down, it's just me, your awful, awful child. Judging by that reaction I won't get any new siblings any time soon!", she laughed at him.

"Ha ha ha, just you laugh about my insecurities!", he mumbled while rubbing his eyes. "Are we there yet?"

"Yes we are, sleepyhead, now get up, it's go time!"

~

They made their way over to Daisy's address with a rented car and by the time they stood in front of her front door Andy was so tense, she felt like a statue.

The house was moder, nice, the Chesters obviously had money and judging by the pink little bike outside the garage, they also had children. Andy tried to ignore the bitter taste in her mouth.  

"Do you want to speak or should I do the talking?", Tony asked before he could press the door bell. 

"Let me speak. I can do this.", she nodded slowly before he rang the doorbell. Not even a minute later the door opened and there she was. Daisy Darkholme, tall, skinny, dressed in a denim overalls that were covered in paint, face and hair like Nancy's, but her eyes were much gentler.

"Tony Stark...?", she asked shocked before he eyes moved over to Andy and widened.

"Hey. I'm Andy. I'm your daughter. "

~

Andy was pacing through Daisy's living room, while Tony sat on the couch and Daisy rushed out of the kitchen with three cups of tea that she placed on the coffee table. 

Her nervous energy was quite a lot, similar to Tony's but Andy felt strangely calm. She was looking at a wall covered in picture frames. One in particular showed what Andy assumed was the whole family.

Daisy stood beside a tall Male that looked like he was in his late 30s, beside them stood a tall lanky boy that had to be about Andy's age. His blond hair was a little bit darker than that of his mother or his little sister that was clinging to Daisy's hand.  A perfect family. Andy wanted to punch the picture. 

"I- I saw you in the news, saw you die, how-", Daisy suddenly asked, her voice shaky. Andy had purposely chosen the appearance people knew by now, tall, slim, long dirty blond hair with pink tips, dark eyes. She didn't face her mother when she replied.

"Survived it.", she shrugged before taking a deep breath and turning around to face her. The woman in frony of her was so much softer than Nancy, maybe even softer than Andy. Her eyes were expressive, like Tony's, they gave away her panic. Andy didn't plan on making it easy for her. 

"Listen, we are here for a reason, because we need answers. I'm not here to ask you to be my mum, don't worry. As soon as we get what we want we'll fuck off, so will you help us or what?", she stated, keeping her face neutral, cold, her eyes intense. 

Daisy swallowed before replying :"Ask away, then." With that she sat down on the couch, glancing at Tony who didn't leave her out of his sight. He respected Andy's wish to do this herself and she knew that he did. It was just rare to see him so silent. 

"Why? Why have me, why have Raven, and yes I know about your other illegitimate child. Why have us just to never see us again?", she asked and the sadness that suddenly crept into Daisy's face would've usually made Andy sympathetic. Not today. 

That's when she told them the tragic story of Daisy Darkholme. A young girl from London who lived with her little sister Nancy and her mum.

She told them about how they never met their father,  how their mother was a stripper and a drunk, how she never got along with her family so she ran off to America to build herself a new life. 

And for a while it worked. She met a guy, Mike, fell in love with him, had a child with him, Raven. They were happy, until Daisy wasn't.  She couldn't handle motherhood, was too terrified that she'd become like her own mother so she ran away. 

She went to university, invented someone else she could be and then she met Domininc Chester. And she loved him,  oh did she love him! They even got married and their son, Theo, the blond boy from the photos, was even planned. 

Still, after a while she was overcome with that same sense of panic that made her run away in the first place, so she did it again. Left her child with his father and ran.

With Tony it was different. They only met once at a party. He probably didn't remember her, he was pretty drunk. It was supposed to be just a one time thing.  Of course it had permanent consequences. Andy. 

But when she noticed that she was pregnant it was too late. So Daisy went back to England, got a small flat, had Andy and again, for a while she was happy. She panicked, sure, but this time she was alone. So she took care of Andy. Or Clover, as she called her. What a stupid fucking name. 

Then she realized what she was missing with Theo, she realized she still loved Dominic, realized she couldn't run away forever. 

"And I didn't mean to leave you, I just wanted Nancy to take care of you for a few weeks while I went back to the states so that I could apologize to Dominic, work this out. I wanted to explain to him what happened and then I'd get you and raise you with him.", Daisy was almost sobbing by now, Andy was disgusted, or at least she wanted to be. 

"But you didn't. ", Andy stated, looking down at her mother that buried her face in her hands. 

"The longer I stayed with him, the longer I kept it from him, the harder it got to tell him the truth.", Daisy said and Andy wanted to scream. 

"Why not give me to Tony, then? Why leave me with Nancy?", Andy snapped at her and Daisy glanced over to Tony and back to her.

"He didn't use to be like he's now. I was afraid that he would be a bad influence.", Andy wanted laughed, or cried, or both. Instead she just crossed her arms, shaking her head. 

"Excuse me?", Tony chimed in.

"Oh, you know what you were like back in the day!", Daisy suddenly snapped. "And if I would've given her to you, I might've never gotten her back. This way I knew I could get her in case I needed to."

Now Andy was laughing, it was exasperated and hollow but she couldn't stop. "So I was a plan B child to you!? Save with Nancy until you were bored of playing house?!"

"Why aren't you with Nancy anymore? Where is she?", Daisy suddenly asked like she didn't even hear Andy's last words. 

"Perfect. That's exactly why we are here. We're trying to find her, so if you'd have the common fucking decency to help us by giving us everything you have on her, I'm talking pictures, old numbers and addresses, whatever. That'd be marvelous!", Andy's voice was dripping with poison but a vicious smile was plastered on her face.

At first Daisy was speechless, then:"Clover, I- "

"I told you I go by Andy now."

"Well, I named you Clover so that's your name!", she started and Andy couldn't believe that she was using the mother-voice. Like Andy was just a child she was scolding.

"To bad that I don't give a fuck about what you did and didn't do. You're not my mum, you're just the woman that birthed and then abandoned me. So if you'd like to atone for that, we'd like to get the Nancy stuff now!", she snapped back and this time Daisy hurried away. 

Andy started at the floor while she was gone, breathing heavily, her heart was racing. "You okay?", Tony asked carefully and she looked up at him. 

"Bloody amazing! I'm loving this family reunion.", she returned sarcastically when Daisy returned with a dusty box in hand. 

"Everything's in there, photo albums, stuff like that, there is also a number that should still be active. ", she explained.

"Great. Thanks. ", Andy said, reaching for the box but Daisy pulled it back.

"Before I give it to you I want to know why you aren't with Nancy anymore. Did something happen?", she asked and a smirk crept on Andy's face. 

She wanted thr truth, Andy could give her the bloody truth. "Did you ever call, to check in on me?", she asked innocently. 

"Yes, a few times. She told me that you are a bright young girl, good at school, popular. She told me that you liked art, like me...", Daisy had the audacity to smile at that. "She said that you missed me but that you were happy."

"And you fucking believed her... because you wanted to...", Andy laughed bitterly, shaking her head.

"Let me ask you this, Daisy. Did you know that Nancy is a pimp? And that I was her favorite employee?", Andy asked and watched Daisy's face fall. 

"Your sister sex trafficked me my whole life. I didn't go to school, I didn't have friends or even a bed. I was starved and abused and sold off to men for as long as I can think. And I know you didn't want this. I know you thought I'd be okay but that doesn't change the fact that you left me with that woman! You let her do that to me! I was never a child.  I never will be and that's on you! I'm done blaming myself. "

Tears were running down Daisy's face and it didn't make Andy feel better, it didn't make her feel worse either. She was strangely okay. Maybe it would hit her later. 

"This- this can't be true-", Daisy gasped and Andy rolled with her eyes. 

"Want me to show you the scars? Or will you do the right thing, for once and give us the box?!"

Daisy whimpered once more before handing Andy the box. The moment she had it Andy turned around to leave. 

"Andy wait, we don't have everything we came for!", Tony protested but Andy couldn't wait to get out of this house. 

"I'm done. I can't look at her anymore. I'll wait outside.", she snapped before opening the door. 

"Clover...", Daisy whined and Andy turned around once more. 

"Go to hell, Daisy.", with that she slammed the door behind her.

Then she was outside again, the LA sun beating down on her. She dropped the box on the ground and fell on her knees. She just managed to cover her mouth to muffle the scream that erupted.

~

"Is it true?", Daisy whispered, still staring at the door. 

Tony was speechless as well. When Andy said she wanted to talk he feared that she'd hold back. She sure as hell didn't hold back. But Daisy deserved to hear it and Andy needed to say it so he was fine with it, just a little shaken up. 

"Yes, all of it and more.", he nodded. 

"I didn't mean for this to happen.", Daisy said before looking at Tony her eyes wide, bottom lip trembling. Tony cove screamed at her, told her that she heard robbed him, too. But he didn't matter in this, Andy did.

"It did happen, though. You can't change that. All you can do is try to be better. Right now she doesn't want you anywhere near her, one day that might change, make sure to be ready for that. Maybe tell your family what you did.", Tony replied. 

"I- I'll do whatever. ", Daisy nodded.

"Start by telling me when she was born.", Tony ordered and Daisy's eyes widened even more, if that's even possible. 

"She doesn't know?", she asked horrified. Tony shook his head.

"Nancy never told her and with the shapeshifting it's hard to determine what age she really is."

"She's like me? A mutant?", Daisy gasped. Tony figured that she had powers herself, she barely looked older than on Mike's pictures. 

"They both are. Her and Raven. ", Tony nodded. Daisy's eyes moved back to the door and for a while she didn't say anything, lost in thought. 

"15 May 1998."

"Okay. ", Tony nodded. 18. Andy turned 18 while HYDRA had her and none of them even knew. 

Tony moved to the door to leave but suddenly Daisy stopped him. "I loved her. You have to believe me that I loved her.", she pleaded and Tony found her pathetic.

"I don't have to believe you anything.", he stated before finally pulling the door open and stepping outside.


	59. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint: Do you wanna talk about it?  
> Andy: Yeah  
> Clint (internally): Holy fuck! I didn't think that that would work! I never got this far before, I don't know what to do now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Clint/Andy stuff before I go into the final of the story. 
> 
> Are you ready for it?! Because I sure as hell am not! But let's fucking do it! If everything goes to plan I might finish it by the end of the week.
> 
> As always, please enjoy and leave a comment!

Clint carefully opened the door to Andy's room, a pile of blinschiki that Natasha made for her in hand. 

Ever since they returned from LA yesterday Andy had retreated into her room. They all checked on her but Andy refused to come out. 

Clint counted it as a plus that she wasn't just laying in bed, to be specific, the bed didn't even look slept in. 

Andy was curled up on a chair, an easel with a huge canvas in front of her, the music she was listening to had been a weird mix between classical music, punk rock, 80s music and for one hour she played nothing but 'Come on Eileen' on repeat. 

"Right now she had switched to 'Arsonists lullaby' by Hozier, a brooding expression on her face as she painted.

"Andy? Do you want some pancakes? They are fresh?", Clint asked carefully. 

"They're not pancakes. They're blinschiki.", the girl commented without looking up from her work. 

"Blinschiki, then. Can I come in?", he asked and Andy raised her eyes, looking at him, looking at the plate, then she nodded. 

"Sure.", she shrugged, getting up from her chair and taking the canvas with her, leaning it against the wall so that Clint couldn't see what she was painting. 

Clint didn't get offended by that, he was surprised that she even let him in. He sat down in one of the armchairs, placing the plate on a table between them. Andy turned down the music a bit before curling up in the other chair. Right now she looked more like the girl he first met than in a long time. 

She reached for one of the blinschiki and folded it into a triangle before taking a bite. 

"So Daisy, huh?", Clint started before internally cursing himself. Real articulate. 

To his surprise Andy didn't pull back, she only nodded slowly, her eyes on her food. "You wanna talk about it?", Clint asked and Andy replied after swallowing her bite. 

"Sure, why not. I might as well let it out.", she shrugged and Clint was surprised yet again. He couldn't even voice that feeling because Andy just started talking. 

"I'm so fucking pissed for two reasons. No, I'm pissed because of multiple things but there are two main ones.

For starters it really sucks to hear that your mother needed to have 3 children, abandoned all of them, just to figure out that she loved one of them and I'm not even the one!

She took care of me for months and then she was like 'I miss my other baby, time to dump this one in the rubbish!' Like, no problem, mum! I was glad I could help you on your spiritual journey to accepting motherhood!", Clint was once again surprised that Andy got right down to it, apparently she'd been thinking this over for hours now. 

Tony had told them about what Daisy revealed, he also told them that Daisy had to other kids, so that wasn't a surprise to Clint. 

"And you should've seen her kids. The family pictures! Ugh! I mean they are totally fucking normal. Maybe they're mutants, I don't know.

But they go to school and they have friends and a home, family vacations and fucking birthdays and they will go to college and meet new people and date and fall in love and have a family and I know I sound bitter but I'm not fucking bitter. ", she said, completely bitter. 

"I just... it sucks to know what I missed out on.", she finally sighed before quickly stuffing another blinschik in her mouth like she was trying to shut herself up. 

"What's the other reason?", Clint then asked after she finished eating. 

"You see, I wanted to hate Daisy. And I do but not the way I would've liked to. It's not as easy.", she shrugged. 

"As easy as what?"

"As easy as hating Nancy. Nancy is pure fucking evil, I'm sure of it. I kinda hoped that Daisy would be like that, too. But she wasn't. Don't get me wrong, she's an awful mother,  at least to Raven and me, I'm not disputing that. But she isn't evil. She's kinda pathetic. Which is a bummer. It's like the whole 'never meet your heroes'-thing, except that she isn't my hero and I'm still disappointed.", Andy confessed.

Clint raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I had no idea that you think so much about your mother. "

Andy gave another shrug. "I only started thinking about it recently, and I only talked about it with my therapist. "

"Well, when it comes to shitty family you know that I'm your guy.", Clint smirked slightly but Andy gave him a confused look, cocking her head to one side.

"How come?"

"Do I have to remind you of my shitty dad that got himself and my mother killed. ", Clint pointed out before realizing what he had said. It was no accusation but Andy blushed anyways, diverting her eyes. 

"I'm sorry, I forgot about that ...", she mumbled.

"You don't have to be! ", Clint quickly said. "It's fine."

Andy let out a sigh before looking up at Clint. She looked tired, but that wasn't new. "It's really not.  But thank you for pretending it is."

After that they were silent for a while, quietly eating their food. Clint broke the silence first. "So, Tony is getting pretty close to finding Nancy?"

"I guess."

"What will you do when you find her?", Clint feared that he had somehow crossed a line with that question because Andy didn't reply for a while, she just started at nothing and Clint wasn't sure if he wanted to know the things she thought about. 

"I don't know. Tony said it's up to me. The obvious answer would be to kill her but I don't think she deserves that.", she then said and Clint's eyebrows shot up. Andy didn't notice but she specified what she ment anyways. "It feels too easy. Maybe I'd prefer to know that she's behind bars for the rest of her life."

"Or you could let someone, I don't know,  maybe your family, kick the shit out of her before locking her up. Just an idea.", Clint suggested and that actually got Andy to chuckle.

"It sure sounds tempting but I try to not give in to revenge fantasies. Last time I did I told my mother to go to hell.", she shrugged. 

"And do you really feel bad about that?"

"No! Maybe... I don't know, it didn't feel as good as I imagined it. It would've been better if she was as vile as I thought. She was a sobbing mess by that point already. It kinda just felt like kicking someone who's already on the ground. Not as satisfactory as I hoped. ", Andy confessed and Clint had to chuckle. 

"Look at you! Being a good person with empathy!", he joked and Andy smiled, too but it wasn't completely genuine.

"I wish I wasn't. It would make focusing on my own feelings a lot easier."Andy then bend over, buried her face in her hands and groaned. "Stupid feelings... Do you think I should forgive Daisy?"

That question caught Clint off guard. "Well, it's not really important what I think,  it's your life, whatever you choose is okay. ", he replied and Andy looked up again. 

"Yeah I know. But I want to know your opinion. "

Clint thought about it for a moment, he definitely didn't want to tell Andy what to do, that was always dangerous when it came to her. If a conflict was too big she'd just do anything you tell her if that ment that she could avoid dealing with the problem.

"I think that she doesn't deserve your forgiveness. But I'd also understand it if you wanted to forgive her. Being resentful all your life can be tough and it's normal to crave a relationship with your mother. I just hope that if you chose to forgive her you don't make it too easy for her."

Clint could tell that that wasn't the straightforward answer Andy had hoped for. 

"If your mother was alive, would you forgive her?", the girl then asked. 

Clint took a mental step back and thought of his mother,  really thought back to her in a way he hadn't done in years. 

He thought back to how she made him mustard sandwiches that everyone thought were disgusting every morning,  he thought back to how she helped him and his brother with their homework, and how one time when school got canceled because of snow and their father was at work they went outside and build a snow castle together. 

He tried to stay realistic, though. Things weren't always good, in fact they rarely were. He could see his mother close the door to her bedroom behind her while Clint was held down by his father. 

He could remember how she avoided looking at him the next morning, unable to look into his bruised eyes. 

He knew that variations of that happened countless times.

It wasn't easy. That's why he typically avoided thinking about it.  

"I might. I don't know. I'll never forget what happened, trust me, I tried. But forgiving isn't the same as forgetting. You can acknowledge that something happened and still move past it.

As an adult I can see that she was a victim too, that doesn't justify her actions, or lack there of, but it gives them context. I honestly don't know what I'd do.", he replied honestly. 

Andy was fidgeting with her nails, not looking at him. She seemed conflicted and Clint just wanted to tell her something that would ease her mind. 

"You don't have to decide that now, though. You still have a whole life ahead of you and whether you want her in your life or not can still change. There is no pressure to decide now.", he tried to reassure her. Clint could only hope that it did.

"I guess you're right...", Andy sighed before her eyes went back to the pile of blinschiki. "Thank you for the talk, and the snack."

"You know, that's what I'm good for, advise and carbs.", Clint joked and Andy smirked as well.

 


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy, pointing at every single Avenger: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
> 
> Andy, looking at Ace: You're cool!
> 
> Andy, looking at Tony: And fuck you! I'm out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so fucking excited for the next chapter!!! 
> 
> Also there is the slightest reference to suicidal thoughts in this one but I still wanted to warn you.
> 
> As always, please leave a comment and enjoy!

"No fucking way, Andy!", Tony protested but Andy just rolled with her eyes. The Avengers were gathered in their conference room to discuss what the next steps regarding Nancy should be. They didn't find a solution yet.

"All I'm saying is that if we really have her number, why try to find her if we can just get her to come to us?", Andy asked and Clint raised his eyebrows.

"Why would she do that, now?", Clint wondered.

"Tell them. Tell them your grand plan!", Tony snapped and Andy knew that the others would hate it just as much. 

"I'll play the bait.", she said and that was enough to cause an uproar.

"Yeah, we're not doing that.", Bucky shook his head. 

"Did you forget the last time you went to her?", Natasha asked and Andy knew they had a point. Still, they were underestimating her. She was different now, stronger, she could protect herself. 

"Will you listen to me?!", she yelled when she got annoyed with the noise and they all fell silent. 

"I'm not saying that I will go in without any support. We'll make sure that you are all close by to step in in case I need help.

My suggestion is that I call her, she thinks I'm dead, right? So I'll tell her that I survived the execution, that I escaped and that the whole thing was orchestrated by you, to get rid of me and also get sympathy points.

She hates me enough to believe that other people would do that and when I call and beg her to take me back because I have no where else to go she'll have to say yes. Just because of her ego.

I'll meet up with her by myself, you'll be close by, though and we'll make sure that we can communicate.

So I'll meet her alone, just to make sure that she's really there and then I'll call you up, you bust in, you arrest her and bada bing bada boom, it's done."

The rest of the avengers were silent for a few minutes, thinking the plan over. Tony was the first one to speak again. 

"And what if she isn't alone? What if you get attacked, what if-", his voice broke off but Andy only crossed her arms in defiance.

"I'm not the same as I was last time. I can protect yourself. I could literally snap her neck in seconds if needed.", she argued but Tony didn't look convinced.

"That might be true but what if you have a panic attack, or you dissociate? What if seeing her triggers something in you?", he asked, his tone dead serious.

"Are you calling me weak?", Andy asked, no trace of emotion in her tone, her eyes narrowed at her father. The whole room suddenly became very tense as these two stared each other down. 

"I'm not calling you weak. But this plan is reckless and we are not doing it.", Tony then stated and Andy knew that she wouldn't be able to change his mind. She looked around the room for someone to support her and when no one did she got up and stormed to the door.

"Then you might as well plan this shit without me since clearly nobody cares about my opinion!", she snapped before slamming the door behind her. 

Andy quickly made her way to her bedroom, her fists clenched, her thoughts racing. She was done hiding in here and she just wanted this shit to be over and done with and if the others wouldn't help her, fuck it. She knew someone who would. 

A plan started to form in her mind as she looked through her clothes and chose the most nondescript things she had. Black pants, an old looking shirt and a black hoodie. 

She then stepped in front of the mirror and changed her appearance. She made herself meager until the clothes were hanging off her boney body and her facial feature were so sharp that they looked like you could cut yourself on them. Under her eyes she painted dark circles, made herself so pale that she looked like a ghost, let her long curly hair look like a mess and as a cherry on top she made a thick scar appear where her throat was slashed. Perfect. 

In her bedside drawer were 100 bucks that she pocketed before leaving her room.

Her next stop was Tony's workshop where the Nancy box was stored. She opened it and took out all the photo albums to get to the bottom of it.

Andy didn't look through the pictures in fear that it would humanize either Nancy or Daisy when she was so determined to hate them both.

Instead she reach for the sheet of paper that had a number scribbled on it and put it in her pocket where her cash was already stashed.

Now she only needed one more thing and that was transport. How convenient that she had a friend with wings.

~

"What the fuck happened to you?", he asked shocked when she stepped in. 

"This is a disguise. I'm fine.", she stated as she typed in the code to open the cell. "Get dressed, we're leaving. "

Ace raised his eyebrows but did as he was told. He had 'borrowed' a bunch of clothes from Bucky by now so he was already wearing black pants and a t-shirt. Now he just put on some boots and he was done.

"Are we in trouble?", he asked as he walked out the cell.

"No, but we will be after this. We're hunting Nancy.", Andy explained as she already walked to the door again. "I'll explain the plan on the way there but we need to hurry now. 

"Does your family know about this plan?", Ace asked carefully, not moving from his spot. Andy stopped and rolled with her eyes when she faced him again. 

"No. That's exactly why we need to get out of here before they notice.", she admitted. 

"This sounds reckless.", Ace pointed out.

"Yeah it is but if you don't help me I'll do it by myself. I'm done hiding from her.", Andy shrugged. "So are you in or what? "

Andy knew that he would help her before he even replied. He cracked a smile before saying:"You had me at 'We're hunting Nancy' Let's go."

"Nice, you'll have to fly us. Can you carry me?", she then asked as they left the cell room and navigated through the hallways of the compound. 

"Can I-? Of course I can carry you! Have you seen those guns?", Ace chuckled, flexing his wings. "Where are we flying, though. "

Andy smirked before opening the door that lead to one of the balconies of the compound. "For now? The closest gas station. I need a burner phone."

~

Half an hour later Andy and Ace were entering a gas station in the middle of nowhere. Only when the cash registry guy stared at them wide eyes Andy realized how insane they had to look. 

A girl that looked like she was seconds away from death and a guy with huge angel wings, buying a burner phone and a bag of crisps. 

He didn't say anything though and five minutes later the two were outside in the September sun again.

They walked behind the gas station to have some privacy as Andy dialled the number on the piece of paper. Ace was quietly eating the crisps that he had convinced Andy to buy. "I need energy for long flights!", he argued. 

It rang three times until suddenly a female voice that was all too familiar answered. "Look who's reaching out to their sister again, what do you want now Daisy?"

Andy froze for a second, overwhelmed by past memories, the last time she heard that voice she almost died. It wasn't hard for her to start crying. 

"Nancy?! Nancy it's Candy, I- I- need your help- I- don't know sho else to call-", Andy started to sob and she could see Ace watch her with wide eyes. She had explained the plan to him but this still had to be shocking. 

The line was silent for a second. Then:"You died. On live television."

"I- I- survived and escaped and now they are out to get me- they-", That's when Andy went into her fake story. About how the avengers were secretly evil and that they organized the execution. 

"Please, Nancy I'm begging you to help me- I'll do anything- anything- I'll be a good girl- please", Andy begged, sobbing uncontrollably and gasping for air. Now all that was left was to hope that Nancy would fall for it.

"Are you in New York?", Nancy asked.

"Yes.", Andy lied, they could get there quickly.

"I'll text you an adress, get there in three hours. I'm having some customers over and they'd be delighted to have two girls to play with instead of one. If you do a good job, I'll take you back.", Nancy stated and Andy felt a mix between satisfaction and dread. 

"Yes, I'll be there, I won't disappoint you.", Andy said before Nancy hung up. 

Andy looked up at Ace who was starting at her with wide eyes. "Are you okay?", he asked carefully.

"Yeah. Of course. Everything is going according to plan.", she shrugged while wiping away her tears. Her voice was completely back to normal. 

"You just- wow- that was super convincing.", he marvelled and Andy smirked slightly. 

"People are easy to manipulate once you know them. You should be aware of that. I manipulated you so that you'd like me.", she pointed out. 

"Luckily for you I'm not unforgiving, or else you wouldn't have a flight for New York right now. You got the address?", Ace asked and Andy checked the phone again,  seeing the text that told her the location and also a room number. Probably a hotel again. 

"Yeah, we can leave.", she nodded, packing it away again as Ace turned his back towards her. 

"Then jump on.", he said as Andy climbed on his back, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. 

Just like at the compound Ace launched himself into the sky with ease and Andy was met with the wind blowing in her face as Acd carried them higher and higher. 

Funnily enough, the deadly height wasn't the issue Andy struggled with. It was holding on to someone else.

Andy had gotten better with touch, sure, and when it came to fighting (or dancing) it wasn't as bad, but she was far from used to it and there was no enjoyment in it, her skin prickled and she just wanted to scratch it all away but it had a purpose and that's what she tried to tell herself.

This was a means to an end. She told herself that over and over again as they flew to New York.

~

Two  hours later Andy and Ace were sitting on a roof just across from the hotel that Andy would go to in an hour. 

They had checked out the inside of the hotel and even figured out what window belonged to the hotel room Andy would be in. Then they bought a pair of cheap binoculars so Ace could watch the room from across the street in case Andy needed help. 

Since they still had time they also bought a pizza that they were eating now. 

"Are you worried?", Ace asked her, reaching for another slice. Andy's eyes were trained on the window as she ate her piece. 

"Yeah.", she confessed. "Last time was... it almost killed me." Ace stayed silent but Andy could feel his eyes on her. "It's like laying down on Dr Keipon's surgical table again.", she then added, looking over at him. This time Ace was the one to divert his eyes, a haunted expression on his face. 

Ace knew all his life that he'd be enhanced one day. That didn't make the experience any less traumatizing. Andy didn't really know how Ace felt about it though, or about anything for that matter. He never really talked about how he was handling all of this, being away from HYDRA, confronting his past. Ace was always positive and Andy couldn't imagine that all of that was real.

"How are you holding up? Away from HYDRA I mean.", she then asked. They might as well talk about it now. 

Ace was chewing his lip nervously, contemplating if he should open up, probably. "You can talk to me, you know. I thought we established our trust already and you know pretty much anything there is to know about me."

Ace's eventually came around, he sighed, looking over at Andy. She's rarely saw him without a trace of a grin on his lips. "I've mostly been thinking about all the things I did in HYDRA's name. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing but that's no excuse. I'm a monster, I'm aware of that. And every time I think about all the pain I caused I think that I don't deserve to be alive, to get a second chance. It's not fair."

"Ace, you can't think like that, you-", Andy sighed but Ace didn't let her finish.

"I know, I know. I can get myself out of that hole, don't worry. I just- I think of you. You seem to think that I can be redeemed and as long as you believe that, I'll try to believe it, too."

Andy watched him for a while, he turned his eyes towards the sky, his green eyes shimmering in the light. His brown curls were almost touching his shoulders by now. Andy wondered how often he'd been outside. Not many times from what she heard.

"We'll travel when all this is over. ", she suddenly said and Ace gave her a surprised look. 

"Travel?", he asked,  raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, I'll take you away to some beach or something where we can unwind, lay in the sun, talk about our feelings.", she explained.. "I don't know what people do on vacations."

"Neither do I.", Ace smirked. "You'll also probably get grounded for like a year after what you pulled today."

"Is that a usual punishment for normal teens?", Andy chuckled and Ace shrugged.

"I don't know. I saw it in a movie."

Andy checked the clock on her phone. 40 minutes. "I should call Tony now, give him enough time to get here.", she then said, already typing his number. She hadn't completely excluded the Avengers from her plan. Andy wanted to give them the chance to help without giving them the opportunity to stop them.

It only rang once and then she already heard Tony's voice. "Andy? Is that you?! Where the fuck are you?!", he sounded alarmed. Not a surprise. But also relieved. 

" New York. I'm about to meet with Nancy.", she replied calmly. 

"Andy-", Tony started to protest but she didn't even let him finish. 

"I'm not stopping. You can either help or let us handle it by ourselves. Your decision. If you want to be there when I catch her, track this phone.", she said before hanging up and turning her phone silent. 

"He's gonna be so pissed.", Ace commented. 

"Not if I'm successful. Then he'll be to preoccupied with Nancy.", Andy smirked before reaching for another pizza slice.


	61. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy:* runs head first into her personal nightmare*  
> Andy: It's time to kick names and take ass!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is tough. There is sexual assault in this, though it's not very graphic. It's also really violent and dark, though I found it a bit satisfying. 
> 
> I hope you do, too and leave a comment with your thoughts on it!

"You are late, and you look like shit!", were Nancy's first words when she opened the door. Andy could feel how every muscle in her body went rigid. She told herself, _I'm okay, I'm stronger now, she can't hurt me, I survived hydra, I'll survive her._ But all that was easier said than done.

Nancy scanned her body up and down, a sour expression on her face. "Your clothes look disgusting, get undressed." Andy could hear her own heart race in her chest. She couldn't do it- but she had to.

"In the hallway?", she asked, her voice shaky and this time it wasn't even fake. Nancy only rolled with her eyes

."Yes In the hallway, there are customers in there."

With shaky hands Andy started to undress herself. The hoodie, the shirt, and finally the pants, until she stood in the hallway, only in her underwear, shame eating away at her.

Suddenly Nancy grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at her, Andy let out a whimper before meeting her glare. _Too real, too real. Too. Real._ "You look sickening. Shift. ", Nancy spat, a disgusted expression on her face.

"Into what?", Andy asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. Suddenly Nancy let go of her just to smack her in the face. Andy didn't make a sound, she barely felt the burning feeling on her cheek. She could feel the cold numbness set in and forced herself to stay present.

"Don't pretend to be dense, you know what they like!" Nancy was right. Andy did know what to do. Without even really thinking about it she shifted, made her body curvy instead of meager, her skin golden instead of pale, flawless instead of scarred.

"Now get in here!", Nancy barked, grabbing the girls wrist and pulling her into the room. Andy checked out the situation, four men, all middle aged, all naked, two who looked like they could be decently strong.

Andy knew that she could overpower each of them easily but that wasn't really what it was about, was it? It had never been about physical strength.

"Gentlemen, I brought you an extra treat! The lovely Candy! ", Nancy announced cheerfully and they all turned around to listen.

Andy only now saw the other girl. Small, blond, make-up to cover up how young she was, terrified eyes. The bile rose in Andy's throat, so did the panic.

That's why she didn't notice how Nancy, who was still holding one of her wrists, pulled it behind her back and took the other one before locking them into handcuffs behind her back. Only when she heard the clicking and felt the cold metal against her skin, she realized what happened and her heart skipped a beat.

"The customers are into bondage..." , Nancy whispered into her ear, her voice dripping with poison. "Have at it, boys! No safe words tonight!", she then announced before pushing Andy into the room.

She almost fell to her knees but one of the men caught her. Andy had to give her best to not flinch away. She looked up at the man, he was probably in his late 40s, wrinkles already marked his face and Andy could see the first grey hairs blending in with his dark ones. 

That wasn't her primary focus point, though, it were his hands on her bare skin. They weren't violent but Andy still felt like each touch left a bruise. "Hello Candy, I do gotta say you look delicious", the older male chuckled and Andy's throat closed up.

Sure. She could've easily broken the handcuffs and stopped him. She could've stopped all this before taking her clothes off. But in the moment she didn't know that. Andy had forgotten everything she'd learned and now she was just the terrified little Candy again.

"Stop...", she pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Hmm?", the Male hummed, not paying her any attention as he pulled her body close to his and nestled his face in the curve of her neck.

"I said stop." , Andy said a little louder before he groped her ass.

He only laughed:"Oh baby, there is no such thing tonight..." Suddenly something snapped inside of her, maybe it was just her real self, taking over control, but she started to move again, to struggle against him, even if only weakly at first.

"Get away from me!", she snapped and she could hear Nancy step closer.

"Candy, I'm warning you! ", the woman said but Andy didn't care.

"No, get off of me!", she yelled, trying to escape the man's grip.

"Don't worry Nanc, I like 'em wild! If we're lucky she might even start to cry. ", he only laughed like this was all just a game to him.

"I said, get off me!", Andy spat before ripping the handcuffs apart and slamming her fist against his jaw, she could hear a crack and he collapsed like a house of cards.

The other men were frozen, staring at her in shock. "What the f-" , one of them asked but he didn't get to finish it as Andy strode over to him and placed a kick against his exposed bits that made him scream out.

"Get your hands off her!" , Andy yelled furiously, jumping at the next guy, grabbing him by his neck and ramming her knee into his stomach. She then pulled him up again by his throat before throwing him against the wall.

The last one of them didn't even try to fight her, he scrambled away and stumbled. Then he tried to crawl but Andy just grabbed his ankle and pulled him back before grabbing his hair and slamming his head against the ground.

She did all of that without even thinking about it, by now it was instinct. Not to mention the rush... it felt amazing. Andy felt in control.

"Fucking pigs!", she exclaimed, looking down at these monsters. She then turned to the girl that was chained to the bed, staring at her with wide panicked eyes.

"CANDY!", Nancy yelled but Andy ignored her. Instead she ripped the girls chains apart.

"W-What?!", the girl stuttered.

"Run. Quick!", Andy stated, helping her up. The poor girl was trembling violently, clutching to Andy's hand like it was an anchor.

"Okay...", the girl whimpered and Andy watched her stumble out of the room. Then she heard a gun click.

"What were you thinking?", Nancy spoke, her voice hateful. Andy slowly turned around to see her aunt, a few feet away, pointing a gun at her chest.

"I'm not letting you control me anymore..." , Andy stated, trying to keep her voice from trembling. To her shock Nancy only chuckled.

"Aww how adorable, The little Candy suddenly developed a spine! Come on, repeat that for me, you sounded so cute when you said it. Like a kicked puppy!"

"Shut up!", Andy snapped. She was terrified that Nancy would get inside her head again.

Nancy's smile faded and her eyes narrowed at Andy, like she was a predator and Andy was her prey. "Oh? That's how it is now? Are you all strong and bold?", she started to mock her and Andy clenched her hands to fists, trying to block out the words.

"You're pathetic! Do you know that? You're nothing!"

The words had always been there. They had never left Andy, grew rampant in the dark corners of her mind, like a tumor. Andy had written them down in her notebooks, kept them to herself until they ate her alive.

"I took you in when even your mother didn't want you! I could've just dumped you somewhere but I took care of you!"

All this time it was Nancy Andy had been listening to. She was done doing that.

"That's what you call taking care of someone! You destroyed me!", Andy spat at her but Nancy only started to laugh. It was more of a cackle and Andy couldn't stand it.

"Oh, cry me a river, darling!", Nancy rolled with her eyes. "You were an abomanation way before I got my hands on you. Just like your pesky mother! You should thank me that I didn't off you as soon as you started to display your mutantion!"

"I didn't deserve what you did to me!" , Andy protested and tried to believe in her own words. _I'm a person. I deserve better. I'm a person. I deserve better. Fuck you! I'm a person and I deserve fucking better!_

"Where did you get this from?! Look at you! Even your own parents didn't want you! You aren't even a human, you're just a freak and the only thing you're good for is for others to use and abuse you and you know you'll take it! You've done it for years!", Nancy spat and Andy was done.

Without saying another word she strode towards her aunt. When Nancy started to shoot Andy barely noticed the bullets hitting her. Those that passed through her she healed, those that got stuck she held together, she sure enough didn't stop.

When she was close enough she grabbed the gun and twisted it out of Nancy's hand and the sudden flash of fear in her eyes followed by her pained scream as Andy snapped her wrist, it was exhilarating.

"Wha-?", Nancy gasped before Andy grabbed her by her throat and lifted her off the ground. She stared up at the woman that had ruined her life ever since she could think, made her feel like she was nothing and she knew that if she only pressed a little harder she could end her.

"Are you scared of me now, Nancy? You should be.", Andy hissed, her eyes cold.

"You-are- a- a- monster-", Nancy managed to say, her voice cracking.

Andy could hear the door to the room open, a familiar voice calling out her name. She didn't care. She tightened her grip, not enough to kill her but enough to cause some damage.

"You made sure that I'd believe that, didn't you? Tell you what, I'm so much more than you made me believe. And I'm done listening to your voice."

With that she let her go and Nancy fell down like a bag of bricks. "Andy-!?",Tony gasped behind her and she turned around to face the Avengers, standing in the door, staring at the scene before them

"You can have her!", Andy said, looking down at Nancy, she was still gasping for air. Without looking back she picked up her discarded clothes and walked past her father.

"I told you it would work."


	62. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I won't even try to be funny, this chapter means a lot to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: mentions of sexual abuse and suiciadal thoughts, not graphic, mentions of violence 
> 
> Announcement: this is the second to last chapter, the next one will probably be up tomorrow. 
> 
> Please leave your honest thoughts on this one, it would really mean the world to me. This chapter is really important to me, it was kind of cathartic in a way and I hope you enjoy how it turned out.

_He saw bare skin, covered in blood and bullet holes, bruises blooming on a neck, chains and naked men lurking from dark corners._

_Gunfire. Gasping. "Are you scared of me?"_

_Then, eyes, so dark, like endless holes, a haunted expression. Andy's voice, a scream._

_"Now you saw it, didn't you?"_

Tony woke up in cold sweat, he could feel his heart race in his chest, could still hear Andy's voice. He forced himself to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down. It was a nightmare. It wasn't even his own. Though he had dreamt it for the past few days. 

Ever since the hotel, since they caught Nancy, things had shifted in an unexpected way. Tony expected that knowing that Andy was finally safe, that Nancy wasn't out there anymore, would change things for the better. He hadn't given up on that hope yet but the circumstances of her capture cast shadows on the whole ordeal, long ones. 

Andy was distant. In a way she hadn't been in a long time. Sure, she always needed time to herself, sometimes even for days at a time. But she hadn't pushed them away so stubbornly in a long time.

Even when she first returned from HYDRA it didn't take long for her to open up, to at least tell them the problem and then they worked together to solve it. 

It didn't seem to work like that this time. When they first returned to the compound they wanted to rush Andy to the medical wing to get the remaining bullet in her chest removed.

Of course that didn't work out, ever since HYDRA Andy couldn't even go close to anything that looked like a lab. So they did it in the living room, Andy bleed all over the couch as Bucky took the bullet out. 

Tony expected her to panic, like she had apparently done when Bucky had to remove bullets last time. She was completely still, unnaturally so. Afterwards she was fine, for a few hours. 

It was almost like a bomb that was already dropped but needed a while to go off. Andy was calm, collected, not necessarily normal but she wasn't a mess either. 

She checked on Nancy, they had locked her up in an empty cell for now. A doctor had checked her throat out that Andy had done considerable damage to, especially to her vocal chords.

"She won't be able to talk for a while.", Tony said as they looked through the two way mirror outside the cell. Nancy was cowering in one corner, still dressed in her red cocktail dress but she was barefoot by now and her platinum blond hair was standing up in all directions. 

"Better that way.", Andy only said, her tone so cold that it send a shiver down his spine. 

Don't get this wrong, Tony despised Nancy. He could think of a 100 cruel things to do to her and he could imagine that the other Avengers had a few ideas of their own. But it was still startling. 

Andy was trained by HYDRA for months, changed by them, not only her body but her mind, too. Objectively he knew that. He just never witnessed it. 

Sure, he watched her train but that was different and when it came to her family her personality hadn't changed as dramatically. But to see the men in the hotel room, all unconscious, two with bloody head wounds, one with cracked ribs, Andy standing in the center of it, squeezing the life out of her aunt...

Tony didn't judge her, he never could've, but for a moment he was taken aback. This wasn't the Andy he had met a year ago. She was better, in most ways, but she also had an edge to her, a unpredictability that was startling. 

The other side of that was seeing her in a scenario she had lived through countless of times, never coming out on top. Again, Tony knew the abuse his daughter went through but it was different to see it. 

A young girl, only 15, came stumbling out of the hotel room before they entered, she was completely naked, already covered in fluids that Tony didn't want to analyze further. She was hysteric. That used to be Andy, but no one freed her. 

To see the old disgusting men, to see the body Andy put on for them, her lack of clothes, the ripped handcuffs and other sex toys they found in the hotel room... Tony had to stop himself from crying, or vomiting, or grabbing the gun and putting a bullet between Nancy's eyes. 

For Andy this used to be normal. It was cruel and unimaginable but it was the thruth, one that Tony assumed he had dealt with. Apparently not. 

It haunted him. These two sides of his daughter, the fighter and the toy, that he knew of but never met. They haunted his dreams and his waking hours. 

"Stop staring at me like that.", Andy said as they stood outside the cell. Tony quickly shifted his attention. 

"You find me off putting.", Andy then stated like fact.

"Why would you say that?", Tony asked automatically.

"Now you saw it, didn't you?", Andy then said before looking over at him, her look still so empty and haunted. He was staring at the void and it was staring right back at him through his daughter's eyes. "Can't pretend I'm an innocent little flower, can you?", she almost smirked and for days Tony cursed himself for what he did next, or rather failed to do. 

He was speechless. He still felt the panic of not knowing where Andy went, the worry, but also the anger at her, that she brought herself in danger like this, and then the horror of what he saw at the hotel. It were all excuses. He knew that. But in the moment he didn't know what to say. So he said nothing. It all went downhill from there.

She isolated herself. Big surprise. She was still functional, got food for herself, slept and showered. But it was all very dysfunctional.

She showered a lot according to FRIDAY. In the first two days she showered 5 times, not surprising after whatever happened at the hotel. 

Her sleeping pattern was off, too. According to FRIDAY she rarely got any sleep at night,  either painting, training or reading instead. During the day she slept a lot, she also spend a considerable amount of time just sitting in her closet, which was worrying to say the least.

Of course they tried to reach out to her, each of them. Andy didn't speak to anyone. Not even Bucky, Ace or her therapist. When they tried to reach out she was downright defensive.

She slammed doors shut and locked them behind her, she told FRIDAY to fuck off and yelled at pretty much every Avenger to leave her alone at least once. 

"Nomally she would've reached out by now.", Bucky stated at a crisis meeting after two weeks of what was essentially radio silence. "Even when she returned from HYDRA she still spoke to Ace and she was ready to tell us what bothered her."

Ace nodd at that. Ever since the hotel they kind of all resigned to the thought that he was a part of their life now. That he was as important to Andy as each of them. 

Did they find a solution for the problem that day? No. They didn't know what was going on in her head, none of them. They could only hope that it would pass with time. 

That night Tony woke up in cold sweat just like he had in the past few nights. Still, something was different. It was just a feeling, something deep in his bones, it made him shiver and twisted his gut, call it fatherly intuition. Something was wrong.

Tony got out of bed, careful to not wake Pepper, and left the room. The hallways were still dark, a look at his phone told him that it was 5:49 am, the sun hadn't risen yet. 

"FRIDAY, where is Andy?", he asked a little breathlessly. 

"Andy Stark is currently located on the roof of the main compound building.", FRIDAYS pleasant voice replied and Tony's throat closed up. What the fuck was she doing on the roof? 

With a racing heart he took off and made his way upstairs as quickly as possible, he wasn't sure if what he was thinking was really happening or if he was just paranoid but he couldn't risk being to late. 

Once he reached the roof and and the cold september wind hit him he scanned the darkness for a figure.

There she was, sitting on the ledge, her back turned towards him, feet dangling off the roof. "Andy?", he called out faintly and her head snapped back to look at him. In the dark he couldn't see her face but judging by how she quickly wiped at her eyes she had been crying. 

"Tony?", she asked, her tone a little shaky.

"Don't move...okay? Everything will be fine...", Tony said softly, holding out his arms and carefully approaching her, like a deer. 

 _Just like you... So much better but just like you in the worst ways._ Tony knew that ledge, knew it personally. Of course it hadn't been a ledge to him but a bottle and the barrel of a gun. Same thing when it comes down to it. Same outcome. 

To his shock Andy laughed, a rattling sound more than anything but still. "Calm down. I don't have a death wish or anything. Besides, it would take a lot more to kill me than a little jump.", she then shrugged like Tony wasn't on the edge of a panic attack.

"What are you doing up here then?", he asked breathlessly. Andy turned her face away and didn't say anything at first.

"Sit with me.", she then ordered, petting the space beside her, completely ignoring his question. Tony was frozen for just a second but then he moved to do as he was told. This, wherever it was going, was important. 

When he finally took his place beside her he got a better look at his daughter and saw how different she looked, porcelain skin, piercing green eyes, straight dark red hair that barely reached her chin and banks. The eyes struck him. It always hurt when he saw her change them. He didn't mention it though, this wasn't about him. 

Andy didn't say anything for a while, she didn't even look at him. Her eyes were focused on the horizon, like she was waiting for the sun. Like it was important. _The sun will come up and everything will be different._ That's how it felt. It had an urgency and Tony knew it, maybe that was the feeling that he had when he woke up. 

"I wanted to leave.", Andy suddenly said and Tony was once again frozen. Panic set in almost instantly, he only now saw the backpack next to Andy. She might've left. Maybe she still would if he handled this the wrong way. 

"Why are you still here then?", Tony was sure that that came out the wrong way. That Andy would twist it somehow. To his surprise she didn't. 

"I don't know. I haven't decided to stay, if that's what you're asking. ", she said and it was almost like a warning. _Don't fuck this up or you'll never see me again._

"I wanted to leave for days. But I kept finding things I had to take care of first. Finish this painting, read that book, hoard those snacks, pack this stuff, I kept putting it off. Even now. Why not watch the sunrise first? ",she shrugged and Tony found hope in that. She wasn't completely ready to leave yet, not entirely convinced, he could still turn this around.

"Aren't you going to ask me why?", she then asked. 

"Only if you want to tell me.", Tony replied even though he was craving an answer to that. 

Andy was chewing on her lip, clearly nervous, but she wanted to talk. Good. 

"It's what I always do, isn't it? I run away from my problems, since day one.", she then only sighed and Tony could hear the selfloathing in her tone. He thought back to Andy then, to the first day, the first night that he found her in that bar, thought of all her progress, all the setbacks. 

"That's not true, sure it has happened, but you've also worked so hard to combat your demons, it's-"

"Stop.", Andy interrupted him. "Stop putting me on a pedestal like that. I don't understand how you can even still do that."

Tony was aghast. "I don't know what you mean. I'm just stating facts and you know I'm never wrong when it comes to facts. Do you want me to pull up a pie chart of your typical reactions to difficult situations because I'll do that and I'll promise you 'running away' will be a pretty small portion.", he protested and Andy actually chuckled at that, though it died down quickly, making way for her insecurities again. 

She silently reach for her backpack and pulled something out before handing it to Tony. One of her notebooks, he realized. He held it in his hands like something precious, because it was. "Look inside.", Andy said and Tony almost gasped, as far as he knew he was the first one to be granted a look into one of her notebooks. She was really secretive when it came to them.

Carefully he opened it and took a look at the first page. The content of the book was nothing like he expected. It was dark, so much darker than anticipated, the drawings were brutal caricatures of faces, bodies and monsters Tony couldn't even begin to describe but the words were the truly shocking part. In a messy handwriting Andy had put down the vilest things she could've said and Tony quickly realized that she was talking to herself. A horrifying thought. 

Once he turned to the last page he looked up with tears blurring his vision. "What is this?", he asked, his voice cracking. 

Andy's eyes were turned towards the sky again. She didn't look at him when she replied: "It's me. All of it." Only then she locked eyes with him again. "But you know that already, don't you? You saw it, at the hotel."

Tony knew that whatever he did next would decide how things continued from now on, the course of their relationship. "Andy, I would never-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You'd never judge me. You keep saying that and I just don't believe that you can do that anymore.", she cut him off.

"This.", she pointed at the book. "Is as much part of me as anything else you've known about me so far. Who you saw at the hotel, that was me, too.

And I know you'd never tell me, you'd never admit it, but I could see that it frightened you. I knew it would, that's why I hid it. But now it's out and- and I don't know if we can handle it.

I'm not mad at you, you tried, you really did. But sometimes things are just too messed up to be fixed, even by you. And I honestly don't want to wait until you see it yourself. That would break my heart. So I'm running again."

Tony's thoughts were running in circles, repeating her words, the ones she said, the ones she wrote. He saw her face now, the one at the hotel, the first one he saw, green eyes, black eyes, brown eyes, a frown, a smile, a laugh, omlets and tomatoes and books and paints, blood and gunfire, panic and void, Christmas lights and presents, the brush of a hand, her head on his shoulder, a hug. Fear, joy, sorrow, warmth, grief and so much love. Poppins and Tinman. None of it made any fucking sense except for one thing. 

"This is bullshit.", Tony breathed out and this time he didn't let her cut him off. He needed to say this and she needed to hear it.

"I don't pick and chose what parts of you I love. I never could. This notebook or whatever went down with Nancy, it changes nothing, not for me.

I only know you better now, understand you better. I'm never going to think that things are too messed up, there's no such thing, not for us.

If anything, this will bring us closer, if you let it. If you trust me, just this once, I'll show you that it's not too late.

And even if it's too much right now, if you need time away at the moment, it's fine because I'll always be here waiting for you to come home. You'll always have a home with me."

Tony hadn't noticed the tears that had started to roll down his cheeks, his eyes were on Andy. The girl was like a statue, eyes still trained on the horizon where the first sunbeams were painting the sky in shades of red and and pink by now. Then he saw it, a single tear, tracing down her cheek. 

It was all so terribly fragile in that moment, everything in the air and with every second that passed Tony feared that he had said the wrong thing. 

"Look at that. The sunrise.", Andy then whispered and she was smiling. Tony couldn't tell if he'd ever seen her smile like this before. Full of pain, more tears rolling down her cheeks, but also hope in her eyes, it was sad, beautiful, sweet and heartbreaking and above all, honest. 

"So what's the plan?", Tony asked gently and he knew that whatever she chose, he'd support her, even if it destroyed him, he'd do anything for her. 

Finally, she looked over at him and it was glorious, that smile, and her eyes, they were back to brown but illuminated by the sun they looked like pure gold. "I think there is a few things I still need to do, maybe just a few more days."

 


	63. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But your sweet sinless sensation is not my style  
> And I'm not giving up
> 
> So tell me if I run away  
> How long will I bleed?  
> Tell me if I run away  
> How long will I bleed?"
> 
> ~Grave Digger by Matt Maeson

Andy stared at herself in the mirror, a picture of her appearance from the execution video hanging beside it. Not the best reference but she needed to nail the look. Blond, brown eyes, sharp features. 

If she fucked this up she knew she'd be the next big conspiracy theory. Andy Stark, replaced by a clone? Alien? Reptile? Crazy shit like that. 

Then again, what wasn't crazy in her life. Her father was Ironman, all her best friends were spies and assassins. She was a shapeshifting Supersoldier. Crazy was a relative term.

She had spend hours trying to pick an out the right outfit, silly, really. People would be too shocked about her being alive to care about her clothes. She still worried it about it though. Eventually she settled on a maroon colored dress, black tights and the leather jacket Clint gave her for her fake birthday. 

'Behold, the living dead girl.'Andy smiled softly as she gazed down at patch. Might as well make that the headline.

A month had passed since they caught Nancy and Andy took some time to get settled back into her life. She only wanted to stay a few days, then a few more and suddenly a month had passed and she still didn't feel ready to leave it all behind. 

Maybe she couldn't. Maybe that was a good thing. Isn't that what a home is supposed to be? A place to feel save, one you don't want to escape?

She took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom. Outside Tony was waiting, her dad, her Tinman. He had a wide smile on his face and was jittery with excitement. Andy thought that maybe, just maybe, he was a bit proud of her. 

"Ready to go, Ms Stark?", he asked and Andy cracked a smile. The surname was always something she knew of, she even referred to herself that way, Andy Stark. But she hadn't fully believed it yet. That that was really her. Until now. In an hour or so the whole world would know her as Andy Stark. If everyone knows something it must be true, right?

Andy Stark. She thought back to the first day, to Bruce who gave her the first gift she ever received, her name. Her heart got a little tighter at that. They still didn't know where he went, if he was okay. And Andy still had issues remembering him sometimes but she'd never forget that day. 

_Andy' was someone down to earth. Someone with a family, friends and loads of confidence. Basically 'Andy' was who the young girl wished she could be._

She could remember thinking that over a year ago, a lifetime, at least that's how it felt. The name didn't feel like hers back then, felt like just another illusion, like she was trying to be someone she wasn't. 

That had changed. Andy knew she'd never have tons of confidence and 'down to earth' wasn't an option in her environment. But she had her family, Tony and Pepper, Steve and Bucky, Natasha and Clint, and her friends, Charles, Hank, Raven and Ace. She'd be okay. 

"As ready as I'll ever be.", she breathed out and together the two walked up to another door. Andy could hear the reporters, even through the walls, her heart was racing. 

For years Andy's life had felt unreal, her whole identity felt unreal. She had distanced herself so far from it all.  _Her own life felt like fiction and Andy was just an unenthusiastic reader, waiting for the next chapter._

Even when she moved in with Tony it still felt surreal, she was a secret, a ghost, a background character. But after today she'd be real, known, a person, part of the world. 

Andy was done waiting for chapters, done playing a character others dictated, she was ready to be alive, truly alive for the first time ever.

The doors opened and the light of the camera flashes felt like stepping into the sun after a long winter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know how to begin this. When I started writing this last year I could've never imagined how massive it would be.
> 
> The word count alone is baffling to me, I've never even written anything that was half that long. But also the hits and the overwhelming amounts of comments and kudos are something I could never anticipated!
> 
> Thank you to every single one of you that read, liked and commented on my writing. It has truly been one of the most inspiring few months of my creative journey and I learned a lot! I couldn't have done any of it without you. 
> 
> For everyone that fell in love with Andy as much as I did, don't worry her story is far from over. I'm currently working on several smaller one-shot-type sequels and there is also a bigger one planned that I'm currently outlining. 
> 
> I hope you'll all continue this ride with me!   
> Once again, thank you so so much!


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